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Lots and lots of purrs and best wishes for Joyce to recover completely,
--
Polonca & Soncek

"Singh" wrote in message
...
snip Joyce is an inspiring, tough old bird. She's not too vain to go out
in public
with her bald head and give a "Well what the f**k you looking at?" when
someone
stares too long. She'll joke with us about painting a target on her head
so
that the birds know where to drop one, then she can go play the lotto. (An
old
superstition, still believed by many of the old Poles locally, says that
if a
bird drops one on your head, it's good luck and you'll come into money.)
She's
held on through abuse, poverty, and the cancer with good humor and good
faith.
She'll be moving to Maryland with my best buddy when it's over. I'll miss
them
both.

Blessed be,

Baha

Lots and lots of purrs and best wishes for Joyce to recover completely,
--
Polonca & Soncek

"Singh" wrote in message
...
snip Joyce is an inspiring, tough old bird. She's not too vain to go out
in public
with her bald head and give a "Well what the f**k you looking at?" when
someone
stares too long. She'll joke with us about painting a target on her head
so
that the birds know where to drop one, then she can go play the lotto. (An
old
superstition, still believed by many of the old Poles locally, says that
if a
bird drops one on your head, it's good luck and you'll come into money.)
She's
held on through abuse, poverty, and the cancer with good humor and good
faith.
She'll be moving to Maryland with my best buddy when it's over. I'll miss
them
both.

Blessed be,

Baha

Lots and lots of purrs and best wishes for Joyce to recover completely,
--
Polonca & Soncek

"Singh" wrote in message
...
snip Joyce is an inspiring, tough old bird. She's not too vain to go out
in public
with her bald head and give a "Well what the f**k you looking at?" when
someone
stares too long. She'll joke with us about painting a target on her head
so
that the birds know where to drop one, then she can go play the lotto. (An
old
superstition, still believed by many of the old Poles locally, says that
if a
bird drops one on your head, it's good luck and you'll come into money.)
She's
held on through abuse, poverty, and the cancer with good humor and good
faith.
She'll be moving to Maryland with my best buddy when it's over. I'll miss
them
both.

Blessed be,

Baha

-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
Hash: SHA1

On Tue, 24 Aug 2004 14:08:33 -0500, Karen Chuplis
wrote:

in article et,
Tanada at wrote on 8/24/04 1:42 PM:



wrote:


Oy - they were telling you how to *feel*??

Somebody always has an agenda. If you're calm, someone will think
you're unemotional. If you're upset, someone else will say you're
hysterical and can't be trusted to make important decisions.
Sounds like your response was quite reasonable to me, and
probably a big relief to your mother, who was no doubt dreading a
bad reaction from you.


Some of our relatives had a fit because I was "too calm" about Rob
being sent to Desert Shield/Storm I. I guess I was supposed to
have
hysterics, scream, throw a hissy fit, and go to Saudi Arabia to
get him out. Now they think I'm "too calm" about Rob's cancer.
These are some of the same people that treat us like we're
poisonous. Sigh.

Pam S. who's really glad to be across the country from the family
at times.

Some people do think just that. Like it will help or something. Or
that it's not healthy and you are bottling it up. It's called,
"let's deal with it". You are great just how you are

I had a heart attack in 1999. When I subsequently got my medical
records from the hospital, I discovered that one of the doctors had
been concerned by my "flat affect" -- in other words, he felt that I
was too calm, not worried enough. Once I had made it to the
hospital, I figured that I was in good hands, and went back to my
usual analytical personality, asking the doctors questions about my
condition and treatment. On another hospital visit, one of the
doctors asked me if I was an engineer. When I told him that I was a
computer programmer, he said that he had figured it was something
like that. Such people, who methodically analyze problems at work,
tend to do the same thing when faced with medical issues.


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--
John F. Eldredge --
PGP key available from http://pgp.mit.edu
"Reserve your right to think, for even to think wrongly is better
than not to think at all." -- Hypatia of Alexandria

-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
Hash: SHA1

On Tue, 24 Aug 2004 14:08:33 -0500, Karen Chuplis
wrote:

in article et,
Tanada at wrote on 8/24/04 1:42 PM:



wrote:


Oy - they were telling you how to *feel*??

