Euthanasia - The Second-Guessing

I'm curious as to whether any of you pet owners who thought you knew
it was "the right time" to euthanize your pet agonizingly second-
guessed yourself afterwards.

Two weeks ago today, my 12-year-old cat, Kelson, was diagnosed with
osteosarcoma. Two weeks prior to that, I had been noticing that he had
been having trouble jumping up on the bed, his favourite place to
sleep - instead of one giant leap, he had to put his front paws on the
bed, then jump up, and that when he hunched over to eat, his rear
right leg slipped out to the side. Two weeks later, when he was
cuddled up to me on his back while I was reading a book, I felt a
baseball-sized lump on the inside of his upper leg while petting him.

A year ago he had constipation, one symptom of which was a large lump
in his tummy near his rear (the constipation), so I had been since
feeling his belly once in a while to check for lumps. I believe I
would have noticed such a large lump in his leg, so it happened very
fast - from nothing, to baseball-sized in approximately two weeks.

Two days after I discovered the lump, he was diagnosed with
osteosarcoma. To my surprise, Kelson had gone from 18.3 pounds to 15.5
over the past year. He was a big cat - not just overweight, but long
and tall, and I had not noticed this weight loss. The vet said that
given his age and breathing problems, he likely would not survive an
amputation surgery, and recommended that I euthanize Kelson before I'd
even left the office. "What a quack!" I thought, and hurried my cat
out of there.

The next week, Kelson was still fine - still eating, still loving his
treats - so I decided to make an appointment to see an oncologist.
This week I took off on vacation to spend some time with him. I
noticed that he was spending more time under the bed, and realized
that he likely could no longer jump onto the bed.

Yesterday - Thursday - he took a turn for the worse. He was in obvious
pain and couldn't walk anymore; when he tried, he would attempt to
hobble along on three legs while holding his bad leg in the air. The
tumor had grown. He couldn't get comfortable, and when he'd try to
change positions, he couldn't stand up. It was heartbreaking to watch.
I tried petting him, and he yowled when I touched his bad leg.

The thing was, he was still loving his treats, still lapping up the
milk that he loved so much that I put before him. But I'd done my
research and knew this was a very aggressive type of cancer, there was
no cure, and that I was not going to put him through the agony of an
amputation surgery.

I took him to an emergency clinic and had him euthanized. Now, all I
can think is, did I do it too soon?

After I got home, I researched euthansia for hours, crying my eyes
out. One thing that struck me was that a lot of Web sites giving
criteria for when you know it's time mention, "Is your pet having more
bad days than good days?" Wait. You mean, maybe this was just a bad
day, and he'd be better by the next day? Also, a lot of sites and/or
pet owner accounts say the pet had stopped eating, or didn't enjoy the
things they used to. Kelson did. He was still eating, still loving his
treats, he just . . . couldn't move, couldn't stand. It broke my heart
watching him try to get up, clutching the couch cushions with his
claws, and trying to gather the momentum to stand. He'd give up, lie
back down, and look at me with such sad eyes.

As well, other stories I've read about osteosarcoma indicate that the
pet lived for six months or so after diagnosis. Not 13 days. Is the
progression of this cancer really that fast? From nothing, to a
baseball-sized lump, to being unable to walk in less than four weeks?

Now I'm thinking, maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe I should have
asked for painkillers. The fact that the vet at the emergency clinic
agreed with my decision doesn't make me feel better.

I haven't been able to stop crying. It's terrible enough to be the one
responsible for deciding to put your pet down, but the second-guessing
is much, much worse. How do you deal with that?

Thank you.
Kelson's Mom

P.S. My apologies for such a long post. Writing is very cathartic for
me.

I once read on this newsgroup "better a little too soon than a little too
late" with regard to euthanasia. I agree with this. I had my 17 year old cat
with fibrosarcoma euthanized and she was still eating. She had lost weight,
however, and the tumor on her leg was getting larger and larger. I did not
want to wait until she was in pain and had to bring her in on an emergency
basis (probably in the middle of the night or on a weekend). I chose to
euthanize her at that point.
Gail
"neithskye" wrote in message
...
I'm curious as to whether any of you pet owners who thought you knew
it was "the right time" to euthanize your pet agonizingly second-
guessed yourself afterwards.

