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A Morning With Sammy



 
 
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  #1  
Old July 7th 04, 08:05 PM
CatNipped
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default A Morning With Sammy

Cast of Characters:

Bandit – 14-year-old female DLH tabby
Sammy – 2 1/2 –month-old female DHL tabby

Hello, my name is Bandit and I'd like to air my grievances to you.
Mommy said the people on this list are very sympathetic and I'm hoping
you will sympathize with my horrible situation.

You see, my life used to be peaceful. My life used to be serene. My
life used to be pleasant! Then one day Mommy brought home a monster.

Oh, you wouldn't think she was a monster – less than a pound of fluff
with big blue eyes. But just looking into those eyes, I knew. I had
her number from the start. You think I'm lying? Just listen to what
my typical morning is like now…

4:30AM: I am awakened by loud smacking noises. I look up to see
Sammy sucking on her tail. How disgusting!

4:31AM: I reach over and swat Sammy on top of her head to make her
stop.

4:32AM: I go back to sleep.

4:45AM: I am awakened by loud smacking noises. I look up to see
Sammy sucking on MY tail. What nerve! How totally disgusting! My
tail is wet!!!

4:46AM: I reach over and swat Sammy on top of her head to make her
stop.

4:47AM: I go back to sleep.

5:00AM: I am awakened by a severe pain in my tail. I look up to see
Sammy CHEWING on my TAIL!! How dare she?! Is she crazy??!? My tail
HURTS!

5:01AM: I reach over and swat Sammy on twice top of her head to make
her stop. I swat her on top of her head again for good measure.

5:02AM: I go back to sleep.

5:15AM: I am awakened by loud purring next to my ear. I look up to
see Sammy sleeping on my back. Sigh. Well, she is kind of cute, but
only sometimes, when she's asleep – rarely!

5:16AM: I go back to sleep.

6:00AM: The alarm clock rings and Mommy gets up to get ready to
abandon me yet again today.

6:01AM: The fun begins. Sammy is attacking and aggravating Mommy and
I am loving it – hah! That's what she gets for bringing home that
little monster!

7:30AM: Mommy has again abandoned me and left me alone to cope with
this spawn from hell.

7:35AM: I jump down from the bed to walk across the room to my
breakfast.

7:36AM: I feel something land on my back and bite me!! I turn
around, flinging off this attacker and see Sammy rolling across the
floor.

7:37AM: I run up to Sammy and swat her on top of her head for this
sneak attack.

7:38AM: Sammy rolls over onto her back in an attempt to propitiate
me.

7:39AM: I don't feel propitiated – I swat Sammy two more times on top
of her head.

7:40AM: I finally reach my breakfast. I'm starving and I start right
in when suddenly this little head butts me out of the way and starts
eating my breakfast! Sigh. I have to let the little one eat – I
don't know why, something inside just forces me to back away while she
gobbles up a whole tenth of my chow!

7:42AM: Sammy finally finishes her meal and I start right in when
suddenly I feel a sharp pain in my tail. I look around to find Sammy
chewing on my tail!! How dare she?! Is she crazy??!? My tail HURTS!

7:43AM: I reach over and swat Sammy on top of her head.

7:44AM: I go back to eating my breakfast.

8:00AM: I'm all tired out from my intense morning activities, so I
head back to the bed to take a nap.

8:01AM: I feel something land on my back and bite me!! I turn
around, flinging off this attacker and see Sammy rolling across the
floor.

8:02AM: I run up to Sammy and swat her on top of her head for this
sneak attack.

8:03AM: Sammy rolls over onto her back in an attempt to propitiate
me.

8:04AM: I don't feel propitiated – I swat Sammy two more times on top
of her head.

8:05AM: I reach the bed and finally settle down for some much-needed
sleep.

8:15AM: I am awakened by loud smacking noises. I look over to see
Sammy sucking on her paw. How disgusting!

8:16AM: I reach over and swat Sammy on top of her head to make her
stop.

8:17AM: I go back to sleep.

10:00AM: I am awakened by hunger pains, I need a mid-morning snack.

10:01AM: I jump down from the bed to walk across the room to get my
snack.

10:02AM: I feel something land on my back and bite me!! I turn
around, flinging off this attacker and see Sammy rolling across the
floor. I run up to her and swat her on top of her head for this sneak
attack.

10:03AM: Sammy rolls over onto her back in an attempt to propitiate
me.

10:04AM: I don't feel propitiated – I swat Sammy two more times on
top of her head.

10:05AM: I'm still really ****ed, so I swat Sammy three more times on
top of her head.

10:06AM: Sammy finally gets smart and runs under the bed to hide from
me.

