His Birthday

It was a hot and sunny day...

the man had gone to work early and had brought home his birthday food and
was napping when his sister called... i was cleaning and listening to base
ball and playing with cats...

I decided that it was time for a break so I put on a base ball game on
mlb.com from the spring training archive... ok time to go to the bathroom
and get lemonade and relax to a game. I like these spring training games as
much for the conversations and guests in the booth as i do the games, and i
do love my base ball.

I got up and took the few steps where i had to decide lemonade or bathroomm
first when i heard a sound like someone was putting something in the
dumpster. I walked into the kitchen to listen no sound out front but what an
odd smell. I started sniffing and working my way to the laundry room,
stronger but such an odd smell. I grabbed the door to the garage and opened
it, scared me to death, the smell was horrible, the heat was intense,and oh
my god, what if one of the cats were trying to ace me out into the garage.

I started screaming, he came running, told me to get out the front and call
911.

He had been napping but his sister had called to wish him happy birthday, he
told her he had to go hung up, and went into saving mode, he got me out and
into the yard, and he did manage to get three of the cats out before the
smoke got so bad that he couldn't return for the rest.

let me guarentee that nobody better ever say one bad word about volenteer
fireman where i can hear it. harvel was there i am sure within four
minutes, raymond was there in another six, and they really worked to save
our home. they managed to get the rest of the cats out and get the fire
stopped. they were all very professional, kind and compassionate.

before the fire was out one of the men told him that the insurance agent was
on his way. he was there before the fire was out, he had already gotten the
adjusters name and number for us, he was also professional and
compassionate.

while the fire was going on, one of the emts was doing everything she could
to keep me calm, and did a lot to keep me comfortable. as we collected cats
her daughter took them to her house, gave them water and food, since they
lived across the street this was very comforting as i knew where they were.

In all of this one of them brought me storrmmee, she was very limp and
compliant, neither of which are her regular persona, i became alarmed and
called to him, and he and the emt gave her oxygen, I am convinced this saved
her life as while i was holding her, her very essence seemed to be slipping
away, i could almost feel her leaving this life and stepping towards the
next one... very scarey and yet oddly comforting as while i held her for
that few seconds i became acutely aware that yes our friends of different
species do take the next step as we do.

Tiger was one of the cats trapped in the house. when one of the firemen
found him he chucked him out the front door, where he took off for parts
unknown, this was extremely disturbing as he age estimate is somewhere
between fourteen and sixteen. i prayed to god that i just had to know what
became of him, i have lived my life wondering every day about a childhood
cat and one i got as a young adult not knowing what became of them has been
a constant and daily source of pain... the pain of not knowing was something
i don't think i could bear,...

chester was FREAKING OUT SO BADLY THAT HE COULDN'T GET HIM INTO A CARRIER SO
HE WENT OUT THE WINDOW, FORTUNATELY chester has always been good about
coming when called, when things started calming down he came to him when
called, he then went into a carrier and over to the emt's house via the
daughter.

OEJ was one of the cats he got into a carrier early and out of the house,
so she went right over to the emt's house.

trudi was chucked out of the house by one of the firemen, The Man was told
and he found her at the end of the house dazed and wandering, besides the
obvious fire related issues, i was terrified that she would get injured on
her hindquarters, she has had abuse/trauma in that area before so any
further trauma can't be good for her, but then burning to death would suck,
so sorta the lesser of two evils.

barbiHe thinks was handed to one of the emts, its a good thing she didn't
get chucked out, she is very ferrel, and very scared of everything. I am
shocked she even let anyone get ahold of her at all. she is just now coming
to get pets from me at night, and neither of us can reach for her without
her at least jumping back, and usually running away... I am not sure if she
got oxygen, or was just so scared she couldn't run.

MH was one of the cats he got out so he is no worse for the wear, and good
thing too, with all that fur he would have to get a bath, and honestly i am
sure that after the furst round of me removing most of his hair to get the
matts out, he wouldn't have been very happy to regrow an entire coat for a
second time.

as the fire was put out and things started calming down, i realized that i
was sitting in a chair in my front yard with only a t shirt house dress, and
nothing else on, i never leave my house without the appropriate
undergarmets, and i at least have shoes with me to meet legal
requirements... somehow it seems that undergarments and shoes are very much
less important than i had always thought, even in the presense of twenty two
firefighters and more than one emt.

He found us temporary accomodation at the local best western, i was very
releived that he is one of those types who gets on it and can find housing
for the needs, its almost a gift with him and as in the past served us well
once again.

while all of this was going on and we were helpless to do anything but stand
by and pray to ourselves, one of my prayers was that the next door to us
people wouldn't be harmed, on our left is a couple that has lived there all
the time we have and i think a lot longer, she isn't in the best of health
and uses a walker, i kept thinking/praying, please don't let them be
harmed... on the other side is an older gentleman also not in top shape, but
still pretty active,fortunately all of his structures are further away so
while i had concern i wasn't nearly as worried about him.

we got to the hotel, not sure how or what time, we tried to get food but the
resturant had closed for the evening, so it must have been after nine, we
ordered dominos pizza,... when it arrived the staff also brought him slices
of pie for his birthday... we were both very touched...

other things i remember, the builder of the house, stopped by as we were
leaving, not sure if it was the day of the fire or the next, think it was
the day of the fire, i was touched he stopped by and was sad as it was sad
for him also.

across the street on the corner, brought him a t shirt, as i said he was
preparing for a nap and so when he rushed to start saving cats he had only
sweat pants on, he is very fair skinned and the across the street brought
him not just any t shirt but a brand new one,

after we left same across the street saw tiger on the front porch when one
of the firemen stopped to check the house, she saw him bolt as the
headlights hit the front step. so at least we knew he was alive and still
able to move at a rapid pace.

before we went to the hotel he rescued just a few essentials like his wallet
and my id/cig case.

other thoughts i had while sitting in the yard watchint the last eighteen
years burn... I guess i could have smoked in the house after all, and i
guess it wasn't necesssary to wait to get an enclosed stove to burn papers
and yard waste. both of us were scared about burning because of the sparks
flying, so we didn't burn until we got a stove from his mom to burn things
in a way that kept sparks enclosed. we didn't smoke in the house partly
because i didn't want the curtains ruined, partly as a way to encurage us to
reduce smoking in general, and after violette graced us with her presence it
didn't seem fair to smoke where she couldn't voice any preference about it,
also it did seem that when we were outside, if she got a wiff of the cig
smoke she would sneeze, and i was always afraid i would cause her to
develope asthma symptoms if she had to breathe the smoke indoors all the
time... now violette and the curtains are gone.

I have had a tremendous amount of harrowing expereinces in my life,
everything from sexual assualt, living through tornados and other fires,
almost drowning twice, and the first time i saw someone die i was in fourth
grade, all of these things were and still horrifying when i think of them,
or when something triggers one of the memories. But I can also swear by all
I beleive in there is a higher power that helps all of us if we are open to
it. it was a split second decision, a happenstance that allows me to even
be here writing this, you see when i decided to get up get the lemonade and
go to the bathroom, it was just a sound that drew me to the kitchen, had i
not heard that sound, i would have used the bathroom, and as i was feeling
lazy anyway i might have just went to the futon and laid down, after all i
keep a bottle of water on the end table so i really didn't need lemonade
anyway, had we became aware of the fire even five minutes later we would
probably have perished.

Lee

Wed august 11
I know we ate the bbreakfast at the hotel, and this is the point i
determined i would eat as healtily as possible, but trying to count points
while cleaning out the house was just more than i am capable of. since i am
doing this i am trying to keep carbs way down but am also making sure that
at least once a day i am full. the calories burned stressing out over the
house burining is very large, not considering the physical activity of
sorting, documenting and discarding... so i did make the right decision.

we met with the adjuster and another adjuster on this day, he went over
things in general and we discussied cleaning services, the process in
general and a very few speicifics, now at one point he said we would
probably reatin about half the meeting, and i do pride myself on memorizing
things, but this was so stressful that i didn't retain as much as i
thought... I am wondering if this didn't happen on thursday instead of wed,
I know, He talked to the aduster on the phone and gave a statement but i am
not sure if it was the same day or not.

whatever day he came after meeting with him we left them to measuring.

food at the hotel again. careing for the cats and work are the only routine
that we have managed to keep.
food on wed was the bbq pork chop, not bad but since i do most pork slow and
low in oven or crock put i am used to much less chewey pork no matter the
spicing, and i find that at least right now i am not well pleased with
spicey foods as they are affecting my digestion,

while we were waiting for the adujster on the corner came to tell us that
when the fireman came to check on the house late tuesday she looked out
hearing the car, she said when he pulled into the drive way there was tiger,
on the step but he bloted when the headlights hit mr tiger...

so we went back at dusk to see if we could get him. robert got me the front
yard chair, he went around the house calling to him. he came back around and
went to the van got water and cigs and brought them to me, he went around
back to get a chair for himself and he heard tiger, called and tiger
answered...

in the end tiger was so very scared that he had to get down on his hands and
kneees and let tiger stalk him tiger circled closer and closer and at last
got close enough for him to be touched, when the hand touched him back he
all but collapsed, in releif we think, then around the house he came with
tiger we were all happy, so back to the hotel we came with our family in
tact, and my prayers had been answered, i knew where tiger was and that he
had not died in the night at the hands of a large dog or cruel human. since
he is of such an advanced age i was concerned about the above because he did
not move fast, I was also very concerned that he might get dehydrated and
suffer from it, but we were together and no cat seemed to be concerned about
territory, barbi wasn't hiding, storrmmee wasn't picking on her, and tiger
was just happy to have a bed to lay on,

one of the things i have done is get canned food for them to eat, this is
not our normal food, but between the trauma of the fire, smoke on the furr
and general upset, also, i am not sure how well they will take to this
carlinville water i figure the canned will at least keep them dehydrated.
barbi and trudi are not well pleased with wet food, but storrmmee seems to
think its a fine idea.

tiger bless his heart isn't eating a lot of either but he is at least
eating.


Thursday aug 12

I think this is the day we met with dirk with serve pro, but it might have
been wed aftn, i am not sure he has notes on the digital recorder so dates
can be straightened out then. dirk seemed to understand my issues with
personal space and being blind, the women he sent were also understanding of
this. it turns out they don't work on the weekends abut they do get a lot
done while they are here, i think they were at the houtse five or six days,
first few days were the two woemen oddly who have the same given names as me
and my sister, one day a third woman came to do nothing but pick up debri,
she impressed the crap outta me.

when the dumpster came things went faster as the next day many bags went
from the yard and house to the dumpster, the plaster ceilings were heavy.

the last day that they were at the house, it was the one with my sisters
given name and a younger woman, and oddly i don't seem to even remember her
name.

while there were little things i wish they had done differently and sorta
wish they had been more careful with things, they were all in all for what
theydo not bad.


friday aug 13


today is the birthday of one of the cleaning women at the rest area, but i
am not sure which one, i just am not sure... the one working today, pretty
sure it isn't her, bless her good heart, when she asked me how i was and i
told her the house burnt, she went and got three dollars and tried to give
it to me, how sweet is that, i know they don't make even MW working for a
sheltered work shop, but i managed to get her to keep the bills, saying if
she could just make sure the fronts and tops of the machines were gone over
that it would help me and save me some time while we are working on the
house... i really was touched that she wanted to give me money, shows just
how good hearted some people are.

I talked to JD yesterday to see if he might be able to pick up a jones order
if i needed it, luckily/unluckily we decided against that, he also offerred
to

serve pro tells me that they don't work weekends because the ins co don't
pay for overtime, makes sense but i wish they did so that we could get on
with this. oh well.

somewhere in here we went to the adjustors for an advance check, and the
next day we went to the regu ins agent for a copy of the policy, they
weren't the same day, he has kept track of all of this but i am writing as i
think of things, so dates might not be right... but it sure makes me feel
better writing things down.

loan me product if i neecded it. so far only twizzlers is all that is
serious from jones.



sat aug 14

Today is jessica's birthday, i completely forgot to call her so much is
going on, man do i feel bad about that, very good kid she is and a good mom
also.

I know we worked at paid work and the house but i have no idea what else we
did. as i said before no ww for a while. speaking of routinge items, i had
no idea that smoke/soot would just kill the acrylic nails, i decided we will
also suspend getting nails until this is over, and i might just have her
file and polish for a while.

breakfast on saturdays at the hotel is a bit woolier because of the amount
of people staying over. seems this place is used a lot for parties like
samll group reunions, there have even been afew wedding parties. one
included the marraige outside.

in the evening he noticed that tiger was a bit lethargic, all he wanted to
do was sleep on the bed, and he had been sleeping near him instead of me
which is NOT ususal, especailly by his head/pillow, tiger usually gets up
with me and naps near where i am, at night at bedtime he sleepis at the foot
of the waterbed on no particular side, during the day he sleeps on the
computer desk when i am at the computer, and it was always funny to see tv
and tiger jockey for desktop realestate, after we got the new computer
chair, then that was less of an issue, i just had to share the chair with
tiger, and tv until he went to the bridge got the desktop to himself...
tiger seemed to be getting progessively wors until we discussed how we were
going to handle his leaving, i am not exactly what chain of events happened
except i remember picking him up and thinking he really had lost a lot of
weight, which he had commented on when we got him back. i lifedt him so he
could put a towel under him, i think we went for cigs and then discussed
tiger's comfort leve, in the ends his breathing seemed uncomfortable enough,
and i was half trying to convince myself he would just need IV fluids and be
ok, we took tiger to the er vet. at first the er vert thought it was just
sorta like stress related kidney issues and fluid would pretty well fix it,
so we left him there after talking to the vet. we came home and got a nap...
sun aug 15
breakfast starts at seven on sundays, and no boiled eggs, i have like i said
been trying to eat lower carb, so i have been enjoying the boiled eggs, i
have avoided the cereal and oatmeal, but the b part of b/g haven't escaped
me unfortunately i also got caputred by a bit of danish as well, but all in
all i haven't done bad considering... i was really afraid i wouldn't be able
to eat anything at all which would have been an issue, the physical
exersition of cleaning out the house and the mental stress of all of this
doesn't allow for not eating, so a bit of control is in order... somewhere
along the way we got a couple of kinds of fresh fruit for keeping in the
rouom good choice that.

we also got crackers and peanut butter so we could at least have something
to snack on without having to go out in the middle of the night.

its so odd the things we seem to take for granted, the ssimple act of
"grabbling" a snack during a commerical is just mind boggling. who even
ever considers that while the beer commericial is on i get more lemonade and
go out the back for a cig so i don't miss that much of the next inning.

other things i hope never to take for granted again if i can help it.
-not having to wake all the way up to go to the bathroom.
-not needing him t wake up if i want a cig.
-knowing where everything is, and knowing what i want in the house is
actually there.
-being able to say, OH i have one of those... now its oh I used to have one
of those.
-doing the laundry, i really almost have ocd about clothes, he looked so
hard to get a w/d i could perate and now they are gone, and he is doing the
laundry because its someone where in the hotel, i went with him onece but
now i just get him to wash/dry and then i try and hang/fold, he did the last
load.

one thing we agreed on early on is that we would buy all black clothes to
make laundry easier, so far its working.



we came home ate, i don't think we did much but try and take a nap, the plan
was to get a nap, get up work at paid wrok go to the house, and then get to
bed early so we could go and get tiger early mondy, but the er vet called me
and gave me the horrifying news that tiger would NOT make it, and that
further his end would NOT be pleaseant, i was and am still devestated, but i
am pleased with us taking him to the er vet, i am eternally grateful for the
vets that work at this ervice, and i am so blessed that he knowing the pain
i was in called for the vet to help tiger go, i know it was the right things
at when she gave him the shot he was gone in less than ten seconds, it was
the right thing, and as every other time i have had to do this, it is the
most painful price for having the unconditional love of another being.

so we decided on cremation, and paid the bill and came home and collapsed.



mon aug `16
more serve pro, more paid work, more resturant food. we seem to be in a
routine for lunch we either get subway or sands from west side, then for
dinner the hotel or a buffett if we are out doing other things. i just hate
spending this money eating out, and i really hate its not ww friendly and i
really really hate that i am not eating his food.

tues aug 17

I am not sure what day we went to stl for costco, shopping and cigs, i am
pretty sure it was over the weekend but we got the new cat carriers so that
will show the date, it was before tiger got sick, and if i had been paying
attention to the signs i would have known that tiger was to take the next
step, we shopped for new carriers, and when we finally decided on new
carriers and where we to buy them they had the three smaller ones, and only
three of the larger ones, we went to another store to get the fourth one,
unfortunately we wouldn't need it for long. on sunday when we left we had
to return to the er to get it as we forgot to take it with us when we left.
i really should pay better attention to the signs.

as to signs, all the cats seem to be coping well except that oej seems to be
a little depressed, barbi and storrmmee aren't fighting now, i guess the
move to nutral ground has helped the pecking order, there seems to be a
mutual understanding that right now everyone isn't in need of asserting
themselves. barbi and storrmmee seem to be able to share space on the same
bed without a major fight.


wed aug `18

serve pro came tuesday and maybe wed as well but again things aere so
blurred i am not sure if the last day was tues or wed. more sands from west
side and hotel dinners. laundry, we did some of the clothes we rescued, but
we took them back to the house for the most part, most are not worth saving
and putting the effort into, we did manage to save his dickies pants, but
none of his shirts. i think they could be saved if one wanted to put in the
effort but most of them aren't worth it. we did manage on the shopping trip
to find a skirt i want to wear, and a couple of shirts, so we are going
through the very beginning stages of trying to rebuild our clothing and a
very few tolietries. hangers have really gone up in price since i bought
them last, i had gotten it to the point where i had clip hangers for all the
pants/skirt items, palain plastic for the shirts and night gowns, i anlso
had two styles of wooden hangers for the better clothing and incentive
clothing, but unfortunately none of them look savable without a lot more
effort than they are worth. so we are also starting over there. one thing i
have learned is to not buy things willy nilly so that will help me shop
carefully and slowly, given the limited space we are to have for a while
this is a very good thing.



thursday aug `19
we went to springfield, we turned in the book work, lucky for us duplicate
checks are a good thing, he was able to recreat the book work even if we
didn't have the tickets to go with everything. it was a day early but we
needed to get it done so we could get jones on friday.