Two weeks ago today, my 12-year-old cat, Kelson, was diagnosed with
osteosarcoma. Two weeks prior to that, I had been noticing that he had
been having trouble jumping up on the bed, his favourite place to
sleep - instead of one giant leap, he had to put his front paws on the
bed, then jump up, and that when he hunched over to eat, his rear
right leg slipped out to the side. Two weeks later, when he was
cuddled up to me on his back while I was reading a book, I felt a
baseball-sized lump on the inside of his upper leg while petting him.

A year ago he had constipation, one symptom of which was a large lump
in his tummy near his rear (the constipation), so I had been since
feeling his belly once in a while to check for lumps. I believe I
would have noticed such a large lump in his leg, so it happened very
fast - from nothing, to baseball-sized in approximately two weeks.

Two days after I discovered the lump, he was diagnosed with
osteosarcoma. To my surprise, Kelson had gone from 18.3 pounds to 15.5
over the past year. He was a big cat - not just overweight, but long
and tall, and I had not noticed this weight loss. The vet said that
given his age and breathing problems, he likely would not survive an
amputation surgery, and recommended that I euthanize Kelson before I'd
even left the office. "What a quack!" I thought, and hurried my cat
out of there.

The next week, Kelson was still fine - still eating, still loving his
treats - so I decided to make an appointment to see an oncologist.
This week I took off on vacation to spend some time with him. I
noticed that he was spending more time under the bed, and realized
that he likely could no longer jump onto the bed.

Yesterday - Thursday - he took a turn for the worse. He was in obvious
pain and couldn't walk anymore; when he tried, he would attempt to
hobble along on three legs while holding his bad leg in the air. The
tumor had grown. He couldn't get comfortable, and when he'd try to
change positions, he couldn't stand up. It was heartbreaking to watch.
I tried petting him, and he yowled when I touched his bad leg.

The thing was, he was still loving his treats, still lapping up the
milk that he loved so much that I put before him. But I'd done my
research and knew this was a very aggressive type of cancer, there was
no cure, and that I was not going to put him through the agony of an
amputation surgery.

I took him to an emergency clinic and had him euthanized. Now, all I
can think is, did I do it too soon?

After I got home, I researched euthansia for hours, crying my eyes
out. One thing that struck me was that a lot of Web sites giving
criteria for when you know it's time mention, "Is your pet having more
bad days than good days?" Wait. You mean, maybe this was just a bad
day, and he'd be better by the next day? Also, a lot of sites and/or
pet owner accounts say the pet had stopped eating, or didn't enjoy the
things they used to. Kelson did. He was still eating, still loving his
treats, he just . . . couldn't move, couldn't stand. It broke my heart
watching him try to get up, clutching the couch cushions with his
claws, and trying to gather the momentum to stand. He'd give up, lie
back down, and look at me with such sad eyes.

As well, other stories I've read about osteosarcoma indicate that the
pet lived for six months or so after diagnosis. Not 13 days. Is the
progression of this cancer really that fast? From nothing, to a
baseball-sized lump, to being unable to walk in less than four weeks?

Now I'm thinking, maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe I should have
asked for painkillers. The fact that the vet at the emergency clinic
agreed with my decision doesn't make me feel better.

I haven't been able to stop crying. It's terrible enough to be the one
responsible for deciding to put your pet down, but the second-guessing
is much, much worse. How do you deal with that?

Thank you.
Kelson's Mom

P.S. My apologies for such a long post. Writing is very cathartic for
me.

"neithskye" wrote
I took him to an emergency clinic and had him euthanized. Now, all I
can think is, did I do it too soon?


NO, you did not. By the time a cat actually shows that it is in pain, it is
in'
a LOT of pain. They are programmed not to show pain, maybe because
predators look for weakened animals?

Jill, I waited too long and will never forgive myself for it. I was in
denial,
could not see how emaciated my 20 year old cat was. I did see the look
in her eyes as I wrapped her up in towels and held her like a baby, and
fed her water and baby food by dribbling them into her mouth with a
turkey baster. She was asking me to let her go.

By the time I had the vet come to euthanize her, she was incontinent
and so upset. I will never forgive myself for allowing her to suffer.

