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OT If You Come to the Midwest,Know This
Bi-Coastal Boobs - If You Come to the Midwest, Know This
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross into states such as Oklahoma, Kansas, and Nebraska, the Tourism Councils in those states have adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter the states. 1. That slope-shouldered farm body did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym. 2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way. 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we shot Bambi, we got over it. 4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped...by our women. 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us when a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13 inch trout you fish for - "bait". 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an Idiot. 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. 8. That's right, whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink. 9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare.Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon. 10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. 11. So, you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use four weeks a year. 12. Let's get it straight. We have one stop light in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow. 13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute. 14. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too - and turtle. Your really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop. 15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 69 goes two ways. State Road 24 goes the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly. 16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church. 17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept? 18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish. 19. That Officer, be it Conservation Officer, sheriff deputy, city police, orhighway patrol that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot - his name is "Sir". |
#2
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OT If You Come to the Midwest,Know This
Matthew AKA NMR ( NO MORE RETAIL ) wrote:
Bi-Coastal Boobs - If You Come to the Midwest, Know This Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross into states such as Oklahoma, Kansas, and Nebraska, the Tourism Councils in those states have adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter the states. 1. That slope-shouldered farm body did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym. 2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way. 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we shot Bambi, we got over it. 4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped...by our women. 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us when a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13 inch trout you fish for - "bait". 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an Idiot. 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. 8. That's right, whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink. 9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare.Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon. 10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. 11. So, you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use four weeks a year. 12. Let's get it straight. We have one stop light in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow. 13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute. 14. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too - and turtle. Your really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop. 15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 69 goes two ways. State Road 24 goes the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly. 16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church. 17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept? 18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish. 19. That Officer, be it Conservation Officer, sheriff deputy, city police, orhighway patrol that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot - his name is "Sir". Having grown up in southern Indiana, can I get a right-on?!?!?!? |
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OT If You Come to the Midwest,Know This
Matthew AKA NMR ( NO MORE RETAIL ) wrote: 2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way. VA license plate seen on I-264 in Portsmouth: F CHINA LOL!! mk5000 "Over a long weekend, we flew to Kansas City so that he could meet my parents, who in the interest of promoting cultural exchange, presented us with tickets to a rodeo. 'Is this where they collapse the cows' he asked delighted. There were disappointments for him too, of course: strip mall architecture, lack of beer gardens, pseudo nostalgic hipsters in CCCP tracksuits, even my own wardrobe, dominated by contrast stitched jeans and off colored Prada inspired prints (reminiscent, apparently, of his mother's cold war castoffs"--Megan O'Grady |
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OT If You Come to the Midwest,Know This
marika wrote:
VA license plate seen on I-264 in Portsmouth: F CHINA Uh... I don't get it... Does that make me some kind of dorky, urban, coastal twit? Joyce |
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OT If You Come to the Midwest,Know This
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#6
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OT If You Come to the Midwest,Know This
"jmcquown" wrote in message ... wrote: marika wrote: VA license plate seen on I-264 in Portsmouth: F CHINA Uh... I don't get it... Does that make me some kind of dorky, urban, coastal twit? Joyce Might be a reference to my grandmother's ugly Victorian china which was given to me by my mom I absolutely hate it LOL Jill And which could be worth a fortune someday on EBay. Someone used to like it. Someone else will too. And its now antique Jo |
#7
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OT If You Come to the Midwest,Know This
Jo Firey wrote:
"jmcquown" wrote in message ... wrote: marika wrote: VA license plate seen on I-264 in Portsmouth: F CHINA Uh... I don't get it... Does that make me some kind of dorky, urban, coastal twit? Joyce Might be a reference to my grandmother's ugly Victorian china which was given to me by my mom I absolutely hate it LOL Jill And which could be worth a fortune someday on EBay. Someone used to like it. Someone else will too. And its now antique Jo It's more than antique since it came from around 1910. The replacement pieces sell for a ton of money on www.replacements.com But it doesn't stop the fact that it's ugly Victorian style china. The Victorian era was well known for being gaudy. Look up "Chelsea Bird - Green" and you'll see what I have. Eeeek! Jill |
#8
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OT If You Come to the Midwest,Know This
Jo Firey wrote:
F CHINA And which could be worth a fortune someday on EBay. Someone used to like it. Someone else will too. And its now antique OK, but I still don't understand what "F CHINA" means. What does the "F" stand for? Joyce |
#9
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OT If You Come to the Midwest,Know This
fuc
you add the K wrote in message ... Jo Firey wrote: F CHINA And which could be worth a fortune someday on EBay. Someone used to like it. Someone else will too. And its now antique OK, but I still don't understand what "F CHINA" means. What does the "F" stand for? Joyce |
#10
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OT If You Come to the Midwest,Know This
"Matthew AKA NMR \( NO MORE RETAIL \)" 10 points a troll @linethetrollsup.com wrote:
fuc you add the K Well, OK, I thought that might be the case, but WHY? Are they talking about porcelain dishes, or the country? And what does this have to do with being an inland state rather than a coastal one? Sorry to belabor the point. I'm either really dense about this, or it's just not that funny... I guess both could be true. Joyce wrote in message ... Jo Firey wrote: F CHINA And which could be worth a fortune someday on EBay. Someone used to like it. Someone else will too. And its now antique OK, but I still don't understand what "F CHINA" means. What does the "F" stand for? Joyce -- To reply privately, take the X's out of my user ID. |
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