MEMO TO THE FAMILY DOG (s) & CAT (s)

Dear Dog and Cat,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with
each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate & food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
food & dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.)

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping.

They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep
perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I
also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out
the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.)

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or
feline attendance is not
mandatory.)

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats' butt. I
cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door.....

Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:

1. They live here; you don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet better than I like most people.
4. To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son and/or
daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged.

Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all
the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your
car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink
or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your
clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get
pregnant, you can sell the results.

LOL, I'd like to get the Rules for Non-pet owners on a plaque and hang on my
front door. That's for those brave enough to venture past the "Beware of
Dog" sign on the porch.

"Lois Reay" wrote in message
...



Dear Dog and Cat,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with
each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate & food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
food & dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.)

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
fall
faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping.

They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep
perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
(I
also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out
the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.)

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door
I
entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine
or
feline attendance is not
mandatory.)

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats' butt. I
cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door.....

Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:

1. They live here; you don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet better than I like most people.
4. To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son and/or
daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged.

Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all
the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your
car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink
or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your
clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get
pregnant, you can sell the results.

clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get
pregnant, you can sell the results.

This is too funny!!!

--
Victor Martinez
Owned and operated by the Fantastic Seven (TM)
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