[OT] Tactfulness, thy name is Mom (not)

Monique Y. Mudama wrote:
On 2005-06-27, CatNipped penned:
I have noticed that now-a-days women do have larger waists than
when
I was young - I wonder why that is?

When I was 19 my waist was 20", but I have exceptionally small
bones
and I grew up training to be a professional dancer and practicing 6
- 8 hours a day (plus, hoola-hoops were first introduced when I was
a kid and I spent hours doing that).

20"! Dang!

I never hoola-hooped much as a kid, but I tried it at a party as an
adult -- and man, does it give your abs a workout! Hrm, I should
get
myself a hoola hoop ..

It's actually making a comeback as an exercise routine. I read
something about it in Oxygen I think. You can get weighted hoola
hoops, 3 lb and 5 lb I think and there's a video with all sorts of
exercises you can do with it. Sounds cool if you have a large room to
do it in without knocking your cat off the coffee table!
--
Britta
"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." -- Unknown
Check out pictures of Vino at:
http://photos.yahoo.com/badwilson click on the Vino album

Christina Websell wrote:
"badwilson" wrote in message
...
Christina Websell wrote:
"Monique Y. Mudama" wrote in message
...
Let me preface this by saying that I love my mother. She is a
good
person, she's kind-hearted, and she doesn't mean to hurt anyone.

It's just that she seems to have no filter between her brain and
her
mouth.


Just like mine (gone 2003) and I wish she was here to say these
things
again, I miss her so much.
I might have posted this before.
"Do you think it would have been better if I had had you adopted?"

On my brother's wife saying she was expecting a second child:
"Oh no, not another birthday to buy for.."

She also had no filter between brain and mouth.
What occurred to her came out immediately.

After my third eye operation, 4 weeks in. "Are you going back to
work yet?" "No, Mum, the surgeon says not yet."
"Well, don't expect me to provide money for your groceries."

I think some mothers are like this and you will never change them.
I know she loved me. I miss this kind of tough love from her very
much now she is gone.

Tweed

Oh, those comments remind me of what my mom said when I announced
that Dennis and I were getting married: "So, I guess you'll be
expecting some kind of big wedding present!"
--
Britta


LOL! Yep, you could be my sister ;-) Did you get a big wedding
present, though?

Yes, well they really loved Dennis and were actually quite supportive
of our getting married. Quite a surprise because I was only 23. They
ended up giving us $5000 as a downpayment for our condo. Of course
that came with stipulations. The condo had to be in a concrete and
steel highrise, south facing, my dad had to approve it before we
bought it. Even though their $5000 was only a portion of our
downpayment. Sigh. In this case it was easier to just go along with
them and get the condo they wanted.

A friend of mine, having witnessed my mother in action on more than
a
few occasions, was with me when I asked my mum to provide day care,
in her own home while I worked full time - for my favourite whippet
Minnie when Minnie was approaching the end of her life and I was
uneasy about leaving her for that long.
Well, my mum blew her top. The short answer was no.

We came away and my friend said "do you realise your mother is like
a
camel?" So I said "No, what do you mean?" She said "well, I bet
you've seen a camel when it is resting and its owner tells it to get
up. It moans and groans and says no way, are you mad, or joking?
Get stuffed! Then it gets up and does what it has been asked."

LOL! That is very cute :-)

This made me laugh, of course and I thought it was a very insightful
comment. I said "So do you think my mother will look after Minnie
for me while I work?" My friend replied "Of course she will, just
wait and see." So, did she agree to do it in the end? Yes, of
course. She grew so fond of my darling Minnie herself and nursed
her
like a baby until I finally decided enough was enough. As we waited
for the vet to come, I lay on the settee with Minnie snoozing with
her body on mine and her head near my face so I could talk to her.
When the vet came I could not face it. I retired upstairs to a
bedroom and sobbed.
My mother stayed with her until she was gone. After an hour or so
she came upstairs and said "it was very peaceful.." and Minnie was
carried upstairs and laid on a spare bed in another bedroom by the
vet (in stockinged feet in case I heard) until she was buried in my
garden the next day.
I found it very hard to lose my little dog, the last link with my DH
who died in 95 and bought her for me.
My mother rang me every day to see how I was. When I was still
weeping on the second day, she said "I wish I could take on all
your
sorrow so you don't have to have it."
That was the first and last time she ever said anything as
supportive
as this to me. She *did* love me. A lot, but she was not
demonstrative. Most mothers do, it's just that some feel they have
failed as a parent if they don't nag at you to make you perfect.

