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  #11  
Old August 5th 11, 11:19 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
Cheryl[_5_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 955
Default "Sick" day

On 2011-08-03 7:46 PM, wrote:
This is a combination of some things I wrote to a couple of friends
today. I thought I'd reach out here, too.

I'm home "sick" today. I guess you could call it a mental health
day, although it feels more like a mental illness day to me. I'm
not getting enough sleep, I don't have much energy, and I feel
overwhelmed all the time. But mostly I just feel very alone.

I'm really scared about getting old and disabled and not having
anyone to take care of me. Apparently, it's a crime to be too damaged
to be able to form and keep close relationships. If you don't have a
partner, or kids, or an extended family, or a circle of loving
friends, I guess you can just go die in the street.

I don't need sympathy so much as I need people who simply enjoy
hanging out with me, whether in person or via the intertubes. I come
home each night to voicemails from 800 numbers, and I log on every
morning to a bunch of stupid notices about what some total stranger
did on LinkedIn or Facebook - my "social" networks that are really so
impersonal. Am I that much of a drag to be around? What have I done
to cause this? Or not done? (Not rhetorical - answer if you wish.)

Joyce


I don't mean to be hurtful or unduly negative, but ...

what I've found is that I need is to take care of myself and to not
expect more of my friends than they want to/can give. If I enjoy
someone's company while we're both doing some activity we enjoy, I
accept that with pleasure and remind myself it doesn't have to - and
probably won't - evolve into a lifelong intimate friendship. Those are
rare. There are other enjoyable types of friendship. I have to go
looking for them, though - get out of the house and do things I enjoy
even when I feel shy and tired and not up to meeting new people.

Choosing at least some activities that actively help others is also good
for the mood and for meeting like-minded new people.

But people come and go, particularly in this busy and mobile society. I
regret the waning and outright loss of friendships, some more than
others, but as long as I don't think I've done something like be rude or
inconsiderate which could break a friendship, I try to take it as just
part of life and nothing personal. (If I HAVE screwed up, I apologize
and if it's not accepted, move on. I've done my bit.)

I have no spouse or children, and my extended family is getting steadily
smaller as people age and die (and the ones I still have much contact
with don't have children, so my extended family doesn't really extend to
the next generation), but I don't worry much about dying or living alone.

No one knows how they're going to die. I might get run over crossing the
street today, and I won't have time to worry about who is going to nurse
me in my last illness!

And as we all know, having a spouse and children is no guarantee that
they'll be around if I become old and sick. They might die before me, or
become estranged (I could tell you a story or two!). Or one or more of
them might outlive me, but be so sick or disabled themselves that I
would need to care for them - and die in terrible anxiety about who will
take care of them afterwards! There are much worse things than dying in
some hospital bed with no one around other than the staff.

So ... I don't know you or your situation well enough to tell you what
to do, but these are some ideas I find helpful

--
Cheryl P.
  #12  
Old August 5th 11, 09:25 PM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
[email protected]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 9,349
Default "Sick" day

Cheryl wrote:

what I've found is that I need is to take care of myself and to not
expect more of my friends than they want to/can give. If I enjoy
someone's company while we're both doing some activity we enjoy, I
accept that with pleasure and remind myself it doesn't have to - and
probably won't - evolve into a lifelong intimate friendship. Those are
rare. There are other enjoyable types of friendship. I have to go
looking for them, though - get out of the house and do things I enjoy
even when I feel shy and tired and not up to meeting new people.


Your situation and personality sound very different from mine. I can see
that this kind of thing works for you, but you should know that I *have been
doing all of these things*, and they aren't improving my situation.

You are an individualist, kind of at the extreme end of the scale measuring
individualism vs. community orientation. I'm more in the middle of that
scale, and it's possible that I need more from others than you do. I'm
not fond of the worldview that people are isolated little islands that may
or may not be connected with each other. To me, human social society is a
bit more complex and messy than that. By "messy" I mean that it can't all
be summed up in a few simple rules. I also believe that there is an entity
called "community" which is more than just a collection of individuals.
Emergent properties, and all that. I know you don't agree with that. That's
OK, I'm not trying to start a philosophical debate. Those are just my
values, and given that they're my values, I don't think a position of
self-containment is appropriate for me.

