[OT]ish. Kinda rambling, philosophical, bleh

You sound burnt out. Any chance you can have a break that lasts longer
than a weekend and do something uplifting during that time (as opposed
to doing chores and the like). There are many pluses to being 40 and
just getting older in general. So far I've not envied any of the age
groups younger than me. I don't think aging is all that bad at all,
well not until ones organs start seriously crapping out, and you're
definitely not at that stage.

((((Vicky))))

Yowie wrote:

The wheel turns, and I find myself look down the barrel at being 40. Those
of you who have long past this significant milestone will no doubt throw
back your heads and laugh 'why, young lady, you are just a pup, a whelping,
a mere whipper snapper", but actually, I am into the second phase of
womanhood - the mother - and I have no clue as to what the young kids (well,
they're 18-20) are talking about at work anymore. And more the the point, I
no longer care that I don't have a clue what they are talking about.

Ever since I turned 50 (4 years ago), I've been in something that I guess
could be called a midlife crisis. (Which I hope is just an expression.
I don't literally want to live to 108!)

I had a good model for my 40s. When I was in my 20s, my mom was in her
40s, and her life really blossomed during those years. She moved into
a group household, dated guys 15-20 years younger, partied, tried various
drugs, went to rock concerts, and even had a lesbian affair. It was like
she was having her late teens, but 20 years later. Which makes sense,
because she had grown up under the thumb of her domineering mother
until her marriage at age 20, and then went straight to my controlling
father. A year after their marriage, I was born, and then she was in
wife-and-mother mode for the next 18 years. After my parents split (in
her late 30s), she just went to town, making up for lost time. I loved
to go hang out at her house with all her interesting friends.

So when I turned 40, my attitude was, "Cool, bring it on!" My 40s were
nothing like my mother's - I've always been more cautious than she is -
but I just had a good attitude about the decade. It wasn't like when my
aunt turned 40 and stayed in her room crying for 3 days.

Turning 50 was very different. I did not have the same positive image
in my mind of what the 50s were going to be. Instead, I saw declining
health, loss of sexuality, and a much stronger sense of mortality. I've
tried to undo that negative image with various approaches - either the
"I'm still going to be the same person I used to be" attitude, or the
"OK, I'm older, but I'm older and wiser" approach. So far, I haven't
settled into anything that feels right or comfortable, so I'm still
grappling with this overwhelming feeling that the best days are now
behind me, that I've had all my chances at being happy and have missed
many of them and now it's too late.

As you can imagine, this causes me to feel really depressed at times.
And yet, there really isn't anything specific happening to me to
indicate that "my life is over". I still have good health, I'm still
working and making a good living, and I'm still capable of going after
any of the dreams I might still have. It's really just an attitude -
a negative belief that comes from years of living in a culture that
simply doesn't value older women. And it's a very powerful attitude
that I need to find some way of changing.

--
Joyce ^..^

(To email me, remove the X's from my user name.)

On Nov 23, 12:48*am, wrote:


Turning 50 was very different. I did not have the same positive image
in my mind of what the 50s were going to be. Instead, I saw declining
health, loss of sexuality, and a much stronger sense of mortality.

Same here- being 40 didn't bother me at all but for some reason I
loathed becoming 50- more before than after since I am now 51 and have
sort of learnt to live with it. My mum when I once asked her if she
ever worried about dying said "If i could avoid dying by worrying
about it then I would worry about it but worrying about it won't stop
it so I don't"

I try to follow that principle but with varying degrees of success. I
think I am not so much worried about the actula dying bit as what
comes before. Okay I'm 51, I can still stay up late, I recently had
to walk up a hill that I found steep 15 years ago (Went for an
interview at a place I used to work didn't get the job- didn't want it
anyway!) and was pleasantly surprised that it was easier than it used
to be- I suspect the fact I don't do lifts very well (I can manage
them now but avoid them unless we're talking a lot of floors!) and
have an office on the first floor so I an endlessly up and down stairs
all day - I am probably fitter than 15 years ago! And I can still
touch my toes, not bad for this old lady!

But I do sometimes think if something is wrong with me -is this the
decline starting? I occasionally have to give myself a good common
sense talking to like the other day when I had a sharp stabbing pain
down my left arm and in my neck and I had to literaly shake myself and
say "It doesn't hurt unless you move it. It's your left shoulder,
which has given you problems since you were in your 30's and if you're
honest was a bit problematic in your 20's and teens. If you rest your
arm bent at the elbow as always it doesn't feel too bad jut stiff.
You know you;re due a massage. You haven't done anything strenous
just now. Repeat after me: You are NOT having a heart attack- it is
NOT angina"

Lesley


Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

Lesley wrote:
On Nov 23, 12:48 am, wrote:


Turning 50 was very different. I did not have the same positive image
in my mind of what the 50s were going to be. Instead, I saw declining
health, loss of sexuality, and a much stronger sense of mortality.

