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Depression from my cats death



 
 
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  #1  
Old January 23rd 08, 02:42 PM posted to rec.pets.cats.health+behav
[email protected]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 9
Default Depression from my cats death

I just lost my Cat, she was a siamese but looked more tonkanese to me,
named Kiki. My mom bought her for me when I had just finished the
first grade, so I was around 6 years old. I am now about to turn 28
and she has been with me the entire time, amazing when I reflect on
it, she was around 21. She started showing some serious problems at
the beginning of 2007, having her first seizure, she had 3 more up to
her death, yesterday, January 22nd. When a cats health goes, it goes
fast, I remember before that first seizure I thought she would be
around until she was 30 years old. Her health got seriously bad in
December, she started having labored breathing and barely ate and had
lost a lot of weight. The vet said she may have cancer or heart
failure and told me she probably only had a couple weeks to live, he
also told me multiple tests were unneccessary on a cat of her age and
would hurt more than help. She actually lived about 4 or 5 weeks since
that visit to the vet. In the last two days she completely stopped
eating and barely had enough power to walk, Monday night I decided I
would put her down on Tuesday. Yesterday(Tuesday) upon waking I saw
her and she now couldnt stand, she seemed at peace just laying, I
talked to her, she basically went from walking normal and hopping on a
recliner with me to unable to stand in a matter of a few days. I
decided to take her in to the vet and as I was in the waiting room
holding her in a towel I talked to her and she took a couple deep
breathes then just stopped breathing, her eyes wide open, she died. I
believe she was scared, she was always scared when I took her to the
vet, I think its possible the stress finally was too much for her to
take, I noticed she urinated in the towel. The vet came in checked her
heart and told me she was dead, so I didnt have to euthanize her, I
kind of wish I just sat with her at home until she died, but who knows
if she would have died at the same time.

Now I am extremely depressed, I did not think it would be this hard
once she died, but it is pretty devastating. I do not feel like doing
anything, I go to the gym almost everynight and last night I was
supposed to but just dont feel like it, I dont know when I will feel
like getting back to normalcy. I have the week off work for other
reasons but I would have probably took today off if I was supposed to
work. I looked through a bunch of pictures picking her's out last
night, it was emotional for me. It's hard because I live by myself and
the one thing I always had with me no matter what was her, when I look
down and she's not there its hard. She is being cremated today and I
still have to figure out what I am going to do with her ashes. I'm
hoping expressing my feelings here will help me to get over this hump
and move on, I dont really care if anyone reads it, no replies are
neccessary. Im sure she wouldnt want me this sad but it's like losing
one of your best friends you have known for 20+ years. I looked
through her pictures and actually was able to crack a smile earlier,
so I believe time is about the only thing to make myself feel better.
For those who have lost a beloved pet I now know what it is like to
feel your pain, it is no fun. Bye Kiki, or hopefully I will see you
later.
  #2  
Old January 23rd 08, 04:34 PM posted to rec.pets.cats.health+behav
Rene S.
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 741
Default Depression from my cats death

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you're heart must be breaking
now. You did the right thing in giving her a peaceful goodbye. I had a
cat that I grew up with too, who lived to be 19 and died two years ago
this month. You need to find closure--I made a photo album where I
wrote something about each photo or moment. It really helped me, but
there are lots of other ways to preserve her memory--planting a tree/
plant, making a memorial stone, donating to a shelter or other animal
cause, writing in a journal, etc.

Hugs to you. It will be a long road, and allow yourself to grieve.
Each day will get a little bit better.

Rene
  #3  
Old January 23rd 08, 07:23 PM posted to rec.pets.cats.health+behav
mlbriggs
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 1,891
Default Depression from my cats death

On Wed, 23 Jan 2008 05:42:12 -0800, theglovegp wrote:

