OT/This is sooo funny

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for the puppies,
Dallas and Smokey, at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me
asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her no, I didn't have a dog, and
that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't,
because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of
my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a
perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets
with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and
that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I
have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive
care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb
to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy
behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!!!

SantaSteeler wrote:

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for the puppies,
Dallas and Smokey, at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman
behind me
asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her no, I didn't have a dog, and
that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't,
because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of
most of
my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a
perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets
with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry
and
that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I
have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive
care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb
to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy
behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!!!

Although you tell it in the first person, that joke has been
wandering the internet for at least five years! (However,
it IS funny, so probably bears repeating.)

no it was not me. copied it and did not change how it was reported.
"EvelynVogtGamble(Divamanque)" wrote in message
...


SantaSteeler wrote:

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for the puppies,
Dallas and Smokey, at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind
me
asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her no, I didn't have a dog, and
that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't,
because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most
of
my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a
perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets
with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry
and
that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
(I
have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in
intensive
care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a
curb
to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy
behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!!!

Although you tell it in the first person, that joke has been wandering the
internet for at least five years! (However, it IS funny, so probably
bears repeating.)

Oh, goodie, another ROFLOL story to pass on! Hilarious!
And gutsy, too!
Christine
"SantaSteeler" wrote in message
.. .
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for the puppies,
Dallas and Smokey, at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind
me
asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her no, I didn't have a dog, and
that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't,
because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most
of
my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a
perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets
with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry
and
that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I
have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive
care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb
to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy
behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!!!

People who ask those kinds of obvious questions deserve what they get. So,
as many things start, here is my STORY. My husband had been in a car
accident and was in a wheel chair most of his adult life. My son developed
a vascular disease while overseas in the Navy which resulted in the loss of
one leg below the knee and, the loss of half of his other foot. I am nearly
blind. So we were going into IHOP (pancake house) and the son was on
crutches and I was pushing hubby in the wheel chair. This lady grabbed me
in a bear hug and said something like "Oh you poor dear, you really have
your hands full". To which my son straight faced replied. "Yeah and if we
hadn't been so drunk we let the blind one drive, we would all be out playing
golf!" She may have meant well but I don't like strangers grabbing me or
deciding what my life is all about.
"Christine Burel" wrote in message
...
Oh, goodie, another ROFLOL story to pass on! Hilarious!
And gutsy, too!
Christine
"SantaSteeler" wrote in message
.. .
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for the puppies,
Dallas and Smokey, at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind
me
asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her no, I didn't have a dog, and
that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't,
because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most
of
my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a
perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets
with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry
and
that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
(I
have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in
intensive
care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a
curb
to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy
behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!!!

On 2007-11-27 19:55:19 -0600, "Granby" said:

People who ask those kinds of obvious questions deserve what they get.
So, as many things start, here is my STORY. My husband had been in a
car accident and was in a wheel chair most of his adult life. My son
developed a vascular disease while overseas in the Navy which resulted
in the loss of one leg below the knee and, the loss of half of his
other foot. I am nearly blind. So we were going into IHOP (pancake
house) and the son was on crutches and I was pushing hubby in the wheel
chair. This lady grabbed me in a bear hug and said something like "Oh
you poor dear, you really have your hands full". To which my son
straight faced replied. "Yeah and if we hadn't been so drunk we let the
blind one drive, we would all be out playing golf!" She may have meant
well but I don't like strangers grabbing me or deciding what my life is
all about.

Wow. That was a GREAT comeback.

One time, before I had cats here where I live now, I lived with a much
younger girl and her cat. We didn't see her much, but one day I came
home and found a hairball, cleaned it up and knowing if it was MY cat I
would want to know so I could give her laxatone or something. So, when
the roomie came home, I said "I found a hairball today and cleaned it
up." and she looked at me in surprise and said "Was it Sammie's?"

It took all I had not to respond "No, it was mine. I must be shedding."

Instead I was good and said, "Yes. I thought you might want to know about it."

Yeesh.

"Granby" said:

This lady grabbed me in a bear hug and said something like "Oh
you poor dear, you really have your hands full". To which my son
straight faced replied. "Yeah and if we hadn't been so drunk we let the
blind one drive, we would all be out playing golf!" She may have meant
well but I don't like strangers grabbing me or deciding what my life is
all about.

Ha ha ha!!! Good one. What is it with people?

Karen wrote:

One time, before I had cats here where I live now, I lived with a much
younger girl and her cat. We didn't see her much, but one day I came
home and found a hairball, cleaned it up and knowing if it was MY cat I
would want to know so I could give her laxatone or something. So, when
the roomie came home, I said "I found a hairball today and cleaned it
up." and she looked at me in surprise and said "Was it Sammie's?"

It took all I had not to respond "No, it was mine. I must be shedding."

ROFL!!

Joyce

On Nov 27, 8:55 pm, "Granby" wrote:
People who ask those kinds of obvious questions deserve what they get. So,
as many things start, here is my STORY. My husband had been in a car
accident and was in a wheel chair most of his adult life. My son developed
a vascular disease while overseas in the Navy which resulted in the loss of
one leg below the knee and, the loss of half of his other foot. I am nearly
blind. So we were going into IHOP (pancake house) and the son was on
crutches and I was pushing hubby in the wheel chair. This lady grabbed me
in a bear hug and said something like "Oh you poor dear, you really have
your hands full". To which my son straight faced replied. "Yeah and if we
hadn't been so drunk we let the blind one drive, we would all be out playing
golf!" She may have meant well but I don't like strangers grabbing me or
deciding what my life is all about."Christine Burel" wrote in message

...



Oh, goodie, another ROFLOL story to pass on! Hilarious!
And gutsy, too!
Christine
"SantaSteeler" wrote in message
. ..
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for the puppies,
Dallas and Smokey, at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind
me
asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her no, I didn't have a dog, and
that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't,
because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most
of
my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a
perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets
with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry
and
that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
(I
have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in
intensive
care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a
curb
to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy
behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!!!- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

I got "Here's Your Sign" remarks all the time at the schools. Now
these are generally some bright kids, but some of the questions were
in the OMG category.

Are you our teacher? Nope, I'm the janitor, I'm filling in for the
day.

Where is "__________"? Well, it's like this, I walked by and saw that
s/he was having so much fun that I kidnapped her/him and locked them
up some where and now the classroom is mine, all mine. insert
maniacal laugh.

Are you a real teacher? Nope, I'm really Santa Claus checking out
your behavior. Have you been naughty or nice this year?

How much do they pay you for this? More than you'd think, honey.
It's hard to find people who'll willingly put up with you students.

And so forth...

Pam S. who has a smart mouth and little tact

We have a new business manager and she asked me how many people worked here?

I said "About a third"

Some people think I'm joking....I'm not

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

--
Message posted via http://www.catkb.com

SantaSteeler wrote:
no it was not me. copied it and did not change how it was reported.

"Reported" being the operative word. It's like the $250 USD Neiman Marcus
cookie tale that circulated so widely for so long. Neiman Marcus doesn't
*sell* cookies

"EvelynVogtGamble(Divamanque)" wrote in
message ...


SantaSteeler wrote:

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for the
puppies, Dallas and Smokey, at Wal-Mart and was about to check out.
A woman behind me
asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her no, I didn't have a
dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I
probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time,
but that I'd lost 50 pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out
of most of
my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was
essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to
load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or
two every time you feel hungry and
that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it
again. (I
have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by
now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in
intensive
care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off
a curb
to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both. I thought the
guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so
hard! WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!!!

Although you tell it in the first person, that joke has been
wandering the internet for at least five years! (However, it IS
funny, so probably bears repeating.)