10:10AM: I finish my snack and head back to the bed for some
much-needed sleep.

10:11AM: I feel something grab me on my hind leg and start biting me.
I turn around to find Sammy attached to my leg. I give my leg a
shake and fling her off of me.

10:12AM: I walk over to Sammy and swat her on top of her head twice
for the affront.

10:13AM: Sammy rolls over onto her back in an attempt to propitiate
me.

10:14AM: I don't feel propitiated – I swat Sammy three more times on
top of her head.

10:15AM: I finally reach the bed and snuggle down to catch up on my
lost sleep (a person could get seriously sleep-deprived in this house
now that the monster has come to live with us!).

10:30AM: I am awakened by a loud smacking noise. I look over to see
Sammy sucking on her tail again. What a disgusting little brat!

10:31AM: I reach over and swat Sammy on top of her head to make her
stop.

10:32AM: I go back to sleep.

12:00PM: I am awakened by loud purring next to my ear. I look up to
see Sammy sleeping on my back. Sigh.

Afternoons are much worse – that's when Sammy gets frisky.

And so it goes, day after day, week after week, constant torment and
pain do I suffer. Please send me purrs to help end this misery!

Yours,

Bandit
Owner of Mommy
  #2  
Old July 8th 04, 04:49 AM
Sam Nash
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

"CatNipped" wrote in message
m...
Cast of Characters:

Bandit - 14-year-old female DLH tabby
Sammy - 2 1/2 -month-old female DHL tabby

Hello, my name is Bandit and I'd like to air my grievances to you.
Mommy said the people on this list are very sympathetic and I'm hoping
you will sympathize with my horrible situation.

snipped

Bandit, you have my deepest sympathies. You see, my Meowmie brought home a
little hellion a long time ago and named her Mistletoe (Meowmie calls her
Missy for short - I won't share what I usually call her on this "family"
group). The first year or so was pure h*ll. The little witch would NOT
leave me alone! I fussed and swatted with only temporary relief.

Now, she's still a little witch but she mostly leaves me alone. I've pretty
much got her hiss-trained (Get AWAY from me you little piece of cr*p!). As
I was saying, she mostly lets me chow down and snooze in peace but sometimes
I *still* have to put her in her place.

Hang in there, Bandit. If you survive the ordeal, it will get better.
Smokey - still pestered and (H-I-S-S-S I TOLD you to go away dammit!)
purrsecuted, but not as often.


  #3  
Old July 8th 04, 04:49 AM
Sam Nash
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

"CatNipped" wrote in message
m...
Cast of Characters:

Bandit - 14-year-old female DLH tabby
Sammy - 2 1/2 -month-old female DHL tabby

Hello, my name is Bandit and I'd like to air my grievances to you.
Mommy said the people on this list are very sympathetic and I'm hoping
you will sympathize with my horrible situation.

snipped

Bandit, you have my deepest sympathies. You see, my Meowmie brought home a
little hellion a long time ago and named her Mistletoe (Meowmie calls her
Missy for short - I won't share what I usually call her on this "family"
group). The first year or so was pure h*ll. The little witch would NOT
leave me alone! I fussed and swatted with only temporary relief.

Now, she's still a little witch but she mostly leaves me alone. I've pretty
much got her hiss-trained (Get AWAY from me you little piece of cr*p!). As
I was saying, she mostly lets me chow down and snooze in peace but sometimes
I *still* have to put her in her place.

Hang in there, Bandit. If you survive the ordeal, it will get better.
Smokey - still pestered and (H-I-S-S-S I TOLD you to go away dammit!)
purrsecuted, but not as often.


  #4  
Old July 8th 04, 06:34 AM
Melissa Houle
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default


CatNipped wrote in message
m...
Cast of Characters:

Bandit - 14-year-old female DLH tabby
Sammy - 2 1/2 -month-old female DHL tabby

Hello, my name is Bandit and I'd like to air my grievances to you.
Mommy said the people on this list are very sympathetic and I'm hoping
you will sympathize with my horrible situation.

You see, my life used to be peaceful. My life used to be serene. My
life used to be pleasant! Then one day Mommy brought home a monster.

Oh, you wouldn't think she was a monster - less than a pound of fluff
with big blue eyes. But just looking into those eyes, I knew. I had
her number from the start. You think I'm lying? Just listen to what
my typical morning is like now.

SNIP

Bandit,

I sympathize from the bottom of my heart. MY life used to be serene and
predictable, too. Mommy's co-owner, Isadora, was sometimes rude to me, and
was always a bossy piece of baggage, but she and I had grown up together,
and were contemporaries. We understood the value of naps, separate food
bowls and peaceful mornings lolling in the sun on Mommy's bed without being
pounced upon or bitten. Then this past march, Mommy carelessly went and
left Isadora at the vet, and never brought her back again. I've quite given
up hope that Isadora will be back.

