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#51
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I'm so glad things are working out for you.
Continued purrs and best wishes, -- Polonca & Soncek "Yowie" wrote in message ... Daniel came home early and sober. Yay! snip |
#52
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Well I really hope this works out. I don't think these rules are harsh at
all. But unfortunately I'm a bit of a pessimist in cases like this. It is because almost the exact same thing happened with Dennis' sister's ex-common-law hubby. When he cheated on her for the second time (that she knew of) she kicked him out, even though they had a 7 year old daughter together. He went and got his own apartment and things seemed to be going ok for a couple of months until one day he showed up at her house in a rage and made all sorts of threats against her and their daughter. Things began to go downhill fast and he ended up drifting around, being totally unreliable, not keeping dates to spend time with his daughter, ranting, raving, taking drugs, etc. Sometimes he would get better for a few weeks or even months, but inevitably it would get worse again. We still don't know what the problem is, drugs or schizophrenia or a bit of both. He lives in hotels now...and in various towns in an around Calgary. Trying to help proved futile for everyone because he was just too unreliable to stick to his meds, etc. Everyone feels really bad but there's nothing anyone can do to help him. Thankfully, Dennis' sister remarried and the new guy loves the daughter and is going to adopt her as his own. Anyway, I wish you all the best in your endeavour and pray that things work out better for Daniel. -- Britta ROT13 to reply Check out pictures of Vino at: http://photos.yahoo.com/badwilson click on Vino and "friends" album "Yowie" wrote in message ... Daniel came home early and sober. Yay! Had a long talk to our Drug & Alcohol people, who sadly, hear pretty much the same story day in day out. The said that the ground rules should be *very* clear. Write them down, with the consequences of not following them, and give them to Daniel (and hten stick them to the fridge). He may object, and thats his perogative, but to stay with us, those are the rules and if he doesn't like them, then he doesn't have to live with us. The reason we have to do this is so that that the consequences of continuing to indulge in his lifestyle are a stronger deterent than the temptation to continue, and that he can't argue that he "didn't know" when he gets caught out. And that Joel and I had to be absolutely 100% together on this, and also we have to 100% follow through on our "threats" And since he didn't understand the vague terms "respect" and "common courtesy" that I had explained to him a few days ago, these were the rules we came up with. 1) If you come home under the influence of alcohol, pot or any other non-prescribed drugs, you will be evicted within 24 hours. 2) Except by prior arrangement (which could be as simple as a phone call saying "I'm gonna be late"), you will be home by 6pm on weeknights and 10pm on weekends. If you are late, you will be evicted within 24 hours 3) A degree of contribution to the running of the household is expected. That includes, but isn't limited to, doing cleaning, washing, shopping, cooking and contributing financially. While this can be negotiated, if we feel we are beign taken advantage of, you will be evicted within 24 hours 4) The organising and paying for, personal effects above "household stuff" such as cigarettes, magazines, transport etc etc is your problem. While we may help from time to time as it suits us, don't expect or rely on it 5) Failure to take you medication will result in eviction within 24 hours 6) Unless you leave beforehand, you will be evicted on the 19th of December (which we changed to 19th January after negotiation). He said that the rules were "a bit harsh". And I'd agree, they are. But on the same token, since he couldn't understand why we were so annoyed with him when he said he'd be home by "about 4, and then I'll clean up" and it was 10:30pm and we had to a) track him down and then b) go and get him while c) he was off his face stoned, then I think that the rules needed to be very harsh and very specific. The only wiggle room he's got is in rule 3. We don't expect a whole heck of alot there, as we aren't the world's best housekeepers either, but until last night, he hadn't lifted a finger. Ironically, last night, because he was sober, he did the washing up *without* beign asked, and before we presented him with these rules (which sorta made it harder actually). Dan's a nice, helpful and courteous bloke with a good sense of humour and relaxed attitude when he's sober and not psychotic. How long he'll remain sober not psychotic, though, is anyone's guess. Hopefully this new tactic will work. When he's sober and not psychotic, he's actually pretty cool to have around. Yowie |
