A cat forum. CatBanter

If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Go Back   Home » CatBanter forum » Cat Newsgroups » Cat anecdotes
Site Map Home Register Authors List Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read Web Partners

"Sick" day



 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old August 6th 11, 08:06 PM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
Cheryl[_5_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 955
Default "Sick" day

On 8/5/2011 5:55 PM, wrote:

But that isn't even my main worry. My main worry is being in some horrible
state-run nursing home, "cared for" by minimum-wage teenagers who don't
give a s***. Whatever happens, I'm not going to end up in a posh care
facility with well-trained professional care-givers and a high staff-to-
patient ratio. I will be dependent on government benefits - which, by the
way, I have worked for and paid into *for my entire life* - that are getting
more and more draconian by the minute. Essentially, my government has just
said to me, "It's not our responsibility to care for you when you can't
care for yourself. That's your loved ones' job. Oh, you don't have loved
ones to care for you? Sucks to be you!"


Do you know ANYONE who won't end up in a government-run nursing home
should they be unlucky enough to have a prolonged and debilitating
illness? I know maybe one family who might have the resources to pay for
private care for a while should a family member need it, and I'm not
sure about them since of course I don't know the details of their
private finances. I'm talking about the really major illnesses, of
course - dementia, various kinds of paralysis and disability due to
neurological diseases or some cancers and their treatment; that sort of
thing.

Last stats I saw for Canada, most people never need to use a nursing
home. Some of those who do will manage to postpone their entry into a
home, with the subsequent lack of privacy and autonomy, with family
support and/or government-subsidized home care workers, but that's by
far the most common option. Paying someone to provide high levels of
care is out of most people's reach. We're not talking about paying a few
dollars under the table for a bit of heavy cleaning or some assistance
bathing. We're talking 24/7 supervision, special equipment for lifting,
bathing, toileting and moving around, and so on.

Of course, I suppose like most people, I've been in and out visiting
people in some of the local nursing homes over the years, and I don't
think they usually run to actual neglect or abuse. I'd still rather not
have to live in one, but if I end up in one, so be it. I don't have any
guarantee that I won't have a long and disabling illness, end up
penniless, and have to accept the ministrations of the staff in a
government-run nursing home with as much grace as I can muster. No one
does.

--
Cheryl
  #22  
Old August 7th 11, 01:57 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
[email protected]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 9,349
Default "Sick" day

Cheryl wrote:

On 8/5/2011 5:55 PM, wrote:


But that isn't even my main worry. My main worry is being in some horrible
state-run nursing home, "cared for" by minimum-wage teenagers who don't
give a s***. Whatever happens, I'm not going to end up in a posh care
facility with well-trained professional care-givers and a high staff-to-
patient ratio. I will be dependent on government benefits - which, by the
way, I have worked for and paid into *for my entire life* - that are getting
more and more draconian by the minute. Essentially, my government has just
said to me, "It's not our responsibility to care for you when you can't
care for yourself. That's your loved ones' job. Oh, you don't have loved
ones to care for you? Sucks to be you!"


Do you know ANYONE who won't end up in a government-run nursing home
should they be unlucky enough to have a prolonged and debilitating
illness? I know maybe one family who might have the resources to pay for
private care for a while should a family member need it, and I'm not
sure about them since of course I don't know the details of their
private finances. I'm talking about the really major illnesses, of
course - dementia, various kinds of paralysis and disability due to
neurological diseases or some cancers and their treatment; that sort of
thing.


Last stats I saw for Canada, most people never need to use a nursing
home. Some of those who do will manage to postpone their entry into a
home, with the subsequent lack of privacy and autonomy, with family
support and/or government-subsidized home care workers, but that's by
far the most common option. Paying someone to provide high levels of
care is out of most people's reach. We're not talking about paying a few
dollars under the table for a bit of heavy cleaning or some assistance
bathing. We're talking 24/7 supervision, special equipment for lifting,
bathing, toileting and moving around, and so on.


Of course, I suppose like most people, I've been in and out visiting
people in some of the local nursing homes over the years, and I don't
think they usually run to actual neglect or abuse. I'd still rather not
have to live in one, but if I end up in one, so be it. I don't have any
guarantee that I won't have a long and disabling illness, end up
penniless, and have to accept the ministrations of the staff in a
government-run nursing home with as much grace as I can muster. No one
does.


