OT - British Army joke...

Thank you for calling the British Army, I'm sorry but all of our units
are out at the moment or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message
with your country, name of organisation, the region, the specific
crisis and a number at which we can call you. As soon as we have
sorted out the Balkans, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Afghanistan, marching
up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory Equal
Opportunities training, we will return your call.

Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please
listen to the following numbers:

If your crisis is small and close to the sea, press 1 for the Royal
Marines.

If your concern is distant, with tropical climate and good hotels and
can be solved by one or two low risk bombing runs, please press # for
the Royal Air Force. Please note this service is not available after
1630 hours or at weekends.

If your enquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a grey
funnel, some bunting, flags, a damn good cocktail party and a first
class marching band, please write, well in advance, to the First Sea
Lord, The Ministry of Defence, Whitehall, London SW1.

If your enquiry is not urgent, please press 2 for the Allied Rapid
Reaction Corps.

If you are in real, hot trouble please press 3 and your call will be
routed to Sandline International.

If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted
at, paid little, have premature arthritis in both knees, put your wife
and family in a condemned hut miles from civilisation and are prepared
to work your butt off daily, risking life and limb in all weathers and
terrain, both day and night while watching the Treasury erode your
original terms and conditions of service, then please stay on the
line. Your call will shortly be connected to a bitter passed-over
Recruiting Sergeant in a grotty shop behind the railway station.

Have a pleasant day and thank you again for trying to contact the
British Army"