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#1
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OT GOT TO READ THIS
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my
excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem . Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it." "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!" "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second." So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding. Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about,which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?" That God this was not me OUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH |
#2
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OT GOT TO READ THIS
That wasn't OT at all. But all the way to the very end, I kept wondering why
this was the first we had heard about your new kitten! |
#3
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OT GOT TO READ THIS
You all know about our new kitten Ka' Shay http://i2.tinypic.com/21nqdd0.jpg
Look at the post I finally got her to sit still "Pat" wrote in message .. . That wasn't OT at all. But all the way to the very end, I kept wondering why this was the first we had heard about your new kitten! |
#4
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OT GOT TO READ THIS
I knew about Ka'Shay but this sounded like another new one.
"Matthew" wrote You all know about our new kitten Ka' Shay http://i2.tinypic.com/21nqdd0.jpg Look at the post I finally got her to sit still "Pat" wrote That wasn't OT at all. But all the way to the very end, I kept wondering why this was the first we had heard about your new kitten! |
#5
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OT GOT TO READ THIS
In ,
Pat purred: I knew about Ka'Shay but this sounded like another new one. "Matthew" wrote You all know about our new kitten Ka' Shay http://i2.tinypic.com/21nqdd0.jpg Look at the post I finally got her to sit still "Pat" wrote That wasn't OT at all. But all the way to the very end, I kept wondering why this was the first we had heard about your new kitten! Pat, not sure if you're aware of this, but Matthew wrote that whole story as a *joke*. I received the story in my email years ago, and it is still making the rounds, it seems. I happen to *know* this as A) read it before, B) Matthew is retired and has no boss to call in to (and IIRC, *he* was the boss that would have received the call in the first place). Just thought you might want to know |
#6
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OT GOT TO READ THIS
"Magic Mood JeepŠ" wrote in message ... In , Pat purred: I knew about Ka'Shay but this sounded like another new one. "Matthew" wrote You all know about our new kitten Ka' Shay http://i2.tinypic.com/21nqdd0.jpg Look at the post I finally got her to sit still "Pat" wrote That wasn't OT at all. But all the way to the very end, I kept wondering why this was the first we had heard about your new kitten! Pat, not sure if you're aware of this, but Matthew wrote that whole story as a *joke*. I received the story in my email years ago, and it is still making the rounds, it seems. I happen to *know* this as A) read it before, B) Matthew is retired and has no boss to call in to (and IIRC, *he* was the boss that would have received the call in the first place). Just thought you might want to know I got it in a email this morning. I am glad you remember I was my own box and thanks for remembering I am an old man ;-) Along that line along time ago I did receive a call from an employee that he had broke his leg and could not come in for awhile. His wife came in and told me what happened laughing the whole time; the kids told everyone else. It come to pass that her husband sleep in the nude and got up to go to the bathroom., Well in the middle of relieving himself #1 the family dog came in and stuck his cold nose into the crack of his a@@ and barked. It scared the crap out of him and as the other joke said in cases like that men choose to flee instead of fight. Well he jumped slipped on the wet floor due to his being scared and missing the bowl (all men guilty of this including some women) fell into the tub which was still wet from an earlier bath slide sideways tearing their bathroom up and ended up breaking his leg. Well he went thru the same thing as the man in the joke did when the paramedics were called. Plus his trip to the hospital was just as comically. His wife video taped the whole thing after the fall and the call to 911. When he finally came back no one said anything till closing when he came back into back room to clock out. We had a party for him. A cake with a picture of a dog sticking its nose on an ice tray. We gave him a DVD copy of the tape, a bag of dog food, a anti - bark collar, a book on how to clean the tub, a book on remolding your dream bathroom and a bull's-eye with a hole in the middle saying aim here. He took it in stride and turned every color in the book. The look he gave me and his wife but it s was worth it :-) |
#7
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OT GOT TO READ THIS
boss damn spell checker
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#8
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OT GOT TO READ THIS
"Matthew" wrote boss damn spell checker And "remolding" the bathroom - most people prefer "demolding"... |
#9
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OT GOT TO READ THIS
In ,
Matthew purred: "Magic Mood JeepŠ" wrote in message ... In , Pat purred: I knew about Ka'Shay but this sounded like another new one. "Matthew" wrote You all know about our new kitten Ka' Shay http://i2.tinypic.com/21nqdd0.jpg Look at the post I finally got her to sit still "Pat" wrote That wasn't OT at all. But all the way to the very end, I kept wondering why this was the first we had heard about your new kitten! Pat, not sure if you're aware of this, but Matthew wrote that whole story as a *joke*. I received the story in my email years ago, and it is still making the rounds, it seems. I happen to *know* this as A) read it before, B) Matthew is retired and has no boss to call in to (and IIRC, *he* was the boss that would have received the call in the first place). Just thought you might want to know I got it in a email this morning. I am glad you remember I was my own box and thanks for remembering I am an old man ;-) Not really, I'm only 42 and consider myself "retired" - however, am going back to school so I can learn new things. Along that line along time ago I did receive a call from an employee that he had broke his leg and could not come in for awhile. His wife came in and told me what happened laughing the whole time; the kids told everyone else. It come to pass that her husband sleep in the nude and got up to go to the bathroom., Well in the middle of relieving himself #1 the family dog came in and stuck his cold nose into the crack of his a@@ and barked. It scared the crap out of him and as the other joke said in cases like that men choose to flee instead of fight. Well he jumped slipped on the wet floor due to his being scared and missing the bowl (all men guilty of this including some women) fell into the tub which was still wet from an earlier bath slide sideways tearing their bathroom up and ended up breaking his leg. Well he went thru the same thing as the man in the joke did when the paramedics were called. Plus his trip to the hospital was just as comically. His wife video taped the whole thing after the fall and the call to 911. When he finally came back no one said anything till closing when he came back into back room to clock out. We had a party for him. A cake with a picture of a dog sticking its nose on an ice tray. We gave him a DVD copy of the tape, a bag of dog food, a anti - bark collar, a book on how to clean the tub, a book on remolding your dream bathroom and a bull's-eye with a hole in the middle saying aim here. He took it in stride and turned every color in the book. The look he gave me and his wife but it s was worth it :-) |
#10
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OT GOT TO READ THIS
On Wed, 23 Aug 2006 20:19:55 +0000, Matthew wrote:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem . Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it." "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!" "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second." So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding. Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about,which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?" That God this was not me OUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Good version. The first one I read in the 1950s also had U being taken on a stretcher down the stairs to the hospital. The paramedics slipped on the stairs and dropped the stretcher.. Glad you lived to tell the story again. MLB |
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