HELP HELP HELP!!

On Mon, 23 Jul 2007 18:16:47 -0500, Victor Martinez
wrote:

jofirey wrote:
But realistically, Tayla isn't happy. She is unlikely to ever be happy
sharing her home with five other cats.

That's a very bold statement to make based on a few hours of actual
face-to-face interaction.

I agree with you, Victor. I have had plenty of experience in adding
cats to my clowder, and it definitely can take a few months. I don't
think she is trying to hurt the kits, she may even think she is
playing, but never really had a chance to learn how when she was
young. They are showing very smart behaviour by laying still. If they
felt really threatened, they wouldn't stay around for long. I have
seen mother cats pin their older kibs and give them a 'talking' to
when they think they are out of line. The kibs may squawk, but never
are hurt.

Right now, I have 19 in my inside clowder, the oldest is 19, and the
youngest is 2. They all pretty much get along. Bear doesn't like Jacob
(the baby), but doesn't fight with him. He just growls and gets down
when Jake comes around. Jake has never done anything to Bear (that we
know of.) Bear weighs about 15 lbs, and Jake is 7 almost 8 lbs. If I
can, I will post photos of them on one of the photo places.

Catnipped, give it time, and remember that most cats can understand
what you are saying, especially if it has emotion attached to it. She
knows you are not happy with her, and it is making her more anxious.
She may take a bit of time to acclimate, but like a diamond from a
lump of coal, she will be worth it.

Mishi

CatNipped wrote:
"jofirey" wrote in message

I also meant to mention that driving off weaned kittens can be perfectly
normal behavior for cats in the wild. Especially little boys. Only your
two have no place to esape to.

!!! I didn't think about that, but you may be right. Either that or it's
misdirected aggression because the adult cats can successfully run way from
her or turn on her if they're cornered. Unfortunately the kittens can't run
away fast enough or defend themselves, so they take the brunt of whatever
she cares to dish out.

If that's the case, then that's a good thing. Once they are a little
bigger and not maturing kittens to be chased off, things should settle down.

In the meantime, I believe I'd separate them if you think she could hurt
them. I think it would be a good idea to just relax and slow these
introductions down a bit. Everyone needs a chance to get used to their
new surroundings and new family.

If you do take Tayla back, it could be harder for her to get adopted.
She will be marked as needing to be an only cat, which makes the
adoption pool much smaller. Maybe she would be happier as an only cat,
but maybe not. Maybe you all just need some time.

Good luck,

Rhonda

Victor Martinez wrote:
jofirey wrote:

But realistically, Tayla isn't happy. She is unlikely to ever be
happy sharing her home with five other cats.

That's a very bold statement to make based on a few hours of actual
face-to-face interaction.

Ditto, but she also made a statement that Yowie's IBK Fergus "blew it"
and needed to be taken back to the cat rescue.

But I'm not one to hold grudges for people's different ways of seeing
the world (haha.)

Rhonda

"Victor Martinez" wrote in message
...
CatNipped wrote:
Do you think Sammy may eventually come out and be my companion again?
I'm

It's impossible to predict what changes the introduction of new cats will
bring about in the personalities of the resident cats.

See, this is what worries me. I think everyone here knows how I feel about
my Sammy girl - if *ANYTHING* changed her or our relationship I would be
extremely unhappy and probably very, very resentful, I'm beginning to feel
that way now (just being honest here). For three and a half years now she
has been my constant companion no matter where I am in the house. All I had
to do was look around and there she was, she snuggled next to me at night
and she sat next to me on the sofa during the day (often sucking her toe as
she kneaded on me). But in the last four and a half weeks I have only seen
her when I crouch down to look under my bed and then she scoots back away
from me like I was going to hurt her. Even though Tayla has only been out
and about for supervised visits since Thursday - just the smell and sound of
her in the house has had my little wussy cat terrified, being chased and
growled at by Tayla has just added even more shivering fear. She won't come
out to eat or use the litter box until the middle of the night. I don't
want Sammy's personality to change, I don't want to sacrifice my
relationship with her - I'm still hurting too badly over my loss of Bandit
less than two months ago.