You and I live in different countries. When it comes to caring for people's
health and old age, they couldn't be more different. I know belts have
tightened in Canada, but you're still pretty far from where we are. "Public"
has become a dirty word in the US, at least among many politicians and
their constituents.

So, a state-run (province-run?) nursing home in Canada might be better-
funded than the equivalent in the US. I don't know the specifics, but if
it follows the pattern of most other public health care programs, the
Canadian version is a lot more livable. Perhaps not fancy, but at least
not abusive or neglectful, maybe because there's more money to have a
larger staff, or a better-trained staff, better facilities, etc?

Anyway, I think it's safe to assume that you live in a place where there
is less to fear when it comes to nursing homes or other assisted living.

As for home health care, that has been decimated in the US, particularly
in California. The nursing home lobby is very powerful. It used to be that
home nurses and other providers could make, if not a bundle, at least a
living on what the state paid them. But their pay has been cut and cut,
and the number of positions available for providers to work on state money
has also dwindled. If someone can afford a private home nurse, they can
have it, but for those who need state-paid care, their options have narrowed
considerably.

It often ends up costing a family less to put the old/sick person in a
nursing home because (due to the lobby), the state offers better economic
benefits for nursing home care than for home care. Which is insane, because
state-run nursing homes cost the taxpayers a whole lot more money than
home providers do. It's lose-lose - the home nurses are out of work, or
they continue to work, but for much less, and more patients are forced to
go into nursing homes when they don't really need it, but they do need
some amount of nursing care, and the nursing home is their only option.

Joyce

--
May the great galactic kitten always purr you to sleep.
  #23  
Old August 7th 11, 03:06 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
[email protected]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 9,349
Default "Sick" day (warning: LONG)

Yowie wrote:

Yes, its always scary to get older and discover the person looking back in
the mirror looks very much like your own mother!


Actually, a few years ago I changed my hairstyle so that I had bangs instead
of brushing my hair back off my face. One day I looked in the mirror and
saw my face with grey bangs. I freaked out, not becuase I was looking at my
mother, but rather, at my *grandmother*. Next day I went out and bought
hair-coloring stuff.

I wonder if the slow 'retreat' also correlates with a slow decline into
depression?


I've been dealing with depression for many years, possibly my whole life.
It's not always at the same level, it kind of depends on other stuff that's
going on. So sometimes I've felt better than others.

When I was younger, I struggled so much with a lack of friends. Whilst my
sister is the outgoing, bubble, funny one, I was always (and still am), the
'deep and serious' one. The best I could do was steel my sister's friends,
which added to my social pariah status as one thing you never EVER do in
HighSchool is have friends that are in years below you (having friends the
year above you, quixotically, is fine).


I remember that shame about being friends with younger kids. I developed
more slowly than kids my age, when it came to emotional and social skills,
so it was more appropriate for me to hang out with younger kids. Actually,
I don't remember getting much hassling from my peers about it, but my
parents acted like I was some kind of terrible failure. Isn't that nuts?
Why do we expect everyone to march at the same pace? People mature at
different rates. Why is it so shameful to be a late bloomer?

The ironic thing, though, is that my sister has encountered some emotionally
tough times recently and has confessed to me that the only person she can
truly have a heart to heart with is me - the rest of her so called 'friends'
are not up to having meaningful, deep conversations and are jovial fluffy
air-head just-wanna-have-fun types who scatter when the hard part of
friendship (supporting a friend in need) comes along.


I also usually have at least one or two friends with whom I can be fully
myself, and that means a lot to me. It's just that, over the years, these
people have changed. I still mourn the loss of the good friends I had
earlier in life.

So JOyce, hang on to those few friends you share a deep connection with, and
don't worry about the more trivial 'fun' so called 'friendships'.


I've rarely bothered with trivial friendships. I've been in social groups
where I was closer to some than to others, so some of those people, although
I liked them a lot, were not people I could open up to or depend on in hard
times. But even then, I always had a few people I could really talk to.

I consider myself to be neurotypical. I'm quirky, some might call me
weird, but - whatever. I think my social difficulties come from an
abusive upbringing and aren't biologically based.


I didn't know that.