I have to admit, that for a while, my life became very pleasant, as Mommy
seriously upgraded my diet, and lavished love and attention on me, telling
me how beautiful and how loved I was, and giving me luxurious backrubs every
night before she went to sleep. This only continued for two months, however.
Late in May, she brought home this wet behind the ears teenager. (Decency
forces me to admit that at least this cocky youngster knows better than to
suck on her tail or paws, and keeps her teeth and tongue to herself where MY
tail and paws are concerned. But she does manage to be perpetually
underfoot when we rush to our food bowls at breakfast time every morning.)
And well, I can't help noticing that she's a rather nice looking lady cat,
if one DOES have to live with an unsophisticated junior.

Then about two weeks ago, this little indigent starts smelling alarmingly
sexy--I'm afraid I quite forgot myself and, at the mercy of pheromones, was
forced to chase her around the apartment--at MY age!! Shortly thereafter,
Mommy took HER off to the vet. I thought Mommy had come to her senses, and
realized life would be better without this upstart. You can imagine my
astonishment and indignation when she brought Francesca back, and not only
that! She brought this tiny little kitten home, too! I say its the thin end
of the wedge, and this madness MUST be stopped before she starts bringing
more and more babies home. I simply will NOT stand for my peaceful home
being turned into a nursery for indigent little layabout females and their
kittens. Right now, I have to admit, the small one is not too much trouble
to me. For one thing, she's too small to climb out of her enclosure. But
once she masters the trick, I fear I am in for nearly as much sleep
deprivation and pestering as you are currently experiencing.

Yours most sympathetically,

Panther.


  #5  
Old July 8th 04, 06:34 AM
Melissa Houle
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default


CatNipped wrote in message
m...
Cast of Characters:

Bandit - 14-year-old female DLH tabby
Sammy - 2 1/2 -month-old female DHL tabby

Hello, my name is Bandit and I'd like to air my grievances to you.
Mommy said the people on this list are very sympathetic and I'm hoping
you will sympathize with my horrible situation.

You see, my life used to be peaceful. My life used to be serene. My
life used to be pleasant! Then one day Mommy brought home a monster.

Oh, you wouldn't think she was a monster - less than a pound of fluff
with big blue eyes. But just looking into those eyes, I knew. I had
her number from the start. You think I'm lying? Just listen to what
my typical morning is like now.

SNIP

Bandit,

I sympathize from the bottom of my heart. MY life used to be serene and
predictable, too. Mommy's co-owner, Isadora, was sometimes rude to me, and
was always a bossy piece of baggage, but she and I had grown up together,
and were contemporaries. We understood the value of naps, separate food
bowls and peaceful mornings lolling in the sun on Mommy's bed without being
pounced upon or bitten. Then this past march, Mommy carelessly went and
left Isadora at the vet, and never brought her back again. I've quite given
up hope that Isadora will be back.

I have to admit, that for a while, my life became very pleasant, as Mommy
seriously upgraded my diet, and lavished love and attention on me, telling
me how beautiful and how loved I was, and giving me luxurious backrubs every
night before she went to sleep. This only continued for two months, however.
Late in May, she brought home this wet behind the ears teenager. (Decency
forces me to admit that at least this cocky youngster knows better than to
suck on her tail or paws, and keeps her teeth and tongue to herself where MY
tail and paws are concerned. But she does manage to be perpetually
underfoot when we rush to our food bowls at breakfast time every morning.)
And well, I can't help noticing that she's a rather nice looking lady cat,
if one DOES have to live with an unsophisticated junior.

Then about two weeks ago, this little indigent starts smelling alarmingly
sexy--I'm afraid I quite forgot myself and, at the mercy of pheromones, was
forced to chase her around the apartment--at MY age!! Shortly thereafter,
Mommy took HER off to the vet. I thought Mommy had come to her senses, and
realized life would be better without this upstart. You can imagine my
astonishment and indignation when she brought Francesca back, and not only
that! She brought this tiny little kitten home, too! I say its the thin end
of the wedge, and this madness MUST be stopped before she starts bringing
more and more babies home. I simply will NOT stand for my peaceful home
being turned into a nursery for indigent little layabout females and their
kittens. Right now, I have to admit, the small one is not too much trouble
to me. For one thing, she's too small to climb out of her enclosure. But
once she masters the trick, I fear I am in for nearly as much sleep
deprivation and pestering as you are currently experiencing.

