OT, and kind of late

On 12/6/2014 2:07 PM, Joy wrote:

Like the decision you had to make about the older cat, the decision to
remove a person from life support is the most difficult, but most
loving, decision that can be made. I have a Directive to Physicians so
my kids won't have to make that decision for me.

The directive is a good idea. all of this has made me think about my own
demise should it come earlier than expected. I know we've had threads
here about making provisions for your animals, and I'm definitely going
to do that. I'm also going to create a will and make sure family
members have seen it. With all of the reading and phone calls to figure
out how to become executor of her estate so we can close out accounts
and get rid of her vehicle has had me thinking a lot. I'm also going to
start decluttering and getting rid of anything I don't use, whether
trashing/recycling or donating. I don't want anyone having to go
through my junk like we've been having to do with her junk. Literally
several pickup truck loads of trash to the dump today and this is after
some of her friends have been putting bags out on trash day. We have
almost completely emptied her house now except for some old furniture
that friends will be taking to the dump this week, plus a lot of boxes
of donations. So many nice kitchen things had to be thrown out because
of the roaches. They were even living in the appliances and crawling
out of the vent holes where the fan is in things like her Kitchen Aid
stand mixer and food processor. They were nice, but I wouldn't even
give them away with the risk of infesting someone elses house with any
that hadn't died through the extermination treatments. There were even
roaches in the refrigerator!

Thank you all for your kind words. Yes, the grieving process has been
delayed with all of the work and research and paperwork we've had to do.
It hit my mom the other day in the grocery store when she saw a woman
with twin babies. My sister was a twin, and she had twins of her own.

--
ღ.¸¸.✫*¨`*✶
Cheryl

"Cheryl" wrote in message
eb.com...

On 12/6/2014 2:07 PM, Joy wrote:

Like the decision you had to make about the older cat, the decision to
remove a person from life support is the most difficult, but most
loving, decision that can be made. I have a Directive to Physicians so
my kids won't have to make that decision for me.

The directive is a good idea. all of this has made me think about my own
demise should it come earlier than expected. I know we've had threads
here about making provisions for your animals, and I'm definitely going
to do that. I'm also going to create a will and make sure family
members have seen it. With all of the reading and phone calls to figure
out how to become executor of her estate so we can close out accounts
and get rid of her vehicle has had me thinking a lot. I'm also going to
start decluttering and getting rid of anything I don't use, whether
trashing/recycling or donating. I don't want anyone having to go
through my junk like we've been having to do with her junk. Literally
several pickup truck loads of trash to the dump today and this is after
some of her friends have been putting bags out on trash day. We have
almost completely emptied her house now except for some old furniture
that friends will be taking to the dump this week, plus a lot of boxes
of donations. So many nice kitchen things had to be thrown out because
of the roaches. They were even living in the appliances and crawling
out of the vent holes where the fan is in things like her Kitchen Aid
stand mixer and food processor. They were nice, but I wouldn't even
give them away with the risk of infesting someone elses house with any
that hadn't died through the extermination treatments. There were even
roaches in the refrigerator!

Thank you all for your kind words. Yes, the grieving process has been
delayed with all of the work and research and paperwork we've had to do.
It hit my mom the other day in the grocery store when she saw a woman
with twin babies. My sister was a twin, and she had twins of her own.

