A place without Betty

"Takayuki" wrote in message
...
"Joy" wrote:
I experienced something similar to some things you mention after my
husband
died. The hardest image to get rid of was that of him lying dead in his
hospital bed. My son helped me find a way to dispel that image. I didn't
have any good, recent photos of him by himself, and my son wanted one to
carry in his wallet. However, there were photos of his Barbershop
Quartet.
This was before the days of manipulating photos on the computer, so I took
some of the quartet photos to a couple of people in my photography club.
One made an 8 x 10 print of Jim alone, and another made some wallet sized
photos of him. Every time I started getting the image of him lying dead,
I
would look at the photo. That eventually pushed the image to the back of
my
mind, and it hasn't reappeared in years.

I'm glad you don't have that image anymore. With a spouse, people
should have many happy memories.

One should have many happy memories of a cat, too. Maybe if you have some
pictures of Betty in happier days, you can erase the unpleasant images from
your mind, or at least cover them up with better images.

Marina wrote:
Takayuki wrote:
gentle snip

I was hesitating to write about this before, but I've found in the
past that when I bring up my experiences here, it turns out to have
been shared by many others. Maybe you can relate to this too.

I can relate, as I think you know. It was a surprise to me how big a
relief I felt after scattering Frank's ashes on the island. As you know,
I don't have religion and I don't believe in an afterlife, but that
simple little ceremony gave me such comfort. I wish there was something
similar you could do to ease your mind. Dear Tak, hang in there. I wish
I had more words to comfort you.

You have a good point. It's true that I do not have a mechanism,
procedure, or ceremony for achieving comfort, or "closure", if such a
thing is possible.

I just wish... that I could be with Betty again. But there's no
"just" in that.

Takayuki wrote:

I just wish... that I could be with Betty again. But there's no
"just" in that.


I know. Just one more day with Frank and Nikki. And one more night with
Frank on the pillow next to mine, and Nikki on my legs.

--
Marina, Miranda and Caliban. In loving memory of Frank and Nikki.
Stories and pics at http://koti.welho.com/mkurten/
Pics at http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/frankiennikki/
and http://community.webshots.com/user/frankiennikki

Takayuki wrote:
"jmcquown" wrote:
Oh TAK! I know how you feel. It's a desperate lonely feeling.
Like the world conspired to take away what was precious. You didn't
have nearly enough time with your sweet Betty. I know.

When my dog Sampson (the first and only dog I ever had) died after
almost 18 years I walked around for the first year after like a
zombie. I saw him in everything and everywhere. It was so painful.
People at work thought I was nuts. I would burst into tears at the
slightest provocation; anything that reminded me of him brought me
to tears.

I was also visited by him. (Yes, sounds crazy, but I was.) He told
me in his own way it was time to let him go but that he'd always be
here with me, watching over me. I truly believe that.

And, a year later, who knocked on my door? Persia. I had never
intended to have a cat. She *demanded* I let her in. I think my
dear departed Sampson had a hand in this

In time, I truly believe you will get the message from Betty "this
is the one, help her" and your heart will start to heal. Blessings
for you in the meantime, my friend. Grief is a difficult thing.
Give yourself time and know you are not alone. Betty will always be
there and so will we.

This is always a wonderful story. When a dog came to my doorstep a
few weeks ago, I thought of you and hoped that this wasn't going to
some kind of reverse Sampson situation.

Oh, you knew better Didn't mean to turn this into a "me" thing, just to
show you eventually your heart will heal but you'll never forget your
beloved Betty and neither will anyone who ever heard of her.

Jill

I think that's a lovely, wonderful gesture. I have some friends who
buried their dog and cat in their yard, although it's unmarked, except by
some plain rocks. Whenever I visit, I go to their graves to talk to them.
But discreetly, so that they don't think I'm weird. Actually, they've
known me for a long time, so too late for that.

Everybody in my family is as dedicated to their furred ones as I am to
mine. When my brother's dog Bridget died he had her cremated and he has
her ashes in a wooden box. Likewise when his kitty Samantha passed. He has
two tombstones in his front yard, one for Bridget and one for Samantha.
They aren't buried there, but it helps him to remember them. Every time
Nancy and I visit there, we say goodbye to both Bridger and Samantha when
we leave. Mom has both of her late Springer Spaniels and her big
Henry dog buried in her yard; we also say goodbye to Lady, Lad, and Henry
when we are leaving.

Tak, what you're going through is normal. Losing our furred kids is
always, always painful. It hurts for a long time. The last sight of our
kitties alive usually stays with us a long, long time. When I think of DD
the image that comes first is that of her on the vet's table. I can also
remember the images of her playing, and snuggling, and purring, but I have
to think to do so.

What you gave Betty was a life of love, pampering, cuddling, and the best
care a kitty could ask for. Yes, it is tragic and horribly unfair that she
was stricken with such a horrid disease. But even though she did have to
suffer through that disease, she did so with your love and your concern
and your devotion and the absolute certainty that she had your love and
the best help that was available. That's the best thing we can offer our
sweeties when their time comes. It's terribly hard on us, but the most
loving thing we can offer them.

