[OT] Tactfulness, thy name is Mom (not)

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CatNipped wrote:
"Monique Y. Mudama" wrote in message
...
On 2005-06-26, CatNipped penned:

She really needs to start exercising or she's going to have trouble
not only with falling, but with osteoporosis!

Well, the potential of osteoporosis is why I'm worried about her
falling.

She was actually going to the gym and working out a great deal before
she broke her leg a couple of years ago. Yes, by falling. Apparently
she broke the tibia far enough up that it was basically inside the
knee. Since then, well, she's been reluctant to do much.

While she was visiting, she expressed an interest in riding a bicycle.
I'll have to find out if she's followed up on that.

Another reason I bicycle rather than jog or even walk is my bad knees.
Bicylcing is a low impact but still very good cardiovascular work-out.

Hugs,

CatNipped

There's also those elliptical machines. They're much more low-impact
than jogging, I would think. Not that I've ever jogged. LOL.

Sherry

Yeah, those things are *great* exercise. I'm used to doing 15 to 20 miles a
day on my bike (takes my about an hour), but I'm winded after just 5 or 10
minutes on those things!

Hugs,

CatNipped

Oh, don't let it bug you. Mine was the same way. Unfortunately, I lost
her at 19. Maybe your mom thinks it's her job to tell you. I remember
once wearing a new outfit I thought I just looked like the cat's
pajamas in, and my mom's remark was, "Aren't you getting a little
hippy?" (hippy in those days meaning, a big butt)
Now there's nobody to tell me when I look hippy :-(

Sherry


You look hippy.

Gracie
a mother is a mother is a mother

Why, thank you Gracie. That's actually a compliment these days since
gravity, age, and illness have pretty much done away with curves. I
kind of think when I stick my tongue out, I look a lot like a zipper
now.

Sherry

I lost weight, not intentionally, when I had jaw surgery. My jaws
were wired together and I could only take liquid food from a
syringe. Couldn't talk either. Food went through the food
processor before I 'drank it'. I didn't lose too much weight but I
know others lost 10 lbs through the ordeal.

Winnie

"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
"Monique Y. Mudama" wrote in message
...
On 2005-06-26, penned:

It's probably much better to have some extra weight and feel good
and be healthy. Skinny isn't always healthy. That's what's
important. At least you're fit; that's the most important thing. A
girl here I went to school with had that stupid stomach-stapling
thing done last year. She wasn't even what you'd call morbidly
obese. Always was a big girl, but I would guess she was 5'7 and
225-250 lbs. or so. She had one son, in junior high, and no husband.
She died.

I'm sure I'd be more fit if I had a bit less fat, but I'm certainly
not going to get my stomach stapled. I'm at about 5'5 and 165, and
even when I was small people guaged me about 20 pounds lighter than I
was (must have dense bones or something). I am pretty sure that 20
pounds lost (while working out) would result in a very fit me.

She died as a result of the stapling? That's so sad.

It goes wrong quite often - nurses even have an acronym for it GBGB -
gastric bypass gone bad. I'd never have had it done had it been just for
appearances (and I wouldn't have waited until I was 52 had it been only
for
appearances - older skin just doesn't "snap back" like younger skin does -
think Sherpe dog ;). Nope, I'm not expecting to win in the swim suit
competition - LOL.

In my case I was facing death if I *hadn't* done it - blood pressure,
blood
glucose level, cholesterol and triglyceride levels all were way above
normal. My doctor said I was looking at a heart attack, stroke, or
diabetes
within 5 years if I didn't lose the weight and hip or knee replacement
surgery sooner than that. As long as I was healthy I was happy with my
body
no matter what weight I was at, but when you get older it all starts
catching up with you. Yo-yo dieting all my life made it even worse than
if
I'd just stayed at one weight even if it was too heavy for my frame.

Hugs,

CatNipped

--
monique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully

pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca

"Monique Y. Mudama" wrote in message
...
On 2005-06-26, Charleen Welton penned:

Ah Monique how I wish I had heard that quote many years ago. I,
like you, love my mom, but oh the connection between her brain and
her mouth is like a slide with no buffers or stops.
(snippage)
Ack! Amazing how they can make us want to collapse in tears over
these things.

DH was feeling ... amorous today, and it was *such* an effort to get
my mom's comments out of my head so that I could enjoy the moment.
Stupid, stupid.

Sometimes it's hard to get the running commentary out your head. You're
human, please don't beat yourself up.

I know how you felt. Love and understanding is our armour.

While she was visiting, Mom helped me buy some suits. This was actually
a great favor, as she is good with color and fit and helped me put
together colors that I would never have imagined would work well
together. I looked like a million bucks in those suits. But the actual
process of trying them on ...

Oh GAWD. Mom or no mom, who really likes the way the lighting in those
changing rooms makes you look? The mirrors really need stickers which say
"Objects in mirror may be smaller than they appear!" LOL

I was looking for a dress to wear to a company holiday party and I happened
to be visiting my parents for Thanksgiving. (Actually, I cooked dinner, it
went well.) Mom took me to this dress shop. Don't fall over, I was used to
buying size 4's or 6's. Not ONE thing in this "boutique" fit me. A US size
8 was tight. Good lord, where were these clothes made?!