Ben was as close to his Jessie cat - for seven years she has ridden his
shoulder around the house, sat on his belly as he watched TV, licked and
groomed his beard and followed him around like a puppy. Since Thursday she
has been crouched on top of the refrigerator next to the wall trying to make
herself as small has possible. She won't come down to eat or use the
litterbox until the middle of the night (we have to put down more food after
Tayla is locked up since she goes around and eats every scrap from every
bowl in the house).

Jessie and Sammy used to run and play together and watch the squirrels
together and sun together - now they hardly ever see each other and of the
two times they did, Sammy was stressed enough to chase Jessie away!

Putting Tayla back in her room only causes her to meow non-stop (to me this
is like a baby crying and I want to go and do whatever it takes to comfort
her and make it stop). But the only thing that makes her stop is letting
her out. As soon as she is let out she runs to every food dish in the house
and cleans it out (and this after the vet told us to cut her food intake by
a third since she has gained a pound and a half since we've had her and is
overweight). After she eats everyone's food she then proceeds to hunt down
every adult cat in the house and chase them into hiding, and then finds the
kittens and starts growling, biting and hitting them.

I just don't think putting her back in the room for any length of time is
going to help - as I said, even with her in her room Sammy hides under my
bed and (now) Jessie hides on top of the fridge. Then, eventually, she
would have to be let out and I think all the commotion would just start up
again.

If I were running a shelter and my only concern was to keep the cats in my
care healthy - if I didn't value their happiness or take my own comfort in
their companionship, then it wouldn't matter to me if the personalities of
our current cats were changed by a newcomer, the important thing would be to
care for as many cats as we could. But that's not my goal here. My goal is
to have a calm, happy household for every creature in it. If I have to
sacrifice the comfort and happiness of five other cats just to accomodate a
new cat then, as I said, I'm going to be very resentful of the new cat and I
don't want to do that - she's too sweet a cat to be resented for something
she can't change.

Taking her back will not endanger her life, the contract I signed
specifically said that I *MUST* return her only to them since they are a
no-kill shelter. It won't even involve her having to stay in a cage since
they don't have a shelter, they foster their cats in volunteers' homes. She
may have to be separated into a room of her own at a fosterer's home, but
then she would have to be confined in my home also (Ben and I are at work
all day and we can't trust her to be out with our other cats and the kittens
unsupervised). The only difference would be beneficial to her - she would
have the chance to be adopted into an only cat home and be much happier -
and beneficial to everyone in my home - they would have the chance to get
back to normal without living in fear.

I know how people here feel about cats and how they feel that they would
never return an adopted cat, and I'm very sorry if I have disappointed or
angered you. Four and a half weeks of trying may seem like a short time to
some of you, but my family are the ones who have to live with the
consequences of our decisions. If one of those consequences is the loss of
my relationship with Sammy or Ben's loss of his relationship with Jessie,
then we just can't live with that - it would be much, much too painful,
especially after our very recent loss of Bandit.

OK, I know this has been long and I can't see my screen any more through the
tears - and all these justification will be pooh-poohed away as our just not
being willing to keep trying to make this work, either through our laziness,
ignorance, or uncaring, so it really is rather pointless. All I can say is
I'm sorry for all of this - you have *no* idea how sorry I am!

Hugs,

CatNipped



I will say this one last time though. You haven't given your cats nearly
enough time to adapt to the newcomers. It's your choice if you want to
return Tayla, but I do think it's very premature to label her as "an only
cat".


--
Victor M. Martinez
Owned and operated by the Fantastic Seven (TM)
Send your spam he
Email me he

"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
"Victor Martinez" wrote in message
...
CatNipped wrote:
Do you think Sammy may eventually come out and be my companion again?
I'm

It's impossible to predict what changes the introduction of new cats will
bring about in the personalities of the resident cats.

See, this is what worries me. I think everyone here knows how I feel
about my Sammy girl - if *ANYTHING* changed her or our relationship I
would be extremely unhappy and probably very, very resentful, I'm
beginning to feel that way now (just being honest here). For three and a
half years now she has been my constant companion no matter where I am in
the house. All I had to do was look around and there she was, she
snuggled next to me at night and she sat next to me on the sofa during the
day (often sucking her toe as she kneaded on me). But in the last four
and a half weeks I have only seen her when I crouch down to look under my
bed and then she scoots back away from me like I was going to hurt her.
Even though Tayla has only been out and about for supervised visits since
Thursday - just the smell and sound of her in the house has had my little
wussy cat terrified, being chased and growled at by Tayla has just added
even more shivering fear. She won't come out to eat or use the litter box
until the middle of the night. I don't want Sammy's personality to
change, I don't want to sacrifice my relationship with her - I'm still
hurting too badly over my loss of Bandit less than two months ago.