Choosing at least some activities that actively help others is also good
for the mood and for meeting like-minded new people.


Well, I've certainly done those things, but I never meet like-minded people.
Example: I love cats. You'd think that if I did volunteer work to help cats,
I'd meet lots of kindred spirits, but I found the reverse to be true. I found
th people to be really unfriendly and not pleasant to work with. It was
certainly sweet taking care of the baby kittens, though.

I have no spouse or children, and my extended family is getting steadily
smaller as people age and die (and the ones I still have much contact
with don't have children, so my extended family doesn't really extend to
the next generation), but I don't worry much about dying or living alone.


Again, it sounds like you are more suited to a solitary life than I am.
(One size doesn't fit all!) I'm naturally somewhat extroverted. I know that
sounds funny considering that I spend a lot of time holed up in my fortress-
er, apartment, but I really don't trust people. I'm an extrovert with
severe trust issues. I need a lot of social contact, but I don't like it.

No one knows how they're going to die. I might get run over crossing the
street today, and I won't have time to worry about who is going to nurse
me in my last illness!


Well, that's certainly a good point. However, you might not die today, so
you'd better pay your bills just in case. And it's good to have a plan for
the future in place, because you just might live to be 85 and infirm!

And as we all know, having a spouse and children is no guarantee that
they'll be around if I become old and sick.


Another good point. Ain't it the truth? I thought I was going to grow old
with my ex-partner. And that's not exactly an uncommon story.

They might die before me, or
become estranged (I could tell you a story or two!). Or one or more of
them might outlive me, but be so sick or disabled themselves that I
would need to care for them - and die in terrible anxiety about who will
take care of them afterwards! There are much worse things than dying in
some hospital bed with no one around other than the staff.


I think it's pretty sad to die alone without loved ones around, but you're
right that we don't all get to do that. I mean, people die in car accidents
all by themselves on some lonely road. Someone with a huge loving family,
and a great community and lots of friends could still die of a heart attack
while on a hike alone. I get that. I think that's different, though, from
dying alone because you don't *have* anyone who loves you.

But that isn't even my main worry. My main worry is being in some horrible
state-run nursing home, "cared for" by minimum-wage teenagers who don't
give a s***. Whatever happens, I'm not going to end up in a posh care
facility with well-trained professional care-givers and a high staff-to-
patient ratio. I will be dependent on government benefits - which, by the
way, I have worked for and paid into *for my entire life* - that are getting
more and more draconian by the minute. Essentially, my government has just
said to me, "It's not our responsibility to care for you when you can't
care for yourself. That's your loved ones' job. Oh, you don't have loved
ones to care for you? Sucks to be you!"

Joyce

--
Beauty and music seduce us first; later, ashamed of our own
sensuality, we insist on meaning. -- Clive Barker
  #13  
Old August 5th 11, 11:11 PM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
CatNipped[_4_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 1,823
Default "Sick" day

On 8/5/2011 3:25 PM, wrote:
Cheryl wrote:

what I've found is that I need is to take care of myself and to not
expect more of my friends than they want to/can give. If I enjoy
someone's company while we're both doing some activity we enjoy, I
accept that with pleasure and remind myself it doesn't have to - and
probably won't - evolve into a lifelong intimate friendship. Those are
rare. There are other enjoyable types of friendship. I have to go
looking for them, though - get out of the house and do things I enjoy
even when I feel shy and tired and not up to meeting new people.


Your situation and personality sound very different from mine. I can see
that this kind of thing works for you, but you should know that I *have been
doing all of these things*, and they aren't improving my situation.

You are an individualist, kind of at the extreme end of the scale measuring
individualism vs. community orientation. I'm more in the middle of that
scale, and it's possible that I need more from others than you do. I'm
not fond of the worldview that people are isolated little islands that may
or may not be connected with each other. To me, human social society is a
bit more complex and messy than that. By "messy" I mean that it can't all
be summed up in a few simple rules. I also believe that there is an entity
called "community" which is more than just a collection of individuals.
Emergent properties, and all that. I know you don't agree with that. That's
OK, I'm not trying to start a philosophical debate. Those are just my
values, and given that they're my values, I don't think a position of
self-containment is appropriate for me.