we stopped and made arrangements to move to the staybridge on monday. i am
just horrified at the cost, it doesn't matter if the ins is paying it, it is
just almost a waste of money on the one hand but, at least we will have two
rooms, and a kitchen of sorts, so he will be able to cook some things, there
will also be enough room that we can get penthouses for the cats so we can
let them have axcess to a box and food while we are gone. they will be
kenneled while we are gone but in a bit better situation, and i think we can
get into a better routine where i can smoke without having to have him walk
me outside, i guess i haven't written about this, the best western while
fine for what it is, is a non smoking hotel, but since they were so good
about us having all the cats with us we took it, in fact i am not even sure
he asked about smoking. it has worked out so far but we really needed
somewhere we could smoke and not have to stop what we were doing to do it.

makes me think about smoking when we get the house back. i think we will go
for some kind of porch or patio where we can smoke without risking letting
the cats out. it would be nice to smoke, drink coffee or wine and have no
bugs around.

after we got done in s;pringfield we went to the house, we worked on the
kitchen, i think it was wed that we did the frig, i really liked that frig,
i took so long to find just the right one that it sorta makes me sad that
its not useful to us, we did find the corelle butter dish in there and set
it aside for cleaning, everything else was lost, so much food and
contianers, one of the scariest things about this was that while the fresh
tomatoes turned to mush and the fresh salsa pooched up the container, the
activial yogurt and some other items seems to not have spoiled to the point
that you could tell it through the package... very very scarey... really
makes me want to eat even less processed than i had before.

the freezer paks and my leg pak all had to go. this also suched as i had
just gotten the right amount of freezer paks for the big roll around cooler,
which also will no longer be part of our life. like i said i think this
was wed/ work, so back to thursday, after we had got the sams we went to the
house and did half the top cabinets, empty, take picture, record details,
throw out or stack on the counter, everything inthis half the upper
cabinets, was either food or plastic storage of some sort, killed my frugal
bone all was wasted.

when we got done with that we did that part of the counter, same routine,
picture, record details and throw or stack.

when i had just got the last batch of things onto the table, a man came by
to see if we had any metal to haul off, we have met him before, he visits
his father regularily, unfortunately we don't know what the ins wants to
sell to salvage, so unless we are selling it, we can't really let anything
go. and if the ins gives us money for it, then its theirs and we really
can't give it away.

other things i forgot to write about in this area, he sold the stove we got
from his mom to the ameron guy wh came to pick up the meters, we only had it
to burn yard waste and papers, without needing it to keep the house safe no
point in having it, and since he offerred a hundred dollars and it was
probably more than the ins would give us cool, triar came and got the little
and old dumpster from the drive way, and he sold the parts van to a junk
yard, this freed up the drive way so the roll of dumptster could be there.
worked good for the serve pro people but i think he was right, in back and
out the back door would have been easier. oh well it is what it is.

one of the hardest parts of this is the details one has to attend to, cut
off utilities, cut off wter, pick up meters, take photos of everything, hand
on to every ticket, get ****ed when the ticket is done with suck faded ink
its barely readable... grrr.

don't forget to make the house payment on the house you don't have anymore,
call the bank when they take out two payments on the house you don't have
anymore, and do it all with a cheery smile.


another one of those things i should written on the day of the fire or after
on wed, not sure which, first trip into walmart, the clerk forgot to give
him his change, shutting the drawer before getting the cange, clerk says he
is having a horrid day, he just stared clerk in the eye, says"its my birtdha
today, and my house burt down, clerk almost crapped his pants, i guess he
figured his day wasn't all that bad after all, his house didn't burn on his
birthday and he didn't kick the crap outta him for wining about a bad day.
lol

one thing i can say for sure is a sense of humor sure hleps in these sorts
of situation, some of it black humor but humor none the less...
friday aug 20


we went to jones to get prioduct after we went to paid work and dropped
everything off we had got at sams the day before, we also got soda from
walmart in litchfield before going to work on thursday. work is also a
blurr. it does seem to anchor the day and seems so normal is sorta scarey.
jones had everything we ordered and when we were done with getting it we
came home and crashed, the stress of going flat out is getting to us a bit.
the bed is hidious to his back, and my hip is not liking it much.

on the way back from STL he stopped in collinsville to check out a chinese
buffett we hadn't eaten at before, but the food pans were not filled up and
it was lunch time where they should have been hustling, so we opted for the
golden corral next door, not one of my more favorite choices, but doable, nd
they generally have decent vegetables, sadly this one didn't have the baked
apples i love and the vegetable choices weren't all that great but we got
full and that's the point.

I really wanted to eat somewhere beside what we have readily available, i
know that while we can start eating some meals at the new hotel, with the
amount of work on the house we will be doing lunch out for the forseable
future in raymond or litchfield will probably be in order, I figure that we
will get up, go to sams or walmart if need be, go to paid work, then eat
lunch and work on house, and in the meantime, get product from stl, deal
with ins adjustor and builder sorts, it sounds grouling when i think of it
in my head, doubley hidious in my thoughts as i write it.


sat aug 21

today seems sad to me, they are having my grandmother's birthday party
today, we are just too wiped out to make the trip, at least my older brother
and sister could be there with all of those grandchildren, i am not even
sure who will be there but the drive would just be too much for us to make,
and leaving the cats kenneled for that long just wouldn't be healthy for
them, and since tiger's leaving us i have been watching them much closer
than usualy, oej and trudi seem to have lost even more weight than i would
have expected so i am monortoring them as much as i can with out freaking
them out, mh, barbi and storrmmee seem to be back to normal. chester seems
a bit clingier and if he has lost weight it is just a bit, i worry about him
because i know he needs the dental, we need to get them in to see dr nelson
but haven't managed to get that done yt. the good thing about the
staybrige, is that it is very close tosams and dr nelson's, also close to
meijer, which is where i like to shop the sales. it will suck driving that
far every day to work and to work on the house but for now its the best we
can do.
sunday aug 22
we concentrated most of the day on work, we had gotten stuff from jones on
friday and so all of that had to be put away, we have been doing the least
possible and yet trying to keep it up, so we really devoted sunday to work.

we ate the breakfast at the hotel, something new and different, fruit salad,
lol, and no boiled eggs, i really like boiled eggs, I will miss them when we
get settled at the new hotel and i start counting points again.

i did sodas and he did candy, the coffee machine had to be cleaned but not
much product for it, he did money and we made a deposit before returning to
the hotel.

it took us the better part of six hours to get work done, when you go for a
couple of days in a row just doing the most needed it really adds up when
you do a big fill.

one of the things we had been out of and got from jones was twizzlers, so it
was my job to shake them down on one end so they fit properly into the
machine, not a hard task when you ave three or four, but when there are
thirty it really can make the writsts, sore.

we also discussed prices of products and what things we would soom have to
raise prices on, and the selling of the veggie snacks, which seem to be
going good.

instead of going to the house to work, we made the bank deposit and got
sand/burgers from west side and returned to the hotel. his back and legs
were bothering him and so when we got here, he changed the water on the few
clothes i am trying to save, bought me a captain and coke and we had a few
cigs and went to bed.



monday aug 23


I slept pretty well, but then the captian usually does that for me, i guess
thats why i don't keep him around, i think i could get to liking him too
good,

so now i am awake, i had some good old foldgers instant coffee, i am writing
this journal and listening to the cats play, its about three degrees too
warm in here, and i wish i had woken up in time for some proper dinner, but
i will be fine, its not like i am in danger of starving anytime soon,

I must say the keyboard on this computer DM loaned us is really nice for a
laptop, it seems that they keys while closer toger are still large enough to
use without a lot of hassel,

A weird thing about this is the wy the days all blur together, its like its
all going at warp speed and slow motion at the same time. today we move to
the staybrige in springfield, i am still having mixed feelings about it but
it is the best choice for now. and at least there will be a different
breakfast for a few days until I get bored with it, i find i really do
prefer his cooking to eating out and mine isn't nearly as bad as i thought.

I am hoping to get one load of laundry done before we leave this hotel, and
eat breakfast, not sure what else we will do besides move. I really am
taking things one thing at a time, the load of laundry i want to do is stuff
that if it doesn't come clean quickly will go back to the house for
inventory.

writing a lot of this down seems to be helping me, even if it does make me
cry more than i am used to. I had to wake him up to go have some cigs, i am
hoping i can let him sleep until time to get up for breakfast, hopefully we
will get that laundry in, eat breakfast and pack up the room, what i was
thinking would be good is if would get that all done, then go work on the
house for a while then come back clean up and go to springfield, I need to
go the shopping list and make some notes there, i haven't though that much
about notes for the house today. one thing that keeps occuring to me is
that i really want to work out where we can store the cat carriers, and i
think putting the cats in the four season room when we leave the house is
the way to go, at least if they are there and another disaster happens then
they will have a fighting cahnce, even if the skreen has to be cut and them
let out, I am so very grateful none of them burned to death. I am sure that
we did the right thing for tiger, and god answered my prayer that i wouldn't
have to wonder about him forever, and i have closure, i just wish he didn't
have to go to the bridge, he had so much personality, he was just so funny
and nurotic, he always seemed so grateful when he culd relax enough to play,
i remember the first time he played with a toy and after poking at it a few
times, he looked at him like he was going to get a beating, so sad and funny
at the same time, and while he never did get comfortble playing with toys,
he did get so he would play with my fingers and grab t at my hair and roll
around on the floor for belly rubs, he had a cool way of collaspsing onto
his side that was like he just melted over onto his side, Tiger loved his
nip and he loved to bite my nails when i wore red polish, he didn't bite at
them when i wore french manicure os silver polish just red.

I so miss his complaining that he could see the bottom of the bowl, and i
would so like to be spending way too much money on cat food tokeep him
healthy, but that time is now done, and tiger is now happily waiting for us
at the bridge.

he has gone back to sleep relatively easily so i really am going to wait
until i can't stand it to wake him again.

Thank you for sharing with us, I hope that time heals your hurts.

Jeanette

"Storrmmee" wrote in message
...
It was a hot and sunny day...

the man had gone to work early and had brought home his birthday food and
was napping when his sister called... i was cleaning and listening to base
ball and playing with cats...

I decided that it was time for a break so I put on a base ball game on
mlb.com from the spring training archive... ok time to go to the bathroom
and get lemonade and relax to a game. I like these spring training games
as much for the conversations and guests in the booth as i do the games,
and i do love my base ball.

I got up and took the few steps where i had to decide lemonade or
bathroomm first when i heard a sound like someone was putting something in
the dumpster. I walked into the kitchen to listen no sound out front but
what an odd smell. I started sniffing and working my way to the laundry
room, stronger but such an odd smell. I grabbed the door to the garage and
opened it, scared me to death, the smell was horrible, the heat was
intense,and oh my god, what if one of the cats were trying to ace me out
into the garage.

I started screaming, he came running, told me to get out the front and
call 911.

He had been napping but his sister had called to wish him happy birthday,
he told her he had to go hung up, and went into saving mode, he got me out
and into the yard, and he did manage to get three of the cats out before
the smoke got so bad that he couldn't return for the rest.

let me guarentee that nobody better ever say one bad word about volenteer
fireman where i can hear it. harvel was there i am sure within four
minutes, raymond was there in another six, and they really worked to save
our home. they managed to get the rest of the cats out and get the fire
stopped. they were all very professional, kind and compassionate.

before the fire was out one of the men told him that the insurance agent
was on his way. he was there before the fire was out, he had already
gotten the adjusters name and number for us, he was also professional and
compassionate.

while the fire was going on, one of the emts was doing everything she
could to keep me calm, and did a lot to keep me comfortable. as we
collected cats her daughter took them to her house, gave them water and
food, since they lived across the street this was very comforting as i
knew where they were.

In all of this one of them brought me storrmmee, she was very limp and
compliant, neither of which are her regular persona, i became alarmed and
called to him, and he and the emt gave her oxygen, I am convinced this
saved her life as while i was holding her, her very essence seemed to be
slipping away, i could almost feel her leaving this life and stepping
towards the next one... very scarey and yet oddly comforting as while i
held her for that few seconds i became acutely aware that yes our friends
of different species do take the next step as we do.

Tiger was one of the cats trapped in the house. when one of the firemen
found him he chucked him out the front door, where he took off for parts
unknown, this was extremely disturbing as he age estimate is somewhere
between fourteen and sixteen. i prayed to god that i just had to know what
became of him, i have lived my life wondering every day about a childhood
cat and one i got as a young adult not knowing what became of them has
been a constant and daily source of pain... the pain of not knowing was
something i don't think i could bear,...

chester was FREAKING OUT SO BADLY THAT HE COULDN'T GET HIM INTO A CARRIER
SO HE WENT OUT THE WINDOW, FORTUNATELY chester has always been good about
coming when called, when things started calming down he came to him when
called, he then went into a carrier and over to the emt's house via the
daughter.

OEJ was one of the cats he got into a carrier early and out of the house,
so she went right over to the emt's house.

trudi was chucked out of the house by one of the firemen, The Man was told
and he found her at the end of the house dazed and wandering, besides the
obvious fire related issues, i was terrified that she would get injured on
her hindquarters, she has had abuse/trauma in that area before so any
further trauma can't be good for her, but then burning to death would
suck, so sorta the lesser of two evils.

barbiHe thinks was handed to one of the emts, its a good thing she didn't
get chucked out, she is very ferrel, and very scared of everything. I am
shocked she even let anyone get ahold of her at all. she is just now
coming to get pets from me at night, and neither of us can reach for her
without her at least jumping back, and usually running away... I am not
sure if she got oxygen, or was just so scared she couldn't run.

MH was one of the cats he got out so he is no worse for the wear, and good
thing too, with all that fur he would have to get a bath, and honestly i
am sure that after the furst round of me removing most of his hair to get
the matts out, he wouldn't have been very happy to regrow an entire coat
for a second time.

as the fire was put out and things started calming down, i realized that i
was sitting in a chair in my front yard with only a t shirt house dress,
and nothing else on, i never leave my house without the appropriate
undergarmets, and i at least have shoes with me to meet legal
requirements... somehow it seems that undergarments and shoes are very
much less important than i had always thought, even in the presense of
twenty two firefighters and more than one emt.

He found us temporary accomodation at the local best western, i was very
releived that he is one of those types who gets on it and can find housing
for the needs, its almost a gift with him and as in the past served us
well once again.

while all of this was going on and we were helpless to do anything but
stand by and pray to ourselves, one of my prayers was that the next door
to us people wouldn't be harmed, on our left is a couple that has lived
there all the time we have and i think a lot longer, she isn't in the best
of health and uses a walker, i kept thinking/praying, please don't let
them be harmed... on the other side is an older gentleman also not in top
shape, but still pretty active,fortunately all of his structures are
further away so while i had concern i wasn't nearly as worried about him.

we got to the hotel, not sure how or what time, we tried to get food but
the resturant had closed for the evening, so it must have been after nine,
we ordered dominos pizza,... when it arrived the staff also brought him
slices of pie for his birthday... we were both very touched...

other things i remember, the builder of the house, stopped by as we were
leaving, not sure if it was the day of the fire or the next, think it was
the day of the fire, i was touched he stopped by and was sad as it was sad
for him also.

across the street on the corner, brought him a t shirt, as i said he was
preparing for a nap and so when he rushed to start saving cats he had only
sweat pants on, he is very fair skinned and the across the street brought
him not just any t shirt but a brand new one,

after we left same across the street saw tiger on the front porch when one
of the firemen stopped to check the house, she saw him bolt as the
headlights hit the front step. so at least we knew he was alive and still
able to move at a rapid pace.

before we went to the hotel he rescued just a few essentials like his
wallet and my id/cig case.

other thoughts i had while sitting in the yard watchint the last eighteen
years burn... I guess i could have smoked in the house after all, and i
guess it wasn't necesssary to wait to get an enclosed stove to burn papers
and yard waste. both of us were scared about burning because of the
sparks flying, so we didn't burn until we got a stove from his mom to burn
things in a way that kept sparks enclosed. we didn't smoke in the house
partly because i didn't want the curtains ruined, partly as a way to
encurage us to reduce smoking in general, and after violette graced us
with her presence it didn't seem fair to smoke where she couldn't voice
any preference about it, also it did seem that when we were outside, if
she got a wiff of the cig smoke she would sneeze, and i was always afraid
i would cause her to develope asthma symptoms if she had to breathe the
smoke indoors all the time... now violette and the curtains are gone.

I have had a tremendous amount of harrowing expereinces in my life,
everything from sexual assualt, living through tornados and other fires,
almost drowning twice, and the first time i saw someone die i was in
fourth grade, all of these things were and still horrifying when i think
of them, or when something triggers one of the memories. But I can also
swear by all I beleive in there is a higher power that helps all of us if
we are open to it. it was a split second decision, a happenstance that
allows me to even be here writing this, you see when i decided to get up
get the lemonade and go to the bathroom, it was just a sound that drew me
to the kitchen, had i not heard that sound, i would have used the
bathroom, and as i was feeling lazy anyway i might have just went to the
futon and laid down, after all i keep a bottle of water on the end table
so i really didn't need lemonade anyway, had we became aware of the fire
even five minutes later we would probably have perished.