I know you have read about my experience with Holly and Duffy. Holly has
been my little shadow for 12 years (8 years when I adopted Duffy) --
somewhat like you described with Sammy, Holly went *everywhere* in the house
with me. If I go to the computer room, Holly is with me; if I go to the
bedroom, Holly is with me; well...you get the picture. In my case, it was
Holly who had always been *extremely aggressive* toward any other cat in my
vicinity. When I visited my sister, Holly chased her cats and attacked so
fiercely that I was really afraid Peaches was going to be injured. So, it
was with trepidation that I decided to adopt Duffy. I did the introduction
*very* slowly. It was a full 6 weeks before I felt free to leave the two of
them together at all times. Now, they are good friends. I took a picture
this week of Holly and Duffy with their heads in the same food bowl. I had
given each cat some Chicken Liv-a-Littles. Duffy always scarfs his down
like a little vacuum cleaner. Holly eats hers slowly and delicately. So,
Duffy ate his and then proceeded to steal some of Holly's -- and *she lets
him do it.* Moreover, Holly waits for Duffy when I get their meals ready.
They are usually right beside me as I do it, but on those occasions when
Duffy is a little slower to reach the kitchen, Holly actually goes to the
door and stands there watching for him. Only after she sees him coming does
she turn around and go to her own food. That is wonderful to see.

That said, I do suggest that you give some careful consideration to
returning Kayla to the no-kill shelter. It is possible to integrate cats,
but it would be unfair to all concerned if you feel resentment toward Kayla
or if you are unable to keep them separate long enough for a peaceful
integration.

--
MaryL
..

OK, I know this has been long and I can't see my screen any more through
the tears - and all these justification will be pooh-poohed away as our
just not being willing to keep trying to make this work, either through
our laziness, ignorance, or uncaring, so it really is rather pointless.
All I can say is I'm sorry for all of this - you have *no* idea how sorry
I am!

Hugs,

CatNipped



I will say this one last time though. You haven't given your cats nearly
enough time to adapt to the newcomers. It's your choice if you want to
return Tayla, but I do think it's very premature to label her as "an only
cat".


--
Victor M. Martinez
Owned and operated by the Fantastic Seven (TM)
Send your spam he
Email me he

"CatNipped" wrote in
:

See, this is what worries me. I think everyone here knows how I feel
about my Sammy girl - if *ANYTHING* changed her or our relationship I
would be extremely unhappy and probably very, very resentful, I'm
beginning to feel that way now (just being honest here). For three
and a half years now she has been my constant companion no matter
where I am in the house. All I had to do was look around and there
she was, she snuggled next to me at night and she sat next to me on
the sofa during the day (often sucking her toe as she kneaded on me).
But in the last four and a half weeks I have only seen her when I
crouch down to look under my bed and then she scoots back away from me
like I was going to hurt her. Even though Tayla has only been out and
about for supervised visits since Thursday - just the smell and sound
of her in the house has had my little wussy cat terrified, being
chased and growled at by Tayla has just added even more shivering
fear. She won't come out to eat or use the litter box until the
middle of the night. I don't want Sammy's personality to change, I
don't want to sacrifice my relationship with her - I'm still hurting
too badly over my loss of Bandit less than two months ago.

Ben was as close to his Jessie cat - for seven years she has ridden
his shoulder around the house, sat on his belly as he watched TV,
licked and groomed his beard and followed him around like a puppy.
Since Thursday she has been crouched on top of the refrigerator next
to the wall trying to make herself as small has possible. She won't
come down to eat or use the litterbox until the middle of the night
(we have to put down more food after Tayla is locked up since she goes
around and eats every scrap from every bowl in the house).

Jessie and Sammy used to run and play together and watch the squirrels
together and sun together - now they hardly ever see each other and of
the two times they did, Sammy was stressed enough to chase Jessie
away!