I just lost my Cat, she was a siamese but looked more tonkanese to me,
named Kiki. My mom bought her for me when I had just finished the first
grade, so I was around 6 years old. I am now about to turn 28 and she has
been with me the entire time, amazing when I reflect on it, she was around
21. She started showing some serious problems at the beginning of 2007,
having her first seizure, she had 3 more up to her death, yesterday,
January 22nd. When a cats health goes, it goes fast, I remember before
that first seizure I thought she would be around until she was 30 years
old. Her health got seriously bad in December, she started having labored
breathing and barely ate and had lost a lot of weight. The vet said she
may have cancer or heart failure and told me she probably only had a
couple weeks to live, he also told me multiple tests were unneccessary on
a cat of her age and would hurt more than help. She actually lived about 4
or 5 weeks since that visit to the vet. In the last two days she
completely stopped eating and barely had enough power to walk, Monday
night I decided I would put her down on Tuesday. Yesterday(Tuesday) upon
waking I saw her and she now couldnt stand, she seemed at peace just
laying, I talked to her, she basically went from walking normal and
hopping on a recliner with me to unable to stand in a matter of a few
days. I decided to take her in to the vet and as I was in the waiting room
holding her in a towel I talked to her and she took a couple deep breathes
then just stopped breathing, her eyes wide open, she died. I believe she
was scared, she was always scared when I took her to the vet, I think its
possible the stress finally was too much for her to take, I noticed she
urinated in the towel. The vet came in checked her heart and told me she
was dead, so I didnt have to euthanize her, I kind of wish I just sat with
her at home until she died, but who knows if she would have died at the
same time.

Now I am extremely depressed, I did not think it would be this hard once
she died, but it is pretty devastating. I do not feel like doing anything,
I go to the gym almost everynight and last night I was supposed to but
just dont feel like it, I dont know when I will feel like getting back to
normalcy. I have the week off work for other reasons but I would have
probably took today off if I was supposed to work. I looked through a
bunch of pictures picking her's out last night, it was emotional for me.
It's hard because I live by myself and the one thing I always had with me
no matter what was her, when I look down and she's not there its hard. She
is being cremated today and I still have to figure out what I am going to
do with her ashes. I'm hoping expressing my feelings here will help me to
get over this hump and move on, I dont really care if anyone reads it, no
replies are neccessary. Im sure she wouldnt want me this sad but it's like
losing one of your best friends you have known for 20+ years. I looked
through her pictures and actually was able to crack a smile earlier, so I
believe time is about the only thing to make myself feel better. For those
who have lost a beloved pet I now know what it is like to feel your pain,
it is no fun. Bye Kiki, or hopefully I will see you later.



"Rise up slowly. Angel"....it is hard to let you go.

Been there -- done that. The only thing that helps (eventually) is
another furry face to love. MLB
  #5  
Old January 23rd 08, 11:47 PM posted to rec.pets.cats.health+behav
Pussy cat zone
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 3
Default Depression from my cats death

On Jan 23, 2:42*pm, wrote:
I just lost my Cat, she was a siamese but looked more tonkanese to me,
named Kiki. My mom bought her for me when I had just finished the
first grade, so I was around 6 years old. I am now about to turn 28
and she has been with me the entire time, amazing when I reflect on
it, she was around 21. She started showing some serious problems at
the beginning of 2007, having her first seizure, she had 3 more up to
her death, yesterday, January 22nd. When a cats health goes, it goes
fast, I remember before that first seizure I thought she would be
around until she was 30 years old. Her health got seriously bad in
December, she started having labored breathing and barely ate and had
lost a lot of weight. The vet said she may have cancer or heart
failure and told me she probably only had a couple weeks to live, he
also told me multiple tests were unneccessary on a cat of her age and
would hurt more than help. She actually lived about 4 or 5 weeks since
that visit to the vet. In the last two days she completely stopped
eating and barely had enough power to walk, Monday night I decided I
would put her down on Tuesday. Yesterday(Tuesday) upon waking I saw
her and she now couldnt stand, she seemed at peace just laying, I
talked to her, she basically went from walking normal and hopping on a
recliner with me to unable to stand in a matter of a few days. I
decided to take her in to the vet and as I was in the waiting room
holding her in a towel I talked to her and she took a couple deep
breathes then just stopped breathing, her eyes wide open, she died. I
believe she was scared, she was always scared when I took her to the
vet, I think its possible the stress finally was too much for her to
take, I noticed she urinated in the towel. The vet came in checked her
heart and told me she was dead, so I didnt have to euthanize her, I
kind of wish I just sat with her at home until she died, but who knows
if she would have died at the same time.

Now I am extremely depressed, I did not think it would be this hard
once she died, but it is pretty devastating. I do not feel like doing
anything, I go to the gym almost everynight and last night I was
supposed to but just dont feel like it, I dont know when I will feel
like getting back to normalcy. I have the week off work for other
reasons but I would have probably took today off if I was supposed to
work. I looked through a bunch of pictures picking her's out last
night, it was emotional for me. It's hard because I live by myself and
the one thing I always had with me no matter what was her, when I look
down and she's not there its hard. She is being cremated today and I
still have to figure out what I am going to do with her ashes. I'm
hoping expressing my feelings here will help me to get over this hump
and move on, I dont really care if anyone reads it, no replies are
neccessary. Im sure she wouldnt want me this sad but it's like losing
one of your best friends you have known for 20+ years. I looked
through her pictures and actually was able to crack a smile earlier,
so I believe time is about the only thing to make myself feel better.
For those who have lost a beloved pet I now know what it is like to
feel your pain, it is no fun. Bye Kiki, or hopefully I will see you
later.