Lee

Wed august 11
I know we ate the bbreakfast at the hotel, and this is the point i
determined i would eat as healtily as possible, but trying to count points
while cleaning out the house was just more than i am capable of. since i
am doing this i am trying to keep carbs way down but am also making sure
that at least once a day i am full. the calories burned stressing out over
the house burining is very large, not considering the physical activity of
sorting, documenting and discarding... so i did make the right decision.

we met with the adjuster and another adjuster on this day, he went over
things in general and we discussied cleaning services, the process in
general and a very few speicifics, now at one point he said we would
probably reatin about half the meeting, and i do pride myself on
memorizing things, but this was so stressful that i didn't retain as much
as i thought... I am wondering if this didn't happen on thursday instead
of wed, I know, He talked to the aduster on the phone and gave a statement
but i am not sure if it was the same day or not.

whatever day he came after meeting with him we left them to measuring.

food at the hotel again. careing for the cats and work are the only
routine that we have managed to keep.
food on wed was the bbq pork chop, not bad but since i do most pork slow
and low in oven or crock put i am used to much less chewey pork no matter
the spicing, and i find that at least right now i am not well pleased with
spicey foods as they are affecting my digestion,

while we were waiting for the adujster on the corner came to tell us that
when the fireman came to check on the house late tuesday she looked out
hearing the car, she said when he pulled into the drive way there was
tiger, on the step but he bloted when the headlights hit mr tiger...

so we went back at dusk to see if we could get him. robert got me the
front yard chair, he went around the house calling to him. he came back
around and went to the van got water and cigs and brought them to me, he
went around back to get a chair for himself and he heard tiger, called and
tiger answered...

in the end tiger was so very scared that he had to get down on his hands
and kneees and let tiger stalk him tiger circled closer and closer and at
last got close enough for him to be touched, when the hand touched him
back he all but collapsed, in releif we think, then around the house he
came with tiger we were all happy, so back to the hotel we came with our
family in tact, and my prayers had been answered, i knew where tiger was
and that he had not died in the night at the hands of a large dog or cruel
human. since he is of such an advanced age i was concerned about the
above because he did not move fast, I was also very concerned that he
might get dehydrated and suffer from it, but we were together and no cat
seemed to be concerned about territory, barbi wasn't hiding, storrmmee
wasn't picking on her, and tiger was just happy to have a bed to lay on,

one of the things i have done is get canned food for them to eat, this is
not our normal food, but between the trauma of the fire, smoke on the furr
and general upset, also, i am not sure how well they will take to this
carlinville water i figure the canned will at least keep them dehydrated.
barbi and trudi are not well pleased with wet food, but storrmmee seems to
think its a fine idea.

tiger bless his heart isn't eating a lot of either but he is at least
eating.


Thursday aug 12

I think this is the day we met with dirk with serve pro, but it might
have been wed aftn, i am not sure he has notes on the digital recorder so
dates can be straightened out then. dirk seemed to understand my issues
with personal space and being blind, the women he sent were also
understanding of this. it turns out they don't work on the weekends abut
they do get a lot done while they are here, i think they were at the
houtse five or six days, first few days were the two woemen oddly who have
the same given names as me and my sister, one day a third woman came to do
nothing but pick up debri, she impressed the crap outta me.

when the dumpster came things went faster as the next day many bags went
from the yard and house to the dumpster, the plaster ceilings were heavy.

the last day that they were at the house, it was the one with my sisters
given name and a younger woman, and oddly i don't seem to even remember
her name.

while there were little things i wish they had done differently and sorta
wish they had been more careful with things, they were all in all for what
theydo not bad.


friday aug 13


today is the birthday of one of the cleaning women at the rest area, but i
am not sure which one, i just am not sure... the one working today,
pretty sure it isn't her, bless her good heart, when she asked me how i
was and i told her the house burnt, she went and got three dollars and
tried to give it to me, how sweet is that, i know they don't make even MW
working for a sheltered work shop, but i managed to get her to keep the
bills, saying if she could just make sure the fronts and tops of the
machines were gone over that it would help me and save me some time while
we are working on the house... i really was touched that she wanted to
give me money, shows just how good hearted some people are.

I talked to JD yesterday to see if he might be able to pick up a jones
order if i needed it, luckily/unluckily we decided against that, he also
offerred to

serve pro tells me that they don't work weekends because the ins co don't
pay for overtime, makes sense but i wish they did so that we could get on
with this. oh well.

somewhere in here we went to the adjustors for an advance check, and the
next day we went to the regu ins agent for a copy of the policy, they
weren't the same day, he has kept track of all of this but i am writing as
i think of things, so dates might not be right... but it sure makes me
feel better writing things down.

loan me product if i neecded it. so far only twizzlers is all that is
serious from jones.



sat aug 14

Today is jessica's birthday, i completely forgot to call her so much is
going on, man do i feel bad about that, very good kid she is and a good
mom also.

I know we worked at paid work and the house but i have no idea what else
we did. as i said before no ww for a while. speaking of routinge items,
i had no idea that smoke/soot would just kill the acrylic nails, i decided
we will also suspend getting nails until this is over, and i might just
have her file and polish for a while.

breakfast on saturdays at the hotel is a bit woolier because of the amount
of people staying over. seems this place is used a lot for parties like
samll group reunions, there have even been afew wedding parties. one
included the marraige outside.

in the evening he noticed that tiger was a bit lethargic, all he wanted to
do was sleep on the bed, and he had been sleeping near him instead of me
which is NOT ususal, especailly by his head/pillow, tiger usually gets up
with me and naps near where i am, at night at bedtime he sleepis at the
foot of the waterbed on no particular side, during the day he sleeps on
the computer desk when i am at the computer, and it was always funny to
see tv and tiger jockey for desktop realestate, after we got the new
computer chair, then that was less of an issue, i just had to share the
chair with tiger, and tv until he went to the bridge got the desktop to
himself... tiger seemed to be getting progessively wors until we discussed
how we were going to handle his leaving, i am not exactly what chain of
events happened except i remember picking him up and thinking he really
had lost a lot of weight, which he had commented on when we got him back.
i lifedt him so he could put a towel under him, i think we went for cigs
and then discussed tiger's comfort leve, in the ends his breathing seemed
uncomfortable enough, and i was half trying to convince myself he would
just need IV fluids and be ok, we took tiger to the er vet. at first the
er vert thought it was just sorta like stress related kidney issues and
fluid would pretty well fix it, so we left him there after talking to the
vet. we came home and got a nap...
sun aug 15
breakfast starts at seven on sundays, and no boiled eggs, i have like i
said been trying to eat lower carb, so i have been enjoying the boiled
eggs, i have avoided the cereal and oatmeal, but the b part of b/g haven't
escaped me unfortunately i also got caputred by a bit of danish as well,
but all in all i haven't done bad considering... i was really afraid i
wouldn't be able to eat anything at all which would have been an issue,
the physical exersition of cleaning out the house and the mental stress of
all of this doesn't allow for not eating, so a bit of control is in
order... somewhere along the way we got a couple of kinds of fresh fruit
for keeping in the rouom good choice that.

we also got crackers and peanut butter so we could at least have something
to snack on without having to go out in the middle of the night.

its so odd the things we seem to take for granted, the ssimple act of
"grabbling" a snack during a commerical is just mind boggling. who even
ever considers that while the beer commericial is on i get more lemonade
and go out the back for a cig so i don't miss that much of the next
inning.

other things i hope never to take for granted again if i can help it.
-not having to wake all the way up to go to the bathroom.
-not needing him t wake up if i want a cig.
-knowing where everything is, and knowing what i want in the house is
actually there.
-being able to say, OH i have one of those... now its oh I used to have
one of those.
-doing the laundry, i really almost have ocd about clothes, he looked so
hard to get a w/d i could perate and now they are gone, and he is doing
the laundry because its someone where in the hotel, i went with him onece
but now i just get him to wash/dry and then i try and hang/fold, he did
the last load.

one thing we agreed on early on is that we would buy all black clothes to
make laundry easier, so far its working.



we came home ate, i don't think we did much but try and take a nap, the
plan was to get a nap, get up work at paid wrok go to the house, and then
get to bed early so we could go and get tiger early mondy, but the er vet
called me and gave me the horrifying news that tiger would NOT make it,
and that further his end would NOT be pleaseant, i was and am still
devestated, but i am pleased with us taking him to the er vet, i am
eternally grateful for the vets that work at this ervice, and i am so
blessed that he knowing the pain i was in called for the vet to help tiger
go, i know it was the right things at when she gave him the shot he was
gone in less than ten seconds, it was the right thing, and as every other
time i have had to do this, it is the most painful price for having the
unconditional love of another being.

so we decided on cremation, and paid the bill and came home and collapsed.



mon aug `16
more serve pro, more paid work, more resturant food. we seem to be in a
routine for lunch we either get subway or sands from west side, then for
dinner the hotel or a buffett if we are out doing other things. i just
hate spending this money eating out, and i really hate its not ww friendly
and i really really hate that i am not eating his food.

tues aug 17

I am not sure what day we went to stl for costco, shopping and cigs, i am
pretty sure it was over the weekend but we got the new cat carriers so
that will show the date, it was before tiger got sick, and if i had been
paying attention to the signs i would have known that tiger was to take
the next step, we shopped for new carriers, and when we finally decided on
new carriers and where we to buy them they had the three smaller ones, and
only three of the larger ones, we went to another store to get the fourth
one, unfortunately we wouldn't need it for long. on sunday when we left
we had to return to the er to get it as we forgot to take it with us when
we left. i really should pay better attention to the signs.

as to signs, all the cats seem to be coping well except that oej seems to
be a little depressed, barbi and storrmmee aren't fighting now, i guess
the move to nutral ground has helped the pecking order, there seems to be
a mutual understanding that right now everyone isn't in need of asserting
themselves. barbi and storrmmee seem to be able to share space on the same
bed without a major fight.


wed aug `18

serve pro came tuesday and maybe wed as well but again things aere so
blurred i am not sure if the last day was tues or wed. more sands from
west side and hotel dinners. laundry, we did some of the clothes we
rescued, but we took them back to the house for the most part, most are
not worth saving and putting the effort into, we did manage to save his
dickies pants, but none of his shirts. i think they could be saved if one
wanted to put in the effort but most of them aren't worth it. we did
manage on the shopping trip to find a skirt i want to wear, and a couple
of shirts, so we are going through the very beginning stages of trying to
rebuild our clothing and a very few tolietries. hangers have really gone
up in price since i bought them last, i had gotten it to the point where i
had clip hangers for all the pants/skirt items, palain plastic for the
shirts and night gowns, i anlso had two styles of wooden hangers for the
better clothing and incentive clothing, but unfortunately none of them
look savable without a lot more effort than they are worth. so we are also
starting over there. one thing i have learned is to not buy things willy
nilly so that will help me shop carefully and slowly, given the limited
space we are to have for a while this is a very good thing.



thursday aug `19
we went to springfield, we turned in the book work, lucky for us duplicate
checks are a good thing, he was able to recreat the book work even if we
didn't have the tickets to go with everything. it was a day early but we
needed to get it done so we could get jones on friday.

we stopped and made arrangements to move to the staybridge on monday. i
am just horrified at the cost, it doesn't matter if the ins is paying it,
it is just almost a waste of money on the one hand but, at least we will
have two rooms, and a kitchen of sorts, so he will be able to cook some
things, there will also be enough room that we can get penthouses for the
cats so we can let them have axcess to a box and food while we are gone.
they will be kenneled while we are gone but in a bit better situation, and
i think we can get into a better routine where i can smoke without having
to have him walk me outside, i guess i haven't written about this, the
best western while fine for what it is, is a non smoking hotel, but since
they were so good about us having all the cats with us we took it, in fact
i am not even sure he asked about smoking. it has worked out so far but
we really needed somewhere we could smoke and not have to stop what we
were doing to do it.

makes me think about smoking when we get the house back. i think we will
go for some kind of porch or patio where we can smoke without risking
letting the cats out. it would be nice to smoke, drink coffee or wine and
have no bugs around.

after we got done in s;pringfield we went to the house, we worked on the
kitchen, i think it was wed that we did the frig, i really liked that
frig, i took so long to find just the right one that it sorta makes me sad
that its not useful to us, we did find the corelle butter dish in there
and set it aside for cleaning, everything else was lost, so much food and
contianers, one of the scariest things about this was that while the fresh
tomatoes turned to mush and the fresh salsa pooched up the container, the
activial yogurt and some other items seems to not have spoiled to the
point that you could tell it through the package... very very scarey...
really makes me want to eat even less processed than i had before.

the freezer paks and my leg pak all had to go. this also suched as i had
just gotten the right amount of freezer paks for the big roll around
cooler, which also will no longer be part of our life. like i said i
think this was wed/ work, so back to thursday, after we had got the sams
we went to the house and did half the top cabinets, empty, take picture,
record details, throw out or stack on the counter, everything inthis half
the upper cabinets, was either food or plastic storage of some sort,
killed my frugal bone all was wasted.

when we got done with that we did that part of the counter, same routine,
picture, record details and throw or stack.

when i had just got the last batch of things onto the table, a man came
by to see if we had any metal to haul off, we have met him before, he
visits his father regularily, unfortunately we don't know what the ins
wants to sell to salvage, so unless we are selling it, we can't really let
anything go. and if the ins gives us money for it, then its theirs and we
really can't give it away.

other things i forgot to write about in this area, he sold the stove we
got from his mom to the ameron guy wh came to pick up the meters, we only
had it to burn yard waste and papers, without needing it to keep the house
safe no point in having it, and since he offerred a hundred dollars and it
was probably more than the ins would give us cool, triar came and got the
little and old dumpster from the drive way, and he sold the parts van to a
junk yard, this freed up the drive way so the roll of dumptster could be
there. worked good for the serve pro people but i think he was right, in
back and out the back door would have been easier. oh well it is what it
is.

one of the hardest parts of this is the details one has to attend to, cut
off utilities, cut off wter, pick up meters, take photos of everything,
hand on to every ticket, get ****ed when the ticket is done with suck
faded ink its barely readable... grrr.

don't forget to make the house payment on the house you don't have
anymore, call the bank when they take out two payments on the house you
don't have anymore, and do it all with a cheery smile.


another one of those things i should written on the day of the fire or
after on wed, not sure which, first trip into walmart, the clerk forgot to
give him his change, shutting the drawer before getting the cange, clerk
says he is having a horrid day, he just stared clerk in the eye, says"its
my birtdha today, and my house burt down, clerk almost crapped his pants,
i guess he figured his day wasn't all that bad after all, his house didn't
burn on his birthday and he didn't kick the crap outta him for wining
about a bad day. lol

one thing i can say for sure is a sense of humor sure hleps in these sorts
of situation, some of it black humor but humor none the less...
friday aug 20


we went to jones to get prioduct after we went to paid work and dropped
everything off we had got at sams the day before, we also got soda from
walmart in litchfield before going to work on thursday. work is also a
blurr. it does seem to anchor the day and seems so normal is sorta scarey.
jones had everything we ordered and when we were done with getting it we
came home and crashed, the stress of going flat out is getting to us a
bit. the bed is hidious to his back, and my hip is not liking it much.

on the way back from STL he stopped in collinsville to check out a chinese
buffett we hadn't eaten at before, but the food pans were not filled up
and it was lunch time where they should have been hustling, so we opted
for the golden corral next door, not one of my more favorite choices, but
doable, nd they generally have decent vegetables, sadly this one didn't
have the baked apples i love and the vegetable choices weren't all that
great but we got full and that's the point.

I really wanted to eat somewhere beside what we have readily available, i
know that while we can start eating some meals at the new hotel, with the
amount of work on the house we will be doing lunch out for the forseable
future in raymond or litchfield will probably be in order, I figure that
we will get up, go to sams or walmart if need be, go to paid work, then
eat lunch and work on house, and in the meantime, get product from stl,
deal with ins adjustor and builder sorts, it sounds grouling when i think
of it in my head, doubley hidious in my thoughts as i write it.


sat aug 21

today seems sad to me, they are having my grandmother's birthday party
today, we are just too wiped out to make the trip, at least my older
brother and sister could be there with all of those grandchildren, i am
not even sure who will be there but the drive would just be too much for
us to make, and leaving the cats kenneled for that long just wouldn't be
healthy for them, and since tiger's leaving us i have been watching them
much closer than usualy, oej and trudi seem to have lost even more weight
than i would have expected so i am monortoring them as much as i can with
out freaking them out, mh, barbi and storrmmee seem to be back to normal.
chester seems a bit clingier and if he has lost weight it is just a bit, i
worry about him because i know he needs the dental, we need to get them in
to see dr nelson but haven't managed to get that done yt. the good thing
about the staybrige, is that it is very close tosams and dr nelson's, also
close to meijer, which is where i like to shop the sales. it will suck
driving that far every day to work and to work on the house but for now
its the best we can do.
sunday aug 22
we concentrated most of the day on work, we had gotten stuff from jones on
friday and so all of that had to be put away, we have been doing the least
possible and yet trying to keep it up, so we really devoted sunday to
work.

we ate the breakfast at the hotel, something new and different, fruit
salad, lol, and no boiled eggs, i really like boiled eggs, I will miss
them when we get settled at the new hotel and i start counting points
again.

i did sodas and he did candy, the coffee machine had to be cleaned but not
much product for it, he did money and we made a deposit before returning
to the hotel.

it took us the better part of six hours to get work done, when you go for
a couple of days in a row just doing the most needed it really adds up
when you do a big fill.

one of the things we had been out of and got from jones was twizzlers, so
it was my job to shake them down on one end so they fit properly into the
machine, not a hard task when you ave three or four, but when there are
thirty it really can make the writsts, sore.

we also discussed prices of products and what things we would soom have to
raise prices on, and the selling of the veggie snacks, which seem to be
going good.

instead of going to the house to work, we made the bank deposit and got
sand/burgers from west side and returned to the hotel. his back and legs
were bothering him and so when we got here, he changed the water on the
few clothes i am trying to save, bought me a captain and coke and we had a
few cigs and went to bed.



monday aug 23


I slept pretty well, but then the captian usually does that for me, i
guess thats why i don't keep him around, i think i could get to liking him
too good,

so now i am awake, i had some good old foldgers instant coffee, i am
writing this journal and listening to the cats play, its about three
degrees too warm in here, and i wish i had woken up in time for some
proper dinner, but i will be fine, its not like i am in danger of starving
anytime soon,

I must say the keyboard on this computer DM loaned us is really nice for a
laptop, it seems that they keys while closer toger are still large enough
to use without a lot of hassel,

A weird thing about this is the wy the days all blur together, its like
its all going at warp speed and slow motion at the same time. today we
move to the staybrige in springfield, i am still having mixed feelings
about it but it is the best choice for now. and at least there will be a
different breakfast for a few days until I get bored with it, i find i
really do prefer his cooking to eating out and mine isn't nearly as bad as
i thought.