Choosing at least some activities that actively help others is also good
for the mood and for meeting like-minded new people.


Well, I've certainly done those things, but I never meet like-minded people.
Example: I love cats. You'd think that if I did volunteer work to help cats,
I'd meet lots of kindred spirits, but I found the reverse to be true. I found
th people to be really unfriendly and not pleasant to work with. It was
certainly sweet taking care of the baby kittens, though.

I have no spouse or children, and my extended family is getting steadily
smaller as people age and die (and the ones I still have much contact
with don't have children, so my extended family doesn't really extend to
the next generation), but I don't worry much about dying or living alone.


Again, it sounds like you are more suited to a solitary life than I am.
(One size doesn't fit all!) I'm naturally somewhat extroverted. I know that
sounds funny considering that I spend a lot of time holed up in my fortress-
er, apartment, but I really don't trust people. I'm an extrovert with
severe trust issues. I need a lot of social contact, but I don't like it.

No one knows how they're going to die. I might get run over crossing the
street today, and I won't have time to worry about who is going to nurse
me in my last illness!


Well, that's certainly a good point. However, you might not die today, so
you'd better pay your bills just in case. And it's good to have a plan for
the future in place, because you just might live to be 85 and infirm!

And as we all know, having a spouse and children is no guarantee that
they'll be around if I become old and sick.


Another good point. Ain't it the truth? I thought I was going to grow old
with my ex-partner. And that's not exactly an uncommon story.

They might die before me, or
become estranged (I could tell you a story or two!). Or one or more of
them might outlive me, but be so sick or disabled themselves that I
would need to care for them - and die in terrible anxiety about who will
take care of them afterwards! There are much worse things than dying in
some hospital bed with no one around other than the staff.


I think it's pretty sad to die alone without loved ones around, but you're
right that we don't all get to do that. I mean, people die in car accidents
all by themselves on some lonely road. Someone with a huge loving family,
and a great community and lots of friends could still die of a heart attack
while on a hike alone. I get that. I think that's different, though, from
dying alone because you don't *have* anyone who loves you.

But that isn't even my main worry. My main worry is being in some horrible
state-run nursing home, "cared for" by minimum-wage teenagers who don't
give a s***. Whatever happens, I'm not going to end up in a posh care
facility with well-trained professional care-givers and a high staff-to-
patient ratio. I will be dependent on government benefits - which, by the
way, I have worked for and paid into *for my entire life* - that are getting
more and more draconian by the minute. Essentially, my government has just
said to me, "It's not our responsibility to care for you when you can't
care for yourself. That's your loved ones' job. Oh, you don't have loved
ones to care for you? Sucks to be you!"

Joyce


Got you there! And what's with not being able to get MediCare until 2
years after you get SSDI!!?? It would seem that if you are disabled you
are going to *need* constant medical attention. Like, you're disabled,
OK, but you can't see a doctor or got to a hospital for two years. What
are they hoping you'll die in that time so they can take you off the
payroll (as you said, a payroll you paid into for your entire life). I
don't get it??!!!

--
Hugs,

CatNipped
See all our masters at:
http://www.PossiblePlaces.com/CatNipped

See the RPCA FAQ site, created by "Yowie", maintained by Mark Edwards, at:
http://www.professional-geek.net/rpcablog/

Email: L(dot)T(dot)Crews(at)comcast(dot)net

  #14  
Old August 5th 11, 11:19 PM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
jmcquown[_2_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 8,008
Default "Sick" day


"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
On 8/3/2011 5:16 PM, wrote:
This is a combination of some things I wrote to a couple of friends
today. I thought I'd reach out here, too.

I'm home "sick" today. I guess you could call it a mental health
day, although it feels more like a mental illness day to me. I'm
not getting enough sleep, I don't have much energy, and I feel
overwhelmed all the time. But mostly I just feel very alone.