ღ.¸¸.✫*¨`*✶
Cheryl

~~~~~~~
There are many things we can do while we are still healthy that will help
our families after our deaths, and you have described many of them. My
brother-in-law died from complications of leukemia at the young age of 42.
He lived for 6 years after diagnosis, and all of us had wills, power of
attorney (both medical and financial), living wills/Directives to Physicians
made at that time. I have updated mine several times in intervening years
following important changes in my life and also changes in state law. My
sister and I have each agreed to care for the other's cats, and I have
provisions for my cats included in my will. It felt like a burden had been
lifted from my shoulders when my sister and I made plans for our cats. We
are very close and I knew that she would take care of my cats, but it made
me feel much better to have it formalized. I also have a pet sitter and
another friend who have keys to my house, so they could take care of the
cats until my sister could travel from her home in Ohio to my home in Texas.
This also enabled them to take care of my cats when I recently spent several
days in the hospital. The first thing I did when I knew I was going to have
to take an ambulance to the hospital was call the two people who have keys
and make sure they were available for pet care! That meant that I did not
have any concerns while I was hospitalized.

My father's actions could serve as a "model" for how to help our families.
I took care of everything for my mother after he died. Remarkably, I was
able to do everything in one day plus another day to meet with the attorney.
My father was very organized, and he had placed everything needed finalize
his estate in a single file drawer and a bank deposit box. He put a few
important documents in a folder in the freezer because he felt that would be
the safest place (other than the bank deposit box) in the event of a fire.
We joked with him that it was his "cold cash," although it was really only
documents. He had shown everything to all of us several years before his
death. The actions he took eased a great deal of the burden on us after his
death, and I have tried to emulate his arrangements. My sister, brother and
I live in different states; but I made a printed list of where everything is
and showed it to both of them when they visited.

I hope things are getting better for you now. You have been going through a
difficult and painful time, and I hope your sister's children are able to
deal with the loss of their mother.

MaryL

On Sat, 06 Dec 2014 02:48:26 -0500, Cheryl
wrote:

On 12/6/2014 2:37 AM, Cheryl wrote:
On 12/6/2014 2:28 AM, Cheryl wrote:
My sister lost her battle with cancer on Nov 17. So much to deal with


Sorry for all these posts. I'm just still trying to come to terms with
it all.

Post all you want. I had a friend with cancer who fell down and got a
nasty smash to the back of the head. Same kind of thing, they had to
stop the chemo and he had no chance then. Purrs.

On 12/7/2014 6:43 PM, Cheryl wrote:
On 12/6/2014 2:07 PM, Joy wrote:

Like the decision you had to make about the older cat, the decision to
remove a person from life support is the most difficult, but most
loving, decision that can be made. I have a Directive to Physicians so
my kids won't have to make that decision for me.

The directive is a good idea. all of this has made me think about my own
demise should it come earlier than expected. I know we've had threads
here about making provisions for your animals, and I'm definitely going
to do that. I'm also going to create a will and make sure family
members have seen it. With all of the reading and phone calls to figure
out how to become executor of her estate so we can close out accounts
and get rid of her vehicle has had me thinking a lot. I'm also going to
start decluttering and getting rid of anything I don't use, whether
trashing/recycling or donating. I don't want anyone having to go
through my junk like we've been having to do with her junk. Literally
several pickup truck loads of trash to the dump today and this is after
some of her friends have been putting bags out on trash day. We have
almost completely emptied her house now except for some old furniture
that friends will be taking to the dump this week, plus a lot of boxes
of donations. So many nice kitchen things had to be thrown out because
of the roaches. They were even living in the appliances and crawling
out of the vent holes where the fan is in things like her Kitchen Aid
stand mixer and food processor. They were nice, but I wouldn't even
give them away with the risk of infesting someone elses house with any
that hadn't died through the extermination treatments. There were even
roaches in the refrigerator!

Thank you all for your kind words. Yes, the grieving process has been
delayed with all of the work and research and paperwork we've had to do.
It hit my mom the other day in the grocery store when she saw a woman
with twin babies. My sister was a twin, and she had twins of her own.


The preparations you mention are a good idea. When my sister and I had
to move my mother into a care facility (years ago now), she had all the
necessary documents, including a Directive and both financial and
Medical Powers of Attorney so that my sister could make necessary
decisions. She also had a will. When I came home from the trip to help
with that, I called the lawyer I used to work for and got all the
necessary documents prepared.

My kids know where the originals are. I sent them copies of my will and
Directive, and I sent my daughter a copy of the Medical Power of Attorney.

Periodically my kids come over and help me clean out a closet, so I'm
gradually de-cluttering. I've told them there are things that I can't
get rid of because of the memories attached to them, but I don't want
them to feel guilty when the time comes if they do decide to get rid of
those things.

Incidentally, I also wrote a letter. I sent them each a copy and put a
copy in the file with the other documents. The letter states that,
although I hate the idea of having to go into a home, if the time ever
comes when that is what I need, I want them to do it, no matter what I
might say at the time. Like you, I want to make things as easy as
possible on them.

Joy

--
Joy Unlimited
Colorful Crocheted Critters
Photos at http://www.PictureTrail.com/joy9

On 12/8/2014 4:09 AM, MaryL wrote:

I hope things are getting better for you now. You have been going
through a difficult and painful time, and I hope your sister's children
are able to deal with the loss of their mother.

Not jsut the loss of their mother, but their anger at their father, and
having to move and change schools and lose touch with their friends. I
feel so bad for what they've been through almost their entire life.

--
ღ.¸¸.✫*¨`*✶
Cheryl

"Cheryl" wrote in message
eb.com...

On 12/8/2014 4:09 AM, MaryL wrote:

I hope things are getting better for you now. You have been going
through a difficult and painful time, and I hope your sister's children
are able to deal with the loss of their mother.

Not jsut the loss of their mother, but their anger at their father, and
having to move and change schools and lose touch with their friends. I
feel so bad for what they've been through almost their entire life.


ღ.¸¸.✫*¨`*✶
Cheryl

