[OT] Bye Guys!

Rhonda wrote:

I think those are different situations. Bringing up a concern you have
about a person or situation isn't the same thing as trying to fix
someone's problem when they've come to you for support.

My posts were directly to CN's situation, offering an opinion on what
might help -- not trying to fix someone's problem who had come to me for
support. She posted what she posted and did not ask for support, at
least from what I remember she just posted the facts of what happened.
I'm too tired to go reread it and it doesn't matter now.

I'm comfortable that I followed my feelings and offered that therapy
might help. I would do it again any time I get that uneasiness under my
skin about a situation. I think I will bow out here because this is too
important and too tough to follow via usenet.

No criticism intended, Rhonda! And I agree that there are times when a
good suggestion is the best thing you can give someone. Especially on the
net, where you can't give anyone a real hug or any other non-verbal support.

I was just responding to a few posts saying that giving advice is always
better than just saying "purrs to you". It wasn't personal toward you or
anyone else in the thread.

Joyce

wrote:
Enfilade wrote:

I think CatNipped and Ben going to therapy together is a much better
first step than a breakup or calling the cops. Those sorts of things
are reserved for if therapy fails.

--Fil

No, I don't think the scenario as I understood it from Catnipped
warrants that kind of action. I am sorry, I veered off the original
topic after reading Tweed's post, which is an entirely different
scenario. I believe any man who could haul off and smack a woman hard
enough to knock her down, for no other reason than he's simply in a
****ed-off mood, DOES deserve to go to jail, no second chances.
DH&I don't have a volatile or aggressive bone in our bodies. I can't
even imagine him yelling at me, or me at him. We used to socialize with
couples who argued, even in front of people. It makes both of us
nervous.

I'm confused, Sherry. You're saying CN and Ben's situation does not
warrant calling the cops or a breakup; yet you say that any man who
smacks a woman hard enough to knock her down should go to jail. He did
knock her down; hence her injuries.

It seems a dichotomy. I'm not expressing an opinion, just confused as
to your opinion.

Candace

Candace wrote:
wrote:
Enfilade wrote:

I think CatNipped and Ben going to therapy together is a much better
first step than a breakup or calling the cops. Those sorts of things
are reserved for if therapy fails.

--Fil

No, I don't think the scenario as I understood it from Catnipped
warrants that kind of action. I am sorry, I veered off the original
topic after reading Tweed's post, which is an entirely different
scenario. I believe any man who could haul off and smack a woman hard
enough to knock her down, for no other reason than he's simply in a
****ed-off mood, DOES deserve to go to jail, no second chances.
DH&I don't have a volatile or aggressive bone in our bodies. I can't
even imagine him yelling at me, or me at him. We used to socialize with
couples who argued, even in front of people. It makes both of us
nervous.

I'm confused, Sherry. You're saying CN and Ben's situation does not
warrant calling the cops or a breakup; yet you say that any man who
smacks a woman hard enough to knock her down should go to jail. He did
knock her down; hence her injuries.

It seems a dichotomy. I'm not expressing an opinion, just confused as
to your opinion.

Candace

He didn't smack her, as I understand it. I'm not sure what he did; I
don't understand what a belly-whatever is. The situation seems to me
entirely different from a man who comes in drunk, which is the
situation Tweed described; and starts smacking on a defenseless woman
because dinner is late.
I have never had anyone hit me. I'm not sure what DH would DO if I got
in his face and said "Yeah, go ahead, hit me." I've never done that,
and never would. I wouldn't have him arrested if he hit me. I wouldn't
be able to, because I'd be dead. I would absolutely die the sheer shock
and disbelief.

Sherry

wrote:
He didn't smack her, as I understand it. I'm not sure what he did; I
don't understand what a belly-whatever is.

I think I've seen this before in baseball games. When the manager
gets mad at an umpire's call, he gets right up to him into his face.
If the manager is thin, they don't touch, or just barely touch. If
the manager is fluffy, then the protruding belly makes a good shoving
tool. Powerful, because the center of gravity is there, and men have
a lot of visceral fat, surrounded my muscle, so even a potbelly can be
pretty firm. Plus, you can say later that it was an accident - they
can't help it if they're out of shape, they can claim.

wrote:

He didn't smack her, as I understand it. I'm not sure what he did; I
don't understand what a belly-whatever is. The situation seems to me
entirely different from a man who comes in drunk, which is the
situation Tweed described; and starts smacking on a defenseless woman
because dinner is late.
I have never had anyone hit me. I'm not sure what DH would DO if I got
in his face and said "Yeah, go ahead, hit me." I've never done that,
and never would. I wouldn't have him arrested if he hit me. I wouldn't
be able to, because I'd be dead. I would absolutely die the sheer shock
and disbelief.

She said "belly-butt," which I can imagine, as Tak said. Since he is
approximately twice her weight, I would think it would be more
physically harmful than a slap to the face, which would have been
construed as violence, I'm sure.

I've not really been smacked by a man either although I was briefly
involved many years ago with an alcoholic piece of crap who threatened
to do so but only delivered on the verbal abuse aspect. He wasn't in
my life long. Another guy once twisted my arm until I thought it was
going to break. He was a jerk, too.

The best one I had was when a female supervisor slapped me in the face
for smarting off to her. I still work for the same organization 30
years later although in a different department and capacity. She burst
into tears right after she did it and went running in to the boss'
office to confess her inadequacies. She got demoted but she should
have been fired and I still wish to this day that I would have pursued
it. Instead, I was young and our boss "made" me sign something saying
I had "provoked" her into doing it. I was afraid for my own job so I
did it. She abruptly quit soon after this incident and left me a gift
and some smarmy card wishing me luck when she left. But I'm a
grudge-holder and have sort of kept vague track of her through the
years. I have to say, although it hardly sounds enlightened, I have
been pleased to hear that her life has pretty much sucked. I've never
smacked anyone myself nor tried to get someone to smack me but I sure
can wish evil on anyone who ever wrongs me.