I'm really scared about getting old and disabled and not having
anyone to take care of me. Apparently, it's a crime to be too damaged
to be able to form and keep close relationships. If you don't have a
partner, or kids, or an extended family, or a circle of loving
friends, I guess you can just go die in the street.

I don't need sympathy so much as I need people who simply enjoy
hanging out with me, whether in person or via the intertubes. I come
home each night to voicemails from 800 numbers, and I log on every
morning to a bunch of stupid notices about what some total stranger
did on LinkedIn or Facebook - my "social" networks that are really so
impersonal. Am I that much of a drag to be around? What have I done
to cause this? Or not done? (Not rhetorical - answer if you wish.)

Joyce


I feel like I know you a bit, having corresponded with you over the years
here in this group. Tell me if I'm wrong, but I believe you had a very
troubled childhood. I did too, but not in the same manner (just the
opposite, I think, my mother was very distant and cold, emotionally, my
brothers were a lot older than me and I was alone a lot). I didn't know
*how* to make friends. There was just one friend who sort of latched onto
me, and because I didn't have any other friends, we stayed friends all
these years until recently because I would forgive her anything rather
than be friendless. She was extremely toxic for me and when I look back
at it she was probably the reason my life turned out as bad as it did
compared to my other relatives.

Anyway, I'm getting at two points. First, making friends does not come
naturally to some people - especially we who had "abnormal" childhoods.
Second, you're not alone - there are a lot of us who have only "online
friends". And even though I have children, I can't rely on them to take
care of me when I get old and feeble - I just hope social security pays
for a decent nursing home!

--
Hugs,

CatNipped

Um... I don't know what your Social Security benefits will amount to but I
can tell you this: Medicare doesn't cover nursing homes (not even a small
portion).

Jill


  #15  
Old August 6th 11, 12:20 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
Sherry
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 3,176
Default "Sick" day


"jmcquown" wrote in message
...

"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
On 8/3/2011 5:16 PM, wrote:
This is a combination of some things I wrote to a couple of friends
today. I thought I'd reach out here, too.

I'm home "sick" today. I guess you could call it a mental health
day, although it feels more like a mental illness day to me. I'm
not getting enough sleep, I don't have much energy, and I feel
overwhelmed all the time. But mostly I just feel very alone.

I'm really scared about getting old and disabled and not having
anyone to take care of me. Apparently, it's a crime to be too damaged
to be able to form and keep close relationships. If you don't have a
partner, or kids, or an extended family, or a circle of loving
friends, I guess you can just go die in the street.

I don't need sympathy so much as I need people who simply enjoy
hanging out with me, whether in person or via the intertubes. I come
home each night to voicemails from 800 numbers, and I log on every
morning to a bunch of stupid notices about what some total stranger
did on LinkedIn or Facebook - my "social" networks that are really so
impersonal. Am I that much of a drag to be around? What have I done
to cause this? Or not done? (Not rhetorical - answer if you wish.)

Joyce


I feel like I know you a bit, having corresponded with you over the years
here in this group. Tell me if I'm wrong, but I believe you had a very
troubled childhood. I did too, but not in the same manner (just the
opposite, I think, my mother was very distant and cold, emotionally, my
brothers were a lot older than me and I was alone a lot). I didn't know
*how* to make friends. There was just one friend who sort of latched
onto me, and because I didn't have any other friends, we stayed friends
all these years until recently because I would forgive her anything
rather than be friendless. She was extremely toxic for me and when I
look back at it she was probably the reason my life turned out as bad as
it did compared to my other relatives.

Anyway, I'm getting at two points. First, making friends does not come
naturally to some people - especially we who had "abnormal" childhoods.
Second, you're not alone - there are a lot of us who have only "online
friends". And even though I have children, I can't rely on them to take
care of me when I get old and feeble - I just hope social security pays
for a decent nursing home!

--
Hugs,

CatNipped

Um... I don't know what your Social Security benefits will amount to but I
can tell you this: Medicare doesn't cover nursing homes (not even a small
portion).

Jill


For my Dad, medicare paid for the first 100 days of nursing home care. After
that, he was 100%
responsible. Had he lived long enough to spend himself broke, Medicaid (?)
would have then picked
back up the cost at 100%.