Putting Tayla back in her room only causes her to meow non-stop (to me
this is like a baby crying and I want to go and do whatever it takes
to comfort her and make it stop). But the only thing that makes her
stop is letting her out. As soon as she is let out she runs to every
food dish in the house and cleans it out (and this after the vet told
us to cut her food intake by a third since she has gained a pound and
a half since we've had her and is overweight). After she eats
everyone's food she then proceeds to hunt down every adult cat in the
house and chase them into hiding, and then finds the kittens and
starts growling, biting and hitting them.

I just don't think putting her back in the room for any length of time
is going to help - as I said, even with her in her room Sammy hides
under my bed and (now) Jessie hides on top of the fridge. Then,
eventually, she would have to be let out and I think all the commotion
would just start up again.

If I were running a shelter and my only concern was to keep the cats
in my care healthy - if I didn't value their happiness or take my own
comfort in their companionship, then it wouldn't matter to me if the
personalities of our current cats were changed by a newcomer, the
important thing would be to care for as many cats as we could. But
that's not my goal here. My goal is to have a calm, happy household
for every creature in it. If I have to sacrifice the comfort and
happiness of five other cats just to accomodate a new cat then, as I
said, I'm going to be very resentful of the new cat and I don't want
to do that - she's too sweet a cat to be resented for something she
can't change.

Taking her back will not endanger her life, the contract I signed
specifically said that I *MUST* return her only to them since they are
a no-kill shelter. It won't even involve her having to stay in a cage
since they don't have a shelter, they foster their cats in volunteers'
homes. She may have to be separated into a room of her own at a
fosterer's home, but then she would have to be confined in my home
also (Ben and I are at work all day and we can't trust her to be out
with our other cats and the kittens unsupervised). The only
difference would be beneficial to her - she would have the chance to
be adopted into an only cat home and be much happier - and beneficial
to everyone in my home - they would have the chance to get back to
normal without living in fear.

I know how people here feel about cats and how they feel that they
would never return an adopted cat, and I'm very sorry if I have
disappointed or angered you. Four and a half weeks of trying may seem
like a short time to some of you, but my family are the ones who have
to live with the consequences of our decisions. If one of those
consequences is the loss of my relationship with Sammy or Ben's loss
of his relationship with Jessie, then we just can't live with that -
it would be much, much too painful, especially after our very recent
loss of Bandit.

OK, I know this has been long and I can't see my screen any more
through the tears - and all these justification will be pooh-poohed
away as our just not being willing to keep trying to make this work,
either through our laziness, ignorance, or uncaring, so it really is
rather pointless. All I can say is I'm sorry for all of this - you
have *no* idea how sorry I am!

Hugs,

CatNipped


I've read all your posts and I think you owe it to your cats to return
Tayla asap. It's not fair to your own cats to live under the bed, in
fear. Their wellbeing should come first. They need their nice quiet
happy lives back, before Tayla causes them any more stress. It's also
better for Tayla to be re-homed now rather than a month from now, before
she gets even more used to your house. Your heart is in the right place,
but I don't see the point of trying and trying to make it work in view
of the problems she is causing. Never mind what others may think. Do
what you think is best for your cats. You've done everything right and
tried your best, but sometimes things just don't work out.

Cheers,
Bobble

--
Have you hugged your cat today?

Sonny's web page -- http://web.ncf.ca/ai151/index2.html

"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
"Victor Martinez" wrote in message
...
CatNipped wrote:
Do you think Sammy may eventually come out and be my companion again?
I'm

It's impossible to predict what changes the introduction of new cats will
bring about in the personalities of the resident cats.

See, this is what worries me. I think everyone here knows how I feel
about my Sammy girl - if *ANYTHING* changed her or our relationship I
would be extremely unhappy and probably very, very resentful, I'm
beginning to feel that way now (just being honest here). For three and a
half years now she has been my constant companion no matter where I am in
the house. All I had to do was look around and there she was, she
snuggled next to me at night and she sat next to me on the sofa during the
day (often sucking her toe as she kneaded on me). But in the last four
and a half weeks I have only seen her when I crouch down to look under my
bed and then she scoots back away from me like I was going to hurt her.
Even though Tayla has only been out and about for supervised visits since
Thursday - just the smell and sound of her in the house has had my little
wussy cat terrified, being chased and growled at by Tayla has just added
even more shivering fear. She won't come out to eat or use the litter box
until the middle of the night. I don't want Sammy's personality to
change, I don't want to sacrifice my relationship with her - I'm still
hurting too badly over my loss of Bandit less than two months ago.