Tweed

Of course she loved you. And I don't doubt that my parents love me.
Even if they don't show it or ever say it. But that doesn't make
dealing with them any less aggravating sometimes!
--
Britta
"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." -- Unknown
Check out pictures of Vino at:
http://photos.yahoo.com/badwilson click on the Vino album

Monique Y. Mudama wrote:
On 2005-06-27, Helen Wheels penned:

They're not far off - an Aussie 8 is pretty close to a UK 10. But
folks, don't believe the measurements they write on the labels. Even
if the label says 26" waist, if you measure it you can bet it will
actually be cut to fit more like 29-30". I was a clothing pattern
cutter for many years before my current job, and like all new
pattern cutters in their first job made my first pattern to fit the
measurements printed on the label and was very promptly told that
you never do that, 'cause if someone fits into your clothes and
thinks their waist therefore must be 26", they'll be happier and
more likely to buy. And there I was hoping the buyer would be happy
because she knew she was deserving of our quality cloth and great
workmanship! Go figure.


Is this true for men's clothing as well? I've always preferred buying
men's jeans because it seemed like their measurements were more
consistent, and the numbers actually made sense. (32" waist at least
is a reference point; wtf does "9" mean?)

Good question - I don't really know for sure as I only did womens' and
childrens' wear, but I believe that mens wear sizing does tend to be
more truthful. It's interesting that the childrens' clothing rarely has
measurements printed on the label, at least here in Oz. For toddlers up,
all you get is a size number which is roughly meant to match the age of
the "average" child the garment is meant to fit.

CatNipped wrote:

"Helen Wheels" wrote in message
...

badwilson wrote:


Christina Websell wrote:


"wafflycat" waffles*A*T*v21net*D*O*T*co*D*O*T*uk wrote in message
...


"Mischief" wrote in message
glegroups.com...


I'm five feet tall exactly and I'm supposed to be closer to

100-110


pounds.... A load of BS if you ask me

My mom once said I should be a size 4.

She hasn't said it since, but i've never forgiven her for saying
that.


Kristi


Unless you are 2 ft 6 ins high, she has got it well wrong ;-)

Cheers, helen s


I have an idea that USA sizes are not the same as UK ones. What
would be the bust/waist/hip size for a USA size 4? I think the shoe
sizes are different too.

Tweed


Yes, they are different. The Australian sizes are different too. I
noticed that an Aussie 8 is about equal to a US 2. So maybe the UK
sizes are the same as the Aussie sizes.


They're not far off - an Aussie 8 is pretty close to a UK 10. But folks,
don't believe the measurements they write on the labels. Even if the
label says 26" waist, if you measure it you can bet it will actually be
cut to fit more like 29-30". I was a clothing pattern cutter for many
years before my current job, and like all new pattern cutters in their
first job made my first pattern to fit the measurements printed on the
label and was very promptly told that you never do that, 'cause if
someone fits into your clothes and thinks their waist therefore must be
26", they'll be happier and more likely to buy. And there I was hoping
the buyer would be happy because she knew she was deserving of our
quality cloth and great workmanship! Go figure.
seriously, you might be surprised what people really measure. Even
professional models, who look even skinnier in person than you'd believe
from their pictures, rarely have waists smaller than 27" nowadays.


I have noticed that now-a-days women do have larger waists than when I was
young - I wonder why that is?