I thought I was a 12. It turns out I'm more like a 14, and for a bit
(because of one particular suit that had an awkward cut) it looked
like I might be a 16. Mom clucked her tongue and began to talk about
how I really needed to lose weight blah blah blah ... just what you
need to hear when you're prepping for an exciting and important job
interview.

Oh dear. Well, doesn't help much but I can tell you from experience the
more expensive the clothing the smaller that number attached to the label in
the US. If that number on the tag is so very important maybe find yourself
a good outlet Mall or a shop that isn't actually in your state. I'm
thinking Coldwater Creek. You can often find free shipping codes and
discount codes online and they have wonderful clearance items. I haven't
shopped in a while... Mom will probably send me something from her closet
for my birthday because they'd fit me now that I'm a size 8 LOL

Jill

Well, I blew my top. I told her that if she wanted to make comments
about my weight, she could feel free to get on a plane and fly back
home, because I wasn't putting up with it. Only maybe not with such
polite words.

Funny how we (at least I) turn right back into teenagers when our
parents are around.

I did speak to her that evening, explain to her what I'd meant to say
and that I'd gotten upset and said things in a way that I regretted.

--
monique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully

pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca

On 2005-06-26, penned:

There's also those elliptical machines. They're much more low-impact
than jogging, I would think. Not that I've ever jogged. LOL.

They definitely are, and they're much better for your knees than
running on pavement. I already had knee problems in college, and I
would use the elliptical there with no trouble. The stair machines,
on the other hand, killed my knees. So do spinning classes; I think
their pedals have less float than the pedals on my bike, or something.
After about 40 minutes of a spinning class my knees are quite unhappy,
but I can ride the trails for several hours without knee pain.

--
monique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully

pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca

"Monique Y. Mudama" wrote in message
...
Let me preface this by saying that I love my mother. She is a good
person, she's kind-hearted, and she doesn't mean to hurt anyone.

It's just that she seems to have no filter between her brain and her
mouth.


From the length of this thread, it must have struck a lot of nerves. My
sympathy, as well as hugs and purrs, to those whose mothers were/are always
putting them down. I was very lucky in that department. In fact, when I
was a teenager, I used to get angry with my mother for telling me I was
pretty. I *knew* I wasn't. Of course, now when I look at pictures of me
then, I realize I was.

You aren't going to be able to change your mother, and it will be difficult,
if not impossible, to change the way you feel about the things she says.
Since I've never been in that position, I wouldn't presume to advise you on
that.

However, when it comes to the things she says to or in front of other
people, my advice is to bite your tongue. Arguing will just make it worse.
My late husband had a tendency to exaggerate, or to say things that weren't
exactly true. For instance, I got quite a grilling from my mother because
once he talked about something that happened "when we were parked".
Actually we were stopped at a signal, waiting to make a left turn. I used
to try to correct him or explain what he said, but that never worked
satisfactorily. Finally, I decided that the people who knew him realized he
had this habit and liked him anyway. They just made allowances for it. I
don't think he realized what he was doing, and I could never convince him,
so I gave up. I was much happier after that.

Hugs and purrs,
Joy

This is nothing new. My Mom invited herself over last week and began
discussing how fat I was, and how my unattractive clothing served to
make me look even fatter.

I'm 165 lbs.

She's over 220.

Who's fat now?

--Fil

On Sun, 26 Jun 2005 15:46:24 -0500, CatNipped wrote:

"Christina Websell" wrote in message
...

"wafflycat" waffles*A*T*v21net*D*O*T*co*D*O*T*uk wrote in message
...

"Mischief" wrote in message
oups.com...
I'm five feet tall exactly and I'm supposed to be closer to 100-110
pounds.... A load of BS if you ask me

My mom once said I should be a size 4.

She hasn't said it since, but i've never forgiven her for saying
that.


Kristi


Unless you are 2 ft 6 ins high, she has got it well wrong ;-)

Cheers, helen s


I have an idea that USA sizes are not the same as UK ones. What would
be the bust/waist/hip size for a USA size 4? I think the shoe sizes are
different too.

Tweed

I can fit in some 3/4s, but sometimes have to get a 5/6. Bust - 34 inches
(86.36 cm), waist - 23 inches (58.42 cm), hips - 34 inches (86.36 cm).
[In figure measurements I prefer inches... 34-23-34 sounds much better
than 86.36-58.42-86.36!! ;]

I have humongous clown feet (even though I'm only 5'5") and have to get a
size 8W - my feet are 10 inches long and 4 inches wide.

Hugs,

CatNipped


Great measurements! When I was 18 I measured 34/22/34 but the dress size
was 12 at that time. I think they changed the sizes to flatter the
ladies. They don't seem to have done that with shoe sizes, however.

