[OT] Humor

A cowboy was tending his herd in a remote pasture when a brand-new BMW
advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban
sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If
I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd,
will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
connects it to his AT&T cell phone and surfs to a NASA page on the
Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get
an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA
satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within
seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has
been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel
spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this
data via an email on his Blackberry, and after a few minutes, receives
a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and
says, "You have exactly 1586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the
cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks
on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly
what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why
not?"

"You're a consultant." says the cowboy. "Wow! That's correct," says
the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even
though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already
knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know anything about
my business."

"Now give me back my DOG."


--
Hugs,

CatNipped
http://www.PossiblePlaces.com/CatNipped/

A blonde goes to the hairdresser and gets her hair dyed brown. She's
sick of people assuming that she's stupid just because she's a blonde.
On the way home, she drives by a pasture with a herd of cows and
calves. She stops by the rancher and asks, "If I can guess exactly
how many cows and calves are in your herd, can I have one of your
calves?"
The rancher doesn't think she can guess it so he agrees.
The woman squints at the pasture, blows a few bubbles and chews her
gum. Finally she says, "Ummmmm, I think you have 357 cows and
calves."
The rancher is amazed, "Wow, that's right! I didn't think you could
guess that, but I guess I have no choice but to give you one of my
calves. Just go on in there and pick one out."
The rancher watches as the woman struggles to load one of the herd
into her car. As she is about to drive off, he asks, "If I can guess
what your real hair colour is, can I have my dog back?"
--
Britta
"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." -- Unknown
Check out pictures of Vino at:
http://photos.yahoo.com/badwilson click on the Vino album




CatNipped wrote:
A cowboy was tending his herd in a remote pasture when a brand-new
BMW
advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban
sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy,
"If
I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd,
will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
connects it to his AT&T cell phone and surfs to a NASA page on the
Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get
an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA
satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within
seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has
been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel
spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of
this
data via an email on his Blackberry, and after a few minutes,
receives
a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and
says, "You have exactly 1586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says
the
cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks
on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you
exactly
what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why
not?"

"You're a consultant." says the cowboy. "Wow! That's correct," says
the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answered the cowboy. "You showed up here
even
though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I
already
knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know anything about
my business."

"Now give me back my DOG."

I got the same joke twice today, only instead of the yuppy it was (1) a
blonde and (2) an accountant!

Marcia (thanks again for the webpage by the way)

"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
A cowboy was tending his herd in a remote pasture when a brand-new BMW
advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban
sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If
I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd,
will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
connects it to his AT&T cell phone and surfs to a NASA page on the
Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get
an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA
satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within
seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has
been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel
spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this
data via an email on his Blackberry, and after a few minutes, receives
a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and
says, "You have exactly 1586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the
cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks
on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly
what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why
not?"

"You're a consultant." says the cowboy. "Wow! That's correct," says
the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even
though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already
knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know anything about
my business."

"Now give me back my DOG."


--
Hugs,

CatNipped
http://www.PossiblePlaces.com/CatNipped/

"Masha" wrote in message
...
I got the same joke twice today, only instead of the yuppy it was (1) a
blonde and (2) an accountant!

Yeah, it's amazing how those things get around!

Marcia (thanks again for the webpage by the way)

Not a problem - any time!

Hugs,

CatNipped