When I was 19 my waist was 20", but I have exceptionally small bones and I
grew up training to be a professional dancer and practicing 6 - 8 hours a
day (plus, hoola-hoops were first introduced when I was a kid and I spent
hours doing that).

I've been hearing lately that milk (e.g. calcium) helps keep weight off
especially around the waist - and when I was a kid doctors recommended
drinking *LOTS* of milk, so maybe that had something to do with it also.

Or maybe it is something as simple as women wore girdles and waist cinchers
back then instead of hip-huggers and halter tops! ;

Hugs,

CatNipped



Yup, I think the girdles had a lot to do with it. A bit like
foot-binding really - you tie something that tight around your middle
for that long, your body is eventually going to shift itself around and
grow into the new shape, even to the extent of your internal organs
moving out of the way. Couldn't have been too healthy, could it?

Then again, we still put braces on kids' teeth...

IT has to be a mum thing. When my mum was admitted to hospital last May
I went to see her and when I got home my brother phoned me and asked
how she was I replied "I am worried about her. She didn't tell me my
hair needed a wash, criticise me or Dave in any way, nag me about
anything and even said "Love you". This is not good."

And it wasn't she died two weeks later and virtually the last
conversation I had with her went like this:

Mum "This isn't funny you know"
Me: "I know it's not"
Mum: "This is you in 30 years time."
Me: "Thanks!"
Mum: "Actually with your lifestyle...make that 20...no 15 years"

She wouldn't let up with me until the end. Now the boys could do no
wrong in her eyes....when I was very small she once told me that the
reason she had me and my middle brother only 13 months apart was "You
were such a disapointment, not being a son that I had to make it up to
your father somehow"

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

"Nan" wrote in message
I wish ladies jeans, etc. came in inseam sizes the way men's pants do.
I'm barely 5'3" and even petit jeans usually drag the floor unless I
wear heels.

I do too. I'm 5' 11" and have a 35 inch inseam. Virtually nothing fits -
particularly in Canada, there are fewer tall sizes available. More in the
US. I get tired of sales people stiffling their laughter as I come out with
nice pants above my ankles.

Susan M
Otis and Chester

"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
I have noticed that now-a-days women do have larger waists than when I was
young - I wonder why that is?

When I was 19 my waist was 20", but I have exceptionally small bones and I
grew up training to be a professional dancer and practicing 6 - 8 hours a
day (plus, hoola-hoops were first introduced when I was a kid and I spent
hours doing that).

I've been hearing lately that milk (e.g. calcium) helps keep weight off
especially around the waist - and when I was a kid doctors recommended
drinking *LOTS* of milk, so maybe that had something to do with it also.

Or maybe it is something as simple as women wore girdles and waist
cinchers
back then instead of hip-huggers and halter tops! ;

I also think, not about weight around the waist but general waist size, that
height has a lot to do with waist size and the re-naming of sizes. Because
I'm so tall, 5' 11", it is an impossibility for me to have a waist size of
24 inches, no matter how slim I am. I'm just "bigger". I believe that its
reasonable to resize sizes to compensate for the increase in height amongst
the population in general. My mom is 5' 4" and, if we were both in the same
physical shape, she'd wear a smaller size just due to her height.

I'm not a huge person but, because of my height and my broad shoulders,
often wear an XL in a shirt. My mom, 7 inches shorter and relatively much
more "round" than I am, wears a M. It's really amazing that anybody can
find anything off the rack, if you think of it - we're all so vastly
different!

Susan M
Otis and Chester

"Susan M" smawdsley remove @shaw.ca wrote in message
news:CWdwe.1819369$Xk.1773671@pd7tw3no...
"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
I have noticed that now-a-days women do have larger waists than when I
was
young - I wonder why that is?

When I was 19 my waist was 20", but I have exceptionally small bones and
I
grew up training to be a professional dancer and practicing 6 - 8 hours
a
day (plus, hoola-hoops were first introduced when I was a kid and I
spent
hours doing that).

