A Cat's Apology

A Cat's Apology


Dear Dog,

I am so sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken
lamp which you did not break; the fish you did not spill; and the
carpet that you did not wet; or the wall that you did not dirty with
red paint...Things here at the house are calmer now, and just to show
you that I have no hard feelings towards you, I am sending you a
picture, so you will always remember me.


Best regards,
The Cat





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A cats diary:

Day 183 of my captivity...
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the
mild
satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my
captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost
succeeded -- must try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
again
induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair -- must try this on
their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt
to
make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear
into
their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little
cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed
in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and
smell
the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to
MY
power of "allergies." Must learn more about what this is, and how to
use
it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies, or more likely
snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He
is
obviously a half-wit.
The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks
with
them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
current placement in the metal room, for now his safety is assured.
But
I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

"studio" wrote in message
...
A cats diary:

Day 183 of my captivity...
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the
mild
satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my
captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost
succeeded -- must try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
again
induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair -- must try this on
their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt
to
make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear
into
their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little
cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed
in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and
smell
the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to
MY
power of "allergies." Must learn more about what this is, and how to
use
it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies, or more likely
snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He
is
obviously a half-wit.
The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks
with
them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
current placement in the metal room, for now his safety is assured.
But
I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

LOL! - I forwarded this to my little email group that gets all the better
jokes I find on the internet.....