I am hoping to get one load of laundry done before we leave this hotel,
and eat breakfast, not sure what else we will do besides move. I really
am taking things one thing at a time, the load of laundry i want to do is
stuff that if it doesn't come clean quickly will go back to the house for
inventory.

writing a lot of this down seems to be helping me, even if it does make me
cry more than i am used to. I had to wake him up to go have some cigs, i
am hoping i can let him sleep until time to get up for breakfast,
hopefully we will get that laundry in, eat breakfast and pack up the room,
what i was thinking would be good is if would get that all done, then go
work on the house for a while then come back clean up and go to
springfield, I need to go the shopping list and make some notes there, i
haven't though that much about notes for the house today. one thing that
keeps occuring to me is that i really want to work out where we can store
the cat carriers, and i think putting the cats in the four season room
when we leave the house is the way to go, at least if they are there and
another disaster happens then they will have a fighting cahnce, even if
the skreen has to be cut and them let out, I am so very grateful none of
them burned to death. I am sure that we did the right thing for tiger,
and god answered my prayer that i wouldn't have to wonder about him
forever, and i have closure, i just wish he didn't have to go to the
bridge, he had so much personality, he was just so funny and nurotic, he
always seemed so grateful when he culd relax enough to play, i remember
the first time he played with a toy and after poking at it a few times, he
looked at him like he was going to get a beating, so sad and funny at the
same time, and while he never did get comfortble playing with toys, he did
get so he would play with my fingers and grab t at my hair and roll around
on the floor for belly rubs, he had a cool way of collaspsing onto his
side that was like he just melted over onto his side, Tiger loved his nip
and he loved to bite my nails when i wore red polish, he didn't bite at
them when i wore french manicure os silver polish just red.

I so miss his complaining that he could see the bottom of the bowl, and i
would so like to be spending way too much money on cat food tokeep him
healthy, but that time is now done, and tiger is now happily waiting for
us at the bridge.

he has gone back to sleep relatively easily so i really am going to wait
until i can't stand it to wake him again.


You are a brave and resourceful woman, I admire you.
Karla

"Storrmmee" wrote in message
...

gently snipped

other thoughts i had while sitting in the yard watchint the last eighteen
years burn... I guess i could have smoked in the house after all, and i
guess it wasn't necesssary to wait to get an enclosed stove to burn papers
and yard waste. both of us were scared about burning because of the
sparks flying, so we didn't burn until we got a stove from his mom to burn
things in a way that kept sparks enclosed. we didn't smoke in the house
partly because i didn't want the curtains ruined, partly as a way to
encurage us to reduce smoking in general, and after violette graced us
with her presence it didn't seem fair to smoke where she couldn't voice
any preference about it, also it did seem that when we were outside, if
she got a wiff of the cig smoke she would sneeze, and i was always afraid
i would cause her to develope asthma symptoms if she had to breathe the
smoke indoors all the time... now violette and the curtains are gone.

That was a very wise and compassionate decision. Just like the drapes and
furniture, a cat's hair will also collect nicotene and other hazardous
materials from second-hand smoke - and we all know they lick their coats
constantly so all that nasty gets ingested. They've even done studies that
show cats whose owners smoke have a 40% more chance of getting lymphoma than
cats whose owners do not smoke - or do not smoke where the cat can't get
away from it. When we moved to this house I wanted everything to be fresh
and cleaned before putting it in my "new" house - you wouldn't believe the
number of buckets with nasty brown water in them... and drapes we'd
*thought* were white, well we found out what white *really* looked like.
There was a pact between DH and it... at the time he was smoking 3 packs a
day and I was smoking 1 pack a day - that averaged about $375 per month.
Well, that $375 per month going to a house payment allowed us to get a much
nicer property.

I haven't read the rest of your journaling, but wanted to stop and comment
on this point - it's something smokers may not even think about until it's
pointed out to them. OK, off to read the rest.


--
Hugs,

CatNipped
See our clowder at: http://www.PossiblePlaces.com/CatNipped/

See the RPCA FAQ site, by Mark Edwards, at:
http://www.professional-geek.com/rpcablog/

healing is already occuring, it seems that writing helps and crying does
also. I didn't mean to post all of that just the first part but oh well,
sorry it was so long. Lee
"NettieCat" wrote in message
...
Thank you for sharing with us, I hope that time heals your hurts.

Jeanette

thank you for reading, Lee
"karla" wrote in message
...

"Storrmmee" wrote in message
...
It was a hot and sunny day...

the man had gone to work early and had brought home his birthday food and
was napping when his sister called... i was cleaning and listening to
base ball and playing with cats...

I decided that it was time for a break so I put on a base ball game on
mlb.com from the spring training archive... ok time to go to the bathroom
and get lemonade and relax to a game. I like these spring training games
as much for the conversations and guests in the booth as i do the games,
and i do love my base ball.

I got up and took the few steps where i had to decide lemonade or
bathroomm first when i heard a sound like someone was putting something
in the dumpster. I walked into the kitchen to listen no sound out front
but what an odd smell. I started sniffing and working my way to the
laundry room, stronger but such an odd smell. I grabbed the door to the
garage and opened it, scared me to death, the smell was horrible, the
heat was intense,and oh my god, what if one of the cats were trying to
ace me out into the garage.

I started screaming, he came running, told me to get out the front and
call 911.

He had been napping but his sister had called to wish him happy birthday,
he told her he had to go hung up, and went into saving mode, he got me
out and into the yard, and he did manage to get three of the cats out
before the smoke got so bad that he couldn't return for the rest.

let me guarentee that nobody better ever say one bad word about volenteer
fireman where i can hear it. harvel was there i am sure within four
minutes, raymond was there in another six, and they really worked to save
our home. they managed to get the rest of the cats out and get the fire
stopped. they were all very professional, kind and compassionate.

before the fire was out one of the men told him that the insurance agent
was on his way. he was there before the fire was out, he had already
gotten the adjusters name and number for us, he was also professional and
compassionate.

while the fire was going on, one of the emts was doing everything she
could to keep me calm, and did a lot to keep me comfortable. as we
collected cats her daughter took them to her house, gave them water and
food, since they lived across the street this was very comforting as i
knew where they were.

In all of this one of them brought me storrmmee, she was very limp and
compliant, neither of which are her regular persona, i became alarmed and
called to him, and he and the emt gave her oxygen, I am convinced this
saved her life as while i was holding her, her very essence seemed to be
slipping away, i could almost feel her leaving this life and stepping
towards the next one... very scarey and yet oddly comforting as while i
held her for that few seconds i became acutely aware that yes our friends
of different species do take the next step as we do.

Tiger was one of the cats trapped in the house. when one of the firemen
found him he chucked him out the front door, where he took off for parts
unknown, this was extremely disturbing as he age estimate is somewhere
between fourteen and sixteen. i prayed to god that i just had to know
what became of him, i have lived my life wondering every day about a
childhood cat and one i got as a young adult not knowing what became of
them has been a constant and daily source of pain... the pain of not
knowing was something i don't think i could bear,...

chester was FREAKING OUT SO BADLY THAT HE COULDN'T GET HIM INTO A CARRIER
SO HE WENT OUT THE WINDOW, FORTUNATELY chester has always been good
about coming when called, when things started calming down he came to him
when called, he then went into a carrier and over to the emt's house via
the daughter.

OEJ was one of the cats he got into a carrier early and out of the
house, so she went right over to the emt's house.

trudi was chucked out of the house by one of the firemen, The Man was
told and he found her at the end of the house dazed and wandering,
besides the obvious fire related issues, i was terrified that she would
get injured on her hindquarters, she has had abuse/trauma in that area
before so any further trauma can't be good for her, but then burning to
death would suck, so sorta the lesser of two evils.

barbiHe thinks was handed to one of the emts, its a good thing she didn't
get chucked out, she is very ferrel, and very scared of everything. I am
shocked she even let anyone get ahold of her at all. she is just now
coming to get pets from me at night, and neither of us can reach for her
without her at least jumping back, and usually running away... I am not
sure if she got oxygen, or was just so scared she couldn't run.

MH was one of the cats he got out so he is no worse for the wear, and
good thing too, with all that fur he would have to get a bath, and
honestly i am sure that after the furst round of me removing most of his
hair to get the matts out, he wouldn't have been very happy to regrow an
entire coat for a second time.

as the fire was put out and things started calming down, i realized that
i was sitting in a chair in my front yard with only a t shirt house
dress, and nothing else on, i never leave my house without the
appropriate undergarmets, and i at least have shoes with me to meet legal
requirements... somehow it seems that undergarments and shoes are very
much less important than i had always thought, even in the presense of
twenty two firefighters and more than one emt.

He found us temporary accomodation at the local best western, i was very
releived that he is one of those types who gets on it and can find
housing for the needs, its almost a gift with him and as in the past
served us well once again.

while all of this was going on and we were helpless to do anything but
stand by and pray to ourselves, one of my prayers was that the next door
to us people wouldn't be harmed, on our left is a couple that has lived
there all the time we have and i think a lot longer, she isn't in the
best of health and uses a walker, i kept thinking/praying, please don't
let them be harmed... on the other side is an older gentleman also not in
top shape, but still pretty active,fortunately all of his structures are
further away so while i had concern i wasn't nearly as worried about him.

we got to the hotel, not sure how or what time, we tried to get food but
the resturant had closed for the evening, so it must have been after
nine, we ordered dominos pizza,... when it arrived the staff also brought
him slices of pie for his birthday... we were both very touched...

other things i remember, the builder of the house, stopped by as we were
leaving, not sure if it was the day of the fire or the next, think it was
the day of the fire, i was touched he stopped by and was sad as it was
sad for him also.

across the street on the corner, brought him a t shirt, as i said he was
preparing for a nap and so when he rushed to start saving cats he had
only sweat pants on, he is very fair skinned and the across the street
brought him not just any t shirt but a brand new one,

after we left same across the street saw tiger on the front porch when
one of the firemen stopped to check the house, she saw him bolt as the
headlights hit the front step. so at least we knew he was alive and still
able to move at a rapid pace.

before we went to the hotel he rescued just a few essentials like his
wallet and my id/cig case.

other thoughts i had while sitting in the yard watchint the last eighteen
years burn... I guess i could have smoked in the house after all, and i
guess it wasn't necesssary to wait to get an enclosed stove to burn
papers and yard waste. both of us were scared about burning because of
the sparks flying, so we didn't burn until we got a stove from his mom to
burn things in a way that kept sparks enclosed. we didn't smoke in the
house partly because i didn't want the curtains ruined, partly as a way
to encurage us to reduce smoking in general, and after violette graced us
with her presence it didn't seem fair to smoke where she couldn't voice
any preference about it, also it did seem that when we were outside, if
she got a wiff of the cig smoke she would sneeze, and i was always afraid
i would cause her to develope asthma symptoms if she had to breathe the
smoke indoors all the time... now violette and the curtains are gone.

I have had a tremendous amount of harrowing expereinces in my life,
everything from sexual assualt, living through tornados and other fires,
almost drowning twice, and the first time i saw someone die i was in
fourth grade, all of these things were and still horrifying when i think
of them, or when something triggers one of the memories. But I can also
swear by all I beleive in there is a higher power that helps all of us if
we are open to it. it was a split second decision, a happenstance that
allows me to even be here writing this, you see when i decided to get up
get the lemonade and go to the bathroom, it was just a sound that drew me
to the kitchen, had i not heard that sound, i would have used the
bathroom, and as i was feeling lazy anyway i might have just went to the
futon and laid down, after all i keep a bottle of water on the end table
so i really didn't need lemonade anyway, had we became aware of the fire
even five minutes later we would probably have perished.

Lee

Wed august 11
I know we ate the bbreakfast at the hotel, and this is the point i
determined i would eat as healtily as possible, but trying to count
points while cleaning out the house was just more than i am capable of.
since i am doing this i am trying to keep carbs way down but am also
making sure that at least once a day i am full. the calories burned
stressing out over the house burining is very large, not considering the
physical activity of sorting, documenting and discarding... so i did make
the right decision.

we met with the adjuster and another adjuster on this day, he went over
things in general and we discussied cleaning services, the process in
general and a very few speicifics, now at one point he said we would
probably reatin about half the meeting, and i do pride myself on
memorizing things, but this was so stressful that i didn't retain as much
as i thought... I am wondering if this didn't happen on thursday instead
of wed, I know, He talked to the aduster on the phone and gave a
statement but i am not sure if it was the same day or not.

whatever day he came after meeting with him we left them to measuring.

food at the hotel again. careing for the cats and work are the only
routine that we have managed to keep.
food on wed was the bbq pork chop, not bad but since i do most pork slow
and low in oven or crock put i am used to much less chewey pork no matter
the spicing, and i find that at least right now i am not well pleased
with spicey foods as they are affecting my digestion,

while we were waiting for the adujster on the corner came to tell us that
when the fireman came to check on the house late tuesday she looked out
hearing the car, she said when he pulled into the drive way there was
tiger, on the step but he bloted when the headlights hit mr tiger...

so we went back at dusk to see if we could get him. robert got me the
front yard chair, he went around the house calling to him. he came back
around and went to the van got water and cigs and brought them to me, he
went around back to get a chair for himself and he heard tiger, called
and tiger answered...

in the end tiger was so very scared that he had to get down on his hands
and kneees and let tiger stalk him tiger circled closer and closer and
at last got close enough for him to be touched, when the hand touched him
back he all but collapsed, in releif we think, then around the house he
came with tiger we were all happy, so back to the hotel we came with our
family in tact, and my prayers had been answered, i knew where tiger was
and that he had not died in the night at the hands of a large dog or
cruel human. since he is of such an advanced age i was concerned about
the above because he did not move fast, I was also very concerned that he
might get dehydrated and suffer from it, but we were together and no cat
seemed to be concerned about territory, barbi wasn't hiding, storrmmee
wasn't picking on her, and tiger was just happy to have a bed to lay on,

one of the things i have done is get canned food for them to eat, this is
not our normal food, but between the trauma of the fire, smoke on the
furr and general upset, also, i am not sure how well they will take to
this carlinville water i figure the canned will at least keep them
dehydrated. barbi and trudi are not well pleased with wet food, but
storrmmee seems to think its a fine idea.

tiger bless his heart isn't eating a lot of either but he is at least
eating.


Thursday aug 12

I think this is the day we met with dirk with serve pro, but it might
have been wed aftn, i am not sure he has notes on the digital recorder so
dates can be straightened out then. dirk seemed to understand my issues
with personal space and being blind, the women he sent were also
understanding of this. it turns out they don't work on the weekends abut
they do get a lot done while they are here, i think they were at the
houtse five or six days, first few days were the two woemen oddly who
have the same given names as me and my sister, one day a third woman came
to do nothing but pick up debri, she impressed the crap outta me.

when the dumpster came things went faster as the next day many bags went
from the yard and house to the dumpster, the plaster ceilings were heavy.

the last day that they were at the house, it was the one with my sisters
given name and a younger woman, and oddly i don't seem to even remember
her name.

while there were little things i wish they had done differently and sorta
wish they had been more careful with things, they were all in all for
what theydo not bad.


friday aug 13


today is the birthday of one of the cleaning women at the rest area, but
i am not sure which one, i just am not sure... the one working today,
pretty sure it isn't her, bless her good heart, when she asked me how i
was and i told her the house burnt, she went and got three dollars and
tried to give it to me, how sweet is that, i know they don't make even MW
working for a sheltered work shop, but i managed to get her to keep the
bills, saying if she could just make sure the fronts and tops of the
machines were gone over that it would help me and save me some time while
we are working on the house... i really was touched that she wanted to
give me money, shows just how good hearted some people are.

I talked to JD yesterday to see if he might be able to pick up a jones
order if i needed it, luckily/unluckily we decided against that, he also
offerred to

serve pro tells me that they don't work weekends because the ins co don't
pay for overtime, makes sense but i wish they did so that we could get on
with this. oh well.

somewhere in here we went to the adjustors for an advance check, and the
next day we went to the regu ins agent for a copy of the policy, they
weren't the same day, he has kept track of all of this but i am writing
as i think of things, so dates might not be right... but it sure makes me
feel better writing things down.

loan me product if i neecded it. so far only twizzlers is all that is
serious from jones.



sat aug 14

Today is jessica's birthday, i completely forgot to call her so much is
going on, man do i feel bad about that, very good kid she is and a good
mom also.

