Feline Carol "Sing" 2009!

Trying something a little different this year. Bear with me…

*In the GREEN ROOM, KUMANI and TYCHE are bitty wrestling, knocking
over ormanents as they gnaw on one another’s tails. SMOKEY WAYNE is
warbling a little and finally bursts into caterwauling song.”

SMOKEY: O Little Kitty, Smokey Wayne, how still we see thee lie!
Passed out upon the sofa from a massive catnip high!

TYCHE: *looks up from Kumani’s tail* WE NEED SOME NIP

KUMANI: All the greats did it.

NOCTURNE uncurls from the depths of the darkest shadows and grumbles.

NOCTURNE: Let us get this foolishness over with.

FIL, on stage, is packing up the sheet music.

NOCTURNE (commandingly): M’yeh!

FIL: No, we’re not having a feline carol sing this year. I know how
much you all hate it. *eyes KUMANI* You are not Hendrix.

TYCHE purrs.

FIL: You are not Hendrix either. No nip for you.

TYCHE hisses.

FIL: And seriously, Smokey, you might as well quote the Trailer Park
Boys Xmas Special verbatim because you’ll never get any trashier.

SMOKEY: Bubbles is my hero.

KUMANI: But…Mom….

FIL: Come on now! Every year it’s the same thing—Nocturne tries to
start a cult worshipping her as their god, Tyche runs around screaming
insults and laughing like a hyperactive chimpanzee, Smokey starts to
obsess about food and sloth and Kumani pretends to be good while
tossing hairballs and making comments about the vet that can only be
called “slander” (or libel, depending on whether or not she writes
them down). Well, forget it! I’m through trying to make you sit up
and sing like good kitties.

Tyche: Yes we know that’s the fun part!

FIL: There will be NO carol sing this year!

FIL: *rolling eyes, walks off the stage with a box full of
equipment.*

KUMANI: Mom took the music.

SMOKEY: Mom left the microphones.

NOCTURNE, eyes gleaming, sidles up to the mic.

NOCTURNE: A choral reading, is not a carol sing.

Ahem.

NOCTURNE:

‘Twas the Nox before Christmas.

TYCHE:

And all through the house,
The cats searched for prey!
Like a bug! Or a mouse!

SMOKEY:

The food bowls were empty.
The water bowls, too.
And the toilet seat lid
Was lowered. It’s true.

KUMANI:

The lazy cat sitter did not do her work.
We do not know why she was such a big jerk.
(I’m sure it had nothing to do with the fact that Tyche bit her.)

NOCTURNE:

So kitties were nestled all snug in their beds
While grave irritation roiled round in their heads.

SMOKEY:

Then out on the balcony came a big clatter.
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
Dude, I remember Hurricane Juan.
I’d better not see the barbeque gone.

….wow, this next line in the book says “breast.”

TYCHE: BOOBIES!

NOCTURNE: The “breast of the new fallen snow” you idiots. It means
there was snow on the balcony.

Ahem.

“The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Gave the luster of midday to objects below.
When what to Smokey’s foul, rabies-ridden eyes should appear…”

SMOKEY: *scowls, checks to see if that’s really in the book, scowls
at Nox again*

NOCTURNE:

But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.

SMOKEY:

I once found a deer that was hit by a truck.
Those things taste awesome. We might be in luck.
More rapid than Chevys the coursers they came.
Dude, we’d never catch one. It’s really a shame.

TYCHE:

You doofus! You cretin! You moron! You fool!
You’re ugly! You’re stupid! You’re really uncool!
To the top of the cat tree, at the top of her voice,
Tyche screamed insults, for that was her choice!

SMOKEY:

Oh crap, this next line has a hurricane in it. I knew it. If anyone
needs me, I’ll be under the bed.

KUMANI:

“As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly…” Should we tell
him this is a metaphor?

NOCTURNE: No.

TYCHE: SMOKEY COME BACK YOU CAN HELP ME SWEAR AT SANTA! What are all
those swear words you learned from the army guys?

