If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#1
|
|||
|
|||
cat and child issue
I'm hoping someone here has some advice. I have no children, and thus
the advice I can offer is incomplete. A coworker has a female cat, and a two-year-old girl. The child, for some unknown reason, is terrified of the cat, though my coworker does not think the cat has actually done anything to her - believe me, if she had the slightest inkling the cat may have laid a paw on the child, the cat would be gone. I suspect it's one of those kid things, like apparently I was terrified of guinea pigs as a small child (really!) Sorry, I'll have to keep calling her 'the cat' because I've completely forgotten the cat's name. Anyway, the cat is clearly taking advantage of the situation - she knows that if she comes near, the little girl will leave, so she'll approach my co-worker when the child's on her lap, then jump up as soon as the kid leaves. I've told the coworker that she's reinforcing this behavior by letting the cat stay, or by giving in when the cat keeps jumping back, but I don't think she's convinced. Some other things she said the cat does, convinces me she's deliberately displaying dominance (passive, she never touches the kid) against this child - but I'm not sure of the motivation. Competition (as for affection)? Because she can? The issue is this - aside from the cat/child dynamic, this seems a good home for the cat (she adopted them, was a stray) - she's not hurting the child in any physical way, and the rest of the family (with the exception of the youngest) loves her. They are, however, leaving the country very soon, and trying to decide whether or not to bring the cat with them. How could they best handle this situation? Would the cat be better off adopted out to a new home (sans small child)? Are there things the parent(s) can do to improve the situation? Thanks for any advice! jmc |
#2
|
|||
|
|||
On Wed, 16 Mar 2005 21:37:26 +0000, jmc
wrote: Anyway, the cat is clearly taking advantage of the situation - she knows that if she comes near, the little girl will leave, so she'll approach my co-worker when the child's on her lap, then jump up as soon as the kid leaves. I've told the coworker that she's reinforcing this behavior by letting the cat stay, or by giving in when the cat keeps jumping back, but I don't think she's convinced. Some other things she said the cat does, convinces me she's deliberately displaying dominance (passive, she never touches the kid) against this child - but I'm not sure of the motivation. Competition (as for affection)? Because she can? Is this the scenario? Cat sees mother sitting down. Cat approaches for wanted petting and attention. Child runs off. As I read it, the cat does nothing to drive off the child. If it were another child, wouldn't you assume that the second child might need more love and affection, not less, and that he was not doing it just to be annoying? Pushing the cat away, withholding affection is not the solution. If the situation is as you describe and the cat is not hostile to the child, then perhaps a child behaviorist is needed to help the daughter overcome her fear of animals. OTOH perhaps the child has discovered a good way to get special attention from mom is to run screaming from the cat. Try the misc.kids.* parenting groups. I'm sure someone there will have some suggestions. The issue is this - aside from the cat/child dynamic, this seems a good home for the cat (she adopted them, was a stray) - she's not hurting the child in any physical way, and the rest of the family (with the exception of the youngest) loves her. They are, however, leaving the country very soon, and trying to decide whether or not to bring the cat with them. How could they best handle this situation? Would the cat be better off adopted out to a new home (sans small child)? Are there things the parent(s) can do to improve the situation? I don't think the parents should reinforce the child's phobia / jealousy by getting rid of an innocent animal, especially one the rest of the family loves. If anyone is being manipulative, my money's on the two-year-old. BarB |
#3
|
|||
|
|||
Suddenly, without warning, BarB exclaimed (3/18/2005 2:11 AM):
On Wed, 16 Mar 2005 21:37:26 +0000, jmc wrote: Anyway, the cat is clearly taking advantage of the situation - she knows that if she comes near, the little girl will leave, so she'll approach my co-worker when the child's on her lap, then jump up as soon as the kid leaves. I've told the coworker that she's reinforcing this behavior by letting the cat stay, or by giving in when the cat keeps jumping back, but I don't think she's convinced. Some other things she said the cat does, convinces me she's deliberately displaying dominance (passive, she never touches the kid) against this child - but I'm not sure of the motivation. Competition (as for affection)? Because she can? Is this the scenario? Cat sees mother sitting down. Cat approaches for wanted petting and attention. Child runs off. As I read it, the cat does nothing to drive off the child. If it were another child, wouldn't you assume that the second child might need more love and affection, not less, and that he was not doing it just to be annoying? The way I was told it, the cat now approaches as soon as the child is on the mother's lap. Again, this is secondhand information. Otherwise, I really couldn't say. The cat also, since the child started showing this fear (she didn't originally apparently, which goes toward the possibility of some playacting here) has started sitting in other places that the child considers 'hers', like her wagon. I'm just repeating what the coworker's telling me - she is a very doting mother. I've never had kids. Pushing the cat away, withholding affection is not the solution. If the situation is as you describe and the cat is not hostile to the child, then perhaps a child behaviorist is needed to help the daughter overcome her fear of animals. OTOH perhaps the child has discovered a good way to get special attention from mom is to run screaming from the cat. That's quite possible, hadn't thought of that. It's just the sort of thing one of her kids could probably get away with, too. I wasn't really suggesting withholding affection, that'd be cruel, and possibly make the problem worse. I don't let Meep get on my lap any time she feels like it either. I'm alpha, and a lap warmer is my choice, not hers. She is just trained to ask first, is all, and knows the answer will be 'no' (thus doesn't ask) if I'm reading or eating. That said, she gets plenty of interaction and lap time every day. Try the misc.kids.* parenting groups. I'm sure someone there will have some suggestions. I'm afraid to go there The issue is this - aside from the cat/child dynamic, this seems a good home for the cat (she adopted them, was a stray) - she's not hurting the child in any physical way, and the rest of the family (with the exception of the youngest) loves her. They are, however, leaving the country very soon, and trying to decide whether or not to bring the cat with them. How could they best handle this situation? Would the cat be better off adopted out to a new home (sans small child)? Are there things the parent(s) can do to improve the situation? I don't think the parents should reinforce the child's phobia / jealousy by getting rid of an innocent animal, especially one the rest of the family loves. If anyone is being manipulative, my money's on the two-year-old. Like I said, no kids myself. I never considered that a two-year-old could already have developed enough to learn this sort of deception, and I've no way to tell the difference. If I mention it to the mother, of course, it would be out of the question, that her child could do such a thing. Which, of course, probably increases the possibility that this might be true. And this is one reason I don't have kids. Cats are much easier to figure out However, I expect that the truth is somewhere near the middle. Cats can be jealous and manipulative too. Perhaps this is more a dominance "battle" for "mom's" affection? jmc |
#5
|
|||
|
|||
Suddenly, without warning, Karen exclaimed (3/18/2005 6:50 PM):
Oh my gosh, it is documented a 6 MONTH old can manipulate, let alone a two year old. My money is on the child as well. Gotcha. Well, it'd be hard to find someone my age (old enough that some of my peers' kids are in college) that knows *less* about young children. Probably for the best. I'll *gently* suggest that perhaps her darling child may not be as afraid of the cat as she's behaving (I'd already suggested professional help if she genuinely is afraid, that didn't go over well either)... won't get anywhere, but I owe it to the cat to try... |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|