Am so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to lost a pet or
somethingn you love.
  #6  
Old January 24th 08, 03:22 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.health+behav
Candace
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 348
Default Depression from my cats death

On Jan 23, 6:42*am, wrote:.
I looked
through her pictures and actually was able to crack a smile earlier,
so I believe time is about the only thing to make myself feel better.
For those who have lost a beloved pet I now know what it is like to
feel your pain, it is no fun. Bye Kiki, or hopefully I will see you
later.


I believe you will see her again. You may even sense her presence
around you sometimes. I'm sure she had a wonderful life with you.
You can be proud she lived to such an age but that doesn't make it
easier now. You'll always remember her but, really, the pain will go
away with time like you said.

Candace

  #7  
Old January 24th 08, 05:44 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.health+behav
Patty Jo
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 14
Default Depression from my cats death

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been there too many times myself. Just
know that Kiki is alright and I hope you can take comfort from this
card. It always makes me feel better after reading it...Patty Jo
http://www.wtv-zone.com/nywoman/PAGES/PAGE30.html

  #8  
Old January 24th 08, 05:48 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.health+behav
Baldoni[_6_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 22
Default Depression from my cats death

explained :
I just lost my Cat, she was a siamese but looked more tonkanese to me,
named Kiki. My mom bought her for me when I had just finished the
first grade, so I was around 6 years old. I am now about to turn 28
and she has been with me the entire time, amazing when I reflect on
it, she was around 21. She started showing some serious problems at
the beginning of 2007, having her first seizure, she had 3 more up to
her death, yesterday, January 22nd. When a cats health goes, it goes
fast, I remember before that first seizure I thought she would be
around until she was 30 years old. Her health got seriously bad in
December, she started having labored breathing and barely ate and had
lost a lot of weight. The vet said she may have cancer or heart
failure and told me she probably only had a couple weeks to live, he
also told me multiple tests were unneccessary on a cat of her age and
would hurt more than help. She actually lived about 4 or 5 weeks since
that visit to the vet. In the last two days she completely stopped
eating and barely had enough power to walk, Monday night I decided I
would put her down on Tuesday. Yesterday(Tuesday) upon waking I saw
her and she now couldnt stand, she seemed at peace just laying, I
talked to her, she basically went from walking normal and hopping on a
recliner with me to unable to stand in a matter of a few days. I
decided to take her in to the vet and as I was in the waiting room
holding her in a towel I talked to her and she took a couple deep
breathes then just stopped breathing, her eyes wide open, she died. I
believe she was scared, she was always scared when I took her to the
vet, I think its possible the stress finally was too much for her to
take, I noticed she urinated in the towel. The vet came in checked her
heart and told me she was dead, so I didnt have to euthanize her, I
kind of wish I just sat with her at home until she died, but who knows
if she would have died at the same time.

Now I am extremely depressed, I did not think it would be this hard
once she died, but it is pretty devastating. I do not feel like doing
anything, I go to the gym almost everynight and last night I was
supposed to but just dont feel like it, I dont know when I will feel
like getting back to normalcy. I have the week off work for other
reasons but I would have probably took today off if I was supposed to
work. I looked through a bunch of pictures picking her's out last
night, it was emotional for me. It's hard because I live by myself and
the one thing I always had with me no matter what was her, when I look
down and she's not there its hard. She is being cremated today and I
still have to figure out what I am going to do with her ashes. I'm
hoping expressing my feelings here will help me to get over this hump
and move on, I dont really care if anyone reads it, no replies are
neccessary. Im sure she wouldnt want me this sad but it's like losing
one of your best friends you have known for 20+ years. I looked
through her pictures and actually was able to crack a smile earlier,
so I believe time is about the only thing to make myself feel better.
For those who have lost a beloved pet I now know what it is like to
feel your pain, it is no fun. Bye Kiki, or hopefully I will see you
later.


Life is a bitch at times but look at the good points, you had a good
friend for 20 years. Some poor *******s got nothing and always
remember there is always someone worse off than yourself. Time is a
healer though, keep teling yourself things will get better.