Somebody always has an agenda. If you're calm, someone will think
you're unemotional. If you're upset, someone else will say you're
hysterical and can't be trusted to make important decisions.
Sounds like your response was quite reasonable to me, and
probably a big relief to your mother, who was no doubt dreading a
bad reaction from you.


Some of our relatives had a fit because I was "too calm" about Rob
being sent to Desert Shield/Storm I. I guess I was supposed to
have
hysterics, scream, throw a hissy fit, and go to Saudi Arabia to
get him out. Now they think I'm "too calm" about Rob's cancer.
These are some of the same people that treat us like we're
poisonous. Sigh.

Pam S. who's really glad to be across the country from the family
at times.

Some people do think just that. Like it will help or something. Or
that it's not healthy and you are bottling it up. It's called,
"let's deal with it". You are great just how you are

I had a heart attack in 1999. When I subsequently got my medical
records from the hospital, I discovered that one of the doctors had
been concerned by my "flat affect" -- in other words, he felt that I
was too calm, not worried enough. Once I had made it to the
hospital, I figured that I was in good hands, and went back to my
usual analytical personality, asking the doctors questions about my
condition and treatment. On another hospital visit, one of the
doctors asked me if I was an engineer. When I told him that I was a
computer programmer, he said that he had figured it was something
like that. Such people, who methodically analyze problems at work,
tend to do the same thing when faced with medical issues.


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iQA/AwUBQSzjcjMYPge5L34aEQKDEACgiNT/y6J4ebL5v3tRyftIIjlmoYkAniYO
SUsFxWUhmsd93LeQFevPXH/7
=Rjid
-----END PGP SIGNATURE-----

--
John F. Eldredge --
PGP key available from http://pgp.mit.edu
"Reserve your right to think, for even to think wrongly is better
than not to think at all." -- Hypatia of Alexandria

-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
Hash: SHA1

On Tue, 24 Aug 2004 14:08:33 -0500, Karen Chuplis
wrote:

in article et,
Tanada at wrote on 8/24/04 1:42 PM:



wrote:


Oy - they were telling you how to *feel*??

Somebody always has an agenda. If you're calm, someone will think
you're unemotional. If you're upset, someone else will say you're
hysterical and can't be trusted to make important decisions.
Sounds like your response was quite reasonable to me, and
probably a big relief to your mother, who was no doubt dreading a
bad reaction from you.


Some of our relatives had a fit because I was "too calm" about Rob
being sent to Desert Shield/Storm I. I guess I was supposed to
have
hysterics, scream, throw a hissy fit, and go to Saudi Arabia to
get him out. Now they think I'm "too calm" about Rob's cancer.
These are some of the same people that treat us like we're
poisonous. Sigh.

Pam S. who's really glad to be across the country from the family
at times.

Some people do think just that. Like it will help or something. Or
that it's not healthy and you are bottling it up. It's called,
"let's deal with it". You are great just how you are

I had a heart attack in 1999. When I subsequently got my medical
records from the hospital, I discovered that one of the doctors had
been concerned by my "flat affect" -- in other words, he felt that I
was too calm, not worried enough. Once I had made it to the
hospital, I figured that I was in good hands, and went back to my
usual analytical personality, asking the doctors questions about my
condition and treatment. On another hospital visit, one of the
doctors asked me if I was an engineer. When I told him that I was a
computer programmer, he said that he had figured it was something
like that. Such people, who methodically analyze problems at work,
tend to do the same thing when faced with medical issues.


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Version: PGPfreeware 7.0.3 for non-commercial use http://www.pgp.com

iQA/AwUBQSzjcjMYPge5L34aEQKDEACgiNT/y6J4ebL5v3tRyftIIjlmoYkAniYO
SUsFxWUhmsd93LeQFevPXH/7
=Rjid
-----END PGP SIGNATURE-----

--
John F. Eldredge --
PGP key available from http://pgp.mit.edu
"Reserve your right to think, for even to think wrongly is better
than not to think at all." -- Hypatia of Alexandria

Singh wrote:


Joyce is an inspiring, tough old bird. She's not too vain to go out in public
with her bald head and give a "Well what the f**k you looking at?" when someone
stares too long. She'll joke with us about painting a target on her head so
that the birds know where to drop one, then she can go play the lotto. (An old
superstition, still believed by many of the old Poles locally, says that if a
bird drops one on your head, it's good luck and you'll come into money.) She's
held on through abuse, poverty, and the cancer with good humor and good faith.
She'll be moving to Maryland with my best buddy when it's over. I'll miss them
both.



