Purrs for John & his Mother

"jmcquown" wrote:
As some of you may know, John he moved his mother from her house in NY to
where he lives in AR, into an assisted living facility. Actually, it's a
nursing home with a section that has small apartments, but it's still a
nursing home.

Gretchen is 90 years old. On Thursday she had a stroke. When he went to
see her he found her on the floor of her apartment. He doesn't know how
long she'd been there (the staff is supposed to check on her every few hours
due to her age and health issues). She apparently had tried to crawl to get
help before collapsing completely. He found her on the floor between the
wall and the dining room table.

She's in very bad shape. He said she seems to be aware when he's there, but
she can't move at all, can't speak, can't eat. They inserted a feeding tube
and her breathing is assisted with an oxygen mask. Long story short, she's
not going to come out of this. The doctor's hold out no hope of that.

John is now in the very, very awful position of (A) hoping she will pass
away quickly and peacefully or (B) having them remove the feeding tube and
letting her die. Option B is of course, horrendous to contemplate. But if
she doesn't pass away, she could live for who knows how long in a nursing
home bed, unable to move, eat, or communicate in any way.

I've often wondered why, when the time comes for our furbabies we are able
to assist them on their way to the Bridge, but when it comes to a situation
like this the only option is to remove the feeding tube and let the person
die of starvation. It's just too cruel.

Purrs for John and his mother and for the best outcome for both of them,
please.

Jill

Purrs on the way for all involved.

Randy

http://picasaweb.google.com/crmartin1

http://kittenwar.com/kittens/74045/

Purrs for John and his mother, may there be a swift and peaceful
resolution that doesn't involve John making any difficult decisions.

--
Shirley
http://community.webshots.com/user/shirleycatuk


"jmcquown" wrote in message
...
As some of you may know, John he moved his mother from her house in
NY to
where he lives in AR, into an assisted living facility. Actually,
it's a
nursing home with a section that has small apartments, but it's
still a
nursing home.

Gretchen is 90 years old. On Thursday she had a stroke. When he
went to
see her he found her on the floor of her apartment. He doesn't know
how
long she'd been there (the staff is supposed to check on her every
few hours
due to her age and health issues). She apparently had tried to
crawl to get
help before collapsing completely. He found her on the floor
between the
wall and the dining room table.

She's in very bad shape. He said she seems to be aware when he's
there, but
she can't move at all, can't speak, can't eat. They inserted a
feeding tube
and her breathing is assisted with an oxygen mask. Long story
short, she's
not going to come out of this. The doctor's hold out no hope of
that.

John is now in the very, very awful position of (A) hoping she will
pass
away quickly and peacefully or (B) having them remove the feeding
tube and
letting her die. Option B is of course, horrendous to contemplate.
But if
she doesn't pass away, she could live for who knows how long in a
nursing
home bed, unable to move, eat, or communicate in any way.

I've often wondered why, when the time comes for our furbabies we
are able
to assist them on their way to the Bridge, but when it comes to a
situation
like this the only option is to remove the feeding tube and let the
person
die of starvation. It's just too cruel.

Purrs for John and his mother and for the best outcome for both of
them,
please.

Jill

On Sun, 29 Oct 2006 15:19:43 -0800, Lesley wrote:


jmcquown wrote:
. To be
frank, she's a bitter old woman and the last words she said to him that ring
in his mind (before she had the stroke) were about how ugly he is. I think
all he ever wanted was for her to say, just once, "I love you" but she never
did.

Sounds a lot like my mother...when she was admitted for the last time
just after I left the ward my brother called me to ask how she was and
I said "She didn't make nasty comments on my hair. She didn't say a bad
word about me or Dave. When I left she said "Love you"..I am worried
about her!"

