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OT If You Come to the Midwest,Know This



 
 
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  #1  
Old March 13th 06, 12:00 PM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
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Default OT If You Come to the Midwest,Know This

Bi-Coastal Boobs - If You Come to the Midwest, Know This

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and
Californians cross into states such as Oklahoma, Kansas, and Nebraska, the
Tourism Councils in those states have adopted a new policy. In an effort to
help outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list
will
be handed to each person as they enter the states.

1. That slope-shouldered farm body did more work before breakfast than you
do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive, you're going
to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it.
Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we
shot Bambi, we got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you
whipped...by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us when a
flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13
inch trout
you fish for - "bait".

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an Idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final
approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear
at the time.

8. That's right, whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you
paid in the airport for one drink.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it
rare.Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham
and
turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of
sugar and a long spoon.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over
ice.

11. So, you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have
quarter of a million dollar combines that we use four weeks a year.

12. Let's get it straight. We have one stop light in town. We stop when it's
red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So,
you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

14. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too - and turtle. Your really want sushi and
caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it?
Interstate 69 goes two ways. State Road 24 goes the other two. Pick one and
use it accordingly.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks
the fish.

19. That Officer, be it Conservation Officer, sheriff deputy, city police,
orhighway patrol that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot - his
name is
"Sir".



  #2  
Old March 13th 06, 03:49 PM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
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Default OT If You Come to the Midwest,Know This

Matthew AKA NMR ( NO MORE RETAIL ) wrote:
Bi-Coastal Boobs - If You Come to the Midwest, Know This

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners
and Californians cross into states such as Oklahoma, Kansas, and
Nebraska, the Tourism Councils in those states have adopted a new
policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural
Midwesterner's mind, the following list will
be handed to each person as they enter the states.

1. That slope-shouldered farm body did more work before breakfast
than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive
because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
Yeah, we shot Bambi, we got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get
you whipped...by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us when a
flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little
13 inch trout
you fish for - "bait".

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an Idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making
their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have
it up to your ear at the time.

8. That's right, whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for
what you paid in the airport for one drink.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak.
Order it rare.Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two
pounds of ham and
turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets
of sugar and a long spoon.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over ice.

11. So, you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed.
We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use four weeks a
year.
12. Let's get it straight. We have one stop light in town. We stop
when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So,
you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

14. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too - and turtle. Your really want
sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't
like it? Interstate 69 goes two ways. State Road 24 goes the other
two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It
spooks the fish.

19. That Officer, be it Conservation Officer, sheriff deputy, city
police, orhighway patrol that just pulled you over for driving like
an idiot - his name is
"Sir".


Having grown up in southern Indiana, can I get a right-on?!?!?!?


  #3  
Old March 14th 06, 12:00 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes,alt.usenet.legends.lester-mosley
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Default OT If You Come to the Midwest,Know This


Matthew AKA NMR ( NO MORE RETAIL ) wrote:


2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive, you're going
to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it.
Drive it or get it out of the way.



VA license plate seen on I-264 in Portsmouth:

F CHINA


LOL!!

mk5000

"Over a long weekend, we flew to Kansas City so that he could meet my
parents, who in the interest of promoting cultural exchange, presented
us with tickets to a rodeo. 'Is this where they collapse the cows' he
asked delighted.
There were disappointments for him too, of course: strip mall
architecture, lack of beer gardens, pseudo nostalgic hipsters in CCCP
tracksuits, even my own wardrobe, dominated by contrast stitched jeans
and off colored Prada inspired prints (reminiscent, apparently, of his
mother's cold war castoffs"--Megan O'Grady

  #4  
Old March 14th 06, 01:34 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
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Posts: n/a
Default OT If You Come to the Midwest,Know This

marika wrote:

VA license plate seen on I-264 in Portsmouth:
F CHINA


Uh... I don't get it... Does that make me some kind of dorky, urban,
coastal twit?

Joyce
  #7  
Old March 14th 06, 01:27 PM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
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Default OT If You Come to the Midwest,Know This

Jo Firey wrote:
"jmcquown" wrote in message
...
wrote:
marika wrote:

VA license plate seen on I-264 in Portsmouth:
F CHINA

Uh... I don't get it... Does that make me some kind of dorky, urban,
coastal twit?

Joyce


Might be a reference to my grandmother's ugly Victorian china which
was given to me by my mom I absolutely hate it LOL

Jill


And which could be worth a fortune someday on EBay. Someone used to
like it. Someone else will too. And its now antique

Jo


It's more than antique since it came from around 1910. The replacement
pieces sell for a ton of money on
www.replacements.com
But it doesn't stop the fact that it's ugly Victorian style china. The
Victorian era was well known for being gaudy. Look up "Chelsea Bird -
Green" and you'll see what I have. Eeeek!

Jill


  #8  
Old March 14th 06, 11:33 PM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
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Default OT If You Come to the Midwest,Know This

Jo Firey wrote:

F CHINA

And which could be worth a fortune someday on EBay. Someone used to like
it. Someone else will too. And its now antique


OK, but I still don't understand what "F CHINA" means. What does the
"F" stand for?

Joyce
  #9  
Old March 14th 06, 11:54 PM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
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Posts: n/a
Default OT If You Come to the Midwest,Know This

fuc

you add the K


wrote in message
...
Jo Firey wrote:

F CHINA

And which could be worth a fortune someday on EBay. Someone used to
like
it. Someone else will too. And its now antique


OK, but I still don't understand what "F CHINA" means. What does the
"F" stand for?

Joyce



  #10  
Old March 14th 06, 11:58 PM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
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Posts: n/a
Default OT If You Come to the Midwest,Know This

"Matthew AKA NMR \( NO MORE RETAIL \)" 10 points a troll @linethetrollsup.com wrote:

fuc


you add the K


Well, OK, I thought that might be the case, but WHY? Are they talking
about porcelain dishes, or the country? And what does this have to do
with being an inland state rather than a coastal one? Sorry to belabor
the point. I'm either really dense about this, or it's just not that
funny... I guess both could be true.

Joyce


wrote in message
...
Jo Firey wrote:

F CHINA

And which could be worth a fortune someday on EBay. Someone used to
like
it. Someone else will too. And its now antique


OK, but I still don't understand what "F CHINA" means. What does the
"F" stand for?

Joyce




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