*sighs*

On Mon, 27 Sep 2004 00:36:54 -0500, "gracecat"
wrote:

I'm ovulating this weekend.

We're going to have another child, someday. But it just... it's difficult. I
can't imagine life with a single living child. But I can't *not* feel like
this is just a kneejerk reaction, a "replacement" of sorts. Guilt,
confusion....

Don't really have a point to this thread, just meanderings.

I met a woman this weekend, she lost her 17 month old 22 years ago. It
helped, I guess. Makes me want to surround myself with mothers who have lost
children. It's a horrific bond. I asked her what happened, and she shared
the details. In turn, she has been the *only* person that was able to ask
and I shared without any negativity towards the callousness of someone
asking, well what happened. And I have had friends that mentioned that yes,
they wondered what occurred, what caused Eve's death... but only after I
supplied the barest details. And that was ok, I understand the need to know.
It's a closing And yes, that post is coming eventually. It's easier to tell
it than it is to type it out. But... it was different, I felt so open, like
a secret was safe to share with a person that held the same secret. Maybe
details can be swapped easier with someone who has endured the same tragedy.

It's just... an immense hurt. The little things...


{{{{{{Grace}}}}}}

You're probably going to feel all kinds of things, and that's okay.
Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you need to, whenever you need
to. If you need to talk, you know we're here for you. If you need to
withdraw for awhile, that's okay, too. Regardless, our hearts go out
to you and we are here for you.

Love,

Ginger-lyn

On Mon, 27 Sep 2004 00:36:54 -0500, "gracecat"
wrote:

I'm ovulating this weekend.

We're going to have another child, someday. But it just... it's difficult. I
can't imagine life with a single living child. But I can't *not* feel like
this is just a kneejerk reaction, a "replacement" of sorts. Guilt,
confusion....

Don't really have a point to this thread, just meanderings.

I met a woman this weekend, she lost her 17 month old 22 years ago. It
helped, I guess. Makes me want to surround myself with mothers who have lost
children. It's a horrific bond. I asked her what happened, and she shared
the details. In turn, she has been the *only* person that was able to ask
and I shared without any negativity towards the callousness of someone
asking, well what happened. And I have had friends that mentioned that yes,
they wondered what occurred, what caused Eve's death... but only after I
supplied the barest details. And that was ok, I understand the need to know.
It's a closing And yes, that post is coming eventually. It's easier to tell
it than it is to type it out. But... it was different, I felt so open, like
a secret was safe to share with a person that held the same secret. Maybe
details can be swapped easier with someone who has endured the same tragedy.

It's just... an immense hurt. The little things...


{{{{{{Grace}}}}}}

You're probably going to feel all kinds of things, and that's okay.
Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you need to, whenever you need
to. If you need to talk, you know we're here for you. If you need to
withdraw for awhile, that's okay, too. Regardless, our hearts go out
to you and we are here for you.

Love,

Ginger-lyn

{{{{Cheryl}}} -- In my life, I'm glad I don't have a crystal ball because if
I'd known ahead of time of some of the difficulties I'd face I don't know if
I could have -- just going through the hardships and coming out the other
side has helped me realize I'm stronger than I'd ever thought I'd be. Also,
for all the things that I feel are out of my control it makes me that more
determined to work towards something positive in the things that I can
control. In this I think you know what I mean because in some small way
we've made a significant difference for the good with the furkid challenges
we've taken on. You do have a lot of good to contribute, Cheryl -- hang in
there; you always have our purrs and support.
Christine, Omar, Oreo, Midnight, Robin & Tucker

"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
"Cheryl" wrote in message
...

Even before Eric died, I used to have vivid dreams of being
pregnant. After I was unable to be pregnant. I had a tubal ligation
when he was about 2 (I was 19). In combination with an abortion of
a second baby that I was still too young to have. Eric was born
when I was 16, I got pregnant again when I didn't even know how to
raise the first, marriage wasn't going well and when you're young
you think stupidly. I have to live with ending the life of one*
that could have been here now, and the end of a life of another
that was so precious to me. If life had a crystal ball. I wonder if
it would make a difference. I wonder about a lot. It's no wonder
I'm fkd up.

{{{{{{{{{{Cheryl}}}}}}}}}} Cheryl, we're *ALL* fkd up in one way or
another
by what life has dealt us. As I get older I'm beginning to believe that
it's "normal" to be "abnormal". If someone is not affected by tragedies
that have struck them, the mistakes they have made, then *that* is
abnormal.

There are things that I've done in my life of which I am so deeply ashamed
that I would not have the temerity to ask God's forgiveness for, much less
forgive myself. The guilt will sometimes keep me awake and crying in the
middle of the night. But what can you do about it? You can admit your
mistakes, learn from them, and then just go on and try not to make the
same
mistakes again.

Cheryl

*there is more I won't share. These things make me want to die now.