(Incidentally I later found out the "love you" thing was an invention
of my neice who reckoned no-one said it enough so everyone was
parotting it to keep Adele happy)

You have to remember this is the woman who said to me when I was about
10 "The best things in life to be are pretty and intelligent. If you
can only be one then pretty is better than intelligent. If you're
neither then perhaps you can cultivate a "nice" personality....in your
case cultivate the "nice" personality"

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs



Not all mothers want or like their children. It is apparent that she was
not too intelligent, or she would have put intelligence first. With
intelligence, the other attributes can be acquired. Best wishes . MLB

On Sun, 29 Oct 2006 22:48:39 +0000, Christina Websell wrote:

jmcquown wrote:
As some of you may know, John he moved his mother from her house in
NY to where he lives in AR, into an assisted living facility.
Actually, it's a nursing home with a section that has small
apartments, but it's still a nursing home.

Gretchen is 90 years old. On Thursday she had a stroke. When he
went to see her he found her on the floor of her apartment. He
doesn't know how long she'd been there (the staff is supposed to
check on her every few hours due to her age and health issues). She
apparently had tried to crawl to get help before collapsing
completely. He found her on the floor between the wall and the
dining room table.

She's in very bad shape. He said she seems to be aware when he's
there, but she can't move at all, can't speak, can't eat. They
inserted a feeding tube and her breathing is assisted with an oxygen
mask. Long story short, she's not going to come out of this. The
doctor's hold out no hope of that.

This happened to my uncle four years ago, sounds exactly the same. He
recovered well, except that his speech is still affected.

It might be the same for Gretchen. I hope John won't need to make that
ultimate decision. Removing a feeding tube is something I am not
comfortable with. I regard it as murder of a vulnerable person.

Tweed


I'll have to disagree with you on that. I consider it relief from
prolonged suffering. MLB

jmcquown wrote:
Christina Websell wrote:
jmcquown wrote:
Gretchen is 90 years old. On Thursday she had a stroke. When he
went to see her he found her on the floor of her apartment. He
doesn't know how long she'd been there (the staff is supposed to
check on her every few hours due to her age and health issues). She
apparently had tried to crawl to get help before collapsing
completely. He found her on the floor between the wall and the
dining room table.

She's in very bad shape. He said she seems to be aware when he's
there, but she can't move at all, can't speak, can't eat. They
inserted a feeding tube and her breathing is assisted with an oxygen
mask. Long story short, she's not going to come out of this. The
doctor's hold out no hope of that.

This happened to my uncle four years ago, sounds exactly the same.
He recovered well, except that his speech is still affected.

It might be the same for Gretchen. I hope John won't need to make
that ultimate decision. Removing a feeding tube is something I am
not comfortable with. I regard it as murder of a vulnerable person.

Tweed

Was your uncle 90 years old?

No, he was 78.

I'm not sure what there is for her to
"come back" to. All her family except for John are dead. John is
certainly not happy with option B but option C (should it come to
that) is just let her lie in a bed for x-years not being able to do
anything at all. I sure wouldn't want that, myself.



Unfortunately we don't know what her wishes are. I will never be in favour
of starving anyone to death because they are ill, comatose, and cannot speak
for themselves.
It's diabolical and cruel. IMO.

Tweed

Please give John all our best and lots of purrs; (this situation is what I
worry about with my 86-yr-old mother on a daily basis.) I'm so sorry for
all he's going through; you all certainly have moral support from here.
Christine
"jmcquown" wrote in message
...
As some of you may know, John he moved his mother from her house in NY to
where he lives in AR, into an assisted living facility. Actually, it's a
nursing home with a section that has small apartments, but it's still a
nursing home.

Gretchen is 90 years old. On Thursday she had a stroke. When he went to
see her he found her on the floor of her apartment. He doesn't know how
long she'd been there (the staff is supposed to check on her every few
hours
due to her age and health issues). She apparently had tried to crawl to
get
help before collapsing completely. He found her on the floor between the
wall and the dining room table.

She's in very bad shape. He said she seems to be aware when he's there,
but
she can't move at all, can't speak, can't eat. They inserted a feeding
tube
and her breathing is assisted with an oxygen mask. Long story short,
she's
not going to come out of this. The doctor's hold out no hope of that.