KUMANI:

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky…
“That balcony’s small,” Mr Santy Paws said.
“I’ll try Visitor’s Parking instead.”

NOCTURNE:

And then, just outside, the balcony door,
Santa Paws stubbed his toe and he swore.
As I came from the bedroom, still grooming my fur,
Through the balcony door Santa came with a purr.

KUMANI:

He opened his pack and he opened it quick.
He pulled out my present. It was a big stick.
The handle had three words engraved: FOR THE VET.
I’ll use it a lot! It’s the best Christmas yet!

TYCHE:

“You’d better fill up the space under our tree,
Or get the hell out of our territory!
I’m really not joking! I hiss and I bite!
And I’m hungry cause this is a **** of a night!”
Santa reached in his pack and he pulled out a beer.
And then Tyche purred, “Please come back every year.”

SMOKEY *muffled voice from under the bed*:

He filled all the food bowls with tuna and beef,
So I didn’t care if the guy was a thief.
The kind who breaks in and gives YOU all HIS stuff.
There were mountains of food! It was *almost* enough.

NOCTURNE:

A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,
Filled up my guts with a feeling of dread.
He spoke not a word, this man with no soul,
But filled up the kitchen with mountains of coal.

SMOKEY *gradually emerging from under the bed*:

And taking his finger and picking his nose…

KUMANI hauls off and slaps SMOKEY across the face.

SMOKEY: Come on, that’s a booger joke waiting to happen.

TYCHE: And shoving his finger right up his fat…

KUMANI hauls off and bites her sister’s ear. KUMANI and TYCHE turn
into a sister-twister of bitty rasslin’. Again.

NOCTURNE:

And now that we’ve all heard a few lines of FAIL…

NOCTURNE glares at the other cats.

NOCTURNE:
With a bound Santa Paws cleared the balcony rail.
I sprang to the ‘Net, and went on ebay,
And sold all my coal for cash funds in a day.
“Merry Christmas,” I said, knocking over the light,
“I shall sleep on your head. If you poke me, I bite.”

FIL *storms back in* You four aren’t singing, are you?

Four little heads innocently shake a “no.”

That was totally priceless...thank you so much LOL
Kyla

"Enfilade"
Trying something a little different this year. Bear with me…

*In the GREEN ROOM, KUMANI and TYCHE are bitty wrestling, knocking
over ormanents as they gnaw on one another’s tails. SMOKEY WAYNE is
warbling a little and finally bursts into caterwauling song.”

SMOKEY: O Little Kitty, Smokey Wayne, how still we see thee lie!
Passed out upon the sofa from a massive catnip high!

TYCHE: *looks up from Kumani’s tail* WE NEED SOME NIP

KUMANI: All the greats did it.

NOCTURNE uncurls from the depths of the darkest shadows and grumbles.

NOCTURNE: Let us get this foolishness over with.

FIL, on stage, is packing up the sheet music.

NOCTURNE (commandingly): M’yeh!

FIL: No, we’re not having a feline carol sing this year. I know how
much you all hate it. *eyes KUMANI* You are not Hendrix.

TYCHE purrs.

FIL: You are not Hendrix either. No nip for you.

TYCHE hisses.

FIL: And seriously, Smokey, you might as well quote the Trailer Park
Boys Xmas Special verbatim because you’ll never get any trashier.

SMOKEY: Bubbles is my hero.

KUMANI: But…Mom….

FIL: Come on now! Every year it’s the same thing—Nocturne tries to
start a cult worshipping her as their god, Tyche runs around screaming
insults and laughing like a hyperactive chimpanzee, Smokey starts to
obsess about food and sloth and Kumani pretends to be good while
tossing hairballs and making comments about the vet that can only be
called “slander” (or libel, depending on whether or not she writes
them down). Well, forget it! I’m through trying to make you sit up
and sing like good kitties.

Tyche: Yes we know that’s the fun part!

FIL: There will be NO carol sing this year!

FIL: *rolling eyes, walks off the stage with a box full of
equipment.*

KUMANI: Mom took the music.