Ben was as close to his Jessie cat - for seven years she has ridden his
shoulder around the house, sat on his belly as he watched TV, licked and
groomed his beard and followed him around like a puppy. Since Thursday
she has been crouched on top of the refrigerator next to the wall trying
to make herself as small has possible. She won't come down to eat or use
the litterbox until the middle of the night (we have to put down more food
after Tayla is locked up since she goes around and eats every scrap from
every bowl in the house).

Jessie and Sammy used to run and play together and watch the squirrels
together and sun together - now they hardly ever see each other and of the
two times they did, Sammy was stressed enough to chase Jessie away!

Putting Tayla back in her room only causes her to meow non-stop (to me
this is like a baby crying and I want to go and do whatever it takes to
comfort her and make it stop). But the only thing that makes her stop is
letting her out. As soon as she is let out she runs to every food dish in
the house and cleans it out (and this after the vet told us to cut her
food intake by a third since she has gained a pound and a half since we've
had her and is overweight). After she eats everyone's food she then
proceeds to hunt down every adult cat in the house and chase them into
hiding, and then finds the kittens and starts growling, biting and hitting
them.

I just don't think putting her back in the room for any length of time is
going to help - as I said, even with her in her room Sammy hides under my
bed and (now) Jessie hides on top of the fridge. Then, eventually, she
would have to be let out and I think all the commotion would just start up
again.

If I were running a shelter and my only concern was to keep the cats in my
care healthy - if I didn't value their happiness or take my own comfort in
their companionship, then it wouldn't matter to me if the personalities of
our current cats were changed by a newcomer, the important thing would be
to care for as many cats as we could. But that's not my goal here. My
goal is to have a calm, happy household for every creature in it. If I
have to sacrifice the comfort and happiness of five other cats just to
accomodate a new cat then, as I said, I'm going to be very resentful of
the new cat and I don't want to do that - she's too sweet a cat to be
resented for something she can't change.

Taking her back will not endanger her life, the contract I signed
specifically said that I *MUST* return her only to them since they are a
no-kill shelter. It won't even involve her having to stay in a cage since
they don't have a shelter, they foster their cats in volunteers' homes.
She may have to be separated into a room of her own at a fosterer's home,
but then she would have to be confined in my home also (Ben and I are at
work all day and we can't trust her to be out with our other cats and the
kittens unsupervised). The only difference would be beneficial to her -
she would have the chance to be adopted into an only cat home and be much
happier - and beneficial to everyone in my home - they would have the
chance to get back to normal without living in fear.

I know how people here feel about cats and how they feel that they would
never return an adopted cat, and I'm very sorry if I have disappointed or
angered you. Four and a half weeks of trying may seem like a short time
to some of you, but my family are the ones who have to live with the
consequences of our decisions. If one of those consequences is the loss
of my relationship with Sammy or Ben's loss of his relationship with
Jessie, then we just can't live with that - it would be much, much too
painful, especially after our very recent loss of Bandit.

OK, I know this has been long and I can't see my screen any more through
the tears - and all these justification will be pooh-poohed away as our
just not being willing to keep trying to make this work, either through
our laziness, ignorance, or uncaring, so it really is rather pointless.
All I can say is I'm sorry for all of this - you have *no* idea how sorry
I am!



I for one can see how much you care about your fur babies, including Tayla.
She is so pretty and so unusually marked. You have said she really likes
people, and to be cuddles and petted.

And you and Ben would normally be delighted to make her happy and have her
share your home.

Now if this were the best situation Tayla is ever likely to find, and the
alternative were to send her off to a kill shelter, I'd be the first one to
say suck it up and try to make a space for her. If nothing else it sounds
like she will eat herself into a calm state eventually.

But taking her back means at the very least she will get a situation in a
foster care no worse than what you can provide. At best someone else will
fall just as much in love with her as you have.

