Tips for Holiday Eating (OT)

I "borrowed this" and maybe you've seen it. My apologies if you have.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table
knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You
can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that
it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn
into
an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me.
Have two. It's later than you think.

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy.
Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your
eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.
You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted
Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near
them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if
you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or
get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips;
start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used
up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Jill

On Tue, 7 Dec 2004 12:55:02 -0600, "jmcquown"
yodeled:

I "borrowed this" and maybe you've seen it. My apologies if you have.

(snip)

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

Reminds me of my graduate school days, when December was one long
Visigoth raid on one department party after another.



Theresa
Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh
My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com

jmcquown wrote in message
. ..
I "borrowed this" and maybe you've seen it. My apologies if you have.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table
knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You
can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that
it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn
into
an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me.
Have two. It's later than you think.

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
gravy.
Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports
car
with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
your
eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.
You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table
while
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted
Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near
them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center
of
attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if
you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or
get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips;
start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly
used
up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Jill

These are the kind of Holiday eating tips I like. Take that, Dr. Atkins!
=o)

Melissa

jmcquown wrote:

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
standards.

LOL!!!

There's a joke about how there's really only one fruitcake in the entire
world - it just keeps getting sent from person to person as a gift. Nobody
has actually eaten it.

Joyce

jmcquown wrote:

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
standards.

LOL!!!

There's a joke about how there's really only one fruitcake in the entire
world - it just keeps getting sent from person to person as a gift. Nobody
has actually eaten it.

Joyce

My DH loves fruitcake. Loves it. No joke. He's the only person in the universe
that I know who does. People are always giving us their fruitcakes.

Sherry

Sherry wrote:


My DH loves fruitcake. Loves it. No joke. He's the only person in the universe
that I know who does. People are always giving us their fruitcakes.

LOL! Now we know where all the fruitcakes in the world end up.

--
Marina, Frank and Nikki
marina (dot) kurten (at) pp (dot) inet (dot) fi
Pics at http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/frankiennikki/
and http://community.webshots.com/user/frankiennikki

Kreisleriana wrote:
On Tue, 7 Dec 2004 12:55:02 -0600, "jmcquown"
yodeled:

I "borrowed this" and maybe you've seen it. My apologies if you
have.

(snip)

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

Reminds me of my graduate school days, when December was one long
Visigoth raid on one department party after another.

Of course there are the in-office pot-lucks. You ever work or go to school
with the one guy who could sniff out food wherever it was but never manage
to actually *bring* anything? I think they rent him out from location to
location

Jill


Theresa
Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh
My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com

On 2004-12-09, jmcquown penned:

Of course there are the in-office pot-lucks. You ever work or go to school
with the one guy who could sniff out food wherever it was but never manage
to actually *bring* anything? I think they rent him out from location to
location


Waitaminute, I *am* that guy!

Actually, I always either forget about the potluck or am too busy to make
anything. So I don't attend until somebody inevitably comes by in a half hour
or so with a pile of food on their plate. They ask why I'm not at the
potluck, I explain that I didn't contribute, and invariably they tell me that
there's way more food than anyone can eat, so please help myself.

I never go there straight away, though; I always wait for that invite, and if
it doesn't come, that's fine, too. I like the idea of a potluck; I just don't
seem to be any good at the execution.

--
monique, who is sometimes allowed to pet Oscar, a grey DLH with an attitude!

Sherry) wrote:

My DH loves fruitcake. Loves it. No joke. He's the only person in the universe
that I know who does. People are always giving us their fruitcakes.

I'm actually quite fond of it myself. Especially if it's been soaking
in rum or brandy for a month or so.

Regards,
O J

Cheryl Perkins wrote:

O J wrote:

Sherry) wrote:


My DH loves fruitcake. Loves it. No joke. He's the only person in the universe
that I know who does. People are always giving us their fruitcakes.


I'm actually quite fond of it myself. Especially if it's been soaking
in rum or brandy for a month or so.


I like some fruitcake. There's one light fruitcake recipe that I won't
make because I eat it all, and I really don't need an entire fruitcake's
worth of calories. It's a light one, but slightly unusual in having more
nuts and fruit and less batter than average.

That sounds nice. My sister sometimes makes a fruitcake for Yule. Any
chance of the recipe? I'll troll you for it. ;o)

--
Marina, Frank and Nikki
marina (dot) kurten (at) pp (dot) inet (dot) fi
Pics at http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/frankiennikki/
and http://community.webshots.com/user/frankiennikki