I know we worked at paid work and the house but i have no idea what else
we did. as i said before no ww for a while. speaking of routinge items,
i had no idea that smoke/soot would just kill the acrylic nails, i
decided we will also suspend getting nails until this is over, and i
might just have her file and polish for a while.

breakfast on saturdays at the hotel is a bit woolier because of the
amount of people staying over. seems this place is used a lot for
parties like samll group reunions, there have even been afew wedding
parties. one included the marraige outside.

in the evening he noticed that tiger was a bit lethargic, all he wanted
to do was sleep on the bed, and he had been sleeping near him instead of
me which is NOT ususal, especailly by his head/pillow, tiger usually gets
up with me and naps near where i am, at night at bedtime he sleepis at
the foot of the waterbed on no particular side, during the day he sleeps
on the computer desk when i am at the computer, and it was always funny
to see tv and tiger jockey for desktop realestate, after we got the new
computer chair, then that was less of an issue, i just had to share the
chair with tiger, and tv until he went to the bridge got the desktop to
himself... tiger seemed to be getting progessively wors until we
discussed how we were going to handle his leaving, i am not exactly what
chain of events happened except i remember picking him up and thinking he
really had lost a lot of weight, which he had commented on when we got
him back. i lifedt him so he could put a towel under him, i think we went
for cigs and then discussed tiger's comfort leve, in the ends his
breathing seemed uncomfortable enough, and i was half trying to convince
myself he would just need IV fluids and be ok, we took tiger to the er
vet. at first the er vert thought it was just sorta like stress related
kidney issues and fluid would pretty well fix it, so we left him there
after talking to the vet. we came home and got a nap...
sun aug 15
breakfast starts at seven on sundays, and no boiled eggs, i have like i
said been trying to eat lower carb, so i have been enjoying the boiled
eggs, i have avoided the cereal and oatmeal, but the b part of b/g
haven't escaped me unfortunately i also got caputred by a bit of danish
as well, but all in all i haven't done bad considering... i was really
afraid i wouldn't be able to eat anything at all which would have been an
issue, the physical exersition of cleaning out the house and the mental
stress of all of this doesn't allow for not eating, so a bit of control
is in order... somewhere along the way we got a couple of kinds of fresh
fruit for keeping in the rouom good choice that.

we also got crackers and peanut butter so we could at least have
something to snack on without having to go out in the middle of the
night.

its so odd the things we seem to take for granted, the ssimple act of
"grabbling" a snack during a commerical is just mind boggling. who even
ever considers that while the beer commericial is on i get more lemonade
and go out the back for a cig so i don't miss that much of the next
inning.

other things i hope never to take for granted again if i can help it.
-not having to wake all the way up to go to the bathroom.
-not needing him t wake up if i want a cig.
-knowing where everything is, and knowing what i want in the house is
actually there.
-being able to say, OH i have one of those... now its oh I used to have
one of those.
-doing the laundry, i really almost have ocd about clothes, he looked so
hard to get a w/d i could perate and now they are gone, and he is doing
the laundry because its someone where in the hotel, i went with him onece
but now i just get him to wash/dry and then i try and hang/fold, he did
the last load.

one thing we agreed on early on is that we would buy all black clothes to
make laundry easier, so far its working.



we came home ate, i don't think we did much but try and take a nap, the
plan was to get a nap, get up work at paid wrok go to the house, and then
get to bed early so we could go and get tiger early mondy, but the er vet
called me and gave me the horrifying news that tiger would NOT make it,
and that further his end would NOT be pleaseant, i was and am still
devestated, but i am pleased with us taking him to the er vet, i am
eternally grateful for the vets that work at this ervice, and i am so
blessed that he knowing the pain i was in called for the vet to help
tiger go, i know it was the right things at when she gave him the shot he
was gone in less than ten seconds, it was the right thing, and as every
other time i have had to do this, it is the most painful price for having
the unconditional love of another being.

so we decided on cremation, and paid the bill and came home and
collapsed.



mon aug `16
more serve pro, more paid work, more resturant food. we seem to be in a
routine for lunch we either get subway or sands from west side, then for
dinner the hotel or a buffett if we are out doing other things. i just
hate spending this money eating out, and i really hate its not ww
friendly and i really really hate that i am not eating his food.

tues aug 17

I am not sure what day we went to stl for costco, shopping and cigs, i am
pretty sure it was over the weekend but we got the new cat carriers so
that will show the date, it was before tiger got sick, and if i had been
paying attention to the signs i would have known that tiger was to take
the next step, we shopped for new carriers, and when we finally decided
on new carriers and where we to buy them they had the three smaller ones,
and only three of the larger ones, we went to another store to get the
fourth one, unfortunately we wouldn't need it for long. on sunday when
we left we had to return to the er to get it as we forgot to take it with
us when we left. i really should pay better attention to the signs.

as to signs, all the cats seem to be coping well except that oej seems to
be a little depressed, barbi and storrmmee aren't fighting now, i guess
the move to nutral ground has helped the pecking order, there seems to be
a mutual understanding that right now everyone isn't in need of asserting
themselves. barbi and storrmmee seem to be able to share space on the
same bed without a major fight.


wed aug `18

serve pro came tuesday and maybe wed as well but again things aere so
blurred i am not sure if the last day was tues or wed. more sands from
west side and hotel dinners. laundry, we did some of the clothes we
rescued, but we took them back to the house for the most part, most are
not worth saving and putting the effort into, we did manage to save his
dickies pants, but none of his shirts. i think they could be saved if one
wanted to put in the effort but most of them aren't worth it. we did
manage on the shopping trip to find a skirt i want to wear, and a couple
of shirts, so we are going through the very beginning stages of trying to
rebuild our clothing and a very few tolietries. hangers have really gone
up in price since i bought them last, i had gotten it to the point where
i had clip hangers for all the pants/skirt items, palain plastic for the
shirts and night gowns, i anlso had two styles of wooden hangers for the
better clothing and incentive clothing, but unfortunately none of them
look savable without a lot more effort than they are worth. so we are
also starting over there. one thing i have learned is to not buy things
willy nilly so that will help me shop carefully and slowly, given the
limited space we are to have for a while this is a very good thing.



thursday aug `19
we went to springfield, we turned in the book work, lucky for us
duplicate checks are a good thing, he was able to recreat the book work
even if we didn't have the tickets to go with everything. it was a day
early but we needed to get it done so we could get jones on friday.

we stopped and made arrangements to move to the staybridge on monday. i
am just horrified at the cost, it doesn't matter if the ins is paying it,
it is just almost a waste of money on the one hand but, at least we will
have two rooms, and a kitchen of sorts, so he will be able to cook some
things, there will also be enough room that we can get penthouses for the
cats so we can let them have axcess to a box and food while we are gone.
they will be kenneled while we are gone but in a bit better situation,
and i think we can get into a better routine where i can smoke without
having to have him walk me outside, i guess i haven't written about this,
the best western while fine for what it is, is a non smoking hotel, but
since they were so good about us having all the cats with us we took it,
in fact i am not even sure he asked about smoking. it has worked out so
far but we really needed somewhere we could smoke and not have to stop
what we were doing to do it.

makes me think about smoking when we get the house back. i think we will
go for some kind of porch or patio where we can smoke without risking
letting the cats out. it would be nice to smoke, drink coffee or wine
and have no bugs around.

after we got done in s;pringfield we went to the house, we worked on the
kitchen, i think it was wed that we did the frig, i really liked that
frig, i took so long to find just the right one that it sorta makes me
sad that its not useful to us, we did find the corelle butter dish in
there and set it aside for cleaning, everything else was lost, so much
food and contianers, one of the scariest things about this was that while
the fresh tomatoes turned to mush and the fresh salsa pooched up the
container, the activial yogurt and some other items seems to not have
spoiled to the point that you could tell it through the package... very
very scarey... really makes me want to eat even less processed than i had
before.

the freezer paks and my leg pak all had to go. this also suched as i had
just gotten the right amount of freezer paks for the big roll around
cooler, which also will no longer be part of our life. like i said i
think this was wed/ work, so back to thursday, after we had got the sams
we went to the house and did half the top cabinets, empty, take picture,
record details, throw out or stack on the counter, everything inthis half
the upper cabinets, was either food or plastic storage of some sort,
killed my frugal bone all was wasted.

when we got done with that we did that part of the counter, same routine,
picture, record details and throw or stack.

when i had just got the last batch of things onto the table, a man came
by to see if we had any metal to haul off, we have met him before, he
visits his father regularily, unfortunately we don't know what the ins
wants to sell to salvage, so unless we are selling it, we can't really
let anything go. and if the ins gives us money for it, then its theirs
and we really can't give it away.

other things i forgot to write about in this area, he sold the stove we
got from his mom to the ameron guy wh came to pick up the meters, we only
had it to burn yard waste and papers, without needing it to keep the
house safe no point in having it, and since he offerred a hundred dollars
and it was probably more than the ins would give us cool, triar came and
got the little and old dumpster from the drive way, and he sold the parts
van to a junk yard, this freed up the drive way so the roll of dumptster
could be there. worked good for the serve pro people but i think he was
right, in back and out the back door would have been easier. oh well it
is what it is.

one of the hardest parts of this is the details one has to attend to, cut
off utilities, cut off wter, pick up meters, take photos of everything,
hand on to every ticket, get ****ed when the ticket is done with suck
faded ink its barely readable... grrr.

don't forget to make the house payment on the house you don't have
anymore, call the bank when they take out two payments on the house you
don't have anymore, and do it all with a cheery smile.


another one of those things i should written on the day of the fire or
after on wed, not sure which, first trip into walmart, the clerk forgot
to give him his change, shutting the drawer before getting the cange,
clerk says he is having a horrid day, he just stared clerk in the eye,
says"its my birtdha today, and my house burt down, clerk almost crapped
his pants, i guess he figured his day wasn't all that bad after all, his
house didn't burn on his birthday and he didn't kick the crap outta him
for wining about a bad day. lol

one thing i can say for sure is a sense of humor sure hleps in these
sorts of situation, some of it black humor but humor none the less...
friday aug 20


we went to jones to get prioduct after we went to paid work and dropped
everything off we had got at sams the day before, we also got soda from
walmart in litchfield before going to work on thursday. work is also a
blurr. it does seem to anchor the day and seems so normal is sorta
scarey. jones had everything we ordered and when we were done with
getting it we came home and crashed, the stress of going flat out is
getting to us a bit. the bed is hidious to his back, and my hip is not
liking it much.

on the way back from STL he stopped in collinsville to check out a
chinese buffett we hadn't eaten at before, but the food pans were not
filled up and it was lunch time where they should have been hustling, so
we opted for the golden corral next door, not one of my more favorite
choices, but doable, nd they generally have decent vegetables, sadly this
one didn't have the baked apples i love and the vegetable choices weren't
all that great but we got full and that's the point.

I really wanted to eat somewhere beside what we have readily available, i
know that while we can start eating some meals at the new hotel, with the
amount of work on the house we will be doing lunch out for the forseable
future in raymond or litchfield will probably be in order, I figure that
we will get up, go to sams or walmart if need be, go to paid work, then
eat lunch and work on house, and in the meantime, get product from stl,
deal with ins adjustor and builder sorts, it sounds grouling when i think
of it in my head, doubley hidious in my thoughts as i write it.


sat aug 21

today seems sad to me, they are having my grandmother's birthday party
today, we are just too wiped out to make the trip, at least my older
brother and sister could be there with all of those grandchildren, i am
not even sure who will be there but the drive would just be too much for
us to make, and leaving the cats kenneled for that long just wouldn't be
healthy for them, and since tiger's leaving us i have been watching them
much closer than usualy, oej and trudi seem to have lost even more weight
than i would have expected so i am monortoring them as much as i can with
out freaking them out, mh, barbi and storrmmee seem to be back to normal.
chester seems a bit clingier and if he has lost weight it is just a bit,
i worry about him because i know he needs the dental, we need to get them
in to see dr nelson but haven't managed to get that done yt. the good
thing about the staybrige, is that it is very close tosams and dr
nelson's, also close to meijer, which is where i like to shop the sales.
it will suck driving that far every day to work and to work on the house
but for now its the best we can do.
sunday aug 22
we concentrated most of the day on work, we had gotten stuff from jones
on friday and so all of that had to be put away, we have been doing the
least possible and yet trying to keep it up, so we really devoted sunday
to work.

we ate the breakfast at the hotel, something new and different, fruit
salad, lol, and no boiled eggs, i really like boiled eggs, I will miss
them when we get settled at the new hotel and i start counting points
again.

i did sodas and he did candy, the coffee machine had to be cleaned but
not much product for it, he did money and we made a deposit before
returning to the hotel.

it took us the better part of six hours to get work done, when you go for
a couple of days in a row just doing the most needed it really adds up
when you do a big fill.

one of the things we had been out of and got from jones was twizzlers, so
it was my job to shake them down on one end so they fit properly into the
machine, not a hard task when you ave three or four, but when there are
thirty it really can make the writsts, sore.

we also discussed prices of products and what things we would soom have
to raise prices on, and the selling of the veggie snacks, which seem to
be going good.

instead of going to the house to work, we made the bank deposit and got
sand/burgers from west side and returned to the hotel. his back and legs
were bothering him and so when we got here, he changed the water on the
few clothes i am trying to save, bought me a captain and coke and we had
a few cigs and went to bed.



monday aug 23


I slept pretty well, but then the captian usually does that for me, i
guess thats why i don't keep him around, i think i could get to liking
him too good,

so now i am awake, i had some good old foldgers instant coffee, i am
writing this journal and listening to the cats play, its about three
degrees too warm in here, and i wish i had woken up in time for some
proper dinner, but i will be fine, its not like i am in danger of
starving anytime soon,

I must say the keyboard on this computer DM loaned us is really nice for
a laptop, it seems that they keys while closer toger are still large
enough to use without a lot of hassel,

A weird thing about this is the wy the days all blur together, its like
its all going at warp speed and slow motion at the same time. today we
move to the staybrige in springfield, i am still having mixed feelings
about it but it is the best choice for now. and at least there will be a
different breakfast for a few days until I get bored with it, i find i
really do prefer his cooking to eating out and mine isn't nearly as bad
as i thought.

I am hoping to get one load of laundry done before we leave this hotel,
and eat breakfast, not sure what else we will do besides move. I really
am taking things one thing at a time, the load of laundry i want to do is
stuff that if it doesn't come clean quickly will go back to the house for
inventory.

writing a lot of this down seems to be helping me, even if it does make
me cry more than i am used to. I had to wake him up to go have some
cigs, i am hoping i can let him sleep until time to get up for breakfast,
hopefully we will get that laundry in, eat breakfast and pack up the
room, what i was thinking would be good is if would get that all done,
then go work on the house for a while then come back clean up and go to
springfield, I need to go the shopping list and make some notes there, i
haven't though that much about notes for the house today. one thing that
keeps occuring to me is that i really want to work out where we can store
the cat carriers, and i think putting the cats in the four season room
when we leave the house is the way to go, at least if they are there and
another disaster happens then they will have a fighting cahnce, even if
the skreen has to be cut and them let out, I am so very grateful none of
them burned to death. I am sure that we did the right thing for tiger,
and god answered my prayer that i wouldn't have to wonder about him
forever, and i have closure, i just wish he didn't have to go to the
bridge, he had so much personality, he was just so funny and nurotic, he
always seemed so grateful when he culd relax enough to play, i remember
the first time he played with a toy and after poking at it a few times,
he looked at him like he was going to get a beating, so sad and funny at
the same time, and while he never did get comfortble playing with toys,
he did get so he would play with my fingers and grab t at my hair and
roll around on the floor for belly rubs, he had a cool way of collaspsing
onto his side that was like he just melted over onto his side, Tiger
loved his nip and he loved to bite my nails when i wore red polish, he
didn't bite at them when i wore french manicure os silver polish just
red.

I so miss his complaining that he could see the bottom of the bowl, and i
would so like to be spending way too much money on cat food tokeep him
healthy, but that time is now done, and tiger is now happily waiting for
us at the bridge.

he has gone back to sleep relatively easily so i really am going to wait
until i can't stand it to wake him again.


You are a brave and resourceful woman, I admire you.
Karla

thank you for reading, Lee
"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
"Storrmmee" wrote in message
...

gently snipped

other thoughts i had while sitting in the yard watchint the last eighteen
years burn... I guess i could have smoked in the house after all, and i
guess it wasn't necesssary to wait to get an enclosed stove to burn
papers and yard waste. both of us were scared about burning because of
the sparks flying, so we didn't burn until we got a stove from his mom to
burn things in a way that kept sparks enclosed. we didn't smoke in the
house partly because i didn't want the curtains ruined, partly as a way
to encurage us to reduce smoking in general, and after violette graced us
with her presence it didn't seem fair to smoke where she couldn't voice
any preference about it, also it did seem that when we were outside, if
she got a wiff of the cig smoke she would sneeze, and i was always afraid
i would cause her to develope asthma symptoms if she had to breathe the
smoke indoors all the time... now violette and the curtains are gone.

That was a very wise and compassionate decision. Just like the drapes and
furniture, a cat's hair will also collect nicotene and other hazardous
materials from second-hand smoke - and we all know they lick their coats
constantly so all that nasty gets ingested. They've even done studies
that show cats whose owners smoke have a 40% more chance of getting
lymphoma than cats whose owners do not smoke - or do not smoke where the
cat can't get away from it. When we moved to this house I wanted
everything to be fresh and cleaned before putting it in my "new" house -
you wouldn't believe the number of buckets with nasty brown water in
them... and drapes we'd *thought* were white, well we found out what white
*really* looked like. There was a pact between DH and it... at the time he
was smoking 3 packs a day and I was smoking 1 pack a day - that averaged
about $375 per month. Well, that $375 per month going to a house payment
allowed us to get a much nicer property.

I haven't read the rest of your journaling, but wanted to stop and comment
on this point - it's something smokers may not even think about until it's
pointed out to them. OK, off to read the rest.


--
Hugs,

CatNipped
See our clowder at: http://www.PossiblePlaces.com/CatNipped/

See the RPCA FAQ site, by Mark Edwards, at:
http://www.professional-geek.com/rpcablog/

Wow, Lee! I'm so sorry that you had to undergo such a tragedy, but even
more so that you lost such a loving companion. You gave him a whole new and
better life twice - first when you rescued him, and again as you helped him
cross to the 'Bridge. Because of you, he knew love. The clowder will be
purring to help heal your broken heart.

--
Hugs,

CatNipped
See our clowder at: http://www.PossiblePlaces.com/CatNipped/

See the RPCA FAQ site, by Mark Edwards, at:
http://www.professional-geek.com/rpcablog/


"Storrmmee" wrote in message
...
It was a hot and sunny day...

the man had gone to work early and had brought home his birthday food and
was napping when his sister called... i was cleaning and listening to base
ball and playing with cats...

I decided that it was time for a break so I put on a base ball game on
mlb.com from the spring training archive... ok time to go to the bathroom
and get lemonade and relax to a game. I like these spring training games
as much for the conversations and guests in the booth as i do the games,
and i do love my base ball.

I got up and took the few steps where i had to decide lemonade or
bathroomm first when i heard a sound like someone was putting something in
the dumpster. I walked into the kitchen to listen no sound out front but
what an odd smell. I started sniffing and working my way to the laundry
room, stronger but such an odd smell. I grabbed the door to the garage and
opened it, scared me to death, the smell was horrible, the heat was
intense,and oh my god, what if one of the cats were trying to ace me out
into the garage.

I started screaming, he came running, told me to get out the front and
call 911.

He had been napping but his sister had called to wish him happy birthday,
he told her he had to go hung up, and went into saving mode, he got me out
and into the yard, and he did manage to get three of the cats out before
the smoke got so bad that he couldn't return for the rest.

let me guarentee that nobody better ever say one bad word about volenteer
fireman where i can hear it. harvel was there i am sure within four
minutes, raymond was there in another six, and they really worked to save
our home. they managed to get the rest of the cats out and get the fire
stopped. they were all very professional, kind and compassionate.

before the fire was out one of the men told him that the insurance agent
was on his way. he was there before the fire was out, he had already
gotten the adjusters name and number for us, he was also professional and
compassionate.

while the fire was going on, one of the emts was doing everything she
could to keep me calm, and did a lot to keep me comfortable. as we
collected cats her daughter took them to her house, gave them water and
food, since they lived across the street this was very comforting as i
knew where they were.

In all of this one of them brought me storrmmee, she was very limp and
compliant, neither of which are her regular persona, i became alarmed and
called to him, and he and the emt gave her oxygen, I am convinced this
saved her life as while i was holding her, her very essence seemed to be
slipping away, i could almost feel her leaving this life and stepping
towards the next one... very scarey and yet oddly comforting as while i
held her for that few seconds i became acutely aware that yes our friends
of different species do take the next step as we do.

