The Great Cockroach Caper

Here ya go Victor, as promised!

The Great Cockroach Caper

Sammy walks through the house looking for something to do. She strolls
through the sitting room, stops to sniff at the stuffed mousies and jingle
balls in front of the fireplace - ho-hum! She trots into the bedroom,
sniffs at the feathers on the end of her cat teaser and the crinkle balls
strewn across the floor - BOR-ing! There's nothing to do. there is just not
a thing to do! Mommy is *SO* mean, she hasn't bought Sammy a new toy to
play with in days and days!

Suddenly Sammy stops in her tracks and cocks an ear forward. What's that?
Jessie is upstairs chittering at something! Jessie must have a toy that
Sammy hasn't seen before. Mommy, the rat, must have bought a toy for Jessie
and not Sammy - the traitor!!

Sammy starts running, slowly at first until she gets her considerable bulk
moving smoothly. By the time she hits the stairs she is moving at a good
clip. She takes the stairs two at a time, skids across the landing to smack
into the wall, then recovers to take the next set of stairs two at a time
continuing upstairs.

Sammy races across the great room, hits the tiled kitchen floor and slides
for six feet until she smacks into the refrigerator. Sammy spins around in
time to see Jessie batting at her new toy - and *what* a neat toy it is. It
is black and shiny, and it moves on its own! There are two paper-thin flaps
on its back that flutter wildly. Sammy runs over to take a turn at batting
the toy, but stops abruptly when she hears hissing.

Stupid Jessie won't share her toy! But then Sammy realizes it wasn't Jessie
who hissed at her, it was the toy!! Wow, a shiny black, self-propelled toy
that makes noise - too kewl!!! Sammy watches as Jessie feints in to bat at
the new toy, but the new toy scuttles away from Jessie's paw. How lame is
that, big sister can't even bap a toy, I mean, it's not like this thing is
tiny, it must be a good 5 inches long - how could Jessie miss a thing as big
as that??!

Jessie runs in again and manages to get a paw on top of the new toy, but the
new toy flutters those flaps and its back and Jessie leaps upwards and back,
away from the hissing toy. "Chicken cat, chicken cat, wear your momma's
garden hat!" Sammy sneers. At this affront, Jessie spins around and boxes
Sammy's ear. "OW! No fair!" Big sister Jessie is *always* picking on
Sammy and beating her up, and Mommy won't spank Jessie for it either! Sammy
slinks backwards until she is out of range of Jessie's lethal claws and
crouches down to plan her next move.

How is Sammy going to steal Jessie's toy away right under Jessie's nose
without getting her poor ears ripped to shreds? Sammy watches the action
closely as Jessie paces back and forth in front of the toy batting it back
and forth. Sammy enviously watches as the toy scuttles around trying to
find a crack in a baseboard to sneak away into.

Aha, Sammy has an idea. Sammy sneaks around behind Jessie while Jessie is
concentrating on her toy. When Sammy is sure that Jessie's attention is
focused on her toy, she dashes in and bites the tip of Jessie's tail, then
turns around, skids on the tiles a few times before she gets traction, then
dashes out of the kitchen towards the great room. Jessie, so outraged at
the indignity Sammy has inflicted upon her, takes off after Sammy with
murder in her eyes. Sammy jumps to the love seat, runs along the seat back
then leaps across to the dining room table with Jessie hot on her heels.
Sammy slides across the polished table, saves herself from flying off the
other side at the last second, then runs across the table until she reaches
the bar dividing the great room and the kitchen.

Sammy bounds over the top of the bar to land on the counter top on the other
side, slamming into the bowl of fruit sitting in the middle of the counter.
The bowl of fruit goes crashing to the kitchen floor as Sammy slides off the
edge of the counter and hits the floor a fraction of a second later. Sammy'
s legs are pumping even before she hits the floor and as soon as she lands
she dashes across the kitchen floor, grabs the new toy in her mouth and
continues back towards the great room.

As Sammy is entering the great room, the toy starts to flutter and shake in
her mouth, tickling her tongue and surprising her enough to make her stop
suddenly. Jessie slams into Sammy's hind quarters without so much as
nudging Sammy's massive frame forward an inch, but then proceeds to jump on
top of Sammy's head, biting her ears and yowling her displeasure.

Mommy, having heard the crash of the bowl hitting the floor and the sounds
of a cat fight, comes dashing up the stairs to see what's going on. Mommy
stops at the top of the stairs as she sees Sammy and Jessie rolling across
the great room floor then stares in horror as a *huge* cockroach flies out
of Sammy's mouth to land on Mommy's foot.

The cockroach, having found itself on a vertical surface away from the
fighting cats proceeds to scuttle up Mommy's leg to safety. Mommy screams,
hopping up and down, and tries to brush the cockroach off her leg. The
cockroach, loathe to give up its safe haven scuttles faster up Mommy's leg
heading for the hem of her shorts and the nice dark place it spies beyond
that.