That makes sense, and I'm sorry you had an abusive upringing :-(


Thanks. I know there are some others here who share that history.

I started therapy when I was in my teens. At the time I was very motivated
to get over my problems and I worked really hard at it. I never dreamed
I'd still be struggling with this stuff 40 years later!

I think ofmyself as warm and friendly too. But it doesn't seem to come
across like that most of the time. I have no idea why. I've gstopped
worrying about it, though. I don't need any more friends, I have trouble
enough keeping up with the friends I do have.


That's something I've never felt - the sense of not needing more friends.
There has always been room for new friends in my life. Time may be finite,
but somehow I've always been able to accommodate new people.

I hang around gaming nerds. Then again, perhaps its not that /nerds/ are
unjudgemental creatures, but rather the nerds I am *friends* with are :-)


Or maybe they're just not judgemental of *you*, or of the other people you
know? Maybe you meet their standards of whatever they think is necessary for
respect?

I have a good friend who is very accepted by her geek crowd, and she doesn't
quite get why I feel so put down by those people, when from her perspective,
they're not putting anyone down. They just have a different way of expressing
themselves, which is to be blunt, and to correct each other's mistakes without
being diplomatic about it. Maybe she's right, and I misinterpret their intent
when they act that way toward me. Or maybe she's wrong, and my encounters
with these people actually are more unpleasant and demeaning than anything
she's experienced. One thing is for certain: when you're not the target of
someone's negative attitudes, those attitudes are *a lot* harder to see. So
maybe she just doesn't see the hostility that I see because she's not the
target of it. Which brings up the question: why am I the target? I don't
think I do anything that deserves that kind of reaction.

The kind of thing I'm talking about is a scathing response if I make a
statement or ask a question that the person thinks is stupid. Here's a
great example. One time I was hanging out with a group of people and
the conversation turned to evolution and zoology. One of the people
there was a biologist, and I have an avocational interest in the subject,
so it's not surprising. At one point, I was just thinking out loud and
I said, "I wonder if snakes are related to earth worms, evolution-wise?
There aren't a lot of animals on land that get around in the same way, so
it seems like they should be related." And the biologist turned and snapped
at me, not just with scorn, but with actual anger, and said, "A worm isn't
even a vertabrate! How could you think they'd be related??!"

I'm sorry, but that kind of angry, scornful response is not appropriate
for a harmless question like mine. If I had said something racist, or
otherwise prejudiced, that actually does express a harmful attitude, I
could understand the anger. But even if my question was ignorant, WHO AM
I HURTING by asking it???

I've gotten a lot of that kind of response from people, but mostly from
science or techie geeks, because of some of the things I say or questions
I ask. And I'm willing to bet that my friend who doesn't think these people
put anyone down with their responses has never received that kind of
hostility because of an innocent question or statement she's made.

Do you have any folk festivals around your way?


Yes, and I do go to some of them. I should probably go to more.

Because they above is
exactly the type of people you find at them (My Dad is a folkie. I suspect
I'll be one when the Yowlet is grown and I have more time to express my
artistic side (either by more writing, or by drawing, or by both)


I've never actually made any friends at these things. Usually it takes
longer, with more repeated exposures, such as in a class or social group,
or volunteer group, etc, rather than at a one-off like a weekend festival.
There usually isn't time to build up enough rapport to be comfortable
asking if someone wants to go out for dinner sometime. Most people would
find it a bit disconcerting to be asked out on a social date (I don't
even mean a "dating" date, just a friendship date) by someone they barely
knew. I guess YMMV on that.

I know what you mean about cat people. Most people I know are at least
animal lovers if not outright cat worshippers.


Animals make more sense than most people :-)


Amen! They always have!

I don't know whether I"m neurotypical or not. Clealry, I have no trouble
expressing myself in writing! However, my 'baseline' is terribly, terribly
skewed. The usual crowd I hang with has 3 *diagnosed* Asperger's people in
it, and another 2 who are so Aspie they don't *need* a diagnosis for the
rest of us to look at the diagnosed ones and point to the very same traits
in the undiagnosed ones. Two for example, end pretty much each sentence with
"Hmmmmm". One has absolutely no concept of personal space. Another has
elaborate food rituals - taking him out to eat is nigh on impossible - and
he is a chronic hoarder of electronica, but he's a really nice guy anyway. I
trust these folks with my life, however, because they are completley
bull****-free zones. There is no sublte inuendo, no double meanings, no
headgames, no bull****. They call a spade a spade and entirely fail to see
any reason why anyone would want to do otherwise. They will happily tell me
is my ass looks big in a pair of jeans if I ask them -one even said "yes, it
makes your arse look big, but I like big arses". I find it easier to be with
these folks than I do with 'regular' people who tell half truths, play 'head
games' and say things they don't mean.