SMOKEY: Mom left the microphones.

NOCTURNE, eyes gleaming, sidles up to the mic.

NOCTURNE: A choral reading, is not a carol sing.

Ahem.

NOCTURNE:

‘Twas the Nox before Christmas.

TYCHE:

And all through the house,
The cats searched for prey!
Like a bug! Or a mouse!

SMOKEY:

The food bowls were empty.
The water bowls, too.
And the toilet seat lid
Was lowered. It’s true.

KUMANI:

The lazy cat sitter did not do her work.
We do not know why she was such a big jerk.
(I’m sure it had nothing to do with the fact that Tyche bit her.)

NOCTURNE:

So kitties were nestled all snug in their beds
While grave irritation roiled round in their heads.

SMOKEY:

Then out on the balcony came a big clatter.
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
Dude, I remember Hurricane Juan.
I’d better not see the barbeque gone.

….wow, this next line in the book says “breast.”

TYCHE: BOOBIES!

NOCTURNE: The “breast of the new fallen snow” you idiots. It means
there was snow on the balcony.

Ahem.

“The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Gave the luster of midday to objects below.
When what to Smokey’s foul, rabies-ridden eyes should appear…”

SMOKEY: *scowls, checks to see if that’s really in the book, scowls
at Nox again*

NOCTURNE:

But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.

SMOKEY:

I once found a deer that was hit by a truck.
Those things taste awesome. We might be in luck.
More rapid than Chevys the coursers they came.
Dude, we’d never catch one. It’s really a shame.

TYCHE:

You doofus! You cretin! You moron! You fool!
You’re ugly! You’re stupid! You’re really uncool!
To the top of the cat tree, at the top of her voice,
Tyche screamed insults, for that was her choice!

SMOKEY:

Oh crap, this next line has a hurricane in it. I knew it. If anyone
needs me, I’ll be under the bed.

KUMANI:

“As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly…” Should we tell
him this is a metaphor?

NOCTURNE: No.

TYCHE: SMOKEY COME BACK YOU CAN HELP ME SWEAR AT SANTA! What are all
those swear words you learned from the army guys?

KUMANI:

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky…
“That balcony’s small,” Mr Santy Paws said.
“I’ll try Visitor’s Parking instead.”

NOCTURNE:

And then, just outside, the balcony door,
Santa Paws stubbed his toe and he swore.
As I came from the bedroom, still grooming my fur,
Through the balcony door Santa came with a purr.

KUMANI:

He opened his pack and he opened it quick.
He pulled out my present. It was a big stick.
The handle had three words engraved: FOR THE VET.
I’ll use it a lot! It’s the best Christmas yet!

TYCHE:

“You’d better fill up the space under our tree,
Or get the hell out of our territory!
I’m really not joking! I hiss and I bite!
And I’m hungry cause this is a **** of a night!”
Santa reached in his pack and he pulled out a beer.
And then Tyche purred, “Please come back every year.”

SMOKEY *muffled voice from under the bed*:

He filled all the food bowls with tuna and beef,
So I didn’t care if the guy was a thief.
The kind who breaks in and gives YOU all HIS stuff.
There were mountains of food! It was *almost* enough.

NOCTURNE:

A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,
Filled up my guts with a feeling of dread.
He spoke not a word, this man with no soul,
But filled up the kitchen with mountains of coal.

SMOKEY *gradually emerging from under the bed*:

And taking his finger and picking his nose…

KUMANI hauls off and slaps SMOKEY across the face.

SMOKEY: Come on, that’s a booger joke waiting to happen.

TYCHE: And shoving his finger right up his fat…

KUMANI hauls off and bites her sister’s ear. KUMANI and TYCHE turn
into a sister-twister of bitty rasslin’. Again.

NOCTURNE:

And now that we’ve all heard a few lines of FAIL…

NOCTURNE glares at the other cats.

NOCTURNE:
With a bound Santa Paws cleared the balcony rail.
I sprang to the ‘Net, and went on ebay,
And sold all my coal for cash funds in a day.
“Merry Christmas,” I said, knocking over the light,
“I shall sleep on your head. If you poke me, I bite.”