~~~~~~~~
This is so sad. I missed the information about their father, but that would
compound the difficulties for the children. I hope arrangements can be made
so they can have visits with their friends from their former home and
school.

MaryL

On Sat, 06 Dec 2014 11:07:59 -0800, Joy wrote:




Like the decision you had to make about the older cat, the decision to
remove a person from life support is the most difficult, but most
loving, decision that can be made. I have a Directive to Physicians so
my kids won't have to make that decision for me.

Joy


The problem we were faced with was putting my father on life support,
because once you do that you can't take them off. He died before we
actually had to make that decision. I don't think we were going to put
him on life support since it seemed pointless anyway.

On 12/7/2014 9:43 PM, Cheryl wrote:
The directive is a good idea. all of this has made me think about my own
demise should it come earlier than expected. I know we've had threads
here about making provisions for your animals, and I'm definitely going
to do that. I'm also going to create a will and make sure family
members have seen it. With all of the reading and phone calls to figure
out how to become executor of her estate so we can close out accounts
and get rid of her vehicle has had me thinking a lot.
(gentle snippage)

Here's my best advice:

*Please* find some time to sit back and breathe. Set aside a little
time for yourself each day. It really is important. Don't forget to
take care of yourself right now, too.

{{{{{{Cheryl}}}}}}

Jill

On 12/9/2014 9:21 AM, dgk wrote:
On Sat, 06 Dec 2014 11:07:59 -0800, Joy wrote:




Like the decision you had to make about the older cat, the decision to
remove a person from life support is the most difficult, but most
loving, decision that can be made. I have a Directive to Physicians so
my kids won't have to make that decision for me.

Joy


The problem we were faced with was putting my father on life support,
because once you do that you can't take them off. He died before we
actually had to make that decision. I don't think we were going to put
him on life support since it seemed pointless anyway.

That's kind of strange. She was on life support for about 3 weeks, with
a few breaks just to see if she could breathe on her own, and she'd make
it up to 3 days one time but you could tell it was very difficult for
her to get oxygen and her blood oxygen level would drop down into the
60s. Once they put the tubes back in, her blood oxygen level would go
back to normal and she didn't have to struggle to get air. After 3 weeks
of this was when the doctor told us we had to make the decision. in
talking with the ICU doctors on duty and her oncologist was why we made
the decision we did. And of course it wasn't an instant decision, they
gave us time to think about it but it wasn't hard to decide what was
best for her. Her only other option was to have a hole cut into her
throat and something down into her lungs to both bring up fluid and
breathe for her. And with the extent of the cancer at stage 4 by that
time, there was no better choice for her than to end it. Sometimes it
still hasn't sunk in yet that she's gone. Other than her kids living
with my brother and his wife.

I might be wrong about this but because she went so quietly and
peacefully and so fast (within 24 hours) of being off of life support, I
have to wonder if they increase the morphine to overdose level to keep
her out of pain, and of course the morphine causes the body to require
less oxygen. She just went so fast. I know human euthanization is
illegal but I still wonder if that's what really happened. I'll never
know of course. But if so, that's how I want to go.

--
ღ.¸¸.✫*¨`*✶
Cheryl

On 12/9/2014 9:21 AM, dgk wrote:
On Sat, 06 Dec 2014 11:07:59 -0800, Joy wrote:




Like the decision you had to make about the older cat, the decision to
remove a person from life support is the most difficult, but most
loving, decision that can be made. I have a Directive to Physicians so
my kids won't have to make that decision for me.

Joy


The problem we were faced with was putting my father on life support,
because once you do that you can't take them off. He died before we
actually had to make that decision. I don't think we were going to put
him on life support since it seemed pointless anyway.

Life support or a feeding tube? Life support (ventilator) can be
disconnected. In my father's case it was the feeding tube decision that
would have been irrevocable. It was our decision but the doctor advised
against it. It wouldn't have affected the quality of his life, merely
prolonged it indefinitely.

Jill