I've been hearing lately that milk (e.g. calcium) helps keep weight off
especially around the waist - and when I was a kid doctors recommended
drinking *LOTS* of milk, so maybe that had something to do with it also.

Or maybe it is something as simple as women wore girdles and waist
cinchers
back then instead of hip-huggers and halter tops! ;

I also think, not about weight around the waist but general waist size,
that
height has a lot to do with waist size and the re-naming of sizes.
Because
I'm so tall, 5' 11", it is an impossibility for me to have a waist size of
24 inches, no matter how slim I am. I'm just "bigger". I believe that
its
reasonable to resize sizes to compensate for the increase in height
amongst
the population in general. My mom is 5' 4" and, if we were both in the
same
physical shape, she'd wear a smaller size just due to her height.

I'm not a huge person but, because of my height and my broad shoulders,
often wear an XL in a shirt. My mom, 7 inches shorter and relatively much
more "round" than I am, wears a M. It's really amazing that anybody can
find anything off the rack, if you think of it - we're all so vastly
different!

Susan M
Otis and Chester

Yes, that's true. Due to better pre-natal and early-life nutrition and care
now-a-days, children are just getting bigger than ever in history. But
everyone has different body shapes. I'm only 5'5", but I have very long
arms and legs and a short torso. I have a problem getting pant legs and
sleeves that are long enough. I also have *very* small bones (DH says I
have itty-bitty-birdie-bones) - I wear a size 4 on my ring finger and my
wrist is only 5.5" in circumference. That's why I need a smaller size - but
the smaller sizes tend come only in "petite" - it's almost impossible to
find a size 4 regular or tall (and when I find pants that actually fit
below the ankle, the waist is usually under my boobs, and when a blouse or
jacket sleeve comes down below my wrists, it swallows me in the torso!!).
You're right, it's rare that off-the-rack every fits exactly right.

Hugs,

CatNipped

Lesley wrote:
IT has to be a mum thing. When my mum was admitted to hospital last May
I went to see her and when I got home my brother phoned me and asked
how she was I replied "I am worried about her. She didn't tell me my
hair needed a wash, criticise me or Dave in any way, nag me about
anything and even said "Love you". This is not good."

And it wasn't she died two weeks later and virtually the last
conversation I had with her went like this:

Mum "This isn't funny you know"
Me: "I know it's not"
Mum: "This is you in 30 years time."
Me: "Thanks!"
Mum: "Actually with your lifestyle...make that 20...no 15 years"

She wouldn't let up with me until the end. Now the boys could do no
wrong in her eyes....when I was very small she once told me that the
reason she had me and my middle brother only 13 months apart was "You
were such a disapointment, not being a son that I had to make it up to
your father somehow"

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

Reading this thread has been the best therapy! My mother is the same
-- critical about my appearance (weight and hairstyle).

I gave up trying to please her as it will never happen and the comments
she darts out just make me feel so badly that it takes days to recover
from a visit.

When she was my age, she too was heavier, but lost the weight. She
says, "I did it, you can too." My body is different than hers. She
also has many comments on my hair. She thinks it should be a tight
curly perm like women in the 50s used to have.

Some have told me to just brush it off, ignore her or laugh about it.
That doesn't work for me. I have spent a lifetime in the worst
relationship with my mother over this stupid crap. She just can't get
past it.

When my mom's dad was dying, the hospital called her every day to say
he was on the way out and she might want to come to see him.

She waited six days until they told her he was dead.

Then she went home to join the family.

I don't have any pity for Grandpa. He was an abusive son-of-a-b!tch,
and if Grandma could have afforded it and wasn't so devoted to her
marriage vow, she would have...should have...left him. She decided
that marriage vow meant more to her than her life, and it /did/ bring
her much physical injury over the years.

What my mom fails to see, however, is how quickly she took up Grandpa's
role.

My mom wasn't physically abusive, but she was neglectful by times...the
kind of neglect that results in teachers taking you to the hospital for
life-saving surgery because your family won't.

I have a hard time forgiving that.

--Fil