Purrs for John & his Mother

Purrs on the way for John and his mom.
Ann

--
read Sam's blog at http://kittens-3.blogspot.com/
see pictures of Sam at http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/ann791/my_photos
"jmcquown" wrote in message
...
As some of you may know, John he moved his mother from her house in NY to
where he lives in AR, into an assisted living facility. Actually, it's a
nursing home with a section that has small apartments, but it's still a
nursing home.

Gretchen is 90 years old. On Thursday she had a stroke. When he went to
see her he found her on the floor of her apartment. He doesn't know how
long she'd been there (the staff is supposed to check on her every few
hours
due to her age and health issues). She apparently had tried to crawl to
get
help before collapsing completely. He found her on the floor between the
wall and the dining room table.

She's in very bad shape. He said she seems to be aware when he's there,
but
she can't move at all, can't speak, can't eat. They inserted a feeding
tube
and her breathing is assisted with an oxygen mask. Long story short,
she's
not going to come out of this. The doctor's hold out no hope of that.

John is now in the very, very awful position of (A) hoping she will pass
away quickly and peacefully or (B) having them remove the feeding tube and
letting her die. Option B is of course, horrendous to contemplate. But
if
she doesn't pass away, she could live for who knows how long in a nursing
home bed, unable to move, eat, or communicate in any way.

I've often wondered why, when the time comes for our furbabies we are able
to assist them on their way to the Bridge, but when it comes to a
situation
like this the only option is to remove the feeding tube and let the person
die of starvation. It's just too cruel.

Purrs for John and his mother and for the best outcome for both of them,
please.

Jill

jmcquown wrote:
As some of you may know, John he moved his mother from her house in NY to
where he lives in AR, into an assisted living facility. Actually, it's a
nursing home with a section that has small apartments, but it's still a
nursing home.

Gretchen is 90 years old. On Thursday she had a stroke. When he went to
see her he found her on the floor of her apartment. He doesn't know how
long she'd been there (the staff is supposed to check on her every few hours
due to her age and health issues). She apparently had tried to crawl to get
help before collapsing completely. He found her on the floor between the
wall and the dining room table.

She's in very bad shape. He said she seems to be aware when he's there, but
she can't move at all, can't speak, can't eat. They inserted a feeding tube
and her breathing is assisted with an oxygen mask. Long story short, she's
not going to come out of this. The doctor's hold out no hope of that.

John is now in the very, very awful position of (A) hoping she will pass
away quickly and peacefully or (B) having them remove the feeding tube and
letting her die. Option B is of course, horrendous to contemplate. But if
she doesn't pass away, she could live for who knows how long in a nursing
home bed, unable to move, eat, or communicate in any way.

I've often wondered why, when the time comes for our furbabies we are able
to assist them on their way to the Bridge, but when it comes to a situation
like this the only option is to remove the feeding tube and let the person
die of starvation. It's just too cruel.

Purrs for John and his mother and for the best outcome for both of them,
please.

Jill


Purrs and prayers on the way for both.

--
Sam, closely supervised by Mistletoe

jmcquown wrote:
As some of you may know, John he moved his mother from her house in
NY to where he lives in AR, into an assisted living facility.
Actually, it's a nursing home with a section that has small
apartments, but it's still a nursing home.

Gretchen is 90 years old. On Thursday she had a stroke. When he
went to see her he found her on the floor of her apartment. He
doesn't know how long she'd been there (the staff is supposed to
check on her every few hours due to her age and health issues). She
apparently had tried to crawl to get help before collapsing
completely. He found her on the floor between the wall and the
dining room table.

She's in very bad shape. He said she seems to be aware when he's
there, but she can't move at all, can't speak, can't eat. They
inserted a feeding tube and her breathing is assisted with an oxygen
mask. Long story short, she's not going to come out of this. The
doctor's hold out no hope of that.

This happened to my uncle four years ago, sounds exactly the same. He
recovered well, except that his speech is still affected.

It might be the same for Gretchen. I hope John won't need to make that
ultimate decision. Removing a feeding tube is something I am not
comfortable with. I regard it as murder of a vulnerable person.

