[OT] WARNING OFF TOPIC - POLITICAL (SORT OF) - Humor, Living Will

In 1112991170.25bf47dc33e43d6807f08b34aa3e32c8@teran ews
On Fri, 8 Apr 2005 16:12:47 -0400, Mary said

Are your shorts too tight, Joe?

I have a book for Joe.

*Your Erroneous Zones* 1976, Dyer

"Erroneous Zones" are self destructive, self nullifying
behaviour.

"... Dyer shows how you can take charge of
yourself and manage how much you ..."

"If you are plagued by guilt or worry and find yourself
unwittingly falling into the same old self-destructive
patterns, then you have erroneous zones--whole ..."

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You are welcome, Joe.

[OT] WARNING OFF TOPIC - POLITICAL (SORT OF) - Humor, Living
Will


Mary said

Are your shorts too tight, Joe?

I have a book for Joe.

*Your Erroneous Zones* 1976, Dyer

"Erroneous Zones" are self destructive, self nullifying
behaviour.

"... Dyer shows how you can take charge of
yourself and manage how much you ..."


Chapter 7



“There are no rules, laws, or traditions that apply
universally…including this one.”



“The world is full of ‘shoulds’ that people apply to their
behavior without evaluation, and the total of these shoulds make
up a very large erroneous zone.”



“Nothing is absolute. There are no rules or laws which always
make sense or provide the greatest amount of good for all
occasions. Flexibility is a far greater virtue, and yet you may
find it difficult, indeed impossible, to break an unserviceable
law or violate absurd tradition.”



“A should is unhealthy only when it gets in the way of healthy
and effective behavior. If you find yourself doing annoying or
otherwise counterproductive things which are the result of a
should, you have renounced your freedom of choice and are
allowing yourself to be controlled by some external force.”



Internal versus External Focus of Control



“It is has been estimated that a full seventy-five percent of the
people in our culture are more external than internal in their
personality orientation. This means that the chances are that
you fit into this category more often than you don’t. What does
it mean to be “external” in your focus of control? Essentially,
you are external if you assign responsibility for your emotional
state in your present moments to someone or something external to
yourself. Thus, if you were to be asked the question, “Why do
you feel bad?” and you responded with answers like …”My parents
mistreat me,” “She hurt my feelings,” “My friends don’t like me,”
“My luck is down,” or “Things just aren’t going well,” you would
be in this external category. Conversely, if you were asked why
you are so happy, and you responded: “My friends treat me well,”
“My luck has changed,” “Nobody is bugging me,” or “She came
through for me,” you are still in the external frame, assigning
responsibility for how you feel to someone or something outside
of you.”



“The internal focus of control person puts the responsibility for
how he feels squarely on his own shoulders, and this person is
indeed rare in our culture. When asked the same questions, he
responds with internally oriented answers such as: “I tell myself
the wrong things,” “I put too much emphasis on what others say,”
“I worry about what someone else thinks,” “I’m not strong enough
now to avoid being unhappy,” and “I don’t have the skills to keep
me from being miserable.” Similarly, when the
internally-put-together person is up, he responds with “I”
references such as “I worked hard at being happy,” “I made things
work for me,” I’m telling myself the right things,” “I’m in
charge of me, and this is where I choose to be.” Thus, you have
one-fourth of the people taking responsibility for their own
feelings, and three-fourths bestowing blame on external
sources…Virtually all shoulds and traditions are imposed on
external sources. That is, they come from someone or something
outside of yourself. If you are loaded with shoulds and unable to
break conventions which are prescribed by others, then you are in
the external bag.”



“You can never find self-fulfillment if you persist in permitting
yourself to be controlled by external forces or persist in
thinking that you are controlled by external forces.
Being effective does not mean eliminating all of the problems
in your life. It does mean moving your focus of control from the
external to the internal. In that way you make yourself
responsible for everything that you experience emotionally.
You are not a robot, running your life through a maze, filled
up with other people’s rules and regulations that don’t even make
sense to you.”



Blaming and Hero Worship: Opposite Ends of the Same Externally
Directed Behavior



“Blame is a neat little device that you can use when ever you
don’t want to take responsibility for something in your life. It
is the refuge of the externally oriented person.”