#53
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"Julie Cook" wrote in message
... Yowie wrote: Sorry to dump this on you guys, but I need to vent somewhere that is understanding and sympathetic and nonjudgmental. And this is the place. Vicky, This is a frightening situation, especially now with you carrying your son. If Daniel (is this the brother that had the pit bull?) gets violent you could be the one he vents his anger on. Hobbes, Selena, Lacey and I are sending our strongest purrs that this situation is resolved soon to everyone's satisfaction and most importantly, for your safety. Just remind Joel that even now his son is relying on him for protection and Daniel is old enough to care for himself. yes, Daniel is the one who owned the pitbull. Mind you, Buddy the dog was absolutely not at all vicious or anything other than a doggy that *loved* being loved. He unfortunately had a penchant for jumping over fences, and unfortuantley one day his chain wasn't long enough for a successful land on the other side of the fence. Buddy hung himself to death. Daniel was inconsoable for ages - and just a few months later had his first psychotic episode. I wouldn't be surprised if those two incidents are linked. Yowie |
#54
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"GracecatOnl" wrote in message ... Yowie wrote: And since he didn't understand the vague terms "respect" and "common courtesy" that I had explained to him a few days ago,... The only rule I can think to add here Yowie is that if he returns home violent due to drug use, or comes toward you with extreme agression he is out of the home immediately by way of a police officer and will not be allowed to return for his things. They will be delivered to him at your earliest convienence. Hugs and prayers for you. This is hard I know Grace I also pray this works, Yowie, but be very careful. Hugs to you both, Christine |
#55
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Christine Burel wrote:
"GracecatOnl" wrote in message ... Hugs and prayers for you. This is hard I know Grace I also pray this works, Yowie, but be very careful. Hugs to you both, Christine I've got no useful advice to offer but am thinking plenty of good thoughts for you all. Take care Helen Wheels |
#56
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Yowie saw Sally selling seashells by the seashore and told us all
about it on Thu, 20 Nov 2003 10:41:44 +1100: Daniel came home early and sober. Yay! Had a long talk to our Drug & Alcohol people, who sadly, hear pretty much the same story day in day out. The said that the ground rules should be *very* clear. Write them down, with They sound good to me... the question is whether he'll be able to stick to them. Right now it seems as if he wants to, so maybe he can. Some people can manage to overcome an addiction by themselves, but not many. Remember - if he breaks the rules that he's agreed to follow, don't let it pass. You're doing as much as you can to help him, but it's up to HIM to decide that he's ready to make changes in his life. If he can't or won't try, then kick him out for your own safety. I honestly hope he can do it... (huggles for you all) -- Karen AKA Kajikit Here kitty kitty kitty... visit http://www.catslaves.org! Come and visit my part of the web: Kajikit's Corner: http://www.kajikitscorner.com Allergyfree Eating Recipe Swap: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Allergyfree_Eating Ample Aussies Mailing List: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ampleaussies/ |
#57
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Yowie wrote:
yes, Daniel is the one who owned the pitbull. Mind you, Buddy the dog was absolutely not at all vicious or anything other than a doggy that *loved* being loved. He unfortunately had a penchant for jumping over fences, and unfortuantley one day his chain wasn't long enough for a successful land on the other side of the fence. Buddy hung himself to death. Daniel was inconsoable for ages - and just a few months later had his first psychotic episode. I wouldn't be surprised if those two incidents are linked. Yowie I remember the incident and the stories of Daniel and Buddy which at that time gave me good feelings about Daniel, although I seem to remember you had concerns for him even then. But he did love his dog (as did you and Joel if I remember correctly). I just remember him as a kind person who had some problems. I hope that he is able to get the help he needs and from your updates it sounds as if you and Joel are having some positive effects on him. Good luck and we'll keep Daniel in our thoughts and evening meditations.. Julie, Hobbes, Selena and Lacey |
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