Sounds like Rob, except that he currently has some hair (though in a
strange growth pattern) and is more understanding than I am about people
staring at him.

Pam S.

Singh wrote:


Joyce is an inspiring, tough old bird. She's not too vain to go out in public
with her bald head and give a "Well what the f**k you looking at?" when someone
stares too long. She'll joke with us about painting a target on her head so
that the birds know where to drop one, then she can go play the lotto. (An old
superstition, still believed by many of the old Poles locally, says that if a
bird drops one on your head, it's good luck and you'll come into money.) She's
held on through abuse, poverty, and the cancer with good humor and good faith.
She'll be moving to Maryland with my best buddy when it's over. I'll miss them
both.



Sounds like Rob, except that he currently has some hair (though in a
strange growth pattern) and is more understanding than I am about people
staring at him.

Pam S.

Singh wrote:


Joyce is an inspiring, tough old bird. She's not too vain to go out in public
with her bald head and give a "Well what the f**k you looking at?" when someone
stares too long. She'll joke with us about painting a target on her head so
that the birds know where to drop one, then she can go play the lotto. (An old
superstition, still believed by many of the old Poles locally, says that if a
bird drops one on your head, it's good luck and you'll come into money.) She's
held on through abuse, poverty, and the cancer with good humor and good faith.
She'll be moving to Maryland with my best buddy when it's over. I'll miss them
both.



Sounds like Rob, except that he currently has some hair (though in a
strange growth pattern) and is more understanding than I am about people
staring at him.

Pam S.

Cheryl wrote:


Pam, in my experience of having lost my son, people in general
don't like to talk about horrifying things (to them) because either
they don't know what to say, or they don't want to upset you. I
read a poem on alt.support.grief that fit me totally, and it helps
to understand both why people don't say what you expect them to
say, and why we react when they either do or don't say something.
I'm going to post it, but I don't expect many to understand it.


You Can't Win With Me

by Jane Warland~1996

If you say to me,
"How are you doing?,"
With such sympathy and
meaning in your voice,
I reply, "I'm fine,"
And brush you off,
Because to talk about my loss
with you is just too painful.
If you see me
And don't mention the loss
that is consuming my thoughts,
I think you don't care enough,
Or are too scared to mention it
For fear that you might upset me.
You can't win with me.

If you say, "I'm sorry your son died,"
It is hard for me to reply to that.
What do you expect me to say?
I want to say, "I'm sorry too!"
or "It's awful!"
I want to scream, "It's not fair!!"
But I won't because I don't
want to upset myself today,
Not in front of you.
So I reply, "Thank you."
That thanks means so much
more than that.
It means thanks for caring,
Thanks for trying to help,
Thanks for realizing that
I'm still in pain.
If you don't know what to
say to me, that's okay.
Because I don't know what
to say to you either.
If you see me smile or laugh,
Don't assume I must have
forgotten my son for the moment.
I haven't, I can't, I never will.
Tell me that I look good today.
I will know what you mean.
I'm getting good at picking
up unspoken cues from you.
If you see me and think
I look upset or sad,
You are probably right.
Today might be an anniversary
day for me,
Or some event might have triggered
a wave of grief in me.
If you don't say anything
I'll think you don't care about me,
But if you do say something,
It might make me feel worse.
You could try asking if I want to talk,
But don't be surprised if I say no.
You can't win with me.

Don't give up on me, please don't give up.
I need your attempts however feeble,
However trite you might feel they are.
I need your thoughts.
I need your prayers.
I need your love.
I need your persistence.
I need all that but most of all
I need to be treated normally,
Like it used to be before
all of this happened.
But I know it's impossible.
That carefree, naive
person is gone forever,
And I am mourning that loss too.

So you can't win with me.



HUGS Cheryl I wish I knew what to say to you, but like a lot of
people dealing with Rob, I don't know how to reply to this. Just that
the poem is similar to dealing with cancer as well. Part of the person
is gone and it will never come back, and things will never be the same
as they were before. Sometimes I wonder which is worse, losing a loved
one quickly, or slowly.

Pam S.