Yours most sympathetically,

Panther.


  #6  
Old July 8th 04, 09:14 AM
polonca12000
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Purrs,
--
Polonca & Soncek

"CatNipped" wrote in message
m...
Cast of Characters:

Bandit - 14-year-old female DLH tabby
Sammy - 2 1/2 -month-old female DHL tabby

Hello, my name is Bandit and I'd like to air my grievances to you.
Mommy said the people on this list are very sympathetic and I'm hoping
you will sympathize with my horrible situation.

You see, my life used to be peaceful. My life used to be serene. My
life used to be pleasant! Then one day Mommy brought home a monster.

snip


  #7  
Old July 8th 04, 09:14 AM
polonca12000
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Purrs,
--
Polonca & Soncek

"CatNipped" wrote in message
m...
Cast of Characters:

Bandit - 14-year-old female DLH tabby
Sammy - 2 1/2 -month-old female DHL tabby

Hello, my name is Bandit and I'd like to air my grievances to you.
Mommy said the people on this list are very sympathetic and I'm hoping
you will sympathize with my horrible situation.

You see, my life used to be peaceful. My life used to be serene. My
life used to be pleasant! Then one day Mommy brought home a monster.

snip


  #8  
Old July 8th 04, 12:44 PM
O J
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

On 7 July, Bandit wrote:

---------------------snip----------------------
Afternoons are much worse – that's when Sammy gets frisky.

And so it goes, day after day, week after week, constant torment and
pain do I suffer. Please send me purrs to help end this misery!

Yours,

Bandit
Owner of Mommy


Poor Bandit, how quickly one forgets the foibles of
kittenhood. You should have listened to Mommy when she told you while
you were a kitten that if you didn't knock off the shenanigans, one
day she'd get a kitten and put you through the same things she had to
put up with from you.

Just remember, kittens grow up. One day Sammy will turn out
to be fine company.

Regards and Purrs,
O J
  #9  
Old July 8th 04, 12:44 PM
O J
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

On 7 July, Bandit wrote:

---------------------snip----------------------
Afternoons are much worse – that's when Sammy gets frisky.

And so it goes, day after day, week after week, constant torment and
pain do I suffer. Please send me purrs to help end this misery!

Yours,

Bandit
Owner of Mommy


Poor Bandit, how quickly one forgets the foibles of
kittenhood. You should have listened to Mommy when she told you while
you were a kitten that if you didn't knock off the shenanigans, one
day she'd get a kitten and put you through the same things she had to
put up with from you.

Just remember, kittens grow up. One day Sammy will turn out
to be fine company.

Regards and Purrs,
O J
  #10  
Old July 8th 04, 02:45 PM
Christine Burel
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Bandit, you have our sympathies; we're ticked off most of the time, too,
usually at each other though and we give our Meowmie a good hard training
regimen everyday!

Omar: I'm always annoyed at Tucker.
Oreo: Tucker LOOKS at me! I hisspit at him but Meowmie tells me to stop.
Midnight: MRRROOWW -- I'm the Queen and Tucker better get used to it!
Robin: I'm cute and sweet but Meowmie doesn't play with me enough 'cause
she's always breaking up the others.
Tucker: I'm a round, rough, tough tigercat; had a hard upbringing but found
some good slaves to take me in! Wish the others around here would accept me
as KING!

Meowmie: Wonder why I never have any time for myself????

Piccies of above at: http://photos.yahoo.com/cfbureltoo
Christine

"CatNipped" wrote in message
m...
Cast of Characters:

Bandit - 14-year-old female DLH tabby
Sammy - 2 1/2 -month-old female DHL tabby

Hello, my name is Bandit and I'd like to air my grievances to you.
Mommy said the people on this list are very sympathetic and I'm hoping
you will sympathize with my horrible situation.

You see, my life used to be peaceful. My life used to be serene. My
life used to be pleasant! Then one day Mommy brought home a monster.

Oh, you wouldn't think she was a monster - less than a pound of fluff
with big blue eyes. But just looking into those eyes, I knew. I had
her number from the start. You think I'm lying? Just listen to what
my typical morning is like now.

4:30AM: I am awakened by loud smacking noises. I look up to see
Sammy sucking on her tail. How disgusting!

4:31AM: I reach over and swat Sammy on top of her head to make her
stop.

4:32AM: I go back to sleep.

4:45AM: I am awakened by loud smacking noises. I look up to see
Sammy sucking on MY tail. What nerve! How totally disgusting! My
tail is wet!!!

4:46AM: I reach over and swat Sammy on top of her head to make her
stop.