FIL *storms back in* You four aren’t singing, are you?

Four little heads innocently shake a “no.”

On Dec 15, 1:59*pm, Enfilade wrote:
Trying something a little different this year. *Bear with me…

*In the GREEN ROOM, KUMANI and TYCHE are bitty wrestling, knocking
over ormanents as they gnaw on one another’s tails. *SMOKEY WAYNE is
warbling a little and finally bursts into caterwauling song.”

SMOKEY: *O Little Kitty, Smokey Wayne, how still we see thee lie!
Passed out upon the sofa from a massive catnip high!

TYCHE: **looks up from Kumani’s tail* *WE NEED SOME NIP

KUMANI: *All the greats did it.

NOCTURNE uncurls from the depths of the darkest shadows and grumbles.

NOCTURNE: *Let us get this foolishness over with.

FIL, on stage, is packing up the sheet music.

NOCTURNE (commandingly): M’yeh!

FIL: *No, we’re not having a feline carol sing this year. *I know how
much you all hate it. **eyes KUMANI* *You are not Hendrix.

TYCHE purrs.

FIL: *You are not Hendrix either. *No nip for you.

TYCHE hisses.

FIL: *And seriously, Smokey, you might as well quote the Trailer Park
Boys Xmas Special verbatim because you’ll never get any trashier.

SMOKEY: *Bubbles is my hero.

KUMANI: *But…Mom….

FIL: *Come on now! *Every year it’s the same thing—Nocturne tries to
start a cult worshipping her as their god, Tyche runs around screaming
insults and laughing like a hyperactive chimpanzee, Smokey starts to
obsess about food and sloth and Kumani pretends to be good while
tossing hairballs and making comments about the vet that can only be
called “slander” (or libel, depending on whether or not she writes
them down). *Well, forget it! *I’m through trying to make you sit up
and sing like good kitties.

Tyche: *Yes we know that’s the fun part!

FIL: *There will be NO carol sing this year!

FIL: **rolling eyes, walks off the stage with a box full of
equipment.*

KUMANI: *Mom took the music.

SMOKEY: *Mom left the microphones.

NOCTURNE, eyes gleaming, sidles up to the mic.

NOCTURNE: *A choral reading, is not a carol sing.

Ahem.

NOCTURNE:

‘Twas the Nox before Christmas.

TYCHE:

And all through the house,
The cats searched for prey!
Like a bug! *Or a mouse!

SMOKEY:

The food bowls were empty.
The water bowls, too.
And the toilet seat lid
Was lowered. *It’s true.

KUMANI:

The lazy cat sitter did not do her work.
We do not know why she was such a big jerk.
(I’m sure it had nothing to do with the fact that Tyche bit her.)

NOCTURNE:

So kitties were nestled all snug in their beds
While grave irritation roiled round in their heads.

SMOKEY:

Then out on the balcony came a big clatter.
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
Dude, I remember Hurricane Juan.
I’d better not see the barbeque gone.

….wow, this next line in the book says “breast.”

TYCHE: *BOOBIES!

NOCTURNE: *The “breast of the new fallen snow” you idiots. *It means
there was snow on the balcony.

Ahem.

“The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Gave the luster of midday to objects below.
When what to Smokey’s foul, rabies-ridden eyes should appear…”

SMOKEY: **scowls, checks to see if that’s really in the book, scowls
at Nox again*

NOCTURNE:

But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.

SMOKEY:

I once found a deer that was hit by a truck.
Those things taste awesome. *We might be in luck.
More rapid than Chevys the coursers they came.
Dude, we’d never catch one. *It’s really a shame.

TYCHE:

You doofus! *You cretin! *You moron! *You fool!
You’re ugly! *You’re stupid! *You’re really uncool!
To the top of the cat tree, at the top of her voice,
Tyche screamed insults, for that was her choice!

SMOKEY:

Oh crap, this next line has a hurricane in it. *I knew it. *If anyone
needs me, I’ll be under the bed.