What I learned was that I should not die in reparation of the things I've
done, instead I should *live* because of them so that I can, in some small
measure, make up for them... try to make the world a better place so that
I
can acheive some balance on my "score sheet".

Every time you touch someone's heart (and you've done that here, believe
me), every time you help someone out, every time you do a good deed, you
are
making up for whatever you feel you've done wrong in your past. It's the
only thing we can do that will make a difference to us, and more
importantly, a difference to others - especially those we love and who
love
us.

Hugs,

CatNipped

{{{{Cheryl}}} -- In my life, I'm glad I don't have a crystal ball because if
I'd known ahead of time of some of the difficulties I'd face I don't know if
I could have -- just going through the hardships and coming out the other
side has helped me realize I'm stronger than I'd ever thought I'd be. Also,
for all the things that I feel are out of my control it makes me that more
determined to work towards something positive in the things that I can
control. In this I think you know what I mean because in some small way
we've made a significant difference for the good with the furkid challenges
we've taken on. You do have a lot of good to contribute, Cheryl -- hang in
there; you always have our purrs and support.
Christine, Omar, Oreo, Midnight, Robin & Tucker

"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
"Cheryl" wrote in message
...

Even before Eric died, I used to have vivid dreams of being
pregnant. After I was unable to be pregnant. I had a tubal ligation
when he was about 2 (I was 19). In combination with an abortion of
a second baby that I was still too young to have. Eric was born
when I was 16, I got pregnant again when I didn't even know how to
raise the first, marriage wasn't going well and when you're young
you think stupidly. I have to live with ending the life of one*
that could have been here now, and the end of a life of another
that was so precious to me. If life had a crystal ball. I wonder if
it would make a difference. I wonder about a lot. It's no wonder
I'm fkd up.

{{{{{{{{{{Cheryl}}}}}}}}}} Cheryl, we're *ALL* fkd up in one way or
another
by what life has dealt us. As I get older I'm beginning to believe that
it's "normal" to be "abnormal". If someone is not affected by tragedies
that have struck them, the mistakes they have made, then *that* is
abnormal.

There are things that I've done in my life of which I am so deeply ashamed
that I would not have the temerity to ask God's forgiveness for, much less
forgive myself. The guilt will sometimes keep me awake and crying in the
middle of the night. But what can you do about it? You can admit your
mistakes, learn from them, and then just go on and try not to make the
same
mistakes again.

Cheryl

*there is more I won't share. These things make me want to die now.

What I learned was that I should not die in reparation of the things I've
done, instead I should *live* because of them so that I can, in some small
measure, make up for them... try to make the world a better place so that
I
can acheive some balance on my "score sheet".

Every time you touch someone's heart (and you've done that here, believe
me), every time you help someone out, every time you do a good deed, you
are
making up for whatever you feel you've done wrong in your past. It's the
only thing we can do that will make a difference to us, and more
importantly, a difference to others - especially those we love and who
love
us.

Hugs,

CatNipped

I think knowing the future would ruin one's life. We would be
constantly anticipating the good things to come, or dreading the bad
ones, and never be able to enjoy the present.

--
Joy

"You can never do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it
will be too late." - Ralph Waldo Emerson


"Christine Burel" wrote in message
...
{{{{Cheryl}}} -- In my life, I'm glad I don't have a crystal ball
because if
I'd known ahead of time of some of the difficulties I'd face I don't
know if
I could have -- just going through the hardships and coming out the
other
side has helped me realize I'm stronger than I'd ever thought I'd be.
Also,
for all the things that I feel are out of my control it makes me that
more
determined to work towards something positive in the things that I can
control. In this I think you know what I mean because in some small
way
we've made a significant difference for the good with the furkid
challenges
we've taken on. You do have a lot of good to contribute, Cheryl --
hang in
there; you always have our purrs and support.
Christine, Omar, Oreo, Midnight, Robin & Tucker

"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
"Cheryl" wrote in message
...

Even before Eric died, I used to have vivid dreams of being
pregnant. After I was unable to be pregnant. I had a tubal
ligation
when he was about 2 (I was 19). In combination with an abortion of
a second baby that I was still too young to have. Eric was born
when I was 16, I got pregnant again when I didn't even know how to
raise the first, marriage wasn't going well and when you're young
you think stupidly. I have to live with ending the life of one*
that could have been here now, and the end of a life of another
that was so precious to me. If life had a crystal ball. I wonder
if
it would make a difference. I wonder about a lot. It's no wonder
I'm fkd up.

{{{{{{{{{{Cheryl}}}}}}}}}} Cheryl, we're *ALL* fkd up in one way or
another
by what life has dealt us. As I get older I'm beginning to believe
that
it's "normal" to be "abnormal". If someone is not affected by
tragedies
that have struck them, the mistakes they have made, then *that* is
abnormal.