Tweed

jmcquown wrote:
.. To be
frank, she's a bitter old woman and the last words she said to him that ring
in his mind (before she had the stroke) were about how ugly he is. I think
all he ever wanted was for her to say, just once, "I love you" but she never
did.

Sounds a lot like my mother...when she was admitted for the last time
just after I left the ward my brother called me to ask how she was and
I said "She didn't make nasty comments on my hair. She didn't say a bad
word about me or Dave. When I left she said "Love you"..I am worried
about her!"

(Incidentally I later found out the "love you" thing was an invention
of my neice who reckoned no-one said it enough so everyone was
parotting it to keep Adele happy)

You have to remember this is the woman who said to me when I was about
10 "The best things in life to be are pretty and intelligent. If you
can only be one then pretty is better than intelligent. If you're
neither then perhaps you can cultivate a "nice" personality....in your
case cultivate the "nice" personality"

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

Christina Websell wrote:
jmcquown wrote:
Gretchen is 90 years old. On Thursday she had a stroke. When he
went to see her he found her on the floor of her apartment. He
doesn't know how long she'd been there (the staff is supposed to
check on her every few hours due to her age and health issues). She
apparently had tried to crawl to get help before collapsing
completely. He found her on the floor between the wall and the
dining room table.

She's in very bad shape. He said she seems to be aware when he's
there, but she can't move at all, can't speak, can't eat. They
inserted a feeding tube and her breathing is assisted with an oxygen
mask. Long story short, she's not going to come out of this. The
doctor's hold out no hope of that.

This happened to my uncle four years ago, sounds exactly the same. He
recovered well, except that his speech is still affected.

It might be the same for Gretchen. I hope John won't need to make
that ultimate decision. Removing a feeding tube is something I am not
comfortable with. I regard it as murder of a vulnerable person.

Tweed

Was your uncle 90 years old? I'm not sure what there is for her to "come
back" to. All her family except for John are dead. John is certainly not
happy with option B but option C (should it come to that) is just let her
lie in a bed for x-years not being able to do anything at all. I sure
wouldn't want that, myself.

Jill

Christina Websell wrote:
jmcquown wrote:
As some of you may know, John he moved his mother from her house in
NY to where he lives in AR, into an assisted living facility.
Actually, it's a nursing home with a section that has small
apartments, but it's still a nursing home.

Gretchen is 90 years old. On Thursday she had a stroke. When he
went to see her he found her on the floor of her apartment. He
doesn't know how long she'd been there (the staff is supposed to
check on her every few hours due to her age and health issues). She
apparently had tried to crawl to get help before collapsing
completely. He found her on the floor between the wall and the
dining room table.

She's in very bad shape. He said she seems to be aware when he's
there, but she can't move at all, can't speak, can't eat. They
inserted a feeding tube and her breathing is assisted with an oxygen
mask. Long story short, she's not going to come out of this. The
doctor's hold out no hope of that.

This happened to my uncle four years ago, sounds exactly the same. He
recovered well, except that his speech is still affected.

It might be the same for Gretchen. I hope John won't need to make that
ultimate decision. Removing a feeding tube is something I am not
comfortable with. I regard it as murder of a vulnerable person.

Tweed

Removal of a feeding tube, or removal from a respirator or whatever,
isn't something *anyone* is comfortable with. God forbid any of us
should be comfortable about making such a decision. Even without
knowing John at all, I know he is probably in torment right now. If he
is the only family, what he feels is the right thing to do is the only
thing that counts. It would be so much easier on him if his mom had
recorded her wishes before she got ill.
Jill, I imagine the doctors have a good idea of her brain activity from
tests. Do they hold any hope at all?

Sherry

"jmcquown" wrote:
I've often wondered why, when the time comes for our furbabies we are able
to assist them on their way to the Bridge, but when it comes to a situation
like this the only option is to remove the feeding tube and let the person
die of starvation. It's just too cruel.

Purrs for John and his mother and for the best outcome for both of them,
please.

Purrs for Gretchen and for John!