Tiger was one of the cats trapped in the house. when one of the firemen
found him he chucked him out the front door, where he took off for parts
unknown, this was extremely disturbing as he age estimate is somewhere
between fourteen and sixteen. i prayed to god that i just had to know what
became of him, i have lived my life wondering every day about a childhood
cat and one i got as a young adult not knowing what became of them has
been a constant and daily source of pain... the pain of not knowing was
something i don't think i could bear,...

chester was FREAKING OUT SO BADLY THAT HE COULDN'T GET HIM INTO A CARRIER
SO HE WENT OUT THE WINDOW, FORTUNATELY chester has always been good about
coming when called, when things started calming down he came to him when
called, he then went into a carrier and over to the emt's house via the
daughter.

OEJ was one of the cats he got into a carrier early and out of the house,
so she went right over to the emt's house.

trudi was chucked out of the house by one of the firemen, The Man was told
and he found her at the end of the house dazed and wandering, besides the
obvious fire related issues, i was terrified that she would get injured on
her hindquarters, she has had abuse/trauma in that area before so any
further trauma can't be good for her, but then burning to death would
suck, so sorta the lesser of two evils.

barbiHe thinks was handed to one of the emts, its a good thing she didn't
get chucked out, she is very ferrel, and very scared of everything. I am
shocked she even let anyone get ahold of her at all. she is just now
coming to get pets from me at night, and neither of us can reach for her
without her at least jumping back, and usually running away... I am not
sure if she got oxygen, or was just so scared she couldn't run.

MH was one of the cats he got out so he is no worse for the wear, and good
thing too, with all that fur he would have to get a bath, and honestly i
am sure that after the furst round of me removing most of his hair to get
the matts out, he wouldn't have been very happy to regrow an entire coat
for a second time.

as the fire was put out and things started calming down, i realized that i
was sitting in a chair in my front yard with only a t shirt house dress,
and nothing else on, i never leave my house without the appropriate
undergarmets, and i at least have shoes with me to meet legal
requirements... somehow it seems that undergarments and shoes are very
much less important than i had always thought, even in the presense of
twenty two firefighters and more than one emt.

He found us temporary accomodation at the local best western, i was very
releived that he is one of those types who gets on it and can find housing
for the needs, its almost a gift with him and as in the past served us
well once again.

while all of this was going on and we were helpless to do anything but
stand by and pray to ourselves, one of my prayers was that the next door
to us people wouldn't be harmed, on our left is a couple that has lived
there all the time we have and i think a lot longer, she isn't in the best
of health and uses a walker, i kept thinking/praying, please don't let
them be harmed... on the other side is an older gentleman also not in top
shape, but still pretty active,fortunately all of his structures are
further away so while i had concern i wasn't nearly as worried about him.

we got to the hotel, not sure how or what time, we tried to get food but
the resturant had closed for the evening, so it must have been after nine,
we ordered dominos pizza,... when it arrived the staff also brought him
slices of pie for his birthday... we were both very touched...

other things i remember, the builder of the house, stopped by as we were
leaving, not sure if it was the day of the fire or the next, think it was
the day of the fire, i was touched he stopped by and was sad as it was sad
for him also.

across the street on the corner, brought him a t shirt, as i said he was
preparing for a nap and so when he rushed to start saving cats he had only
sweat pants on, he is very fair skinned and the across the street brought
him not just any t shirt but a brand new one,

after we left same across the street saw tiger on the front porch when one
of the firemen stopped to check the house, she saw him bolt as the
headlights hit the front step. so at least we knew he was alive and still
able to move at a rapid pace.

before we went to the hotel he rescued just a few essentials like his
wallet and my id/cig case.

other thoughts i had while sitting in the yard watchint the last eighteen
years burn... I guess i could have smoked in the house after all, and i
guess it wasn't necesssary to wait to get an enclosed stove to burn papers
and yard waste. both of us were scared about burning because of the
sparks flying, so we didn't burn until we got a stove from his mom to burn
things in a way that kept sparks enclosed. we didn't smoke in the house
partly because i didn't want the curtains ruined, partly as a way to
encurage us to reduce smoking in general, and after violette graced us
with her presence it didn't seem fair to smoke where she couldn't voice
any preference about it, also it did seem that when we were outside, if
she got a wiff of the cig smoke she would sneeze, and i was always afraid
i would cause her to develope asthma symptoms if she had to breathe the
smoke indoors all the time... now violette and the curtains are gone.

I have had a tremendous amount of harrowing expereinces in my life,
everything from sexual assualt, living through tornados and other fires,
almost drowning twice, and the first time i saw someone die i was in
fourth grade, all of these things were and still horrifying when i think
of them, or when something triggers one of the memories. But I can also
swear by all I beleive in there is a higher power that helps all of us if
we are open to it. it was a split second decision, a happenstance that
allows me to even be here writing this, you see when i decided to get up
get the lemonade and go to the bathroom, it was just a sound that drew me
to the kitchen, had i not heard that sound, i would have used the
bathroom, and as i was feeling lazy anyway i might have just went to the
futon and laid down, after all i keep a bottle of water on the end table
so i really didn't need lemonade anyway, had we became aware of the fire
even five minutes later we would probably have perished.

Lee

Wed august 11
I know we ate the bbreakfast at the hotel, and this is the point i
determined i would eat as healtily as possible, but trying to count points
while cleaning out the house was just more than i am capable of. since i
am doing this i am trying to keep carbs way down but am also making sure
that at least once a day i am full. the calories burned stressing out over
the house burining is very large, not considering the physical activity of
sorting, documenting and discarding... so i did make the right decision.

we met with the adjuster and another adjuster on this day, he went over
things in general and we discussied cleaning services, the process in
general and a very few speicifics, now at one point he said we would
probably reatin about half the meeting, and i do pride myself on
memorizing things, but this was so stressful that i didn't retain as much
as i thought... I am wondering if this didn't happen on thursday instead
of wed, I know, He talked to the aduster on the phone and gave a statement
but i am not sure if it was the same day or not.

whatever day he came after meeting with him we left them to measuring.

food at the hotel again. careing for the cats and work are the only
routine that we have managed to keep.
food on wed was the bbq pork chop, not bad but since i do most pork slow
and low in oven or crock put i am used to much less chewey pork no matter
the spicing, and i find that at least right now i am not well pleased with
spicey foods as they are affecting my digestion,

while we were waiting for the adujster on the corner came to tell us that
when the fireman came to check on the house late tuesday she looked out
hearing the car, she said when he pulled into the drive way there was
tiger, on the step but he bloted when the headlights hit mr tiger...

so we went back at dusk to see if we could get him. robert got me the
front yard chair, he went around the house calling to him. he came back
around and went to the van got water and cigs and brought them to me, he
went around back to get a chair for himself and he heard tiger, called and
tiger answered...

in the end tiger was so very scared that he had to get down on his hands
and kneees and let tiger stalk him tiger circled closer and closer and at
last got close enough for him to be touched, when the hand touched him
back he all but collapsed, in releif we think, then around the house he
came with tiger we were all happy, so back to the hotel we came with our
family in tact, and my prayers had been answered, i knew where tiger was
and that he had not died in the night at the hands of a large dog or cruel
human. since he is of such an advanced age i was concerned about the
above because he did not move fast, I was also very concerned that he
might get dehydrated and suffer from it, but we were together and no cat
seemed to be concerned about territory, barbi wasn't hiding, storrmmee
wasn't picking on her, and tiger was just happy to have a bed to lay on,

one of the things i have done is get canned food for them to eat, this is
not our normal food, but between the trauma of the fire, smoke on the furr
and general upset, also, i am not sure how well they will take to this
carlinville water i figure the canned will at least keep them dehydrated.
barbi and trudi are not well pleased with wet food, but storrmmee seems to
think its a fine idea.

tiger bless his heart isn't eating a lot of either but he is at least
eating.


Thursday aug 12

I think this is the day we met with dirk with serve pro, but it might
have been wed aftn, i am not sure he has notes on the digital recorder so
dates can be straightened out then. dirk seemed to understand my issues
with personal space and being blind, the women he sent were also
understanding of this. it turns out they don't work on the weekends abut
they do get a lot done while they are here, i think they were at the
houtse five or six days, first few days were the two woemen oddly who have
the same given names as me and my sister, one day a third woman came to do
nothing but pick up debri, she impressed the crap outta me.

when the dumpster came things went faster as the next day many bags went
from the yard and house to the dumpster, the plaster ceilings were heavy.

the last day that they were at the house, it was the one with my sisters
given name and a younger woman, and oddly i don't seem to even remember
her name.

while there were little things i wish they had done differently and sorta
wish they had been more careful with things, they were all in all for what
theydo not bad.


friday aug 13


today is the birthday of one of the cleaning women at the rest area, but i
am not sure which one, i just am not sure... the one working today,
pretty sure it isn't her, bless her good heart, when she asked me how i
was and i told her the house burnt, she went and got three dollars and
tried to give it to me, how sweet is that, i know they don't make even MW
working for a sheltered work shop, but i managed to get her to keep the
bills, saying if she could just make sure the fronts and tops of the
machines were gone over that it would help me and save me some time while
we are working on the house... i really was touched that she wanted to
give me money, shows just how good hearted some people are.

I talked to JD yesterday to see if he might be able to pick up a jones
order if i needed it, luckily/unluckily we decided against that, he also
offerred to

serve pro tells me that they don't work weekends because the ins co don't
pay for overtime, makes sense but i wish they did so that we could get on
with this. oh well.

somewhere in here we went to the adjustors for an advance check, and the
next day we went to the regu ins agent for a copy of the policy, they
weren't the same day, he has kept track of all of this but i am writing as
i think of things, so dates might not be right... but it sure makes me
feel better writing things down.

loan me product if i neecded it. so far only twizzlers is all that is
serious from jones.



sat aug 14

Today is jessica's birthday, i completely forgot to call her so much is
going on, man do i feel bad about that, very good kid she is and a good
mom also.

I know we worked at paid work and the house but i have no idea what else
we did. as i said before no ww for a while. speaking of routinge items,
i had no idea that smoke/soot would just kill the acrylic nails, i decided
we will also suspend getting nails until this is over, and i might just
have her file and polish for a while.

breakfast on saturdays at the hotel is a bit woolier because of the amount
of people staying over. seems this place is used a lot for parties like
samll group reunions, there have even been afew wedding parties. one
included the marraige outside.

in the evening he noticed that tiger was a bit lethargic, all he wanted to
do was sleep on the bed, and he had been sleeping near him instead of me
which is NOT ususal, especailly by his head/pillow, tiger usually gets up
with me and naps near where i am, at night at bedtime he sleepis at the
foot of the waterbed on no particular side, during the day he sleeps on
the computer desk when i am at the computer, and it was always funny to
see tv and tiger jockey for desktop realestate, after we got the new
computer chair, then that was less of an issue, i just had to share the
chair with tiger, and tv until he went to the bridge got the desktop to
himself... tiger seemed to be getting progessively wors until we discussed
how we were going to handle his leaving, i am not exactly what chain of
events happened except i remember picking him up and thinking he really
had lost a lot of weight, which he had commented on when we got him back.
i lifedt him so he could put a towel under him, i think we went for cigs
and then discussed tiger's comfort leve, in the ends his breathing seemed
uncomfortable enough, and i was half trying to convince myself he would
just need IV fluids and be ok, we took tiger to the er vet. at first the
er vert thought it was just sorta like stress related kidney issues and
fluid would pretty well fix it, so we left him there after talking to the
vet. we came home and got a nap...
sun aug 15
breakfast starts at seven on sundays, and no boiled eggs, i have like i
said been trying to eat lower carb, so i have been enjoying the boiled
eggs, i have avoided the cereal and oatmeal, but the b part of b/g haven't
escaped me unfortunately i also got caputred by a bit of danish as well,
but all in all i haven't done bad considering... i was really afraid i
wouldn't be able to eat anything at all which would have been an issue,
the physical exersition of cleaning out the house and the mental stress of
all of this doesn't allow for not eating, so a bit of control is in
order... somewhere along the way we got a couple of kinds of fresh fruit
for keeping in the rouom good choice that.

we also got crackers and peanut butter so we could at least have something
to snack on without having to go out in the middle of the night.

its so odd the things we seem to take for granted, the ssimple act of
"grabbling" a snack during a commerical is just mind boggling. who even
ever considers that while the beer commericial is on i get more lemonade
and go out the back for a cig so i don't miss that much of the next
inning.

other things i hope never to take for granted again if i can help it.
-not having to wake all the way up to go to the bathroom.
-not needing him t wake up if i want a cig.
-knowing where everything is, and knowing what i want in the house is
actually there.
-being able to say, OH i have one of those... now its oh I used to have
one of those.
-doing the laundry, i really almost have ocd about clothes, he looked so
hard to get a w/d i could perate and now they are gone, and he is doing
the laundry because its someone where in the hotel, i went with him onece
but now i just get him to wash/dry and then i try and hang/fold, he did
the last load.

one thing we agreed on early on is that we would buy all black clothes to
make laundry easier, so far its working.



we came home ate, i don't think we did much but try and take a nap, the
plan was to get a nap, get up work at paid wrok go to the house, and then
get to bed early so we could go and get tiger early mondy, but the er vet
called me and gave me the horrifying news that tiger would NOT make it,
and that further his end would NOT be pleaseant, i was and am still
devestated, but i am pleased with us taking him to the er vet, i am
eternally grateful for the vets that work at this ervice, and i am so
blessed that he knowing the pain i was in called for the vet to help tiger
go, i know it was the right things at when she gave him the shot he was
gone in less than ten seconds, it was the right thing, and as every other
time i have had to do this, it is the most painful price for having the
unconditional love of another being.

so we decided on cremation, and paid the bill and came home and collapsed.



mon aug `16
more serve pro, more paid work, more resturant food. we seem to be in a
routine for lunch we either get subway or sands from west side, then for
dinner the hotel or a buffett if we are out doing other things. i just
hate spending this money eating out, and i really hate its not ww friendly
and i really really hate that i am not eating his food.

tues aug 17

I am not sure what day we went to stl for costco, shopping and cigs, i am
pretty sure it was over the weekend but we got the new cat carriers so
that will show the date, it was before tiger got sick, and if i had been
paying attention to the signs i would have known that tiger was to take
the next step, we shopped for new carriers, and when we finally decided on
new carriers and where we to buy them they had the three smaller ones, and
only three of the larger ones, we went to another store to get the fourth
one, unfortunately we wouldn't need it for long. on sunday when we left
we had to return to the er to get it as we forgot to take it with us when
we left. i really should pay better attention to the signs.

as to signs, all the cats seem to be coping well except that oej seems to
be a little depressed, barbi and storrmmee aren't fighting now, i guess
the move to nutral ground has helped the pecking order, there seems to be
a mutual understanding that right now everyone isn't in need of asserting
themselves. barbi and storrmmee seem to be able to share space on the same
bed without a major fight.


wed aug `18

serve pro came tuesday and maybe wed as well but again things aere so
blurred i am not sure if the last day was tues or wed. more sands from
west side and hotel dinners. laundry, we did some of the clothes we
rescued, but we took them back to the house for the most part, most are
not worth saving and putting the effort into, we did manage to save his
dickies pants, but none of his shirts. i think they could be saved if one
wanted to put in the effort but most of them aren't worth it. we did
manage on the shopping trip to find a skirt i want to wear, and a couple
of shirts, so we are going through the very beginning stages of trying to
rebuild our clothing and a very few tolietries. hangers have really gone
up in price since i bought them last, i had gotten it to the point where i
had clip hangers for all the pants/skirt items, palain plastic for the
shirts and night gowns, i anlso had two styles of wooden hangers for the
better clothing and incentive clothing, but unfortunately none of them
look savable without a lot more effort than they are worth. so we are also
starting over there. one thing i have learned is to not buy things willy
nilly so that will help me shop carefully and slowly, given the limited
space we are to have for a while this is a very good thing.



thursday aug `19
we went to springfield, we turned in the book work, lucky for us duplicate
checks are a good thing, he was able to recreat the book work even if we
didn't have the tickets to go with everything. it was a day early but we
needed to get it done so we could get jones on friday.

we stopped and made arrangements to move to the staybridge on monday. i
am just horrified at the cost, it doesn't matter if the ins is paying it,
it is just almost a waste of money on the one hand but, at least we will
have two rooms, and a kitchen of sorts, so he will be able to cook some
things, there will also be enough room that we can get penthouses for the
cats so we can let them have axcess to a box and food while we are gone.
they will be kenneled while we are gone but in a bit better situation, and
i think we can get into a better routine where i can smoke without having
to have him walk me outside, i guess i haven't written about this, the
best western while fine for what it is, is a non smoking hotel, but since
they were so good about us having all the cats with us we took it, in fact
i am not even sure he asked about smoking. it has worked out so far but
we really needed somewhere we could smoke and not have to stop what we
were doing to do it.

makes me think about smoking when we get the house back. i think we will
go for some kind of porch or patio where we can smoke without risking
letting the cats out. it would be nice to smoke, drink coffee or wine and
have no bugs around.

after we got done in s;pringfield we went to the house, we worked on the
kitchen, i think it was wed that we did the frig, i really liked that
frig, i took so long to find just the right one that it sorta makes me sad
that its not useful to us, we did find the corelle butter dish in there
and set it aside for cleaning, everything else was lost, so much food and
contianers, one of the scariest things about this was that while the fresh
tomatoes turned to mush and the fresh salsa pooched up the container, the
activial yogurt and some other items seems to not have spoiled to the
point that you could tell it through the package... very very scarey...
really makes me want to eat even less processed than i had before.

the freezer paks and my leg pak all had to go. this also suched as i had
just gotten the right amount of freezer paks for the big roll around
cooler, which also will no longer be part of our life. like i said i
think this was wed/ work, so back to thursday, after we had got the sams
we went to the house and did half the top cabinets, empty, take picture,
record details, throw out or stack on the counter, everything inthis half
the upper cabinets, was either food or plastic storage of some sort,
killed my frugal bone all was wasted.

when we got done with that we did that part of the counter, same routine,
picture, record details and throw or stack.

when i had just got the last batch of things onto the table, a man came
by to see if we had any metal to haul off, we have met him before, he
visits his father regularily, unfortunately we don't know what the ins
wants to sell to salvage, so unless we are selling it, we can't really let
anything go. and if the ins gives us money for it, then its theirs and we
really can't give it away.

other things i forgot to write about in this area, he sold the stove we
got from his mom to the ameron guy wh came to pick up the meters, we only
had it to burn yard waste and papers, without needing it to keep the house
safe no point in having it, and since he offerred a hundred dollars and it
was probably more than the ins would give us cool, triar came and got the
little and old dumpster from the drive way, and he sold the parts van to a
junk yard, this freed up the drive way so the roll of dumptster could be
there. worked good for the serve pro people but i think he was right, in
back and out the back door would have been easier. oh well it is what it
is.

one of the hardest parts of this is the details one has to attend to, cut
off utilities, cut off wter, pick up meters, take photos of everything,
hand on to every ticket, get ****ed when the ticket is done with suck
faded ink its barely readable... grrr.

don't forget to make the house payment on the house you don't have
anymore, call the bank when they take out two payments on the house you
don't have anymore, and do it all with a cheery smile.


another one of those things i should written on the day of the fire or
after on wed, not sure which, first trip into walmart, the clerk forgot to
give him his change, shutting the drawer before getting the cange, clerk
says he is having a horrid day, he just stared clerk in the eye, says"its
my birtdha today, and my house burt down, clerk almost crapped his pants,
i guess he figured his day wasn't all that bad after all, his house didn't
burn on his birthday and he didn't kick the crap outta him for wining
about a bad day. lol

one thing i can say for sure is a sense of humor sure hleps in these sorts
of situation, some of it black humor but humor none the less...
friday aug 20


we went to jones to get prioduct after we went to paid work and dropped
everything off we had got at sams the day before, we also got soda from
walmart in litchfield before going to work on thursday. work is also a
blurr. it does seem to anchor the day and seems so normal is sorta scarey.
jones had everything we ordered and when we were done with getting it we
came home and crashed, the stress of going flat out is getting to us a
bit. the bed is hidious to his back, and my hip is not liking it much.

on the way back from STL he stopped in collinsville to check out a chinese
buffett we hadn't eaten at before, but the food pans were not filled up
and it was lunch time where they should have been hustling, so we opted
for the golden corral next door, not one of my more favorite choices, but
doable, nd they generally have decent vegetables, sadly this one didn't
have the baked apples i love and the vegetable choices weren't all that
great but we got full and that's the point.