You did a kind thing for your baby. I am sorry you had to lose him,
but glad he had your very kind love and care. My heart hurts for you.

Don't second guess yourself....it will drive you crazy. I think you did the
right thing. We had a dog that developed a tumor in his mouth. How he
continued to eat was beyond me but he did and with gusto. About a month
later, he had a stroke or something and was unable to walk. But he still
loved to eat. We made the decision to let him go....he was about 16 years
old at the time and we weren't going to put him through a bunch of tests or
treatments. It was hard to let him go but we know it was the right
decision.

Quality of life is what matters....

I'm sorry for the loss of your cat. It is never easy. I hope that the
memories of all the joy he brought you helps you during this difficult time.

S.
--
**Visit me and my cats at http://www.island-cats.com/ **
---
"neithskye" wrote in message
...
I'm curious as to whether any of you pet owners who thought you knew
it was "the right time" to euthanize your pet agonizingly second-
guessed yourself afterwards.

Two weeks ago today, my 12-year-old cat, Kelson, was diagnosed with
osteosarcoma. Two weeks prior to that, I had been noticing that he had
been having trouble jumping up on the bed, his favourite place to
sleep - instead of one giant leap, he had to put his front paws on the
bed, then jump up, and that when he hunched over to eat, his rear
right leg slipped out to the side. Two weeks later, when he was
cuddled up to me on his back while I was reading a book, I felt a
baseball-sized lump on the inside of his upper leg while petting him.

A year ago he had constipation, one symptom of which was a large lump
in his tummy near his rear (the constipation), so I had been since
feeling his belly once in a while to check for lumps. I believe I
would have noticed such a large lump in his leg, so it happened very
fast - from nothing, to baseball-sized in approximately two weeks.

Two days after I discovered the lump, he was diagnosed with
osteosarcoma. To my surprise, Kelson had gone from 18.3 pounds to 15.5
over the past year. He was a big cat - not just overweight, but long
and tall, and I had not noticed this weight loss. The vet said that
given his age and breathing problems, he likely would not survive an
amputation surgery, and recommended that I euthanize Kelson before I'd
even left the office. "What a quack!" I thought, and hurried my cat
out of there.

The next week, Kelson was still fine - still eating, still loving his
treats - so I decided to make an appointment to see an oncologist.
This week I took off on vacation to spend some time with him. I
noticed that he was spending more time under the bed, and realized
that he likely could no longer jump onto the bed.

Yesterday - Thursday - he took a turn for the worse. He was in obvious
pain and couldn't walk anymore; when he tried, he would attempt to
hobble along on three legs while holding his bad leg in the air. The
tumor had grown. He couldn't get comfortable, and when he'd try to
change positions, he couldn't stand up. It was heartbreaking to watch.
I tried petting him, and he yowled when I touched his bad leg.

The thing was, he was still loving his treats, still lapping up the
milk that he loved so much that I put before him. But I'd done my
research and knew this was a very aggressive type of cancer, there was
no cure, and that I was not going to put him through the agony of an
amputation surgery.

I took him to an emergency clinic and had him euthanized. Now, all I
can think is, did I do it too soon?

After I got home, I researched euthansia for hours, crying my eyes
out. One thing that struck me was that a lot of Web sites giving
criteria for when you know it's time mention, "Is your pet having more
bad days than good days?" Wait. You mean, maybe this was just a bad
day, and he'd be better by the next day? Also, a lot of sites and/or
pet owner accounts say the pet had stopped eating, or didn't enjoy the
things they used to. Kelson did. He was still eating, still loving his
treats, he just . . . couldn't move, couldn't stand. It broke my heart
watching him try to get up, clutching the couch cushions with his
claws, and trying to gather the momentum to stand. He'd give up, lie
back down, and look at me with such sad eyes.

As well, other stories I've read about osteosarcoma indicate that the
pet lived for six months or so after diagnosis. Not 13 days. Is the
progression of this cancer really that fast? From nothing, to a
baseball-sized lump, to being unable to walk in less than four weeks?

Now I'm thinking, maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe I should have
asked for painkillers. The fact that the vet at the emergency clinic
agreed with my decision doesn't make me feel better.