Same here- being 40 didn't bother me at all but for some reason I
loathed becoming 50- more before than after since I am now 51 and have
sort of learnt to live with it. My mum when I once asked her if she
ever worried about dying said "If i could avoid dying by worrying
about it then I would worry about it but worrying about it won't stop
it so I don't"

I try to follow that principle but with varying degrees of success. I
think I am not so much worried about the actula dying bit as what
comes before. Okay I'm 51, I can still stay up late, I recently had
to walk up a hill that I found steep 15 years ago (Went for an
interview at a place I used to work didn't get the job- didn't want it
anyway!) and was pleasantly surprised that it was easier than it used
to be- I suspect the fact I don't do lifts very well (I can manage
them now but avoid them unless we're talking a lot of floors!) and
have an office on the first floor so I an endlessly up and down stairs
all day - I am probably fitter than 15 years ago! And I can still
touch my toes, not bad for this old lady!

But I do sometimes think if something is wrong with me -is this the
decline starting? I occasionally have to give myself a good common
sense talking to like the other day when I had a sharp stabbing pain
down my left arm and in my neck and I had to literaly shake myself and
say "It doesn't hurt unless you move it. It's your left shoulder,
which has given you problems since you were in your 30's and if you're
honest was a bit problematic in your 20's and teens. If you rest your
arm bent at the elbow as always it doesn't feel too bad jut stiff.
You know you;re due a massage. You haven't done anything strenous
just now. Repeat after me: You are NOT having a heart attack- it is
NOT angina"

Lesley


Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

Look on the bright side, in nine years you'll travel free on the buses. ;-)
--
Adrian (Owned by Snoopy, Bagheera & Shadow)
Cats leave pawprints on your heart
http://community.webshots.com/user/clowderuk

On Nov 23, 8:37*am, "Adrian" wrote:


Look on the bright side, in nine years you'll travel free on the buses. ;-)


Thanks! I think........:-)

The worse bit is I called my brother on Wednesday and got "Oh f**k I
never forget your birthday and I just did! Oh well at least I'm honest
I could have just said the card was in the post couldn't I? Please
feel free to forget my birthday- it's my 50th and I am dreading it and
I certainly don't want any fuss- I'll go mad if anyone's done anything
for it"

The official line is my other brother is going to call him and propose
we go for a quiet drink the day after his birthday since that's my
youngest brothers birthday (December nearly bankrupts our family) so
we'll meet, have a couple of beers....hey! It's Ron's birthday as
well! then we suggest grabbing something to eat...now both my brothers
and I are very enamoured of a certain Indian restaurant in Hornchurch
but Ron and me are going to have to somehow lure him past there and
get him to a place where 100-150 friends and relatives are gathered
for a suprise party organised by my neice and nephew!

This could be fun!

Lesley


Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

Adrian wrote:

Look on the bright side, in nine years you'll travel free on the buses. ;-)

LOL. In the US, you can get a lot senior benefits starting at age 55.
That's next year for me!!

--
Joyce ^..^

(To email me, remove the X's from my user name.)

Lesley wrote:

Same here- being 40 didn't bother me at all but for some reason I
loathed becoming 50- more before than after since I am now 51 and have
sort of learnt to live with it. My mum when I once asked her if she
ever worried about dying said "If i could avoid dying by worrying
about it then I would worry about it but worrying about it won't stop
it so I don't"

I sure wish that logic would work on me. Actually, it does in a lot of
circumstances. And I don't lie awake worrying about my eventual death,
either. I'm more likely to worry about the fact that I'm either losing
or have already lost my chance to do a lot of the things I've always
wanted to do - things I haven't been able to do because of this or that
problem (psychological or otherwise).

Okay I'm 51, I can still stay up late, I recently had
to walk up a hill that I found steep 15 years ago (Went for an
interview at a place I used to work didn't get the job- didn't want it
anyway!) and was pleasantly surprised that it was easier than it used
to be- I suspect the fact I don't do lifts very well (I can manage
them now but avoid them unless we're talking a lot of floors!) and
have an office on the first floor so I an endlessly up and down stairs
all day - I am probably fitter than 15 years ago! And I can still
touch my toes, not bad for this old lady!