4:47AM: I go back to sleep.

5:00AM: I am awakened by a severe pain in my tail. I look up to see
Sammy CHEWING on my TAIL!! How dare she?! Is she crazy??!? My tail
HURTS!

5:01AM: I reach over and swat Sammy on twice top of her head to make
her stop. I swat her on top of her head again for good measure.

5:02AM: I go back to sleep.

5:15AM: I am awakened by loud purring next to my ear. I look up to
see Sammy sleeping on my back. Sigh. Well, she is kind of cute, but
only sometimes, when she's asleep - rarely!

5:16AM: I go back to sleep.

6:00AM: The alarm clock rings and Mommy gets up to get ready to
abandon me yet again today.

6:01AM: The fun begins. Sammy is attacking and aggravating Mommy and
I am loving it - hah! That's what she gets for bringing home that
little monster!

7:30AM: Mommy has again abandoned me and left me alone to cope with
this spawn from hell.

7:35AM: I jump down from the bed to walk across the room to my
breakfast.

7:36AM: I feel something land on my back and bite me!! I turn
around, flinging off this attacker and see Sammy rolling across the
floor.

7:37AM: I run up to Sammy and swat her on top of her head for this
sneak attack.

7:38AM: Sammy rolls over onto her back in an attempt to propitiate
me.

7:39AM: I don't feel propitiated - I swat Sammy two more times on top
of her head.

7:40AM: I finally reach my breakfast. I'm starving and I start right
in when suddenly this little head butts me out of the way and starts
eating my breakfast! Sigh. I have to let the little one eat - I
don't know why, something inside just forces me to back away while she
gobbles up a whole tenth of my chow!

7:42AM: Sammy finally finishes her meal and I start right in when
suddenly I feel a sharp pain in my tail. I look around to find Sammy
chewing on my tail!! How dare she?! Is she crazy??!? My tail HURTS!

7:43AM: I reach over and swat Sammy on top of her head.

7:44AM: I go back to eating my breakfast.

8:00AM: I'm all tired out from my intense morning activities, so I
head back to the bed to take a nap.

8:01AM: I feel something land on my back and bite me!! I turn
around, flinging off this attacker and see Sammy rolling across the
floor.

8:02AM: I run up to Sammy and swat her on top of her head for this
sneak attack.

8:03AM: Sammy rolls over onto her back in an attempt to propitiate
me.

8:04AM: I don't feel propitiated - I swat Sammy two more times on top
of her head.

8:05AM: I reach the bed and finally settle down for some much-needed
sleep.

8:15AM: I am awakened by loud smacking noises. I look over to see
Sammy sucking on her paw. How disgusting!

8:16AM: I reach over and swat Sammy on top of her head to make her
stop.

8:17AM: I go back to sleep.

10:00AM: I am awakened by hunger pains, I need a mid-morning snack.

10:01AM: I jump down from the bed to walk across the room to get my
snack.

10:02AM: I feel something land on my back and bite me!! I turn
around, flinging off this attacker and see Sammy rolling across the
floor. I run up to her and swat her on top of her head for this sneak
attack.

10:03AM: Sammy rolls over onto her back in an attempt to propitiate
me.

10:04AM: I don't feel propitiated - I swat Sammy two more times on
top of her head.

10:05AM: I'm still really ****ed, so I swat Sammy three more times on
top of her head.

10:06AM: Sammy finally gets smart and runs under the bed to hide from
me.

10:10AM: I finish my snack and head back to the bed for some
much-needed sleep.

10:11AM: I feel something grab me on my hind leg and start biting me.
I turn around to find Sammy attached to my leg. I give my leg a
shake and fling her off of me.

10:12AM: I walk over to Sammy and swat her on top of her head twice
for the affront.

10:13AM: Sammy rolls over onto her back in an attempt to propitiate
me.

10:14AM: I don't feel propitiated - I swat Sammy three more times on
top of her head.

10:15AM: I finally reach the bed and snuggle down to catch up on my
lost sleep (a person could get seriously sleep-deprived in this house
now that the monster has come to live with us!).

10:30AM: I am awakened by a loud smacking noise. I look over to see
Sammy sucking on her tail again. What a disgusting little brat!

10:31AM: I reach over and swat Sammy on top of her head to make her
stop.

10:32AM: I go back to sleep.

12:00PM: I am awakened by loud purring next to my ear. I look up to
see Sammy sleeping on my back. Sigh.

Afternoons are much worse - that's when Sammy gets frisky.

And so it goes, day after day, week after week, constant torment and
pain do I suffer. Please send me purrs to help end this misery!

Yours,

Bandit
Owner of Mommy



 




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