--
Count Baldoni


  #9  
Old January 24th 08, 09:20 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.health+behav
Noon Cat Nick
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Posts: 145
Default Depression from my cats death

http://www.indigo.org/rainbow/rainbow.swf

===========================

....do animals go to heaven? I do believe that we and our animals will
meet again. If we do not, and where we go is supposed to be heaven, it
will not be heaven to me and it will not be where I wish to go.
--Cleveland Amory

===========================

Strange that so small mortality should leave
So large an emptiness: for as we grieve
Your little life of few but happy years
Ended for us, one who could understand
Each subtle word, and answer hand with hand
Had hardly taken greater toll of tears.

Yet why should we not mourn for as a friend?
That name was yours: if every man would spend
His life as well, earth were not hard to save.
Grant that God made your heart and brain but small.
What more has an archangel than his all?
Amd all God gave to you, to us you gave.

--Amelia Josephine Burr

===========================

Our rooms are very still today,
The loneliness...a void;
That dented pillow mutely mourns
Companionship...destroyed!
That fluffy ball of purring fur--
My comfort--subtle teacher--
Has left a tender tolerance
For ever living creature.
My traints and faults were audited
By questioning, loving eyes;
All tests of friendship were fulfilled
By trust that verified.

--Nellie Baldwin Rudser

===========================

Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.

--Anatole France

===========================

True human goodness, in all its purity and freedom, can come to the fore
only when its recipient has no power. Mankind's true moral test, its
fundamental test (which lies deeply from view), consists of its attitude
towards those who are at its mercy: animals. And in this respect mankind
has suffered a fundamental debacle, a debacle so fundamental that all
others stem from it.

--Milan Kundera

===========================

We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than
our own live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable
to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way. We cherish
memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the
necessary plan.

--Irving Townsend

===========================

I believe that the loss of a beloved companion animal is like no other
loss because our relationships with animals are like no other. Our
culture tells us that an animal companion is an engaging toy, and that
our grief over its death is alarming and ill-paced. And our culture is
just flat wrong....Animals are more to us than we know. Their
partnership with us is a holy one that endures across a lifetime and
possibly beyond.

--Susan Chernak McElroy

===========================

With you a part of me hath passed away;
For in the peopled forest of my mind
A tree made leafless by this wintry wind
Shall never don again its green array.
Chapel and fireside, country road and bay,
Have something of their friendliness resigned;
Another, if I would, I could not find,
And I am grown much older in a day.
But yet I treasure in my memory
Your gift of charity, and young heart's ease,
And the dear honour of your amity;
For these once mine, my life is rich with these.
And I scarce know which part may greater be,--
What I keep of you, or you rob from me.

--George Santayana

===========================

I say hello, but sadly good-bye,
as I hold you in my arms.
You, who I have known,
deep within my heart.
You are so real to me.
For moments, yet for all eternity.

Why?

Why,
I ask,
must this be?

To endure in pain
is to ask for answers.
Why must this be?

Does God know why?
Will He enlighten me?
Will He strengthen my faith,
my beliefs so I can endure?
Will I ever know the answer?

Why?

--Julie Fritsch

===========================

I shall walk in the sun alone
Whose golden light you loved:
I shall sleep alone
And, stirring, touch an empty place:
I shall write uninterrupted
(Would that your gentle paw
Could stay my moving pen just once again!).

I shall see beauty
But none to match your living grace:
I shall hear music
But not so sweet as the droning song
With which you loved me.

I shall fill my days
But I shall not, cannot forget:
Sleep soft, dear friend,
For while I live you shall not die.

--Michael Joseph

===========================

Comrades of our past were they,
Of that unreturning day.
Changed and aging, they and we
Dwelt, it seemed, in sympathy.
Alway from their presence broke
Somewhat which remembrance woke
Of the loved, the lost, the young--
Yet they died, and died unsung....

Fare thee well, companion dear!
Fare for ever well, nor fear,
Tiny though thou art, to stray
Down the uncompanion'd way!
We without thee, little friend,
Many years have not to spend;
What are left, will hardly be
Better than we spent with thee.

--Matthew Arnold

===========================

THE BRIGHTEST STAR
by Sarah Hartwell

There is an old belief that the stars shining in the night sky are the
spirits of those who have died. They have shed their earthly bodies and
exchanged them for bodies made of light, thousands upon thousands of our
dear departed friends all promoted to glory in the night sky. There is
another saying that the brightest flame burns the shortest.

My Friend, you were the brightest star in my own universe. While I burn
on, my flame dimmed by grief and despair at your passing, the stars are
watching me. They are too far away for me to touch, just as you have
gone somewhere I cannot follow until my own star-time comes. They cannot
be held close for comfort, just as I can no longer hold you close,
though I held you close to comfort you in your final moments. We
were together for such a short time, but the stars will burn forever.