That's pretty cool! Wish it were true for me, but I weigh a lot more
than I did in my 20s. Relatively speaking I'm probably stronger, because
I'm hauling a lot more *me* around then I did then, but on the other hand,
I have to haul a lot more me around.

your issue with elevators - do you have a phobia about them, or is
it something else? I've always had a mild phobia about getting trapped
in one. (Worst thing I've seen about this in recent years was a story
about some people who'd gotten trapped in a stopped elevator in the
World Trade Center, the day it was attacked. They survived to tell the
tale, so we know they got out, but the dramatization showed them trying
to pry open the doors for quite a while. Then once they got them open,
they encountered a wall with "51st Floor" scrawled on it!! They managed
to bludgeon their way through that wall - forget what they used to do
that - and then finally got out. But - AAAAAGGGHH!)

I usually deal with elevators OK, but in the 80s I was seeing a therapist
whose office was on the 8th floor of an old building with a dilapidated,
creaky elevator. It was tiny, and very temperamental, and I simply refused
to get in it. So I ran up the stairs instead, for 8 floors. Well, I ran
up 6 floors without stopping, but then I'd get winded and have to walk up
the remaining two flights. Those were the days!!

I occasionally have to give myself a good common
sense talking to like the other day when I had a sharp stabbing pain
down my left arm and in my neck and I had to literaly shake myself and
say "It doesn't hurt unless you move it. It's your left shoulder,

LOL, I go through this all the time!

--
Joyce ^..^

(To email me, remove the X's from my user name.)

On 24 Nov 2008 00:11:55 GMT, wrote:

Adrian wrote:

Look on the bright side, in nine years you'll travel free on the buses. ;-)

LOL. In the US, you can get a lot senior benefits starting at age 55.
That's next year for me!!

Sometimes before age 55. Years ago, long before I was "senior", the
waitress at a restaurant chain put the senior discount on my bill. I
didn't think I looked that bad. Nowadays there is little doubt.

Bud

William Hamblen wrote:

On 24 Nov 2008 00:11:55 GMT, wrote:

In the US, you can get a lot senior benefits starting at age 55.

Sometimes before age 55. Years ago, long before I was "senior", the
waitress at a restaurant chain put the senior discount on my bill. I
didn't think I looked that bad. Nowadays there is little doubt.

Hey, while we're on this subject - and this question is really only for
the USA'ers here - have any of you other over-50s joined AARP? I must
get stuff in the mail from them every month or so. They're always sending
me my "membership card", even though I haven't signed up. Just wondering
if it's worth it.

BTW - in California, the much-touted healthcare benefits available from
AARP are *not* valid. The state of CA (or, rather, the insurance lobby
in this state) made sure they would not be able to sell their insurance
here. I was really disappointed about that back in 2004, when I had no
insurance. It was the only benefit offered by AARP that I was truly
interested in.

I know they also offer discounts for travel and stuff like that, but
I don't do the 4-star hotel thing when I travel. I don't rent high-end
cars. So I don't give a damn about discounts for those things. I want
discounts for things that mean something to me.

Any opinions?

--
Joyce ^..^

(To email me, remove the X's from my user name.)

wrote:
William Hamblen wrote:

On 24 Nov 2008 00:11:55 GMT, wrote:

In the US, you can get a lot senior benefits starting at age 55.

Sometimes before age 55. Years ago, long before I was "senior", the
waitress at a restaurant chain put the senior discount on my bill. I
didn't think I looked that bad. Nowadays there is little doubt.

Hey, while we're on this subject - and this question is really only for
the USA'ers here - have any of you other over-50s joined AARP? I must
get stuff in the mail from them every month or so. They're always sending
me my "membership card", even though I haven't signed up. Just wondering
if it's worth it.

BTW - in California, the much-touted healthcare benefits available from
AARP are *not* valid. The state of CA (or, rather, the insurance lobby
in this state) made sure they would not be able to sell their insurance
here. I was really disappointed about that back in 2004, when I had no
insurance. It was the only benefit offered by AARP that I was truly
interested in.

I know they also offer discounts for travel and stuff like that, but
I don't do the 4-star hotel thing when I travel. I don't rent high-end
cars. So I don't give a damn about discounts for those things. I want
discounts for things that mean something to me.

Any opinions?



I have had a membership for many years. There (presumably) is a
discount if you have both auto insurance and homeowners insurance, The
last time I bought an automobile, I got a sizable discount. There are
discounts for a variety of other things (which I never used). The one I
was interested in was the claim they would never cancel my auto
insurance (for accidents). There might be others worth checking out.