I haven't been able to stop crying. It's terrible enough to be the one
responsible for deciding to put your pet down, but the second-guessing
is much, much worse. How do you deal with that?

Thank you.
Kelson's Mom

P.S. My apologies for such a long post. Writing is very cathartic for
me.

"neithskye" wrote in message
...
I'm curious as to whether any of you pet owners who thought you knew
it was "the right time" to euthanize your pet agonizingly second-
guessed yourself afterwards.

Two weeks ago today, my 12-year-old cat, Kelson, was diagnosed with
osteosarcoma. Two weeks prior to that, I had been noticing that he had
been having trouble jumping up on the bed, his favourite place to
sleep - instead of one giant leap, he had to put his front paws on the
bed, then jump up, and that when he hunched over to eat, his rear
right leg slipped out to the side. Two weeks later, when he was
cuddled up to me on his back while I was reading a book, I felt a
baseball-sized lump on the inside of his upper leg while petting him.

A year ago he had constipation, one symptom of which was a large lump
in his tummy near his rear (the constipation), so I had been since
feeling his belly once in a while to check for lumps. I believe I
would have noticed such a large lump in his leg, so it happened very
fast - from nothing, to baseball-sized in approximately two weeks.

Two days after I discovered the lump, he was diagnosed with
osteosarcoma. To my surprise, Kelson had gone from 18.3 pounds to 15.5
over the past year. He was a big cat - not just overweight, but long
and tall, and I had not noticed this weight loss. The vet said that
given his age and breathing problems, he likely would not survive an
amputation surgery, and recommended that I euthanize Kelson before I'd
even left the office. "What a quack!" I thought, and hurried my cat
out of there.

The next week, Kelson was still fine - still eating, still loving his
treats - so I decided to make an appointment to see an oncologist.
This week I took off on vacation to spend some time with him. I
noticed that he was spending more time under the bed, and realized
that he likely could no longer jump onto the bed.

Yesterday - Thursday - he took a turn for the worse. He was in obvious
pain and couldn't walk anymore; when he tried, he would attempt to
hobble along on three legs while holding his bad leg in the air. The
tumor had grown. He couldn't get comfortable, and when he'd try to
change positions, he couldn't stand up. It was heartbreaking to watch.
I tried petting him, and he yowled when I touched his bad leg.

The thing was, he was still loving his treats, still lapping up the
milk that he loved so much that I put before him. But I'd done my
research and knew this was a very aggressive type of cancer, there was
no cure, and that I was not going to put him through the agony of an
amputation surgery.

I took him to an emergency clinic and had him euthanized. Now, all I
can think is, did I do it too soon?

After I got home, I researched euthansia for hours, crying my eyes
out. One thing that struck me was that a lot of Web sites giving
criteria for when you know it's time mention, "Is your pet having more
bad days than good days?" Wait. You mean, maybe this was just a bad
day, and he'd be better by the next day? Also, a lot of sites and/or
pet owner accounts say the pet had stopped eating, or didn't enjoy the
things they used to. Kelson did. He was still eating, still loving his
treats, he just . . . couldn't move, couldn't stand. It broke my heart
watching him try to get up, clutching the couch cushions with his
claws, and trying to gather the momentum to stand. He'd give up, lie
back down, and look at me with such sad eyes.

As well, other stories I've read about osteosarcoma indicate that the
pet lived for six months or so after diagnosis. Not 13 days. Is the
progression of this cancer really that fast? From nothing, to a
baseball-sized lump, to being unable to walk in less than four weeks?

Now I'm thinking, maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe I should have
asked for painkillers. The fact that the vet at the emergency clinic
agreed with my decision doesn't make me feel better.

I haven't been able to stop crying. It's terrible enough to be the one
responsible for deciding to put your pet down, but the second-guessing
is much, much worse. How do you deal with that?

Thank you.
Kelson's Mom

P.S. My apologies for such a long post. Writing is very cathartic for
me.

Don't try to second-guess yourself (although it is a lot easier to say that
than to do it). You did the right thing. Cats are stoic and are well known
to hide pain. So, a cat that shows pain is probably in a *lot* of pain and
may have been suffering for a long time. You took steps to alleviate that
pain, and you gave Kelson the final gift of love by making that most
difficult of all decisions.