One day when I grow tired of this earthbound body, my own star-time will
come and my spirit will soar into the sky to burn with all those friends
who have gone before me. On the inky cloth of space we will be reunited
in constellations of joy. Until then, my flame burns low and dim and
cold without you. Through my tears I look upwards to see if you are
watching me and what do I see?

There is a new star shining in the sky tonight.

===========================

THE FOURTH DAY
by Martin Scot Kosins

If you ever love an animal, there are three days in your life you will
always remember.
The first is a day, blessed with happiness, when you bring home your
young new friend.
You may have spent weeks deciding on a breed. You may have asked
numerous opinions of many vets, or done long research in finding a
breeder. Or, perhaps in a fleeting moment, you may have just chosen that
silly looking mutt in a shelter...simply because something in its eyes
reached your heart.
But when you bring that chosen pet home, and watch it explore, and claim
its special place in your hall or front room--and when you feel it brush
against you for the first time--it instills a feeling of pure love you
will carry with you through the many years to come.

The second day will occur years later.
It will be a day like any other. Routine and unexceptional. But, for a
surprising instant, you will look at your longtime friend and see age
where you once saw youth.
You will see slow deliberate steps where you once saw energy.
And you will see sleep where you once saw activity.
So you will begin to adjust your friend's diet--and you may add a pill
or two to her food.
And you may feel a growing fear deep within yourself, which bodes of a
coming emptiness.
And you will feel this uneasy feeling, on and off, until the third day
finally arrives.

And on this day--if your friend and God have not decided for you, then
you will be faced with making a decision of your own--on behalf of your
lifelong friend, and with the guidance of your own deepest Spirit.
But whichever way your friend eventually leaves you--you will feel as
alone as a single star in the dark night sky.

If you are wise, you will let the tears flow as freely and as often as
they must. And if you are typical, you will find that not many in your
circle of family or human friends will be able to understand your grief,
or comfort you.
But if you are true to the love of the pet you cherished through the
many joyfilled years, you may find that a soul--a bit smaller in size
than your own--seems to walk with you, at times, during the lonely days
to come.
And at moments when you least expect anything out of the ordinary to
happen, you may feel something brush against your leg--very very lightly.
And looking down at the place where your dear, perhaps dearest, friend
used to lay--you will remember those three significant days.
The memory will most likely be painful, and leave an ache in your heart--
As time passes the ache will come and go as if it has a life of its own.
You will both reject it and embrace it, and it may confuse you.
If you reject it, it will depress you.
If you embrace it, it will deepen you.
Either way, it will still be an ache.

But there will be, I assure you, a fourth day when--along with the
memory of your pet--and piercing through the heaviness in your
heart--there will come a realization that belongs only to you.
It will be as unique and strong as our relationship with each animal we
have loved, and lost.
This realization takes the form of a Living Love--
Like the heavenly scent of a rose that remains after the petals have
wilted, this Love will remain and grow--and be there for us to remember.
It is a Love we have earned.
It is the legacy our pets leave us when they go--
And it is a gift we may keep with us as long as we live.
It is a Love which is ours alone--
And until we ourselves leave, perhaps to join our Beloved Pets--

It is a Love that we will always possess.

===========================

Since you have gone the sun has left the sky,
No breezes blow,
No birds sing
To ease the aching vacuum in my heart.
I shall not forget your gentle ways;
No judgements made,
No difficult demands,
No needs save one,
To share your life with mine.
Now kind, uncomprehending people say
"Cheer up, you'll love another pet some day."

--Hilda Lunn

===========================

Pet was never mourned as you,
Purrer of the spotless hue,
Plumy tail and wistful gaze,
While you humoured our queer ways,
Or outshrilled your morning call
Up the stairs and through the hall--
Foot suspended in its fall--
While, expectant, you would stand
Arched, to meet the stroking hand;
Till your way you chose to wend
Yonder, to your tragic end.

Never another pet for me!
Let your place all vacant be;
Better blankness day by day
Than companion torn away.
Better bid her memory fade,
Better blot each mark she made,
Selfishly escape distress
By contrived forgetfulness,
Than preserve her prints to make
Every morn and eve an ache.

From the chair whereon she sat
Sweep her fur, not wince thereat;
Rake her little pathways out
Mid the bushes roundabout;
Smooth away her talons' mark
From the claw-worn pine-tree bark,
Where she climbed as dusk embrowned
Waiting us who loitered round.