After they picked up the cost they would have then put a lien on any of his
real estate holdings/house. We
would have had to sell to satisfy the medicare lien.

IIRC they allow you to have only a paltry amount in savings, enough to cover
your funeral
and burial.

No one in America AFIK, is refused nursing home care because of inability to
pay.

Sherry

  #16  
Old August 6th 11, 01:20 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
jmcquown[_2_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 8,008
Default "Sick" day


"Sherry" wrote in message
...

"jmcquown" wrote in message
...

"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
On 8/3/2011 5:16 PM, wrote:
This is a combination of some things I wrote to a couple of friends
today. I thought I'd reach out here, too.

I'm home "sick" today. I guess you could call it a mental health
day, although it feels more like a mental illness day to me. I'm
not getting enough sleep, I don't have much energy, and I feel
overwhelmed all the time. But mostly I just feel very alone.

I'm really scared about getting old and disabled and not having
anyone to take care of me. Apparently, it's a crime to be too damaged
to be able to form and keep close relationships. If you don't have a
partner, or kids, or an extended family, or a circle of loving
friends, I guess you can just go die in the street.

I don't need sympathy so much as I need people who simply enjoy
hanging out with me, whether in person or via the intertubes. I come
home each night to voicemails from 800 numbers, and I log on every
morning to a bunch of stupid notices about what some total stranger
did on LinkedIn or Facebook - my "social" networks that are really so
impersonal. Am I that much of a drag to be around? What have I done
to cause this? Or not done? (Not rhetorical - answer if you wish.)

Joyce

I feel like I know you a bit, having corresponded with you over the
years here in this group. Tell me if I'm wrong, but I believe you had a
very troubled childhood. I did too, but not in the same manner (just
the opposite, I think, my mother was very distant and cold, emotionally,
my brothers were a lot older than me and I was alone a lot). I didn't
know *how* to make friends. There was just one friend who sort of
latched onto me, and because I didn't have any other friends, we stayed
friends all these years until recently because I would forgive her
anything rather than be friendless. She was extremely toxic for me and
when I look back at it she was probably the reason my life turned out as
bad as it did compared to my other relatives.

Anyway, I'm getting at two points. First, making friends does not come
naturally to some people - especially we who had "abnormal" childhoods.
Second, you're not alone - there are a lot of us who have only "online
friends". And even though I have children, I can't rely on them to take
care of me when I get old and feeble - I just hope social security pays
for a decent nursing home!

--
Hugs,

CatNipped

Um... I don't know what your Social Security benefits will amount to but
I can tell you this: Medicare doesn't cover nursing homes (not even a
small portion).

Jill


For my Dad, medicare paid for the first 100 days of nursing home care.
After that, he was 100%
responsible. Had he lived long enough to spend himself broke, Medicaid (?)
would have then picked
back up the cost at 100%.

After they picked up the cost they would have then put a lien on any of
his real estate holdings/house. We
would have had to sell to satisfy the medicare lien.

IIRC they allow you to have only a paltry amount in savings, enough to
cover your funeral
and burial.

No one in America AFIK, is refused nursing home care because of inability
to pay.

Sherry


Not refused. Simply that it's made extremely difficult. I'd forgotten
about the first 100 days thing.

I don't know what the SSA is thinking calling that a funeral expense
"benefit". Even though my father was buried at the National Cemetery with
full military honors so neither he nor my mother had to pay for the plot or
the bronze plaques. But she still had to pay for the cremation, the urn,
and the services of the funeral director. $255 is a "benefit"? It's a
joke.

Sorry, not trying to be moribund. On August 3rd my father would have been
86. It made me reflect on a few things.

Jill

  #17  
Old August 6th 11, 02:23 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
[email protected]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 9,349
Default "Sick" day

Sherry wrote:

No one in America AFIK, is refused nursing home care because of inability to
pay.


That might be so (I don't know), but the kind of nursing home that an
indigent person would end up in is pretty frightening. Makes me shudder.
I'm certainly not indigent now, but I have no idea what my finances will
look like if and when I need a nursing home. Especially if I have to
advocate for myself and I'm not exactly at the top of my game, mentally.