"mlbriggs" wrote in message
news
On Sun, 26 Jun 2005 15:46:24 -0500, CatNipped wrote:

"Christina Websell" wrote in
message
...

"wafflycat" waffles*A*T*v21net*D*O*T*co*D*O*T*uk wrote in message
...

"Mischief" wrote in message
oups.com...
I'm five feet tall exactly and I'm supposed to be closer to 100-110
pounds.... A load of BS if you ask me

My mom once said I should be a size 4.

She hasn't said it since, but i've never forgiven her for saying
that.


Kristi


Unless you are 2 ft 6 ins high, she has got it well wrong ;-)

Cheers, helen s


I have an idea that USA sizes are not the same as UK ones. What would
be the bust/waist/hip size for a USA size 4? I think the shoe sizes
are
different too.

Tweed

I can fit in some 3/4s, but sometimes have to get a 5/6. Bust - 34
inches
(86.36 cm), waist - 23 inches (58.42 cm), hips - 34 inches (86.36 cm).
[In figure measurements I prefer inches... 34-23-34 sounds much better
than 86.36-58.42-86.36!! ;]

I have humongous clown feet (even though I'm only 5'5") and have to get
a
size 8W - my feet are 10 inches long and 4 inches wide.

Hugs,

CatNipped


Great measurements! When I was 18 I measured 34/22/34 but the dress size
was 12 at that time. I think they changed the sizes to flatter the
ladies. They don't seem to have done that with shoe sizes, however.

Yep, you're right. When I was a teenager the "perfect" size was a 12 and
there wasn't any such thing as "negative" sizes as there is now.

Hugs,

CatNipped

On 2005-06-26, CatNipped penned:

I have humongous clown feet (even though I'm only 5'5") and have to
get a size 8W - my feet are 10 inches long and 4 inches wide.


Very funny.

*I* have humongous feet. I'm 5'5" with ... hrm, depending on the
shoe, but let's say 9 1/2 wide. Or more likely 11, since it's hard to
find shoes wide, so I just get them extra long. If I can get away
with it, I buy men's shoes, in which I'm about an 8 1/2. (Depending
again on the width). More accurately, I'm a European 41 wide.

Not only that, but the part of my foot that sticks out, making it so
wide, is also extremely sensitive. Buying ice skates, ski boots, etc
is a nightmare for me, especially as conventional wisdom is to buy
them as tight as possible for best control. I eventually bought
professional-grade men's ice skates, a model specifically intended for
wide feet, in a wide size, and then also had the sides punched out.
Finally my feet aren't screaming after an hour on the ice. Ski boots
.... I've been through so many pairs of ski boots, all of which made me
miserable. The latest pair is the best -- I got a wide women's boot
with a custom foam liner and orthotics. $1500 later, yes, just for
boots, I can ski for more than an hour or two without crying.

I thought that I was screwed for finding nice shoes, but then I found
this store called Phelps. They carry foot-friendly shoes.
Specifically, they carry Germanic brands like Birkenstock and Dansko.
Now, I had no idea that Birk makes some darn nice shoes, but they do.
No pointy toes (my feet can't do that, anyway), but neat strappy
things that can actually be worn with dresses.

I finally think I understand why so many women enjoy shoe shopping.
I've always hated it, because they rarely had my size in stock at all,
and if they did, the shoe that looked so cute as a size 6 on display
looked like a boat on my foot. What a nightmare. I can't count the
number of times I've cried, or felt like crying, when shopping for shoes
for some special occasion. But at this store I found, wow, even some of
their display shoes fit me. They carry lots of wide stuff. I'm like a
kid in a candy store. Unfortunately, the average cost of a pair of
shoes there is about $100 ... but even my ultra-frugal mom insists that
good shoes are worth good money, because if your feet aren't happy, you
aren't happy.

Now that I actually have some nice shoes that I don't mind wearing, I
find myself wearing nice clothes more often. It's such a difference.
Literally, I used to think about wearing something nice and think,
Yes, but I don't have any shoes to go with that, or well, there's this
pair, but they make my feet ache. Now I can actually say, yes, I'll
wear that, and I'll wear it with this pair, and I'll be comfy. It's
amazing.

And since this is a thread about mothers, I'll share another one of my
mom's amazing statements. When I was a late teen/early college kid
kind of age, my mother told me that I've been ruining my feet by
wearing sneakers. Yes, ruining. You see, according to my mother, not
only should I have been wearing flats to not ruin my feet, but they
would have kept my stride shorter and more lady-like.

To be honest, I'm sure my years of barefoot martial arts have at least
something to do with the width of my foot. My feet were so callused
as a teen that I could walk across gravel painlessly. I even got a
screw embedded about a quarter inch in my foot, and it didn't hurt.
But while I've been "ruining" my feet, I've never had a cracked heel
or bunions, unlike my mom, who IIRC had bunion surgery. Because, you
know, she kept her feet healthy by wearing 5" spike heels for years.

--
monique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully

pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca