Purrs for John & his Mother

Mishi wrote:
On Sat, 28 Oct 2006 18:40:14 -0500, "jmcquown"
wrote:

Gretchen is 90 years old. On Thursday she had a stroke. When he
went to see her he found her on the floor of her apartment. He
doesn't know how long she'd been there (the staff is supposed to
check on her every few hours due to her age and health issues). She
apparently had tried to crawl to get help before collapsing
completely. He found her on the floor between the wall and the
dining room table.

She's in very bad shape. He said she seems to be aware when he's
there, but she can't move at all, can't speak, can't eat. They
inserted a feeding tube and her breathing is assisted with an oxygen
mask. Long story short, she's not going to come out of this. The
doctor's hold out no hope of that.

John is now in the very, very awful position of (A) hoping she will
pass away quickly and peacefully or (B) having them remove the
feeding tube and letting her die. Option B is of course, horrendous
to contemplate. But if she doesn't pass away, she could live for
who knows how long in a nursing home bed, unable to move, eat, or
communicate in any way.

Purrs for John and his mother and for the best outcome for both of
them, please.

Jill

Hi Jill,

my heart goes out to John - it is a very hard decision he has to make.
A few years ago, when my mom went into a nursing home, they asked her
what she wanted if/when this happened. She told them No tubes, no
resusitation, pain medication only. The social worker asked her if
she was sure she wanted this. Mom said to her, "Why die twice? If I
am so bad at that time, let me go." 5 1/2 years later, I did what she
asked. No tubes, no resuscitation. It was heartbreaking, but that is
what she wanted.

She granted John power of attorney over all her affairs when the moved her
closer. He's an only child. I'm not sure at all if this included any
information about not rendering life support (DNR) but at any rate they have
her on a feeding tube, oxygen, etc. It's a little too late to have her fill
out forms. She can't move or speak.

Please tell John that prayers are going out for him and Gretchen, and
we are sending purrayers to you.

Take care,
Patti

Thank you, Patti. John is obviously in a torn situation. He told me he was
going to do as the doctors suggested and give her a couple of days before he
made a decision. Despite all he's done for her, she was never exactly a
loving "mom". But John is a very sensitive person, even though he's had to
be very strong all his life. He does remember she gave him paper, paints,
charcoal pencils, books to draw in. And that's what he does, he's a
professional artist

http://entertainment.webshots.com/album/332698141UtcsuJ

I'm afraid I haven't uploaded any images of his work from 2006. I'll have
to work on that but most of the shots I got weren't great.

Anyway, Gretchen did encourage his artistic side but it was not a happy
home. And now, it's even more unhappy. She can't sign any papers. She
can't move. She can't speak.

Jill

jmcquown wrote:
As some of you may know, John he moved his mother from her house in
NY to where he lives in AR, into an assisted living facility.
Actually, it's a nursing home with a section that has small
apartments, but it's still a nursing home.

Gretchen is 90 years old. On Thursday she had a stroke. When he
went to see her he found her on the floor of her apartment. He
doesn't know how long she'd been there (the staff is supposed to
check on her every few hours due to her age and health issues). She
apparently had tried to crawl to get help before collapsing
completely. He found her on the floor between the wall and the
dining room table.

She's in very bad shape. He said she seems to be aware when he's
there, but she can't move at all, can't speak, can't eat. They
inserted a feeding tube and her breathing is assisted with an oxygen
mask. Long story short, she's not going to come out of this. The
doctor's hold out no hope of that.

John is now in the very, very awful position of (A) hoping she will
pass away quickly and peacefully or (B) having them remove the
feeding tube and letting her die. Option B is of course, horrendous
to contemplate. But if she doesn't pass away, she could live for who
knows how long in a nursing home bed, unable to move, eat, or
communicate in any way.

I've often wondered why, when the time comes for our furbabies we are
able to assist them on their way to the Bridge, but when it comes to
a situation like this the only option is to remove the feeding tube
and let the person die of starvation. It's just too cruel.

Purrs for John and his mother and for the best outcome for both of
them, please.

Jill

Oh, honey, I didn't know all this was going on. Purrs for John and his
mother, and please keep me posted.

kili

--
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kilikini

jmcquown wrote:


Purrs for John and his mother and for the best outcome for both of them,
please.

Purring up a storm. What a horrible position to be in. I confess that
nasty as it sounds I am "glad" (for want of a better word) both my
parents died in ways that didn't leave me and my brothers with a hard
decision like this.

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

kilikini wrote:
jmcquown wrote:
John is now in the very, very awful position of (A) hoping she will
pass away quickly and peacefully or (B) having them remove the
feeding tube and letting her die. Option B is of course, horrendous
to contemplate. But if she doesn't pass away, she could live for who
knows how long in a nursing home bed, unable to move, eat, or
communicate in any way.

Purrs for John and his mother and for the best outcome for both of
them, please.

Jill

Oh, honey, I didn't know all this was going on. Purrs for John and
his mother, and please keep me posted.

kili

You have enough to worry about without my adding to your troubles, sweetie.
And there's really nothing anyone can do but just hope she dies peacefully
so he doesn't have to make this decision. He told me last night he's going
to give it a couple of days (I think he needs to) to see what happens.

Jill

jmcquown wrote:
snip
Purrs for John and his mother and for the best outcome for both of
them, please.

Jill

Purrs just don't seem enough. :-( Purrs anyway.
--
Adrian (Owned by Snoopy and Bagheera)
Cats leave pawprints on your heart.
http://community.webshots.com/user/clowderuk

On Sat, 28 Oct 2006 18:40:14 -0500, "jmcquown"
wrote:

Purrs for John and his mother and for the best outcome for both of them,
please.

Absolutely. On their way. Our thoughts are with all of you during
this difficult time.