Strange it is this speechless thing,
Subject to our mastering,
Subject for her life and food
To our gift, and time, and mood;
Timid pensionor of us Powers,
Her existence ruled by ours,
Should--by crossing at a breath
Into safe and shielded death,
By the merely taking hence
Of her insignificance--
Loom as largened to the sense,
Shape as part, above man's will,
Of the Imperturbable.

As a prisoner, flight debarred,
Exercising in a yard,
Still retain I, troubled, shaken,
Mean estate, by her forsaken;
And this home, which scarcely took
Impress from her little look,
By her faring to the Far,
Grows all eloquent of her.

Housemate, I can think you still
Bounding to the window-sill,
Over which I vaguely see
Your small mound beneath the tree,
Showing in the autumn shade
That you moulder where you played.

--Thomas Hardy

===========================

When humans die, they make a will
To leave their homes, and all they
Have to those they love.
I too would make a will, if I could write.

To some poor, wistful, lonely stray
I'd leave my happy home,
My dish, my cozy bed, my cushioned chair, my toy,
The well-loved lap,
The gently stroking hand,
The loving voice,
The place I made in someone's heart,
The love that, at the last,
Could help me to a peaceful, painless end,
Held in loving arms.

If I should die,
Oh! Do not say:
"No more a pet I'll have
To grieve me by its loss."
Seek out some lonely, unloved cat
And give my place to him.
This is my legacy,
The love I leave behind,
'Tis all I have to give.

--Margaret Trowton

===========================

Is Heaven all you asked of it, O little cat? Did Peter fit
A halo for your graceless head?
Is there a quilt for your special bed,
And a bowl of cream just out of reach
Of your thieving paw? Or do They teach
You not to steal in paradise?
Does the flapping of Their wings entice?
Do you scamper and swing on a golden fence,
Or are They teaching you reverence?
And are there really golden thrones
Up there? Or do the Mighty Ones
Have nice fat chairs that you can claw
And tear and snag with an impious paw?
And do the angels understand
That a little cat in a lonely land
Still longs for a kiss and a friendly cuff?

Celestial joys are not enough.
Please, some small saint in shining white,
Hold her close in your arms tonight.

--Bianca Bradbury

===========================

Dancing ribbons pushed by time
Float through an old kitten's dreams.
She chases them into eternity,
And catches them,
As they change into angels' wings.

--Daryl Douglas Foyer

===========================

CHOICES
by Anne Kolaczyk

The little orange boy stopped. Behind him, kitties were playing, chasing
each other and wrestling in the warm sunshine. It looked like so much
fun, but in front of him, through the clear stillness of the pond's
water, he could see his mommy. And she was crying. He pawed at the
water, trying to get at her, and when that didn't work, he jumped into
the shallow water. All that got him was wet and Mommy's image danced
away in the ripples. "Mommy!" he cried.

"Is something wrong?" The little orange boy turned around. A lady was
standing at the edge of the pond, her eyes sad but filled with love. The
little orange boy sighed and walked out of the water. "There's been a
mistake," he said. "I'm not supposed to be here." He looked back at the
water. It was starting to still again and his mommy's image was coming
back. "I'm just a baby. Mommy said it had to be a mistake. She said I
wasn't supposed to come here yet."

The kind lady sighed and sat down on the grass. The little orange boy
climbed into her lap. It wasn't Mommy's lap, but it was almost as good.
When she started to pet him and scritch under his chin like he liked, he
started to purr. He hadn't wanted to, but he couldn't help it. "I'm
afraid there is no mistake. You are supposed to be here and your mommy
knows it deep down in her heart," the lady said.

The little orange boy sighed and laid his head on the lady's leg. "But
she's so sad. It hurts me to see her cry. And daddy too."

"But they knew right from the beginning this would happen."

"That I was sick?" That surprised the little orange boy. No one had ever
said anything and he had listened when they thought he was sleeping. All
he had heard them talk about was how cute he was or how fast he was or
how big he was getting. "No, not that you were sick," the lady said.
"But you see, they chose tears."

"No, they didn't," the little orange boy argued. Who would choose to cry?

The lady gently brushed the top of his head with a kiss. It made him
feel safe and loved and warm--but he still worried about his mommy. "Let
me tell you a story," the lady said.

The little orange boy looked up and saw other animals gathering around.
Cats- Big Boy and Snowball and Shamus and Abby and little Cleo and
Robin. Merlin and Toby and Iggy and Zachary. Sweetie and Kamatte and
Obie. Dogs too--Sally and Baby and Morgan and Rocky and Belle. Even a
lizard named Clyde and some rats named Saffron and Becky and a hamster
named Odo. They all lay down near the kind lady and looked up at her,
waiting.