"Enfilade" wrote:
I think about my great aunt and grandmother, who were both critically
ill but conscious and thinking clearly, and made the choice to stop
eating. It was particularly brutal in the case of my great aunt who,
feeling guilty for the waste of food, asked the staff to stop bringing
her food. They said that legally, they had to give her food or they
would be charged with neglect, but also legally, they would not force
her to eat if she chose not to as she was in her right mind to make her
own decisions. I believe it took almost two months for her to die.

That must have been such a terribly desperate thing to have to do.

wrote:
Christina Websell wrote:
jmcquown wrote:
As some of you may know, John he moved his mother from her house in
NY to where he lives in AR, into an assisted living facility.
Actually, it's a nursing home with a section that has small
apartments, but it's still a nursing home.

Gretchen is 90 years old. On Thursday she had a stroke. When he
went to see her he found her on the floor of her apartment. He
doesn't know how long she'd been there (the staff is supposed to
check on her every few hours due to her age and health issues). She
apparently had tried to crawl to get help before collapsing
completely. He found her on the floor between the wall and the
dining room table.

She's in very bad shape. He said she seems to be aware when he's
there, but she can't move at all, can't speak, can't eat. They
inserted a feeding tube and her breathing is assisted with an oxygen
mask. Long story short, she's not going to come out of this. The
doctor's hold out no hope of that.

This happened to my uncle four years ago, sounds exactly the same.
He recovered well, except that his speech is still affected.

It might be the same for Gretchen. I hope John won't need to make
that ultimate decision. Removing a feeding tube is something I am
not comfortable with. I regard it as murder of a vulnerable person.

Tweed

Removal of a feeding tube, or removal from a respirator or whatever,
isn't something *anyone* is comfortable with. God forbid any of us
should be comfortable about making such a decision. Even without
knowing John at all, I know he is probably in torment right now. If he
is the only family, what he feels is the right thing to do is the only
thing that counts. It would be so much easier on him if his mom had
recorded her wishes before she got ill.
Jill, I imagine the doctors have a good idea of her brain activity
from tests. Do they hold any hope at all?

Sherry

No, they say she will not recover. They say her current state is the best
they can hope for. We didn't talk about brain activity; he said he thinks
she knows when he's there with her but he really doesn't know. He spoke of
looking into her eyes, trying to get some hint, some sign of what she wants
but saw nothing. So I don't even know if she really sees him.

He's an only child. His father committed suicide back in 1981. John is the
only family except for a few distant cousins whom he doesn't know and she
probably wouldn't remember. It's a horrible decision for him to have to
make and certainly not one he will make lightly.

Jill

On Sat, 28 Oct 2006 18:40:14 -0500, "jmcquown"
yodeled:

As some of you may know, John he moved his mother from her house in NY to
where he lives in AR, into an assisted living facility. Actually, it's a
nursing home with a section that has small apartments, but it's still a
nursing home.

Gretchen is 90 years old. On Thursday she had a stroke. When he went to
see her he found her on the floor of her apartment. He doesn't know how
long she'd been there (the staff is supposed to check on her every few hours
due to her age and health issues). She apparently had tried to crawl to get
help before collapsing completely. He found her on the floor between the
wall and the dining room table.

She's in very bad shape. He said she seems to be aware when he's there, but
she can't move at all, can't speak, can't eat. They inserted a feeding tube
and her breathing is assisted with an oxygen mask. Long story short, she's
not going to come out of this. The doctor's hold out no hope of that.

John is now in the very, very awful position of (A) hoping she will pass
away quickly and peacefully or (B) having them remove the feeding tube and
letting her die. Option B is of course, horrendous to contemplate. But if
she doesn't pass away, she could live for who knows how long in a nursing
home bed, unable to move, eat, or communicate in any way.

I've often wondered why, when the time comes for our furbabies we are able
to assist them on their way to the Bridge, but when it comes to a situation
like this the only option is to remove the feeding tube and let the person
die of starvation. It's just too cruel.

Purrs for John and his mother and for the best outcome for both of them,
please.

Jill


Purrs on the way.

Theresa
Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh

Make Levees, Not War