A place without Betty

Takayuki wrote:
gentle snip

I was hesitating to write about this before, but I've found in the
past that when I bring up my experiences here, it turns out to have
been shared by many others. Maybe you can relate to this too.

I can relate, as I think you know. It was a surprise to me how big a
relief I felt after scattering Frank's ashes on the island. As you know,
I don't have religion and I don't believe in an afterlife, but that
simple little ceremony gave me such comfort. I wish there was something
similar you could do to ease your mind. Dear Tak, hang in there. I wish
I had more words to comfort you.

--
Marina, Miranda and Caliban. In loving memory of Frank and Nikki.
Stories and pics at http://koti.welho.com/mkurten/
Pics at http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/frankiennikki/
and http://community.webshots.com/user/frankiennikki

"Exocat" wrote:
So poignantly put I could hardly read it, Tak.

Yes I fear I relate to that all too well. First when I ended the
suffering of my elderly special boy Aries, then when I laid to rest the
headless body of my too-young Kensey, killed by a plough, then when I
had to have TED euthanase my Pericles long before his time.

Fortunately each new agony relatively diminished the previous ones by
its very immediacy, but that's about the only good thing I can think of
in favour of any bereavement.

Buring Kensey, who was killed by a plough - that has got to be a
difficult sight, a difficult chore, and a difficult memory.

"MaryL" -OUT-THE-LITTER wrote:
I lost the feeling of
pain and instead looked back with gratitude and happy memories of him. I
still keep his picture on display (and one can be seen in some of my Holly &
Duffy pictures -- the gray cat above the computer; Amber is the white cat),
but all my memories of both cats are good. When I once again had to make
the painful decision for euthanasia (with Amber at the age of 16), I knew
that I would get another cat. I had learned from the experience that it is
*good* to move on and accept another furry companion. So, Holly came into
my life -- and later Duffy, so for the first time I had two cats together.
I have never regretted it for instant!!

So, you might want to give this some consideration. As I said, you could
even consider fostering as a "trial run."

You definitely did good with your cats. I think that fostering would
be for more experienced people through.

"Pat" wrote:
Yes. Similar feelings every time I've lost a pet. Blaming myself no matter
what the cause.... Nothing will bring them back to this life, and I don't
want to tell you how much a new cat in your life can help, because I know
you don't want to think about it just yet. I've also been at the place where
one says "No more pets, ever again, because it hurts to much to lose them."
I didn't heed my own counsel, so I have a lot of pain ahead of me, but I
will always have furry healers to help me get through it. I think it's the
only way.

How have you found that your furry healers helped you? I've noted
that some people have some "continuity" when they have multiple cats,
and they all mourn together, or sometimes not, if the kitties didn't
get along, and I've wondered about the dynamics in those kinds of
households.

"Mzblackcat via CatKB.com" u24922@uwe wrote:
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear Betty. I know exactly how
you feel when I loss my dear Kit (he was hit by a police car) I thought I was
going to die and I was so young. when my twins were babies I adopted Meow
from the animal shelter and have had him every since(he's 10) he fell ill
today(possibly a stroke) I feel so bad I can't take him to the vet until the
morning because of the transportation. My heart is so heavy right now because
I can't do anything my hands are tied all I can do is see my kitty suffer. It
hurts so bad. So I understand but I do agree with everyone else here. When
you are ready you should consider adopting a new furbaby.

I do hope that your Meow will be okay.

"Lois" wrote:
At the moment our grief is still raw but I can fully understand how you must
be feeling. I can still see Cleo, in the house, in the garden. I have put
her special plates away so I don't have to look at them.

Last night I went out and stood by her grave and whispered to her that we
lave and miss her. We planted a beautiful deep pink Camellia yesterday on
her grave, I will get a cat statue to place there as well.

I think that's a lovely, wonderful gesture. I have some friends who
buried their dog and cat in their yard, although it's unmarked, except
by some plain rocks. Whenever I visit, I go to their graves to talk
to them. But discreetly, so that they don't think I'm weird.
Actually, they've known me for a long time, so too late for that.