KUMANI:

“As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly…” *Should we tell
him this is a metaphor?

NOCTURNE: *No.

TYCHE: *SMOKEY COME BACK YOU CAN HELP ME SWEAR AT SANTA! *What are all
those swear words you learned from the army guys?

KUMANI:

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky…
“That balcony’s small,” Mr Santy Paws said.
“I’ll try Visitor’s Parking instead.”

NOCTURNE:

And then, just outside, the balcony door,
Santa Paws stubbed his toe and he swore.
As I came from the bedroom, still grooming my fur,
Through the balcony door Santa came with a purr.

KUMANI:

He opened his pack and he opened it quick.
He pulled out my present. *It was a big stick.
The handle had three words engraved: *FOR THE VET.
I’ll use it a lot! *It’s the best Christmas yet!

TYCHE:

“You’d better fill up the space under our tree,
Or get the hell out of our territory!
I’m really not joking! *I hiss and I bite!
And I’m hungry cause this is a **** of a night!”
Santa reached in his pack and he pulled out a beer.
And then Tyche purred, “Please come back every year.”

SMOKEY *muffled voice from under the bed*:

He filled all the food bowls with tuna and beef,
So I didn’t care if the guy was a thief.
The kind who breaks in and gives YOU all HIS stuff.
There were mountains of food! *It was *almost* enough.

NOCTURNE:

A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,
Filled up my guts with a feeling of dread.
He spoke not a word, this man with no soul,
But filled up the kitchen with mountains of coal.

SMOKEY *gradually emerging from under the bed*:

And taking his finger and picking his nose…

KUMANI hauls off and slaps SMOKEY across the face.

SMOKEY: *Come on, that’s a booger joke waiting to happen.

TYCHE: *And shoving his finger right up his fat…

KUMANI hauls off and bites her sister’s ear. *KUMANI and TYCHE turn
into a sister-twister of bitty rasslin’. *Again.

NOCTURNE:

And now that we’ve all heard a few lines of FAIL…

NOCTURNE glares at the other cats.

NOCTURNE:
With a bound Santa Paws cleared the balcony rail.
I sprang to the ‘Net, and went on ebay,
And sold all my coal for cash funds in a day.
“Merry Christmas,” I said, knocking over the light,
“I shall sleep on your head. *If you poke me, I bite.”

FIL *storms back in* *You four aren’t singing, are you?

Four little heads innocently shake a “no.”

Excellent! I loved it!

Kristi

"Enfilade" wrote in message
...
Trying something a little different this year. Bear with me…
(snip)

Hey! That was really good, you had me laughing out loud and totally changed
my mood from semi-grouchy to just slightly cranky.

Your words gave life to the images and it was a good movie!
Thank you,
Karla

Enfilade wrote:

Trying something a little different this year. Bear with me?

*In the GREEN ROOM, KUMANI and TYCHE are bitty wrestling, knocking
over ormanents as they gnaw on one another?s tails. SMOKEY WAYNE is
warbling a little and finally bursts into caterwauling song.?

Excellent! You've outdone yourself!

[snip]

SMOKEY:

Then out on the balcony came a big clatter.
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
Dude, I remember Hurricane Juan.
I?d better not see the barbeque gone.

?.wow, this next line in the book says ?breast.?

TYCHE: BOOBIES!

NOCTURNE: The ?breast of the new fallen snow? you idiots. It means
there was snow on the balcony.

Ahem.

Nocturne is the living incarnation of Ebenezer, and I don't mean Mr.
Scrooge.

Joyce

--
Let's stop calling it "climate change", it's far too mild. It's like
calling a foreign invasion "unwanted visitors".
-- George Monbiot

Enfilade wrote:
snip brilliant post

FIL *storms back in* You four aren’t singing, are you?

Four little heads innocently shake a “no.”

Oh, I've been waiting for your 'traditional' kitty carols. Thank you,
Fil, another great one.

--
Marina, Miranda and Caliban.
In loving memory of Frank and Nikki.