I realize I'm being awfully optimistic here, but wouldn't she love a life
like Jill's Persia has? Someone out there can give her that. You really
can't.

So dry your tears. Sometimes all you can do is all you can do.

Jo

On Jul 23, 10:49 pm, Rhonda wrote:
Victor Martinez wrote:
jofirey wrote:

But realistically, Tayla isn't happy. She is unlikely to ever be
happy sharing her home with five other cats.

That's a very bold statement to make based on a few hours of actual
face-to-face interaction.

Ditto, but she also made a statement that Yowie's IBK Fergus "blew it"
and needed to be taken back to the cat rescue.

But I'm not one to hold grudges for people's different ways of seeing
the world (haha.)

Rhonda

I'm not trying to argue, honest. But I've seen hundreds of adoptions.
Some of them just don't work out.
They just don't -- even if you do everything right.
I think CN's heart is mostly concerned about losing the relationship
with Sammy. And that could very well
happen, no matter what she does.
I've had Biskit four years. She still hides when Boots is in the room.
Boots still chases her occasionally just
to make *sure* Biskit will run and hide.
But when Boots is outside, Bik is my best buddy, right on my heels, my
lap, and she even even pulls up on on
me to be picked up, like a toddler. Boots comes in the house, and
Bikkie's back under the desk.

It's not a perfect situation. It's not fair to Biskit. However, that's
the way it is, and the only alternative is to get rid of one
of them. At this stage, of course, I'm not going to do that. HOwever,
I am lucky that Boots goes out in the daytime, and even
at night she likes to go in the garage. This gives Biskit some freedom
for her true personality to come out. CN doesn't have that option.

It could possibly be true that, with more time, they'll tolerate each
other better. I'm not a psychic so I'm not going to make that
prediction. I"m just saying that in four years, mine never did, and I
did everything "right" introducing them. I will make the prediction,
though, that with more time CN is going to become even more attached
to Tayla. The fact that Tayla isn't going to a kill shelter is
a factor too, or even a shelter. At Petsmart, she'll have
tremendously good exposure and a good chance to get another good
home.

Sherry

"jofirey" wrote in message
...

"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
"Victor Martinez" wrote in message
...
CatNipped wrote:
Do you think Sammy may eventually come out and be my companion again?
I'm

It's impossible to predict what changes the introduction of new cats
will bring about in the personalities of the resident cats.

See, this is what worries me. I think everyone here knows how I feel
about my Sammy girl - if *ANYTHING* changed her or our relationship I
would be extremely unhappy and probably very, very resentful, I'm
beginning to feel that way now (just being honest here). For three and a
half years now she has been my constant companion no matter where I am in
the house. All I had to do was look around and there she was, she
snuggled next to me at night and she sat next to me on the sofa during
the day (often sucking her toe as she kneaded on me). But in the last
four and a half weeks I have only seen her when I crouch down to look
under my bed and then she scoots back away from me like I was going to
hurt her. Even though Tayla has only been out and about for supervised
visits since Thursday - just the smell and sound of her in the house has
had my little wussy cat terrified, being chased and growled at by Tayla
has just added even more shivering fear. She won't come out to eat or
use the litter box until the middle of the night. I don't want Sammy's
personality to change, I don't want to sacrifice my relationship with
her - I'm still hurting too badly over my loss of Bandit less than two
months ago.

Ben was as close to his Jessie cat - for seven years she has ridden his
shoulder around the house, sat on his belly as he watched TV, licked and
groomed his beard and followed him around like a puppy. Since Thursday
she has been crouched on top of the refrigerator next to the wall trying
to make herself as small has possible. She won't come down to eat or use
the litterbox until the middle of the night (we have to put down more
food after Tayla is locked up since she goes around and eats every scrap
from every bowl in the house).

Jessie and Sammy used to run and play together and watch the squirrels
together and sun together - now they hardly ever see each other and of
the two times they did, Sammy was stressed enough to chase Jessie away!