Joyce

--
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me
the hell alone. -- Unknown
  #18  
Old August 6th 11, 05:04 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
Sherry
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 3,176
Default "Sick" day


"jmcquown" wrote in message
...

Not refused. Simply that it's made extremely difficult. I'd forgotten
about the first 100 days thing.

I don't know what the SSA is thinking calling that a funeral expense
"benefit". Even though my father was buried at the National Cemetery with
full military honors so neither he nor my mother had to pay for the plot
or the bronze plaques. But she still had to pay for the cremation, the
urn, and the services of the funeral director. $255 is a "benefit"? It's
a joke.

Sorry, not trying to be moribund. On August 3rd my father would have been
86. It made me reflect on a few things.

Jill


My dad passed away Aug. 20, so I've also been reflecting on a few things.
My
dad was relatively healthy, and had bad complications from what was supposed
to be a simple endograph aorta repair surgery. I always feel guilty that we
didn't
do more, but he *wanted* to go to nursing care. I know it's because he
didn't
want to be a burden on us.

Sherry




  #19  
Old August 6th 11, 06:39 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
Joy
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 7,086
Default "Sick" day

"Sherry" wrote in message
...

"jmcquown" wrote in message
...

Not refused. Simply that it's made extremely difficult. I'd forgotten
about the first 100 days thing.

I don't know what the SSA is thinking calling that a funeral expense
"benefit". Even though my father was buried at the National Cemetery
with full military honors so neither he nor my mother had to pay for the
plot or the bronze plaques. But she still had to pay for the cremation,
the urn, and the services of the funeral director. $255 is a "benefit"?
It's a joke.

Sorry, not trying to be moribund. On August 3rd my father would have
been 86. It made me reflect on a few things.

Jill


My dad passed away Aug. 20, so I've also been reflecting on a few things.
My
dad was relatively healthy, and had bad complications from what was
supposed
to be a simple endograph aorta repair surgery. I always feel guilty that
we didn't
do more, but he *wanted* to go to nursing care. I know it's because he
didn't
want to be a burden on us.

Sherry


It seems to me that when we lose a loved one, we always find some reason to
feel guilty. Maybe the real reason is simply that we feel guilty about
being alive when the loved one isn't, but we have to rationalize it.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Joy


  #20  
Old August 6th 11, 01:05 PM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
Kajikit[_2_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 329
Default "Sick" day

I get exactly where you're coming from... I have a deep need to feel
loved and cared for and wanted - it's wired into almost everyone. But
I have the social skills of a grapefruit. That's partly
hereditary/environmental (I'm very like my mother in a lot of ways),
and mostly learned at a very young age, from the people who bullied me
and who taught me that I had no value except as a scapegoat, that I
would never be acceptable to society no matter what I did, and that my
intelligence, creativity, compassion, and abilities were totally
useless. I learned that nobody really cared about me, that drawing
attention to myself in any way was a Bad Thing, and that the best I
could hope for in life was to be totally ignored.

So it's not surprising that my social skills suck and I'm
hypersensitive to rejection. When something goes wrong around me, it
somehow magically becomes my fault, like I could or should have done
something to prevent catastrophe. I expect to be ignored, so I'm
super-tentative about doing anything that might put myself forward,
and I'm super-easily chased back into my cave. I've spent the last 20
years trying to overcome the legacy of the first 20... and it's
definitely going to be a lifelong job.

The upshot of all this is that I have no friends apart from my
husband, and since I left my entire family behind to come here and I
wasn't close to anyone except my parents and brother anyway, my
husband is older than me and he's abused his health for decades, he's
not close to his family either, and we can't have children, one day it
will just be me. That's incredibly depressing and terrifying if I stop
to think about it, but I just have to trust God to look after me. I've
found a place where I can feel like I belong in my church, and while
I'm not really close to anyone there, I know that it is a church full
of loving compassionate people that puts effort into caring for its
members, and if it IS just frail little old me one day, I won't be
alone...
 




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