John is now in the very, very awful position of (A) hoping she will pass
away quickly and peacefully or (B) having them remove the feeding tube and
letting her die. Option B is of course, horrendous to contemplate. But
if
she doesn't pass away, she could live for who knows how long in a nursing
home bed, unable to move, eat, or communicate in any way.

I've often wondered why, when the time comes for our furbabies we are able
to assist them on their way to the Bridge, but when it comes to a
situation
like this the only option is to remove the feeding tube and let the person
die of starvation. It's just too cruel.

Purrs for John and his mother and for the best outcome for both of them,
please.

Jill

jmcquown wrote:

As some of you may know, John he moved his mother from her house in NY to
where he lives in AR, into an assisted living facility. Actually, it's a
nursing home with a section that has small apartments, but it's still a
nursing home.

Gretchen is 90 years old. On Thursday she had a stroke. When he went to
see her he found her on the floor of her apartment. He doesn't know how
long she'd been there (the staff is supposed to check on her every few hours
due to her age and health issues). She apparently had tried to crawl to get
help before collapsing completely. He found her on the floor between the
wall and the dining room table.

She's in very bad shape. He said she seems to be aware when he's there, but
she can't move at all, can't speak, can't eat. They inserted a feeding tube
and her breathing is assisted with an oxygen mask. Long story short, she's
not going to come out of this. The doctor's hold out no hope of that.

John is now in the very, very awful position of (A) hoping she will pass
away quickly and peacefully or (B) having them remove the feeding tube and
letting her die. Option B is of course, horrendous to contemplate. But if
she doesn't pass away, she could live for who knows how long in a nursing
home bed, unable to move, eat, or communicate in any way.

I've often wondered why, when the time comes for our furbabies we are able
to assist them on their way to the Bridge, but when it comes to a situation
like this the only option is to remove the feeding tube and let the person
die of starvation. It's just too cruel.

Purrs for John and his mother and for the best outcome for both of them,
please.

Jill


I'm so very sorry to hear that.
Lots of purrs for Gretchen and John,
Polonca and Soncek

mlbriggs wrote:


Not all mothers want or like their children.

I know she resented me because she hated being pregnant and if I had
been the son and heir she wouldn't have had to go through it again

It is apparent that she was
not too intelligent,

She was quite smart but I always got the impression she was a product
of her time ie she was born to a working class family at a time when
her best hope would have been to go into service , marriage and family
were the only options open to her to get out of that! She never really
matched my dad who came from the same background but had more options.
He taught himself to play piano to a great standard and got into
interesting things.Her function seemed to be to rear us kids....not too
well as it turned out (All 3 of us have been treated for depression to
her shame!)

I always thought she could have achieved much more than she did

I don't feel comfortable saying bad things about her- she isn't here to
defend herself- she did the best job she could

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

mlbriggs wrote:
On Sun, 29 Oct 2006 22:48:39 +0000, Christina Websell wrote:

jmcquown wrote:
Gretchen is 90 years old. On Thursday she had a stroke. When he
went to see her he found her on the floor of her apartment.

She's in very bad shape. He said she seems to be aware when he's
there, but she can't move at all, can't speak, can't eat. They
inserted a feeding tube and her breathing is assisted with an oxygen
mask. Long story short, she's not going to come out of this. The
doctor's hold out no hope of that.

This happened to my uncle four years ago, sounds exactly the same.
He recovered well, except that his speech is still affected.

It might be the same for Gretchen. I hope John won't need to make
that ultimate decision. Removing a feeding tube is something I am
not comfortable with. I regard it as murder of a vulnerable person.


I'll have to disagree with you on that. I consider it relief from
prolonged suffering. MLB

It's still a horrendous decision to have to make and I hope he doesn't have
to. I suppose they should have discussed this when he moved her from NY.
He's her only living relative aside from a couple of his cousins whom he's
never met.

Jill