I really wanted to eat somewhere beside what we have readily available, i
know that while we can start eating some meals at the new hotel, with the
amount of work on the house we will be doing lunch out for the forseable
future in raymond or litchfield will probably be in order, I figure that
we will get up, go to sams or walmart if need be, go to paid work, then
eat lunch and work on house, and in the meantime, get product from stl,
deal with ins adjustor and builder sorts, it sounds grouling when i think
of it in my head, doubley hidious in my thoughts as i write it.


sat aug 21

today seems sad to me, they are having my grandmother's birthday party
today, we are just too wiped out to make the trip, at least my older
brother and sister could be there with all of those grandchildren, i am
not even sure who will be there but the drive would just be too much for
us to make, and leaving the cats kenneled for that long just wouldn't be
healthy for them, and since tiger's leaving us i have been watching them
much closer than usualy, oej and trudi seem to have lost even more weight
than i would have expected so i am monortoring them as much as i can with
out freaking them out, mh, barbi and storrmmee seem to be back to normal.
chester seems a bit clingier and if he has lost weight it is just a bit, i
worry about him because i know he needs the dental, we need to get them in
to see dr nelson but haven't managed to get that done yt. the good thing
about the staybrige, is that it is very close tosams and dr nelson's, also
close to meijer, which is where i like to shop the sales. it will suck
driving that far every day to work and to work on the house but for now
its the best we can do.
sunday aug 22
we concentrated most of the day on work, we had gotten stuff from jones on
friday and so all of that had to be put away, we have been doing the least
possible and yet trying to keep it up, so we really devoted sunday to
work.

we ate the breakfast at the hotel, something new and different, fruit
salad, lol, and no boiled eggs, i really like boiled eggs, I will miss
them when we get settled at the new hotel and i start counting points
again.

i did sodas and he did candy, the coffee machine had to be cleaned but not
much product for it, he did money and we made a deposit before returning
to the hotel.

it took us the better part of six hours to get work done, when you go for
a couple of days in a row just doing the most needed it really adds up
when you do a big fill.

one of the things we had been out of and got from jones was twizzlers, so
it was my job to shake them down on one end so they fit properly into the
machine, not a hard task when you ave three or four, but when there are
thirty it really can make the writsts, sore.

we also discussed prices of products and what things we would soom have to
raise prices on, and the selling of the veggie snacks, which seem to be
going good.

instead of going to the house to work, we made the bank deposit and got
sand/burgers from west side and returned to the hotel. his back and legs
were bothering him and so when we got here, he changed the water on the
few clothes i am trying to save, bought me a captain and coke and we had a
few cigs and went to bed.



monday aug 23


I slept pretty well, but then the captian usually does that for me, i
guess thats why i don't keep him around, i think i could get to liking him
too good,

so now i am awake, i had some good old foldgers instant coffee, i am
writing this journal and listening to the cats play, its about three
degrees too warm in here, and i wish i had woken up in time for some
proper dinner, but i will be fine, its not like i am in danger of starving
anytime soon,

I must say the keyboard on this computer DM loaned us is really nice for a
laptop, it seems that they keys while closer toger are still large enough
to use without a lot of hassel,

A weird thing about this is the wy the days all blur together, its like
its all going at warp speed and slow motion at the same time. today we
move to the staybrige in springfield, i am still having mixed feelings
about it but it is the best choice for now. and at least there will be a
different breakfast for a few days until I get bored with it, i find i
really do prefer his cooking to eating out and mine isn't nearly as bad as
i thought.

I am hoping to get one load of laundry done before we leave this hotel,
and eat breakfast, not sure what else we will do besides move. I really
am taking things one thing at a time, the load of laundry i want to do is
stuff that if it doesn't come clean quickly will go back to the house for
inventory.

writing a lot of this down seems to be helping me, even if it does make me
cry more than i am used to. I had to wake him up to go have some cigs, i
am hoping i can let him sleep until time to get up for breakfast,
hopefully we will get that laundry in, eat breakfast and pack up the room,
what i was thinking would be good is if would get that all done, then go
work on the house for a while then come back clean up and go to
springfield, I need to go the shopping list and make some notes there, i
haven't though that much about notes for the house today. one thing that
keeps occuring to me is that i really want to work out where we can store
the cat carriers, and i think putting the cats in the four season room
when we leave the house is the way to go, at least if they are there and
another disaster happens then they will have a fighting cahnce, even if
the skreen has to be cut and them let out, I am so very grateful none of
them burned to death. I am sure that we did the right thing for tiger,
and god answered my prayer that i wouldn't have to wonder about him
forever, and i have closure, i just wish he didn't have to go to the
bridge, he had so much personality, he was just so funny and nurotic, he
always seemed so grateful when he culd relax enough to play, i remember
the first time he played with a toy and after poking at it a few times, he
looked at him like he was going to get a beating, so sad and funny at the
same time, and while he never did get comfortble playing with toys, he did
get so he would play with my fingers and grab t at my hair and roll around
on the floor for belly rubs, he had a cool way of collaspsing onto his
side that was like he just melted over onto his side, Tiger loved his nip
and he loved to bite my nails when i wore red polish, he didn't bite at
them when i wore french manicure os silver polish just red.

I so miss his complaining that he could see the bottom of the bowl, and i
would so like to be spending way too much money on cat food tokeep him
healthy, but that time is now done, and tiger is now happily waiting for
us at the bridge.

he has gone back to sleep relatively easily so i really am going to wait
until i can't stand it to wake him again.

All I can say is {{{{{{Lee}}}}}}

Sandy

thank you, i really miss him a lot, Lee
"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
Wow, Lee! I'm so sorry that you had to undergo such a tragedy, but even
more so that you lost such a loving companion. You gave him a whole new
and better life twice - first when you rescued him, and again as you
helped him cross to the 'Bridge. Because of you, he knew love. The
clowder will be purring to help heal your broken heart.

--
Hugs,

CatNipped
See our clowder at: http://www.PossiblePlaces.com/CatNipped/

See the RPCA FAQ site, by Mark Edwards, at:
http://www.professional-geek.com/rpcablog/


"Storrmmee" wrote in message
...
It was a hot and sunny day...

the man had gone to work early and had brought home his birthday food and
was napping when his sister called... i was cleaning and listening to
base ball and playing with cats...

I decided that it was time for a break so I put on a base ball game on
mlb.com from the spring training archive... ok time to go to the bathroom
and get lemonade and relax to a game. I like these spring training games
as much for the conversations and guests in the booth as i do the games,
and i do love my base ball.

I got up and took the few steps where i had to decide lemonade or
bathroomm first when i heard a sound like someone was putting something
in the dumpster. I walked into the kitchen to listen no sound out front
but what an odd smell. I started sniffing and working my way to the
laundry room, stronger but such an odd smell. I grabbed the door to the
garage and opened it, scared me to death, the smell was horrible, the
heat was intense,and oh my god, what if one of the cats were trying to
ace me out into the garage.

I started screaming, he came running, told me to get out the front and
call 911.

He had been napping but his sister had called to wish him happy birthday,
he told her he had to go hung up, and went into saving mode, he got me
out and into the yard, and he did manage to get three of the cats out
before the smoke got so bad that he couldn't return for the rest.

let me guarentee that nobody better ever say one bad word about volenteer
fireman where i can hear it. harvel was there i am sure within four
minutes, raymond was there in another six, and they really worked to save
our home. they managed to get the rest of the cats out and get the fire
stopped. they were all very professional, kind and compassionate.

before the fire was out one of the men told him that the insurance agent
was on his way. he was there before the fire was out, he had already
gotten the adjusters name and number for us, he was also professional and
compassionate.

while the fire was going on, one of the emts was doing everything she
could to keep me calm, and did a lot to keep me comfortable. as we
collected cats her daughter took them to her house, gave them water and
food, since they lived across the street this was very comforting as i
knew where they were.

In all of this one of them brought me storrmmee, she was very limp and
compliant, neither of which are her regular persona, i became alarmed and
called to him, and he and the emt gave her oxygen, I am convinced this
saved her life as while i was holding her, her very essence seemed to be
slipping away, i could almost feel her leaving this life and stepping
towards the next one... very scarey and yet oddly comforting as while i
held her for that few seconds i became acutely aware that yes our friends
of different species do take the next step as we do.

Tiger was one of the cats trapped in the house. when one of the firemen
found him he chucked him out the front door, where he took off for parts
unknown, this was extremely disturbing as he age estimate is somewhere
between fourteen and sixteen. i prayed to god that i just had to know
what became of him, i have lived my life wondering every day about a
childhood cat and one i got as a young adult not knowing what became of
them has been a constant and daily source of pain... the pain of not
knowing was something i don't think i could bear,...

chester was FREAKING OUT SO BADLY THAT HE COULDN'T GET HIM INTO A CARRIER
SO HE WENT OUT THE WINDOW, FORTUNATELY chester has always been good
about coming when called, when things started calming down he came to him
when called, he then went into a carrier and over to the emt's house via
the daughter.

OEJ was one of the cats he got into a carrier early and out of the
house, so she went right over to the emt's house.

trudi was chucked out of the house by one of the firemen, The Man was
told and he found her at the end of the house dazed and wandering,
besides the obvious fire related issues, i was terrified that she would
get injured on her hindquarters, she has had abuse/trauma in that area
before so any further trauma can't be good for her, but then burning to
death would suck, so sorta the lesser of two evils.

barbiHe thinks was handed to one of the emts, its a good thing she didn't
get chucked out, she is very ferrel, and very scared of everything. I am
shocked she even let anyone get ahold of her at all. she is just now
coming to get pets from me at night, and neither of us can reach for her
without her at least jumping back, and usually running away... I am not
sure if she got oxygen, or was just so scared she couldn't run.

MH was one of the cats he got out so he is no worse for the wear, and
good thing too, with all that fur he would have to get a bath, and
honestly i am sure that after the furst round of me removing most of his
hair to get the matts out, he wouldn't have been very happy to regrow an
entire coat for a second time.

as the fire was put out and things started calming down, i realized that
i was sitting in a chair in my front yard with only a t shirt house
dress, and nothing else on, i never leave my house without the
appropriate undergarmets, and i at least have shoes with me to meet legal
requirements... somehow it seems that undergarments and shoes are very
much less important than i had always thought, even in the presense of
twenty two firefighters and more than one emt.

He found us temporary accomodation at the local best western, i was very
releived that he is one of those types who gets on it and can find
housing for the needs, its almost a gift with him and as in the past
served us well once again.

while all of this was going on and we were helpless to do anything but
stand by and pray to ourselves, one of my prayers was that the next door
to us people wouldn't be harmed, on our left is a couple that has lived
there all the time we have and i think a lot longer, she isn't in the
best of health and uses a walker, i kept thinking/praying, please don't
let them be harmed... on the other side is an older gentleman also not in
top shape, but still pretty active,fortunately all of his structures are
further away so while i had concern i wasn't nearly as worried about him.

we got to the hotel, not sure how or what time, we tried to get food but
the resturant had closed for the evening, so it must have been after
nine, we ordered dominos pizza,... when it arrived the staff also brought
him slices of pie for his birthday... we were both very touched...

other things i remember, the builder of the house, stopped by as we were
leaving, not sure if it was the day of the fire or the next, think it was
the day of the fire, i was touched he stopped by and was sad as it was
sad for him also.

across the street on the corner, brought him a t shirt, as i said he was
preparing for a nap and so when he rushed to start saving cats he had
only sweat pants on, he is very fair skinned and the across the street
brought him not just any t shirt but a brand new one,

after we left same across the street saw tiger on the front porch when
one of the firemen stopped to check the house, she saw him bolt as the
headlights hit the front step. so at least we knew he was alive and still
able to move at a rapid pace.

before we went to the hotel he rescued just a few essentials like his
wallet and my id/cig case.

other thoughts i had while sitting in the yard watchint the last eighteen
years burn... I guess i could have smoked in the house after all, and i
guess it wasn't necesssary to wait to get an enclosed stove to burn
papers and yard waste. both of us were scared about burning because of
the sparks flying, so we didn't burn until we got a stove from his mom to
burn things in a way that kept sparks enclosed. we didn't smoke in the
house partly because i didn't want the curtains ruined, partly as a way
to encurage us to reduce smoking in general, and after violette graced us
with her presence it didn't seem fair to smoke where she couldn't voice
any preference about it, also it did seem that when we were outside, if
she got a wiff of the cig smoke she would sneeze, and i was always afraid
i would cause her to develope asthma symptoms if she had to breathe the
smoke indoors all the time... now violette and the curtains are gone.

I have had a tremendous amount of harrowing expereinces in my life,
everything from sexual assualt, living through tornados and other fires,
almost drowning twice, and the first time i saw someone die i was in
fourth grade, all of these things were and still horrifying when i think
of them, or when something triggers one of the memories. But I can also
swear by all I beleive in there is a higher power that helps all of us if
we are open to it. it was a split second decision, a happenstance that
allows me to even be here writing this, you see when i decided to get up
get the lemonade and go to the bathroom, it was just a sound that drew me
to the kitchen, had i not heard that sound, i would have used the
bathroom, and as i was feeling lazy anyway i might have just went to the
futon and laid down, after all i keep a bottle of water on the end table
so i really didn't need lemonade anyway, had we became aware of the fire
even five minutes later we would probably have perished.

Lee

Wed august 11
I know we ate the bbreakfast at the hotel, and this is the point i
determined i would eat as healtily as possible, but trying to count
points while cleaning out the house was just more than i am capable of.
since i am doing this i am trying to keep carbs way down but am also
making sure that at least once a day i am full. the calories burned
stressing out over the house burining is very large, not considering the
physical activity of sorting, documenting and discarding... so i did make
the right decision.

we met with the adjuster and another adjuster on this day, he went over
things in general and we discussied cleaning services, the process in
general and a very few speicifics, now at one point he said we would
probably reatin about half the meeting, and i do pride myself on
memorizing things, but this was so stressful that i didn't retain as much
as i thought... I am wondering if this didn't happen on thursday instead
of wed, I know, He talked to the aduster on the phone and gave a
statement but i am not sure if it was the same day or not.

whatever day he came after meeting with him we left them to measuring.

food at the hotel again. careing for the cats and work are the only
routine that we have managed to keep.
food on wed was the bbq pork chop, not bad but since i do most pork slow
and low in oven or crock put i am used to much less chewey pork no matter
the spicing, and i find that at least right now i am not well pleased
with spicey foods as they are affecting my digestion,

while we were waiting for the adujster on the corner came to tell us that
when the fireman came to check on the house late tuesday she looked out
hearing the car, she said when he pulled into the drive way there was
tiger, on the step but he bloted when the headlights hit mr tiger...

so we went back at dusk to see if we could get him. robert got me the
front yard chair, he went around the house calling to him. he came back
around and went to the van got water and cigs and brought them to me, he
went around back to get a chair for himself and he heard tiger, called
and tiger answered...

in the end tiger was so very scared that he had to get down on his hands
and kneees and let tiger stalk him tiger circled closer and closer and
at last got close enough for him to be touched, when the hand touched him
back he all but collapsed, in releif we think, then around the house he
came with tiger we were all happy, so back to the hotel we came with our
family in tact, and my prayers had been answered, i knew where tiger was
and that he had not died in the night at the hands of a large dog or
cruel human. since he is of such an advanced age i was concerned about
the above because he did not move fast, I was also very concerned that he
might get dehydrated and suffer from it, but we were together and no cat
seemed to be concerned about territory, barbi wasn't hiding, storrmmee
wasn't picking on her, and tiger was just happy to have a bed to lay on,

one of the things i have done is get canned food for them to eat, this is
not our normal food, but between the trauma of the fire, smoke on the
furr and general upset, also, i am not sure how well they will take to
this carlinville water i figure the canned will at least keep them
dehydrated. barbi and trudi are not well pleased with wet food, but
storrmmee seems to think its a fine idea.

tiger bless his heart isn't eating a lot of either but he is at least
eating.