And I work with research scientists, who prove exceptionally well the old
adage of 'there's a fine line between genius and insanity'. Most folks here
at work will readily admit they feel far more comfortable working away in
their lab by themselves than dealing with people and they are all experts
(by definition) on an extremely narrow subject. One person here goes nuts if
you disturb his desk in anyway (its a total pigsty, but he knows *exactly*
where everything is and can tell if anything is out by even millimetres.
Another's "party trick" is to get someone to name two stations on the London
Underground, and he will name all the stations you'd go through *in order*
if you travelled between those two points. He keeps a diary of what train
engines he's spotted, and I have seen him shout for joy and hug strangers
when he's got the last engine in a series (scary). Yet another woudl sneak
around the labs doing crocodile impersonations if he got at all stressed,
and insisted we all called him "Uncle Ted". All are utterly brilliant
scientists, all totally mad, and all I would suspect are quite a long way
down the Asperger's spectrum because *none* of that is Neurotypical
behaviour.


These are the people I spend my time with. I have no idea what 'normal' is
like :-)


They sound amusing and delightful, actually. As long as they're not arrogant
or scornful if you happen to commit the mortal sin of Not Knowing Something
that they think you "should" know, then I would probably like them a lot.

Some of my friends are quirky, too. One of them, a woman, has bushy sideburns
and wears a yarmulke (the small skullcap worn by religious Jews). These are
almost universally worn only by men - she is one of the few women who wears
one. She looks very boyish, but when she sings, her voice is high, very very
pretty, and quite female sounding. Most people find the juxtaposition of
those traits to be confusing. I am nowhere near as fringy looking as that.
Compared to most of my friends I'm pretty conventional - and I'm not really
that conventional.

There's probably some overlap between your kinds of friends and mine, but
they each have their own distinct flavor.

I am familiar with this sitting-alone-in-a-cold-dark-empty-pit feeling. I
know those irrational, illogical thoughts all too well.


I can't tell you *why* it lifted for me, but I am so very grateful that it
did. I can only recommend that you get this depression treated, both with
antu-depressants AND cognitive behaviour therapy.


BTDT, with both. I have been on ADs for 20 years. A few different kinds,
in a search for something that works long-term. I just started a new kind
about 6 months ago, and I feel slightly better than I did before that, but
I still have sudden descents into that cold-dark-empty-pit state of mind.

I've also tried cognitive/behavioral therapy a few times (I don't mean a
few sessions, but rather, I entered into therapy with cog-behavioral
therapists a few times). I've always found it frustrating. I know it's
supposed to be very effective, but to me it feels like I'm drowning in
minutae. I think I had the wrong idea about what that approach is about.
I thought it was about examining one's beliefs and worldviews, and changing
the ones that are destructive. Instead, it was more like little mental
tricks meant to distract yourself from certain thoughts.

One such therapist had this suggestion: whenever a negative or self-depracating
thought entered my mind, I was supposed to hold my hand over my head,
elbow bent and palm facing up, as though warding off a blow. And I was
supposed to visualize in my mind a huge red STOP sign. (I don't know
what stop signs look like in Australia - here, they are octagonal and
bright red with white text. http://www.clker.com/clipart-2766.html)
And I was supposed to say out loud, "Stop, stop, stop!"

OK, I have negative thoughts in the middle of meetings at work. How am I
supposed to do this?

This just didn't strike me as serious therapy. I tried it, but while it
sometimes did take my mind off my miserable thoughts, mostly due to the
utter silliness of what I was doing, that did not last long. The novelty
wore off and it just seemed dumb and no longer amusing (or convincing).