She smiled at them and began:

* * * * * * * * *

A long long time ago, the Loving Ones went to the Angel in Charge. They
were lonesome and asked the angel to help them.

The angel took them to a wall of windows and let them look out the first
window at all sorts of things--dolls and stuffed animals and cars and
toys and sporting events.

"Here are things you can love," the angel said. "They will keep you from
being lonesome."

"Oh, thank you," the Loving Ones said. "These are just what we need."

"You have chosen Pleasure," the angel told them.

But after a time the Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge.
"Things are okay to love," they said. "But they don't care that we love
them."

The Angel in Charge led them over to the second window. It looked out at
all sorts of wild animals. "Here are animals to love," he said. "They
will know you love them."

So the Loving Ones hurried out to care for the wild animals. "You have
chosen Satisfaction," the angel said.

Some of the Loving Ones worked at zoos and wild animal preserves, some
just had bird feeders in their yards, but after a time they all came
back to the Angel in Charge. "They know we love them," they told the
angel. "But they don't love us back. We want to be loved in return." So
the angel took them to the third window and showed them lots of people
walking around, hurrying places. "Here are people for you to love," the
angel told them.

So the Loving Ones hurried off to find other people to love. "You have
chosen Commitment," the angel said.

But after a time a lot of Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge.
"People were okay to love," they said. "But sometimes they stopped
loving us and left. They broke our hearts."

The angel just shook his head. "I cannot help you," he said. "You will
have to be satisfied with the choices I gave you."

As the Loving Ones were leaving, someone saw a window off to one side
and hurried to look out. Through it, they could see puppies and kittens
and dogs and cats and lizards and hamsters and ferrets. The other Loving
Ones hurried over. "What about these?" they asked.

But the angel just tried to shoo them away. "Those are Personal Empathy
Trainers," he said. "But there's a problem with their system operations."

"Would they know that we love them?" someone asked.

"Yes," the angel said.

"Would they love us back?" another asked.

"Yes," the angel said.

"Will they stop loving us?" someone else asked.

"No," the angel admitted. "They will love you forever."

"Then these are what we want," the Loving Ones said.

But the angel was very upset. "You don't understand," he told them. "You
will have to feed these animals."

"That's all right," the Loving Ones said.

"You will have to clean up after them and take care of them forever."

"We don't care."

The Loving Ones did not listen. They went down to where the Pets were
and picked them up, seeing the love in their own hearts reflected in the
animals' eyes. The Loving Ones did not listen. They went down to where
the Pets were and picked them up, seeing the love in their own hearts
reflected in the animals' eyes.

"They were not programmed right," the angel said. "We can't offer a
warranty. We don't know how durable they are. Some of their systems
malfunction very quickly, others last a long time."

But the Loving Ones did not care. They were holding the warm little
bodies and finding their hearts so filled with love that they thought
they would burst. "We will take our chances," they said.

"You do not understand." The angel tried one more time. "They are so
dependent on you that even the most well-made of them is not designed to
outlive you. You are destined to suffer their loss."

The Loving Ones looked at the sweetness in their arms and nodded. "That
is how it should be. It is a fair trade for the love they offer."

The angel just watched them all go, shaking his head. "You have chosen
Tears," he whispered.

* * * * * * * * *

"So it is," the kind lady told the kitties. "And so each mommy and daddy
knows. When they take a baby into their heart, they know that one day it
will leave them and they will cry."

The little orange boy sat up. "So why do they take us in?" he asked.

"Because even a moment of your love is worth years of pain later."

"Oh." The little orange boy got off the lady's lap and went back to the
edge of the pond. His mommy was still there, and still crying. "Will she
ever stop crying?" he asked the kind lady.

She nodded. "You see, the Angel felt sorry for the Loving Ones, knowing
how much they would suffer. He couldn't take the tears away but he made
them special."

She dipped her hand into the pond and let the water trickle off her
fingers. "He made them healing tears, formed from the special water
here. Each tear holds bits of all the happy times of purring and petting
and shared love. And the promise of love once again. As your mommy
cries, she is healing. "It may take a long while, but the tears will
help her feel better. In time she will be less sad and she will smile
when she thinks of you. And then she will open her heart again to
another little baby."

"But then she will cry again one day," the little orange boy said.

The lady just smiled at him as she got to her feet. "No, she will love
again. That is all she will think about." She picked up Big Boy and
Snowball and gave them hugs, then scratched Morgan's ear just how she
liked. "Look," she said. "The butterflies have come. Shall we go over to
play?" The other animals all ran ahead, but the little orange boy wasn't
ready to leave his mommy. "Will I ever get to be with her again?"