There are things that I've done in my life of which I am so deeply
ashamed
that I would not have the temerity to ask God's forgiveness for,
much less
forgive myself. The guilt will sometimes keep me awake and crying
in the
middle of the night. But what can you do about it? You can admit
your
mistakes, learn from them, and then just go on and try not to make
the
same
mistakes again.

Cheryl

*there is more I won't share. These things make me want to die
now.

What I learned was that I should not die in reparation of the things
I've
done, instead I should *live* because of them so that I can, in some
small
measure, make up for them... try to make the world a better place so
that
I
can acheive some balance on my "score sheet".

Every time you touch someone's heart (and you've done that here,
believe
me), every time you help someone out, every time you do a good deed,
you
are
making up for whatever you feel you've done wrong in your past.
It's the
only thing we can do that will make a difference to us, and more
importantly, a difference to others - especially those we love and
who
love
us.

Hugs,

CatNipped

I think knowing the future would ruin one's life. We would be
constantly anticipating the good things to come, or dreading the bad
ones, and never be able to enjoy the present.

--
Joy

"You can never do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it
will be too late." - Ralph Waldo Emerson


"Christine Burel" wrote in message
...
{{{{Cheryl}}} -- In my life, I'm glad I don't have a crystal ball
because if
I'd known ahead of time of some of the difficulties I'd face I don't
know if
I could have -- just going through the hardships and coming out the
other
side has helped me realize I'm stronger than I'd ever thought I'd be.
Also,
for all the things that I feel are out of my control it makes me that
more
determined to work towards something positive in the things that I can
control. In this I think you know what I mean because in some small
way
we've made a significant difference for the good with the furkid
challenges
we've taken on. You do have a lot of good to contribute, Cheryl --
hang in
there; you always have our purrs and support.
Christine, Omar, Oreo, Midnight, Robin & Tucker

"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
"Cheryl" wrote in message
...

Even before Eric died, I used to have vivid dreams of being
pregnant. After I was unable to be pregnant. I had a tubal
ligation
when he was about 2 (I was 19). In combination with an abortion of
a second baby that I was still too young to have. Eric was born
when I was 16, I got pregnant again when I didn't even know how to
raise the first, marriage wasn't going well and when you're young
you think stupidly. I have to live with ending the life of one*
that could have been here now, and the end of a life of another
that was so precious to me. If life had a crystal ball. I wonder
if
it would make a difference. I wonder about a lot. It's no wonder
I'm fkd up.

{{{{{{{{{{Cheryl}}}}}}}}}} Cheryl, we're *ALL* fkd up in one way or
another
by what life has dealt us. As I get older I'm beginning to believe
that
it's "normal" to be "abnormal". If someone is not affected by
tragedies
that have struck them, the mistakes they have made, then *that* is
abnormal.

There are things that I've done in my life of which I am so deeply
ashamed
that I would not have the temerity to ask God's forgiveness for,
much less
forgive myself. The guilt will sometimes keep me awake and crying
in the
middle of the night. But what can you do about it? You can admit
your
mistakes, learn from them, and then just go on and try not to make
the
same
mistakes again.

Cheryl

*there is more I won't share. These things make me want to die
now.

What I learned was that I should not die in reparation of the things
I've
done, instead I should *live* because of them so that I can, in some
small
measure, make up for them... try to make the world a better place so
that
I
can acheive some balance on my "score sheet".

Every time you touch someone's heart (and you've done that here,
believe
me), every time you help someone out, every time you do a good deed,
you
are
making up for whatever you feel you've done wrong in your past.
It's the
only thing we can do that will make a difference to us, and more
importantly, a difference to others - especially those we love and
who
love
us.

Hugs,

CatNipped

CatNipped wrote:

"CatNipped" wrote in message
...

Arrggghhhh! I hate it when I try to write something moving and I mess it
all up with typos!!! Try this...

Baha, you amaze me. The abuse you have suffered has not ground you down,
instead it has polished your spirit like sand polishes a diamond. Your soul
shines with the brightness of a star. The wisdom you've acquired, and more
importantly, are so willing to share with us, is astounding.

Blessed be you too, Baha!

Thanks! And if someone has been blessed by me, then I've followed my gut and my
faith and I'm all the happier for it.

Blessed be. always.

Baha



Hugs,

CatNipped

CatNipped wrote:

"CatNipped" wrote in message
...

Arrggghhhh! I hate it when I try to write something moving and I mess it
all up with typos!!! Try this...

Baha, you amaze me. The abuse you have suffered has not ground you down,
instead it has polished your spirit like sand polishes a diamond. Your soul
shines with the brightness of a star. The wisdom you've acquired, and more
importantly, are so willing to share with us, is astounding.

Blessed be you too, Baha!

Thanks! And if someone has been blessed by me, then I've followed my gut and my
faith and I'm all the happier for it.

Blessed be. always.

Baha



Hugs,

CatNipped