Thursday aug 12

I think this is the day we met with dirk with serve pro, but it might
have been wed aftn, i am not sure he has notes on the digital recorder so
dates can be straightened out then. dirk seemed to understand my issues
with personal space and being blind, the women he sent were also
understanding of this. it turns out they don't work on the weekends abut
they do get a lot done while they are here, i think they were at the
houtse five or six days, first few days were the two woemen oddly who
have the same given names as me and my sister, one day a third woman came
to do nothing but pick up debri, she impressed the crap outta me.

when the dumpster came things went faster as the next day many bags went
from the yard and house to the dumpster, the plaster ceilings were heavy.

the last day that they were at the house, it was the one with my sisters
given name and a younger woman, and oddly i don't seem to even remember
her name.

while there were little things i wish they had done differently and sorta
wish they had been more careful with things, they were all in all for
what theydo not bad.


friday aug 13


today is the birthday of one of the cleaning women at the rest area, but
i am not sure which one, i just am not sure... the one working today,
pretty sure it isn't her, bless her good heart, when she asked me how i
was and i told her the house burnt, she went and got three dollars and
tried to give it to me, how sweet is that, i know they don't make even MW
working for a sheltered work shop, but i managed to get her to keep the
bills, saying if she could just make sure the fronts and tops of the
machines were gone over that it would help me and save me some time while
we are working on the house... i really was touched that she wanted to
give me money, shows just how good hearted some people are.

I talked to JD yesterday to see if he might be able to pick up a jones
order if i needed it, luckily/unluckily we decided against that, he also
offerred to

serve pro tells me that they don't work weekends because the ins co don't
pay for overtime, makes sense but i wish they did so that we could get on
with this. oh well.

somewhere in here we went to the adjustors for an advance check, and the
next day we went to the regu ins agent for a copy of the policy, they
weren't the same day, he has kept track of all of this but i am writing
as i think of things, so dates might not be right... but it sure makes me
feel better writing things down.

loan me product if i neecded it. so far only twizzlers is all that is
serious from jones.



sat aug 14

Today is jessica's birthday, i completely forgot to call her so much is
going on, man do i feel bad about that, very good kid she is and a good
mom also.

I know we worked at paid work and the house but i have no idea what else
we did. as i said before no ww for a while. speaking of routinge items,
i had no idea that smoke/soot would just kill the acrylic nails, i
decided we will also suspend getting nails until this is over, and i
might just have her file and polish for a while.

breakfast on saturdays at the hotel is a bit woolier because of the
amount of people staying over. seems this place is used a lot for
parties like samll group reunions, there have even been afew wedding
parties. one included the marraige outside.

in the evening he noticed that tiger was a bit lethargic, all he wanted
to do was sleep on the bed, and he had been sleeping near him instead of
me which is NOT ususal, especailly by his head/pillow, tiger usually gets
up with me and naps near where i am, at night at bedtime he sleepis at
the foot of the waterbed on no particular side, during the day he sleeps
on the computer desk when i am at the computer, and it was always funny
to see tv and tiger jockey for desktop realestate, after we got the new
computer chair, then that was less of an issue, i just had to share the
chair with tiger, and tv until he went to the bridge got the desktop to
himself... tiger seemed to be getting progessively wors until we
discussed how we were going to handle his leaving, i am not exactly what
chain of events happened except i remember picking him up and thinking he
really had lost a lot of weight, which he had commented on when we got
him back. i lifedt him so he could put a towel under him, i think we went
for cigs and then discussed tiger's comfort leve, in the ends his
breathing seemed uncomfortable enough, and i was half trying to convince
myself he would just need IV fluids and be ok, we took tiger to the er
vet. at first the er vert thought it was just sorta like stress related
kidney issues and fluid would pretty well fix it, so we left him there
after talking to the vet. we came home and got a nap...
sun aug 15
breakfast starts at seven on sundays, and no boiled eggs, i have like i
said been trying to eat lower carb, so i have been enjoying the boiled
eggs, i have avoided the cereal and oatmeal, but the b part of b/g
haven't escaped me unfortunately i also got caputred by a bit of danish
as well, but all in all i haven't done bad considering... i was really
afraid i wouldn't be able to eat anything at all which would have been an
issue, the physical exersition of cleaning out the house and the mental
stress of all of this doesn't allow for not eating, so a bit of control
is in order... somewhere along the way we got a couple of kinds of fresh
fruit for keeping in the rouom good choice that.

we also got crackers and peanut butter so we could at least have
something to snack on without having to go out in the middle of the
night.

its so odd the things we seem to take for granted, the ssimple act of
"grabbling" a snack during a commerical is just mind boggling. who even
ever considers that while the beer commericial is on i get more lemonade
and go out the back for a cig so i don't miss that much of the next
inning.

other things i hope never to take for granted again if i can help it.
-not having to wake all the way up to go to the bathroom.
-not needing him t wake up if i want a cig.
-knowing where everything is, and knowing what i want in the house is
actually there.
-being able to say, OH i have one of those... now its oh I used to have
one of those.
-doing the laundry, i really almost have ocd about clothes, he looked so
hard to get a w/d i could perate and now they are gone, and he is doing
the laundry because its someone where in the hotel, i went with him onece
but now i just get him to wash/dry and then i try and hang/fold, he did
the last load.

one thing we agreed on early on is that we would buy all black clothes to
make laundry easier, so far its working.



we came home ate, i don't think we did much but try and take a nap, the
plan was to get a nap, get up work at paid wrok go to the house, and then
get to bed early so we could go and get tiger early mondy, but the er vet
called me and gave me the horrifying news that tiger would NOT make it,
and that further his end would NOT be pleaseant, i was and am still
devestated, but i am pleased with us taking him to the er vet, i am
eternally grateful for the vets that work at this ervice, and i am so
blessed that he knowing the pain i was in called for the vet to help
tiger go, i know it was the right things at when she gave him the shot he
was gone in less than ten seconds, it was the right thing, and as every
other time i have had to do this, it is the most painful price for having
the unconditional love of another being.

so we decided on cremation, and paid the bill and came home and
collapsed.



mon aug `16
more serve pro, more paid work, more resturant food. we seem to be in a
routine for lunch we either get subway or sands from west side, then for
dinner the hotel or a buffett if we are out doing other things. i just
hate spending this money eating out, and i really hate its not ww
friendly and i really really hate that i am not eating his food.

tues aug 17

I am not sure what day we went to stl for costco, shopping and cigs, i am
pretty sure it was over the weekend but we got the new cat carriers so
that will show the date, it was before tiger got sick, and if i had been
paying attention to the signs i would have known that tiger was to take
the next step, we shopped for new carriers, and when we finally decided
on new carriers and where we to buy them they had the three smaller ones,
and only three of the larger ones, we went to another store to get the
fourth one, unfortunately we wouldn't need it for long. on sunday when
we left we had to return to the er to get it as we forgot to take it with
us when we left. i really should pay better attention to the signs.

as to signs, all the cats seem to be coping well except that oej seems to
be a little depressed, barbi and storrmmee aren't fighting now, i guess
the move to nutral ground has helped the pecking order, there seems to be
a mutual understanding that right now everyone isn't in need of asserting
themselves. barbi and storrmmee seem to be able to share space on the
same bed without a major fight.


wed aug `18

serve pro came tuesday and maybe wed as well but again things aere so
blurred i am not sure if the last day was tues or wed. more sands from
west side and hotel dinners. laundry, we did some of the clothes we
rescued, but we took them back to the house for the most part, most are
not worth saving and putting the effort into, we did manage to save his
dickies pants, but none of his shirts. i think they could be saved if one
wanted to put in the effort but most of them aren't worth it. we did
manage on the shopping trip to find a skirt i want to wear, and a couple
of shirts, so we are going through the very beginning stages of trying to
rebuild our clothing and a very few tolietries. hangers have really gone
up in price since i bought them last, i had gotten it to the point where
i had clip hangers for all the pants/skirt items, palain plastic for the
shirts and night gowns, i anlso had two styles of wooden hangers for the
better clothing and incentive clothing, but unfortunately none of them
look savable without a lot more effort than they are worth. so we are
also starting over there. one thing i have learned is to not buy things
willy nilly so that will help me shop carefully and slowly, given the
limited space we are to have for a while this is a very good thing.



thursday aug `19
we went to springfield, we turned in the book work, lucky for us
duplicate checks are a good thing, he was able to recreat the book work
even if we didn't have the tickets to go with everything. it was a day
early but we needed to get it done so we could get jones on friday.

we stopped and made arrangements to move to the staybridge on monday. i
am just horrified at the cost, it doesn't matter if the ins is paying it,
it is just almost a waste of money on the one hand but, at least we will
have two rooms, and a kitchen of sorts, so he will be able to cook some
things, there will also be enough room that we can get penthouses for the
cats so we can let them have axcess to a box and food while we are gone.
they will be kenneled while we are gone but in a bit better situation,
and i think we can get into a better routine where i can smoke without
having to have him walk me outside, i guess i haven't written about this,
the best western while fine for what it is, is a non smoking hotel, but
since they were so good about us having all the cats with us we took it,
in fact i am not even sure he asked about smoking. it has worked out so
far but we really needed somewhere we could smoke and not have to stop
what we were doing to do it.

makes me think about smoking when we get the house back. i think we will
go for some kind of porch or patio where we can smoke without risking
letting the cats out. it would be nice to smoke, drink coffee or wine
and have no bugs around.

after we got done in s;pringfield we went to the house, we worked on the
kitchen, i think it was wed that we did the frig, i really liked that
frig, i took so long to find just the right one that it sorta makes me
sad that its not useful to us, we did find the corelle butter dish in
there and set it aside for cleaning, everything else was lost, so much
food and contianers, one of the scariest things about this was that while
the fresh tomatoes turned to mush and the fresh salsa pooched up the
container, the activial yogurt and some other items seems to not have
spoiled to the point that you could tell it through the package... very
very scarey... really makes me want to eat even less processed than i had
before.

the freezer paks and my leg pak all had to go. this also suched as i had
just gotten the right amount of freezer paks for the big roll around
cooler, which also will no longer be part of our life. like i said i
think this was wed/ work, so back to thursday, after we had got the sams
we went to the house and did half the top cabinets, empty, take picture,
record details, throw out or stack on the counter, everything inthis half
the upper cabinets, was either food or plastic storage of some sort,
killed my frugal bone all was wasted.

when we got done with that we did that part of the counter, same routine,
picture, record details and throw or stack.

when i had just got the last batch of things onto the table, a man came
by to see if we had any metal to haul off, we have met him before, he
visits his father regularily, unfortunately we don't know what the ins
wants to sell to salvage, so unless we are selling it, we can't really
let anything go. and if the ins gives us money for it, then its theirs
and we really can't give it away.

other things i forgot to write about in this area, he sold the stove we
got from his mom to the ameron guy wh came to pick up the meters, we only
had it to burn yard waste and papers, without needing it to keep the
house safe no point in having it, and since he offerred a hundred dollars
and it was probably more than the ins would give us cool, triar came and
got the little and old dumpster from the drive way, and he sold the parts
van to a junk yard, this freed up the drive way so the roll of dumptster
could be there. worked good for the serve pro people but i think he was
right, in back and out the back door would have been easier. oh well it
is what it is.

one of the hardest parts of this is the details one has to attend to, cut
off utilities, cut off wter, pick up meters, take photos of everything,
hand on to every ticket, get ****ed when the ticket is done with suck
faded ink its barely readable... grrr.

don't forget to make the house payment on the house you don't have
anymore, call the bank when they take out two payments on the house you
don't have anymore, and do it all with a cheery smile.


another one of those things i should written on the day of the fire or
after on wed, not sure which, first trip into walmart, the clerk forgot
to give him his change, shutting the drawer before getting the cange,
clerk says he is having a horrid day, he just stared clerk in the eye,
says"its my birtdha today, and my house burt down, clerk almost crapped
his pants, i guess he figured his day wasn't all that bad after all, his
house didn't burn on his birthday and he didn't kick the crap outta him
for wining about a bad day. lol

one thing i can say for sure is a sense of humor sure hleps in these
sorts of situation, some of it black humor but humor none the less...
friday aug 20


we went to jones to get prioduct after we went to paid work and dropped
everything off we had got at sams the day before, we also got soda from
walmart in litchfield before going to work on thursday. work is also a
blurr. it does seem to anchor the day and seems so normal is sorta
scarey. jones had everything we ordered and when we were done with
getting it we came home and crashed, the stress of going flat out is
getting to us a bit. the bed is hidious to his back, and my hip is not
liking it much.

on the way back from STL he stopped in collinsville to check out a
chinese buffett we hadn't eaten at before, but the food pans were not
filled up and it was lunch time where they should have been hustling, so
we opted for the golden corral next door, not one of my more favorite
choices, but doable, nd they generally have decent vegetables, sadly this
one didn't have the baked apples i love and the vegetable choices weren't
all that great but we got full and that's the point.

I really wanted to eat somewhere beside what we have readily available, i
know that while we can start eating some meals at the new hotel, with the
amount of work on the house we will be doing lunch out for the forseable
future in raymond or litchfield will probably be in order, I figure that
we will get up, go to sams or walmart if need be, go to paid work, then
eat lunch and work on house, and in the meantime, get product from stl,
deal with ins adjustor and builder sorts, it sounds grouling when i think
of it in my head, doubley hidious in my thoughts as i write it.


sat aug 21

today seems sad to me, they are having my grandmother's birthday party
today, we are just too wiped out to make the trip, at least my older
brother and sister could be there with all of those grandchildren, i am
not even sure who will be there but the drive would just be too much for
us to make, and leaving the cats kenneled for that long just wouldn't be
healthy for them, and since tiger's leaving us i have been watching them
much closer than usualy, oej and trudi seem to have lost even more weight
than i would have expected so i am monortoring them as much as i can with
out freaking them out, mh, barbi and storrmmee seem to be back to normal.
chester seems a bit clingier and if he has lost weight it is just a bit,
i worry about him because i know he needs the dental, we need to get them
in to see dr nelson but haven't managed to get that done yt. the good
thing about the staybrige, is that it is very close tosams and dr
nelson's, also close to meijer, which is where i like to shop the sales.
it will suck driving that far every day to work and to work on the house
but for now its the best we can do.
sunday aug 22
we concentrated most of the day on work, we had gotten stuff from jones
on friday and so all of that had to be put away, we have been doing the
least possible and yet trying to keep it up, so we really devoted sunday
to work.

we ate the breakfast at the hotel, something new and different, fruit
salad, lol, and no boiled eggs, i really like boiled eggs, I will miss
them when we get settled at the new hotel and i start counting points
again.

i did sodas and he did candy, the coffee machine had to be cleaned but
not much product for it, he did money and we made a deposit before
returning to the hotel.

it took us the better part of six hours to get work done, when you go for
a couple of days in a row just doing the most needed it really adds up
when you do a big fill.

one of the things we had been out of and got from jones was twizzlers, so
it was my job to shake them down on one end so they fit properly into the
machine, not a hard task when you ave three or four, but when there are
thirty it really can make the writsts, sore.

we also discussed prices of products and what things we would soom have
to raise prices on, and the selling of the veggie snacks, which seem to
be going good.

instead of going to the house to work, we made the bank deposit and got
sand/burgers from west side and returned to the hotel. his back and legs
were bothering him and so when we got here, he changed the water on the
few clothes i am trying to save, bought me a captain and coke and we had
a few cigs and went to bed.



monday aug 23


I slept pretty well, but then the captian usually does that for me, i
guess thats why i don't keep him around, i think i could get to liking
him too good,

so now i am awake, i had some good old foldgers instant coffee, i am
writing this journal and listening to the cats play, its about three
degrees too warm in here, and i wish i had woken up in time for some
proper dinner, but i will be fine, its not like i am in danger of
starving anytime soon,

I must say the keyboard on this computer DM loaned us is really nice for
a laptop, it seems that they keys while closer toger are still large
enough to use without a lot of hassel,

A weird thing about this is the wy the days all blur together, its like
its all going at warp speed and slow motion at the same time. today we
move to the staybrige in springfield, i am still having mixed feelings
about it but it is the best choice for now. and at least there will be a
different breakfast for a few days until I get bored with it, i find i
really do prefer his cooking to eating out and mine isn't nearly as bad
as i thought.

I am hoping to get one load of laundry done before we leave this hotel,
and eat breakfast, not sure what else we will do besides move. I really
am taking things one thing at a time, the load of laundry i want to do is
stuff that if it doesn't come clean quickly will go back to the house for
inventory.

writing a lot of this down seems to be helping me, even if it does make
me cry more than i am used to. I had to wake him up to go have some
cigs, i am hoping i can let him sleep until time to get up for breakfast,
hopefully we will get that laundry in, eat breakfast and pack up the
room, what i was thinking would be good is if would get that all done,
then go work on the house for a while then come back clean up and go to
springfield, I need to go the shopping list and make some notes there, i
haven't though that much about notes for the house today. one thing that
keeps occuring to me is that i really want to work out where we can store
the cat carriers, and i think putting the cats in the four season room
when we leave the house is the way to go, at least if they are there and
another disaster happens then they will have a fighting cahnce, even if
the skreen has to be cut and them let out, I am so very grateful none of
them burned to death. I am sure that we did the right thing for tiger,
and god answered my prayer that i wouldn't have to wonder about him
forever, and i have closure, i just wish he didn't have to go to the
bridge, he had so much personality, he was just so funny and nurotic, he
always seemed so grateful when he culd relax enough to play, i remember
the first time he played with a toy and after poking at it a few times,
he looked at him like he was going to get a beating, so sad and funny at
the same time, and while he never did get comfortble playing with toys,
he did get so he would play with my fingers and grab t at my hair and
roll around on the floor for belly rubs, he had a cool way of collaspsing
onto his side that was like he just melted over onto his side, Tiger
loved his nip and he loved to bite my nails when i wore red polish, he
didn't bite at them when i wore french manicure os silver polish just
red.

I so miss his complaining that he could see the bottom of the bowl, and i
would so like to be spending way too much money on cat food tokeep him
healthy, but that time is now done, and tiger is now happily waiting for
us at the bridge.

he has gone back to sleep relatively easily so i really am going to wait
until i can't stand it to wake him again.