My mother did the opposite, in a way. She was in a nursing home
and at one point refused to eat. She had a DNR but I was asked if
they could insert a feeding tube. Advice from family and her doctor
was against it but I couldn't bring myself to say "no" so it was done.
Within a week after the insertion, she died anyway but I'm still glad
I tried.

Jeanne

jmcquown wrote:
Purrs for John and his mother and for the best outcome for both of them,
please.

Jill



Purrs on their way.

On Sat, 28 Oct 2006 18:40:14 -0500, "jmcquown"
wrote:

As some of you may know, John he moved his mother from her house in NY to
where he lives in AR, into an assisted living facility. Actually, it's a
nursing home with a section that has small apartments, but it's still a
nursing home.

Gretchen is 90 years old. On Thursday she had a stroke. When he went to
see her he found her on the floor of her apartment. He doesn't know how
long she'd been there (the staff is supposed to check on her every few hours
due to her age and health issues). She apparently had tried to crawl to get
help before collapsing completely. He found her on the floor between the
wall and the dining room table.

She's in very bad shape. He said she seems to be aware when he's there, but
she can't move at all, can't speak, can't eat. They inserted a feeding tube
and her breathing is assisted with an oxygen mask. Long story short, she's
not going to come out of this. The doctor's hold out no hope of that.

John is now in the very, very awful position of (A) hoping she will pass
away quickly and peacefully or (B) having them remove the feeding tube and
letting her die. Option B is of course, horrendous to contemplate. But if
she doesn't pass away, she could live for who knows how long in a nursing
home bed, unable to move, eat, or communicate in any way.

I've often wondered why, when the time comes for our furbabies we are able
to assist them on their way to the Bridge, but when it comes to a situation
like this the only option is to remove the feeding tube and let the person
die of starvation. It's just too cruel.

Purrs for John and his mother and for the best outcome for both of them,
please.

Jill

Mega purrs are on the way to John and his mother.

I know how hard it is to make the kind of decision that he's going to
have to make. I've had to make it twice. Once in 1989 for my father
and again in 1996 for my mother. He needs to ask himself what she
would want.

I have a living will that states that if I ever get to the point that
I cannot make decisions for myself there are not to be any extreme
measurers to keep me alive. Keep me as comfortable as possible and
let me go.

--
Hugs and Purrs,

Nan and the Furkids

Purrs and prayers for John and his mother. Hope everything comes out for the
best.

Lily & her mama

--

Irulan
from the stars we come
to the stars we return
from now until the end of time
"jmcquown" wrote in message
...
As some of you may know, John he moved his mother from her house in NY to
where he lives in AR, into an assisted living facility. Actually, it's a
nursing home with a section that has small apartments, but it's still a
nursing home.

Gretchen is 90 years old. On Thursday she had a stroke. When he went to
see her he found her on the floor of her apartment. He doesn't know how
long she'd been there (the staff is supposed to check on her every few
hours
due to her age and health issues). She apparently had tried to crawl to
get
help before collapsing completely. He found her on the floor between the
wall and the dining room table.

She's in very bad shape. He said she seems to be aware when he's there,
but
she can't move at all, can't speak, can't eat. They inserted a feeding
tube
and her breathing is assisted with an oxygen mask. Long story short,
she's
not going to come out of this. The doctor's hold out no hope of that.

John is now in the very, very awful position of (A) hoping she will pass
away quickly and peacefully or (B) having them remove the feeding tube and
letting her die. Option B is of course, horrendous to contemplate. But
if
she doesn't pass away, she could live for who knows how long in a nursing
home bed, unable to move, eat, or communicate in any way.

I've often wondered why, when the time comes for our furbabies we are able
to assist them on their way to the Bridge, but when it comes to a
situation
like this the only option is to remove the feeding tube and let the person
die of starvation. It's just too cruel.

Purrs for John and his mother and for the best outcome for both of them,
please.

Jill

Nan wrote:
On Sat, 28 Oct 2006 18:40:14 -0500, "jmcquown"
wrote:

Gretchen is 90 years old. On Thursday she had a stroke.

She's in very bad shape. He said she seems to be aware when he's
there, but she can't move at all, can't speak, can't eat. They
inserted a feeding tube and her breathing is assisted with an oxygen
mask. Long story short, she's not going to come out of this. The
doctor's hold out no hope of that.

John is now in the very, very awful position of (A) hoping she will
pass away quickly and peacefully or (B) having them remove the
feeding tube and letting her die. Option B is of course, horrendous
to contemplate. But if she doesn't pass away, she could live for
who knows how long in a nursing home bed, unable to move, eat, or
communicate in any way.

I've often wondered why, when the time comes for our furbabies we
are able to assist them on their way to the Bridge, but when it
comes to a situation like this the only option is to remove the
feeding tube and let the person die of starvation. It's just too
cruel.

Purrs for John and his mother and for the best outcome for both of
them, please.

Jill

Mega purrs are on the way to John and his mother.

I know how hard it is to make the kind of decision that he's going to
have to make. I've had to make it twice. Once in 1989 for my father
and again in 1996 for my mother. He needs to ask himself what she
would want.

I have a living will that states that if I ever get to the point that
I cannot make decisions for myself there are not to be any extreme
measurers to keep me alive. Keep me as comfortable as possible and
let me go.

He thinks that's what she would want but he's still unsure. The doctors are
telling him she won't ever come out of this state.

He really doesn't know what she'd want. His mother didn't like him. To be
frank, she's a bitter old woman and the last words she said to him that ring
in his mind (before she had the stroke) were about how ugly he is. I think
all he ever wanted was for her to say, just once, "I love you" but she never
did. Forgive my bluntness but may she burn in Hell for that.

Jill