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RIP My old friend
Matthew wrote:
I just got back inside from burying my old friend of 15 plus years. His name was Phantom; my grouchy Old man. I buried him next to Spirit. I wrapped him in some towels and a nice box. I decorate the grave in red tone chipped bricks. Last night after I asked for the purrs. Phantom became much weaker. He tried to jump up on a table and fell. He just laid there in a odd facing fashion and did not move. When I picked him up to move him back to his perch after making sure he was ok. He was very weak barely able to stand. He has not been eating much, drinking water yes. His kidney were giving out from my final observations today. I laid awake most of the night thinking about this and checking on him. He had been a big cat going from about 16 pounds to 6 pounds since his hyperthyroidism set in. He had not been himself for a few days. I was hoping it was like before a few months ago. This morning I knew it was time to face one of my greatest fears. Me and Mom drove him to the emergency clinic that he was taken too not to long ago when we found out he had hyperthyroidism. I did the special whistle I had been doing for him over the last 15 years. Every time he heard before in the past. He would pop up from where ever and come to me for loving and kisses. He meowed a few times and had his special purr that he does, all the way to the end. I held his head in my hands and focused into his eyes. I told him I love him so much and thanked him for being my friend for so long. It was very quick before the vet was even done he was gone. I closed his eyes after the vet checked and told him travel safe my friend I Love you. I was crying like a baby when I said this. I still am as I write this. The vet and the staff were very pleasant and compassionate. The gentleman vet put his hand on my back and told me I was a very lucky man to have him in my life for so long. I know I was. I already feel so empty though. The vet also told me that I was a good man for giving the greatest gift I could give. Am I a good man ???. I don't feel like it. I will always have my doubts when the time was right. I think we all have felt this way. It is a demon I must face once again. I miss him so much already. I know I will see all of them again when it is my time. I pray the gods find forgiveness in their hearts to let me be with my proud masters of before. I pray for redemption for any trespasses I might do or have done in my life to be with the ones that I love. My heart goes out to you, Matthew. I don't think anyone knows what is exactly the right time. Is it too soon or perhaps too late? We just do what we think is right. Are you a good man? Yes, of course you are, you did what you had to. Don't beat yourself up. (hugs) Tweed |
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