Candace

wrote:

Ahh. That's the "mama bear" reflex. You were protecting her. As
nonviolent as I am, I could kill someone who was harming one of my
children. I'm quite sure I could.

In a heartbeat. I embarassed myself one time at a play group by
shouting "Hey!" at some kid who was pushing DS down by his face. He
was 10 months old and about to lose his balance and I imagined, crack
his head. Of course I totally overreacted, but at the time I couldn't
help myself, LOL...

But if some ******* ever touches my kid, he's dead.

-L.

CatNipped wrote:

Talking is the key. Somewhere along the way Ben and I started
miscommunication - he hears something other than what I'm saying and vice
versa. We're hoping a marriage counselor can help start the translation and
get us on the same page again.

It's excellent you are getting counseling - not many couples are brave
enough to do so. I'm hoping this is the beginning for new growth and
change for both of you. Hang in there, hon.

-L.

"Candace" wrote in message
ups.com...
wrote:

He didn't smack her, as I understand it. I'm not sure what he did; I
don't understand what a belly-whatever is. The situation seems to me
entirely different from a man who comes in drunk, which is the
situation Tweed described; and starts smacking on a defenseless woman
because dinner is late.
I have never had anyone hit me. I'm not sure what DH would DO if I got
in his face and said "Yeah, go ahead, hit me." I've never done that,
and never would. I wouldn't have him arrested if he hit me. I wouldn't
be able to, because I'd be dead. I would absolutely die the sheer shock
and disbelief.

She said "belly-butt," which I can imagine, as Tak said. Since he is
approximately twice her weight, I would think it would be more
physically harmful than a slap to the face, which would have been
construed as violence, I'm sure.

I've not really been smacked by a man either although I was briefly
involved many years ago with an alcoholic piece of crap who threatened
to do so but only delivered on the verbal abuse aspect. He wasn't in
my life long. Another guy once twisted my arm until I thought it was
going to break. He was a jerk, too.

The best one I had was when a female supervisor slapped me in the face
for smarting off to her. I still work for the same organization 30
years later although in a different department and capacity. She burst
into tears right after she did it and went running in to the boss'
office to confess her inadequacies. She got demoted but she should
have been fired and I still wish to this day that I would have pursued
it. Instead, I was young and our boss "made" me sign something saying
I had "provoked" her into doing it. I was afraid for my own job so I
did it. She abruptly quit soon after this incident and left me a gift
and some smarmy card wishing me luck when she left. But I'm a
grudge-holder and have sort of kept vague track of her through the
years. I have to say, although it hardly sounds enlightened, I have
been pleased to hear that her life has pretty much sucked. I've never
smacked anyone myself nor tried to get someone to smack me but I sure
can wish evil on anyone who ever wrongs me.

Candace


Frankly, I think what your boss did was even worse. He coerced you into
signing a false statement (basically, to protect the company), and there is
now a permanent record where you admitted t a provocation that did not
occur. She was wrong, but at least she apologized when she left the company
(which means the apology may have been sincere since she had nothing to gain
from it at that time). By contrast, did he apologize? Undoubtedly not!

MaryL

wrote in message
...
Rhonda wrote:

I think those are different situations. Bringing up a concern you have
about a person or situation isn't the same thing as trying to fix
someone's problem when they've come to you for support.

My posts were directly to CN's situation, offering an opinion on what
might help -- not trying to fix someone's problem who had come to me for
support. She posted what she posted and did not ask for support, at
least from what I remember she just posted the facts of what happened.
I'm too tired to go reread it and it doesn't matter now.

I'm comfortable that I followed my feelings and offered that therapy
might help. I would do it again any time I get that uneasiness under my
skin about a situation. I think I will bow out here because this is too
important and too tough to follow via usenet.

No criticism intended, Rhonda! And I agree that there are times when a
good suggestion is the best thing you can give someone. Especially on the
net, where you can't give anyone a real hug or any other non-verbal
support.

I was just responding to a few posts saying that giving advice is always
better than just saying "purrs to you". It wasn't personal toward you or
anyone else in the thread.

Joyce

I know I posted a messages along these lines, but I did not mean to imply
that advice is always better. Sometimes and expression of sympathy or
empathy is what is needed. My point is that I find some of the threads
where person after person simply says "purrs" don't offer much in the way of
advice *or* support. Sometimes "purrs" may be exactly what the OP wants,
but I find it a lot more helpful if the person responding will take the time
to say a few words.

MaryL

MaryL -out-the-litter wrote:

My point is that I find some of the threads where person after
person simply says "purrs" don't offer much in the way of advice
*or* support. Sometimes "purrs" may be exactly what the OP wants,
but I find it a lot more helpful if the person responding will
take the time to say a few words.

I agree with that! Those words don't need to be advice. I usually try
to put in something that's specifically from me, that shows I'm listening
or that I feel for the person, etc. Or a suggestion, if I have one.

Also, even though we all ask for purrs at one time or another, for most
of us, 99% of the time, we are not the asker. So most of the time, what
we see is someone else asking for purrs, followed by 10-30 posts that
all say "purrs". This is probably wishful thinking on my part, but I
sure wish those reply posts could be sent privately to the poster. (Yes,
I'm guilty of posting the responses, too.) It's nice to send purrs, and
great to get them, but not very interesting to read post after post that
just say "purrs".

But as I said, probably just wishful thinking...

Joyce