I can't address how it will work for you, but a couple months after DD
passed Nancy happened upon a family needing to home several kittens before
they moved. That's how we ended up with Tabitha kitten. About a month
after that, I saw a beautiful little orange kitten who had been abaondoned
next to the parking lot where I worked. I had no choice but to trap him
and adopt him, and my baby Sammy and I now have a bond unlike that I have
with any other kitties.

When the time is right, another kitties or two will present itself to you.
You'll know the time is right. I know for certain that DD sent Sammy to
us. Betty will do the same for you.

Dan

"Takayuki" wrote

Buring Kensey, who was killed by a plough - that has got to be a
difficult sight, a difficult chore, and a difficult memory.

It sure was, and it stayed in the forefront of my mind for years, until
replaced by the awfulness of bringing Pericles' perfect but dead body
home from TEDs and letting Bandit and Snowball his 2 companions sniff
him for their version of closure. Peri is buried under a small Azalea
bush in my little garden which flowers every Spring with vivid red
blooms, fitting as he was a Red Tabby. He's also marked by some
attractive marble rocks, and lies right next to his favourite outdoor
lurking spot under the adjacent hebe bush.

Eighteen months later and I still don't like using the garden. But less
so than last summer, therefore I can attest to the fact that the keen
edge of grief will gradually diminish. Having the d-pet and the other 3
masters helps too, even if only to keep me so busy attending to their
needs that I don't have time to dwell on the loss.

HTH
Purrs
Gordon & the FF



----== Posted via Newsfeeds.Com - Unlimited-Unrestricted-Secure Usenet News==----
http://www.newsfeeds.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! 120,000+ Newsgroups
----= East and West-Coast Server Farms - Total Privacy via Encryption =----

Takayuki wrote:
snip
I was hesitating to write about this before, but I've found in the
past that when I bring up my experiences here, it turns out to have
been shared by many others. Maybe you can relate to this too.

Your story is sadly familiar for many of us. It does start to get better
eventually, sadly though it can take years.
--
Adrian (Owned by Snoopy and Bagheera)
Cats leave pawprints on your heart.
http://community.webshots.com/user/clowderuk

"Adrian A" wrote in message
...
Takayuki wrote:
snip
I was hesitating to write about this before, but I've found in the
past that when I bring up my experiences here, it turns out to have
been shared by many others. Maybe you can relate to this too.

Your story is sadly familiar for many of us. It does start to get better
eventually, sadly though it can take years.
--
Adrian (Owned by Snoopy and Bagheera)
Cats leave pawprints on your heart.
http://community.webshots.com/user/clowderuk



It's been a couple of months since Max passed and I still just start crying
at odd times.
God I miss that cat.

H

"H. Adam Stevens" wrote in message
...

"Adrian A" wrote in message
...
Takayuki wrote:
snip
I was hesitating to write about this before, but I've found in the
past that when I bring up my experiences here, it turns out to have
been shared by many others. Maybe you can relate to this too.

Your story is sadly familiar for many of us. It does start to get better
eventually, sadly though it can take years.
--
Adrian (Owned by Snoopy and Bagheera)
Cats leave pawprints on your heart.
http://community.webshots.com/user/clowderuk



It's been a couple of months since Max passed and I still just start
crying at odd times.
God I miss that cat.

H


People who don't love their pets just don't understand this type of
reaction, but those of use who have been through it understand completely.
I had some friends -- in most ways "good meaning" friends -- who would say,
"It was only a cat. You can always get another one." They had no
comprehension of the fact that my cat was *family* (or of the fact that our
babies are "he" or "she" and not "it").

MaryL

"MaryL" -OUT-THE-LITTER wrote in message
news:NblBg.2325$W01.976@dukeread08...

"H. Adam Stevens" wrote in message
...

"Adrian A" wrote in message
...
Takayuki wrote:
snip
I was hesitating to write about this before, but I've found in the
past that when I bring up my experiences here, it turns out to have
been shared by many others. Maybe you can relate to this too.

Your story is sadly familiar for many of us. It does start to get better
eventually, sadly though it can take years.
--
Adrian (Owned by Snoopy and Bagheera)
Cats leave pawprints on your heart.
http://community.webshots.com/user/clowderuk



It's been a couple of months since Max passed and I still just start
crying at odd times.
God I miss that cat.

H


People who don't love their pets just don't understand this type of
reaction, but those of use who have been through it understand completely.
I had some friends -- in most ways "good meaning" friends -- who would
say, "It was only a cat. You can always get another one." They had no
comprehension of the fact that my cat was *family* (or of the fact that
our babies are "he" or "she" and not "it").

MaryL



"You can always get another one."

Riiiiight

Cats and dogs and horses and iguanas and budgies and African greys and my
daughter's pet cricket Nelson and the crayfish George and Barbara, etc are
just as interchangable as children and spouses.
That is to say, not at all.

Nelson was really cool.

Cheers
H.