"Matthew" wrote:
Tak I am in tears reading your post below
Something That I discovered on the net

IF TEARS COULD BUILD A STAIRWAY


If tears could build a stairway.
and memories a lane.
I would walk right up to Heaven
and bring you back again.


No farewell words were spoken
No time to say "Goodbye."
You were gone before I knew it.
and only Gods knows why.


My heart still aches with sadness.
and secret tears still flow.
What it meant to love you-
No one can ever know.


But now I know you want me
to mourn for you no mo
To remember all the happy times.
life still has much in store


Since you'll never be forgotten.
I pledge to you today-
A hollowed place within my heart.
is where you will always stay.


Author unknown

Yes, this is all true. Thank you.

"jmcquown" wrote:
Oh TAK! I know how you feel. It's a desperate lonely feeling. Like the
world conspired to take away what was precious. You didn't have nearly
enough time with your sweet Betty. I know.

When my dog Sampson (the first and only dog I ever had) died after almost 18
years I walked around for the first year after like a zombie. I saw him in
everything and everywhere. It was so painful. People at work thought I was
nuts. I would burst into tears at the slightest provocation; anything that
reminded me of him brought me to tears.

I was also visited by him. (Yes, sounds crazy, but I was.) He told me in
his own way it was time to let him go but that he'd always be here with me,
watching over me. I truly believe that.

And, a year later, who knocked on my door? Persia. I had never intended to
have a cat. She *demanded* I let her in. I think my dear departed Sampson
had a hand in this

In time, I truly believe you will get the message from Betty "this is the
one, help her" and your heart will start to heal. Blessings for you in the
meantime, my friend. Grief is a difficult thing. Give yourself time and
know you are not alone. Betty will always be there and so will we.

This is always a wonderful story. When a dog came to my doorstep a
few weeks ago, I thought of you and hoped that this wasn't going to
some kind of reverse Sampson situation.

"Takayuki" wrote in message
...
"MaryL" -OUT-THE-LITTER wrote:
I lost the feeling of
pain and instead looked back with gratitude and happy memories of him. I
still keep his picture on display (and one can be seen in some of my Holly
&
Duffy pictures -- the gray cat above the computer; Amber is the white
cat),
but all my memories of both cats are good. When I once again had to make
the painful decision for euthanasia (with Amber at the age of 16), I knew
that I would get another cat. I had learned from the experience that it
is
*good* to move on and accept another furry companion. So, Holly came into
my life -- and later Duffy, so for the first time I had two cats together.
I have never regretted it for instant!!

So, you might want to give this some consideration. As I said, you could
even consider fostering as a "trial run."

You definitely did good with your cats. I think that fostering would
be for more experienced people through.



I only meant that you might try to foster *one* cat or kitten, with the
possibility of adopting if you decided that the "time" and "fit" were right.
That would be like caring for your own cat. You would simply be giving a
cat a home until someone adopted or you decided to adopt -- you would not
need to start with a difficult situation. Shelters and rescue groups are
usually eager to find people willing to foster until homes can be found.

You really do have my profound sympathy. I know how hard it is to lose a
greatly loved pet.

MaryL

"Joy" wrote:
I experienced something similar to some things you mention after my husband
died. The hardest image to get rid of was that of him lying dead in his
hospital bed. My son helped me find a way to dispel that image. I didn't
have any good, recent photos of him by himself, and my son wanted one to
carry in his wallet. However, there were photos of his Barbershop Quartet.
This was before the days of manipulating photos on the computer, so I took
some of the quartet photos to a couple of people in my photography club.
One made an 8 x 10 print of Jim alone, and another made some wallet sized
photos of him. Every time I started getting the image of him lying dead, I
would look at the photo. That eventually pushed the image to the back of my
mind, and it hasn't reappeared in years.

I'm glad you don't have that image anymore. With a spouse, people
should have many happy memories.