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[OT] I am *SO* P*SSED OFF!
"CatNipped" wrote in message
... It's Thanksgiving and I wanted a nice peaceful day to enjoy my family, friends, and good food. Background.... DH, Ben, has been going out 3 or 4 times every evening to "take a walk". I was suspicious, because this is a man who is far, far,*FAR* from slim, likes to eat chocolate éclairs and *NEVER* exercises. I kept asking him, "Have you started smoking again?" and he denied vehemently every time. Well, I've been watching for him to go out the door and today I waited until he was around the corner of the house and followed him. My suspicions were *NOT* groundless. DH (standing for d*ck-head in this instance) was standing by the trunk of his car lighting up a cigarette!!!!!!!!!!! I'm angry at him for further ruining his health and burning up our money (of which we have *VERY* little now-a-days), *AND* I'm mad at me for looking for proof of this on Thanksgiving day when I *KNEW* it would make me mad. I can understand why you are p*ssed off with your man. But, before you take revenge, please stop to think about why he might have taken smoking up again. Smoking is not only a physical addiction, but a mental one. You guys have been going through heaps of stress lately, and smoking the odd cigarette may be th eonly sense of relief (and indulgence) he gets at the moment. He also clearly knows what your reaction to him backsliding againw ould be, hence the secrecy. He's probably guilty and ashamed that he's smoking again, and yet, can't find any other form of "escape" right now. It sucks. I'd be angry at him for lying to me, but let the smoking go. Its a symptom, not a cause in this case. Yowie |
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[OT] I am *SO* P*SSED OFF!
"Yowie" wrote in message
... "CatNipped" wrote in message ... It's Thanksgiving and I wanted a nice peaceful day to enjoy my family, friends, and good food. Background.... DH, Ben, has been going out 3 or 4 times every evening to "take a walk". I was suspicious, because this is a man who is far, far,*FAR* from slim, likes to eat chocolate éclairs and *NEVER* exercises. I kept asking him, "Have you started smoking again?" and he denied vehemently every time. Well, I've been watching for him to go out the door and today I waited until he was around the corner of the house and followed him. My suspicions were *NOT* groundless. DH (standing for d*ck-head in this instance) was standing by the trunk of his car lighting up a cigarette!!!!!!!!!!! I'm angry at him for further ruining his health and burning up our money (of which we have *VERY* little now-a-days), *AND* I'm mad at me for looking for proof of this on Thanksgiving day when I *KNEW* it would make me mad. I can understand why you are p*ssed off with your man. But, before you take revenge, please stop to think about why he might have taken smoking up again. Smoking is not only a physical addiction, but a mental one. You guys have been going through heaps of stress lately, and smoking the odd cigarette may be th eonly sense of relief (and indulgence) he gets at the moment. He also clearly knows what your reaction to him backsliding againw ould be, hence the secrecy. He's probably guilty and ashamed that he's smoking again, and yet, can't find any other form of "escape" right now. It sucks. I'd be angry at him for lying to me, but let the smoking go. Its a symptom, not a cause in this case. Yowie Yeah, you're right. Ben has a hard time expressing his stress (of course it's probably just that he has to be the strong, stable one in our relationship and keep me from going ballistic - I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve). I've calmed down a bit and gotten a lot of good advice here, so we'll deal with it, hopefully, logically rather than get into a knock-down-drag-out about it tonight. In one way I'm glad he hid it from me because it kept me from starting up again (it's *SO* easy to just say f*ck it and light up when you know your quitting-partner has too - sort of a childish, "well if he can so can I!" - and smokers will use *ANY* excuse to go back to their addiction). That's what I'm most afraid of right now - I don't even have to be around him when he smokes, just know that when he's walking out the door he's going to have a cigarette makes me think about smoking and makes it harder for me to be strong and *NOT* smoke! As it is I have to consciously try to completely forget about smoking so it's not on my mind every waking minute! But it's going to be hard to get past the lying to me part - that's something that is extremely verboten in our relationship. A marriage without trust is a divorce waiting to happen. Hugs, CatNipped |
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