I do better with psychodynamic therapy, the long-term talking kind where
you look at your past and understand why you feel and do what you do. I
don't even think all that analysis is what works for me. I think it's just
the experience of having someone in my corner, on my side, paying attention
to my life, that gives me strength. So to that end, I am looking for someone
now. It seems clear that I can't do this alone anymore.

Wish I could wave a magic wand to make it go away, wish I could send you a
magic mirror that woudl allow yourself to see what a unique and special
person you are, but I can't.


best I can offer is just some words on a screen, and pray that they help in
some small, but significant way.


And, as you know, my inboxes are always open, you can ping me on twitter at
@yowie9644 if you want to chat, I'm on Facebook, you can snail mail me, and
I can even call you if you tell me your phone number. And of course, there's
always here.


Wish you could see you through my eyes.


Oh, this brought tears to my eyes. What a lovely, lovely thing to say.
Thank you.

Hugs,
Joyce

--
May the great galactic kitten always purr you to sleep.
  #24  
Old August 9th 11, 02:35 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
Christina Websell
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 8,983
Default "Sick" day


wrote in message
...
Yowie wrote:


Whilst the rest us

can point out the that we value your friendship, we aprpeciate and love
you,
that you are an important part of this here community and we want you to
stay around, its very unlikely that you will be able to believe any of
that,
because of the last one, depression. Until the depression is managed,
there's probably not a lot that anyone could say or do to make you feel
better baout yourself, which is a shame, because you really have no idea
how
wonderful you truly are!




I echo that. Joyce, you are intelligent, deep-thinking and witty and I
always read your posts. Don't always reply though.
I know depression. It's one of the worst illnesses in the world. Simon
says it is up there in the top three with cancer and heart disease.
No one who hasn't had clinical depression realises it is not a case of
being upset and fed up and "pull yourself together and you will be OK"

I've haven't ever truly got over mine, which was triggered by my mother's
unexpected death and made worse by being bullied at work immediately
afterwards.
Simon was brought in by my employers to counsel me. I would have been OK if
I had not been bullied on top of what I was suffering, and they knew it.
I was in a pretty dreadful state when Simon first saw me.

That was 7 years ago. He has put me right and now visits as a friend. I
shamelessly use him to change my light bulbs and to put spot on Boyfie and
to dump any emotional stuff.

I thought I might have preferred a female welfare person at the time, but I
was offered Simon. I thought I will try him out. He is more than
wonderful.

Tweed







  #25  
Old August 9th 11, 12:03 PM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
Adrian[_2_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 3,794
Default "Sick" day

"Christina Websell" wrote:

wrote in message
...


I echo that. Joyce, you are intelligent, deep-thinking and witty and
I
always read your posts. Don't always reply though.
I know depression. It's one of the worst illnesses in the world.
Simon
says it is up there in the top three with cancer and heart disease.
No one who hasn't had clinical depression realises it is not a case
of
being upset and fed up and "pull yourself together and you will be OK"

I've haven't ever truly got over mine, which was triggered by my
mother's
unexpected death and made worse by being bullied at work immediately
afterwards.
Simon was brought in by my employers to counsel me. I would have been
OK if
I had not been bullied on top of what I was suffering, and they knew
it.
I was in a pretty dreadful state when Simon first saw me.

That was 7 years ago. He has put me right and now visits as a friend.
I
shamelessly use him to change my light bulbs and to put spot on Boyfie
and
to dump any emotional stuff.

I thought I might have preferred a female welfare person at the time,
but I
was offered Simon. I thought I will try him out. He is more than
wonderful.

Tweed








I'm so glad you've got people in your life like Simon and June.

--
Adrian
 




Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
" " " " " FUNNY CATS DOGS & ANIMALS " " " " " Janice Cats - misc 0 April 29th 11 12:46 AM
For women who desire the traditional 12-marker dials, the "Faceto," "Juro" and "Rilati" all add a little more functionality, without sacrificing the diamonds. Linda Boucher Cat health & behaviour 0 April 20th 08 10:52 PM
"Juro" is a newer series that resembles the "Museum," but features asmaller face and more subtle diamond inlays. The men's "Esperanza" model isthe most complex luxury model with the three minute, second andtenth-of-a-sec [email protected] Cat health & behaviour 0 April 20th 08 10:03 AM


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 09:58 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©2004-2024 CatBanter.
The comments are property of their posters.