Putting Tayla back in her room only causes her to meow non-stop (to me
this is like a baby crying and I want to go and do whatever it takes to
comfort her and make it stop). But the only thing that makes her stop is
letting her out. As soon as she is let out she runs to every food dish
in the house and cleans it out (and this after the vet told us to cut her
food intake by a third since she has gained a pound and a half since
we've had her and is overweight). After she eats everyone's food she
then proceeds to hunt down every adult cat in the house and chase them
into hiding, and then finds the kittens and starts growling, biting and
hitting them.

I just don't think putting her back in the room for any length of time is
going to help - as I said, even with her in her room Sammy hides under my
bed and (now) Jessie hides on top of the fridge. Then, eventually, she
would have to be let out and I think all the commotion would just start
up again.

If I were running a shelter and my only concern was to keep the cats in
my care healthy - if I didn't value their happiness or take my own
comfort in their companionship, then it wouldn't matter to me if the
personalities of our current cats were changed by a newcomer, the
important thing would be to care for as many cats as we could. But
that's not my goal here. My goal is to have a calm, happy household for
every creature in it. If I have to sacrifice the comfort and happiness
of five other cats just to accomodate a new cat then, as I said, I'm
going to be very resentful of the new cat and I don't want to do that -
she's too sweet a cat to be resented for something she can't change.

Taking her back will not endanger her life, the contract I signed
specifically said that I *MUST* return her only to them since they are a
no-kill shelter. It won't even involve her having to stay in a cage
since they don't have a shelter, they foster their cats in volunteers'
homes. She may have to be separated into a room of her own at a
fosterer's home, but then she would have to be confined in my home also
(Ben and I are at work all day and we can't trust her to be out with our
other cats and the kittens unsupervised). The only difference would be
beneficial to her - she would have the chance to be adopted into an only
cat home and be much happier - and beneficial to everyone in my home -
they would have the chance to get back to normal without living in fear.

I know how people here feel about cats and how they feel that they would
never return an adopted cat, and I'm very sorry if I have disappointed or
angered you. Four and a half weeks of trying may seem like a short time
to some of you, but my family are the ones who have to live with the
consequences of our decisions. If one of those consequences is the loss
of my relationship with Sammy or Ben's loss of his relationship with
Jessie, then we just can't live with that - it would be much, much too
painful, especially after our very recent loss of Bandit.

OK, I know this has been long and I can't see my screen any more through
the tears - and all these justification will be pooh-poohed away as our
just not being willing to keep trying to make this work, either through
our laziness, ignorance, or uncaring, so it really is rather pointless.
All I can say is I'm sorry for all of this - you have *no* idea how sorry
I am!



I for one can see how much you care about your fur babies, including
Tayla. She is so pretty and so unusually marked. You have said she really
likes people, and to be cuddles and petted.

And you and Ben would normally be delighted to make her happy and have her
share your home.

Now if this were the best situation Tayla is ever likely to find, and the
alternative were to send her off to a kill shelter, I'd be the first one
to say suck it up and try to make a space for her. If nothing else it
sounds like she will eat herself into a calm state eventually.

But taking her back means at the very least she will get a situation in a
foster care no worse than what you can provide. At best someone else will
fall just as much in love with her as you have.

I realize I'm being awfully optimistic here, but wouldn't she love a life
like Jill's Persia has? Someone out there can give her that. You really
can't.

So dry your tears. Sometimes all you can do is all you can do.

Jo

Thanks Jo! That pretty much sums up the situation as I see it (and feel it
in my heart).

Above and beyond my sadness at having failed to provide the home Tayla
needs, I *SO* don't want this to be divisive of RPCA. I know I've
disappointed some really good friends here and I hope they can forgive me
for what I feel I have to do (and not resent those who support me in my
decision).

Hugs,

CatNipped

CatNipped wrote:
See, this is what worries me. I think everyone here knows how I feel about
my Sammy girl - if *ANYTHING* changed her or our relationship I would be
extremely unhappy and probably very, very resentful, I'm beginning to feel

Then return the kittens, return Kayla and pray that none of your other
cats ever dies before Sammy does.
Yes, I'm being sarcastic.

and about for supervised visits since Thursday - just the smell and sound of
her in the house has had my little wussy cat terrified, being chased and

How do you know is Tayla and not the kittens smell Sammy is reacting to?

angered you. Four and a half weeks of trying may seem like a short time to

It doesn't seem like a short time, it *is* way too short a time.


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