The kind lady nodded. "You'll be in the eyes of every kitty she looks
at. You'll be in the purr of every cat she pets. And late at night, when
she's fast asleep, your spirit will snuggle up close to her and you both
will feel at peace. One day soon, you can even send her a rainbow to
tell her you're safe and waiting here for when it's her turn to come."

"I would like that," the little orange boy said and took one long look
at his mommy. He saw her smile slightly through her tears and he knew
she had remembered the time he almost fell into the bathtub. "I love
you, Mommy," he whispered. "It's okay if you cry." He glanced over at
the others, running and playing and laughing with the butterflies. "Uh,
Mommy? I gotta go play now, okay? But I'll be around, I promise."

Then he turned and raced after the others.

===========================

If I should ever leave you whom I love
To go along the Silent Way,
Grieve not,
Nor speak of me with tears,
But laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you there.

(I'd come--I'd come, could I but find a way!
But would not tears and grief be barriers?)
And when you hear a sound
Or see a thing I loved,
Please do not let the thought of me be sad...
For I am loving you just as I always have...
You were so good to me!

There are so many things I wanted still to do--
So many things to say to you...
Remember that I did not fear...
It was just leaving you that was so hard to face...
We cannot see Beyond...
But this I know:
I love you so--
'twas heaven here with you!

--Isla Paschal Richardson

===========================

Farewell, my humans, yet not farewell,
Where I go you too shall dwell.
I am gone before your face,
A moment's time, a little space.
When you come where I have stepped,
You will wonder why you wept.

--Edwin Arnold

===========================

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room,
I am the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.

--Mary K. Frye (attributed)

===========================

Aionía aftís e mnéme--May her memory be eternal.

--from the Eastern Orthodox funeral liturgy

===========================

Warm summer sun
Shine kindly here,
Warm southern wind
Blow softly here,
Green sod above
Lie light, lie light—
Good night, dear heart,
Good night, good night.

--adapted from Robert Richardson's poem "Annette" by Samuel Langhorne
Clemens (Mark Twain) as the epitaph for his daughter, Olivia Susan Clemens


Take care,
Nicholas
  #10  
Old January 24th 08, 10:28 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.health+behav
[email protected]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 9
Default Depression from my cats death


Thanks for the replies from everyone, it is greatly appreciated, it's
nice to know others have gone through this and feel the bond I felt or
the pain I am feeling, I don't think any of my friends would
understand why I am so upset if I called to talk with them about this
so I choose not to and grieve by myself. My Mother is about the only
one I can personally go to for comfort. It's not been a full two days
since Kiki's passing so it is still tough for me. I woke up in the
middle of the night and am used to her usually sleeping next to my
head or sometimes under the covers cuddled against my chest, not
tonight though, it's those things you don't think about until they are
gone that bring on a flood of emotions. I had her cremated
yesterday(Wednesday), even that was a tough decision, and I bought a
little urn with an engraving, her name, and frame for a picture on
it. I will probably keep it around until I feel like spreading her
ashes somewhere, could be a long time, maybe I'll be an old man by
then. I also have a little stack of pictures of her, or of her with me
growing up I have looked through multiple times. I also wrote a poem
which convinced me I am no Robert Frost, I think I have too much time
on my hands right now, I need to get out of this rut and do some
things unrelated to this, but god this rut is hard to get out of. The
thought of getting another cat has crossed my mind, but I am not sure
I want to, or am ready to, put in the kind of dedication and years,
happiness and sadness, that I have and am still going through. If i
did I am not sure if it would be only for my own selfishness out of
grieving. Was it worth it, yes it was, 20 years and I would never
change anything, but that doesnt make things any easier now, and like
what someone said life is a bitch at times, its so much more difficult
to focus on the positives and much to easy to get sidetracked by
negatives, atleast for now. One of the worst feelings is guilt of what
I could have done, maybe taken her to the vet more often when she
showed a decline in health to try and prolong her life. I sort of wish
I could go back and do the last year over and she might still be here,
it is quite shocking how fast her health declined, when I looked at
these younger pictures of her and then think of her last days it's
like it was a different cat, I know it wasnt though. She also had lost
almost all of her eyesight, I guess from the seizures and old age. I
also have other pets from when I was younger but they Live with my
Mother, I went over there today and spent some time with them and will
again tomorrow, Kiki however, the first pet we owned, was always my
companion and the one who prefered to be with me. This will be the
toughest one for me to get over by far. What can I say, I miss her.
 




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