MaryL

I would just like to say how very sorry for your loss. So very sorry.
It is hard to lose a pet but you did the right thing.

neithskye wrote:
But I'd done my
research and knew this was a very aggressive type of cancer, there was
no cure, and that I was not going to put him through the agony of an
amputation surgery.

I took him to an emergency clinic and had him euthanized. Now, all I
can think is, did I do it too soon?


No, you did what was best for your cat with the best of intentions. His
behavior had already told you that the time had come to let him go in peace &
not to allow any further suffering. Don't second-guess yourself because
whatever you might have done as a 'treatment' plan would not have changed the
outcome, but instead would have been awful to watch as Kelson further
deteriorated. I also waited far too long with my beloved orange cat Ginger
who'd been rescued 16 years earlier from a research center. He suffered with
thyroid & chronic renal failure for probably 4 years & with medication,
fluids, forced feedings, I was able to keep him going long after he should
have been euthanized. I still remember his sad eyes looking at me whenever
I'd give him his pills, or syringe down some food. Once I finally asked
myself the question "who are you really doing this for?", I made the
arrangements to put him to sleep & stayed with him till the end. When I put
together an album of pictures of all my cats last summer & put the album up
on webshots, the reality of Ginger's last year(s) became explicit. There's an
awful last picture of him about a month before the end, gaunt, sad & I won't
remove it because it's a reminder to me to never again prolong a pet's life
unnecessarily.

You gave him love throughout his life & a painless end. It's a difficult role
we play with our pets, but it comes with ownership.
M.

--
Message posted via CatKB.com
http://www.catkb.com/Uwe/Forums.aspx...ealth/200803/1

"mariib via CatKB.com" wrote

Thank you for a true and honest tale and being willing to tell it. All of
us make mistakes.

When my cat 'Face' (she just had one of those faces and the name stuck) died
at 14, her life long buddy Roscoe missed her something fierce and went to
join her about a month later. I had taken him to the vet as he'd stopped
eating much but was still drinking water. The vet said he was comfortable
at the time but he would not last long and to bring him in if he seemed to
suffer any pain. He had a heart condition and it quietly stopped one night
in his sleep. He was just under age 14, and due to being a pet farm
breeding failure (failure to thrive syndrome, weak heart etc) was not
expected to live to his 5th birthday but he instead had a happy gentle long
run.

When Face died, I just 'knew' Roscoe would not be long behind her.

In article ,
says...
Don't second guess yourself....it will drive you crazy. I think you did the
right thing. We had a dog that developed a tumor in his mouth. How he
continued to eat was beyond me but he did and with gusto. About a month
later, he had a stroke or something and was unable to walk. But he still
loved to eat. We made the decision to let him go....he was about 16 years
old at the time and we weren't going to put him through a bunch of tests or
treatments. It was hard to let him go but we know it was the right
decision.

Quality of life is what matters....

I'm sorry for the loss of your cat. It is never easy. I hope that the
memories of all the joy he brought you helps you during this difficult time.

A couple of years ago I lost all three cats in the household. The first
to go was the youngest, Cosimo at 9 years old. He was losing weight and
when I brought him in he had kidney and liver failure, arthritis, and a
laundry list of other issues. Decided to euthanize at that point.

Next was Emily at 14. We noticed that our little cat started getting a
little thin and so brought her into the vet. She was put on steroids,
fluids, etc. We brought her home and had to pill her daily which wasn't
pleasant.

I could tell she wasn't responding well and one morning about two weeks
later I woke up and Keyron was telling me that Emily was dead. I
checked, heart rate was 50BPM and she wasn't very responsive. She died
in Keyron's arms on the way to the vet. That was an episode, I tore that
vets office apart.

Last was my first cat, Randy at 18 years old. With him as soon as I saw
him thinning out and getting sluggish I knew it was time and euthanized.

On Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:11:10 -0700 (PDT), neithskye
wrote:

I'm curious as to whether any of you pet owners who thought you knew
it was "the right time" to euthanize your pet agonizingly second-
guessed yourself afterwards.

We all agonize over whether we waited too long or did it too soon. And
just as soon as the furballs learn to talk we can discuss it with
them. Until then, we do the best we can, as you did.