Mommy screams louder and jumps backwards just a little too close to the top
of the stairs, over-balances, and start to topple backwards down the stairs.
Mommy's flailing arm catches the stair rail in time to save her from a
broken neck, but Mommy's feet and legs, following the laws of physics,
continue to fly over her head and Mommy is forced to let go of the rail and
tumble backwards before her arm is pulled from its socket. Mommy has not
done tumble sets since the fifth grade (sometime back in the stone ages),
and when last she did a tumble set, Mommy did not even *know* most of the
words she is screaming now. Mommy does one and a half tumble sets to wind
up laying face up with her head pointing to the bottom of the stairs and her
feet pointing towards the top of the stairs.

The cockroach, despite taking a wild ride on Mommy's flailing leg, manages
to hold on and continues its run towards safety and Mommy can feel
not-so-little legs crawling upwards towards the elastic of her panties.
Mommy screams even louder and starts slapping her shorts in an attempt to
smush to cockroach before she realizes what a smushed cockroach in her
shorts will entail.

Sammy is standing at the top of the stairs looking down at Mommy and
wondering why she is making those loud noises and is quite miffed that Mommy
has stolen her toy after she has gone to all the trouble (and pain) of
stealing the toy from Jessie. Jessie has jumped up to the stair railing and
is watching Mommy, eagerly awaiting the emergence of the cockroach from
Mommy's shorts so she can pounce on it and get her toy back again.

Daddy has finally decided to come and investigate all the commotion and
appears at the hallway door. "For gawd's sake, what is all the screaming
about?" Mommy, lying upside down in the middle of the stairs is too busy
having hysterics to take off her shoe and throw it at Daddy. The cockroach,
finally realizing that the sanctuary of Mommy nether regions is not so safe
after all has emerged from Mommy's shorts and starts to scuttle down the
stairs. Sammy and Jessie both jump down to give chase, using the supine
Mommy to give them traction and gain speed in their pursuit. Eight sets of
kitty claws digging into her flesh distracts Mommy enough to cause her to
stop shuddering in horror long enough to try and turn over and get up (hard
to do when you're lying head downward on stairs.

Daddy finally has the presence of mind to start down the stairs to help
Mommy get up, but is a bit wary of getting within range of Mommy's hands
since he seems to have said the wrong thing yet again. Mommy heads towards
the bathroom muttering something about killing kitties, smushing
cockroaches, and needing a long hot shower and some iodine!

--
Hugs,

CatNipped
http://www.PossiblePlaces.com/CatNipped/

On Sat, 16 Apr 2005 17:19:53 -0500, "CatNipped"
yodeled:


OMG, Lori, you owe me a new monitor.


Theresa
Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh
My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com

"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
Here ya go Victor, as promised!

The Great Cockroach Caper


That really was great. I had forgotten about those
huge Houston cockroaches that fly!

The palmetto bugs in Houston make hissing noises @ you? Good Lord above,
remind me never to go there;
I've heard its as hot and sticky there in summer as in
my hometown, Miami....but this tops it all....


"Mary" wrote in message
...

"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
Here ya go Victor, as promised!

The Great Cockroach Caper


That really was great. I had forgotten about those
huge Houston cockroaches that fly!

"Hopitus" wrote in message
...
The palmetto bugs in Houston make hissing noises @ you? Good Lord above,
remind me never to go there;
I've heard its as hot and sticky there in summer as in
my hometown, Miami....but this tops it all....

Yep, I don't know if they're hissing with their mouths or making that noise
with their wings, but somehow they can hiss at you - and they'll fly right
*AT* you!

Hugs,

CatNipped

"Mary" wrote in message
...

"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
Here ya go Victor, as promised!

The Great Cockroach Caper


That really was great. I had forgotten about those
huge Houston cockroaches that fly!

On Sat, 16 Apr 2005 17:19:53 -0500, "CatNipped"
wrote:

Here ya go Victor, as promised!

The Great Cockroach Caper

ROFLMAO!! I love these stories of Sammy. And so do my friends.

--
CATherine

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ickickickickick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PatM

The Great Cockroach Caper


That is so gross. I have never heard of bugs crawling up your pants
before. Ick, ick. I don't really mind roaches and bugs, but I think
I would mind one in my underwears.

Kumani says YUM!!!

Tyche WANTS one of those!!

--Fil

"Enfilade" wrote in message
om...

The Great Cockroach Caper


That is so gross. I have never heard of bugs crawling up your pants
before. Ick, ick. I don't really mind roaches and bugs, but I think
I would mind one in my underwears.

Yup. They grow 'em so big here in Texas I was afraid he might ravish me!!!
;

Kumani says YUM!!!

Tyche WANTS one of those!!

Best cat toys gawd ever created!!!

Hugs,

CatNipped

--Fil

LMHO, this needed a billboard-sized BWW attached to it!

Condolences, from one bug-phobe to another, about the very IDEA of having
a mega-cockroach within ten feet of one's person, never mind ON it. AACK.

I hope the cats dispatched said bug for you.

Donna, and the kitties who haven't seen six-legged critters yet, and LONG
may it stay that way, Captain and Stanley