Help! My cat is trying to live somewhere else.

in article , mich at
wrote on 10/14/03 1:38 PM:


"kaeli" wrote in message
...
In article ,
enlightened us with...

So what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't my cat want me?
What can I do to make him want to stay with me?

Some cats just like to be around other cats.
Perhaps he needs a kitty friend and has decided your neighbor's will do.
Even if they fight, they might get along sometimes, too. Like siblings.


Now, this is an interesting one. When I took him on I was told his previous
owner had given him up because he was fighting with the other cats in that
household . They also said he would have to be an only cat because of his
behaviour and the fact he couldnt get on with other cats.

Ever since he arrived I have wondered if he was lonely for cat friends
because he walked round the house opening up all the cupboards and doors
looking inside. In fact he still does that but I have taken it as one of his
odd behaviours ( he has many such quirks).

Also, whilst no one seems to know or will tell me, I suspect he has been
badly treated in the past. He is very frightened of being touched, even
cuddled or stroked, or his coat brushed.

He will join me in bed ( he has his own box in the wardrobe too, which he
wanted) but only when he thinks I am asleep. He will jump up quietly, and
slide up to sleep by my side.

I thought he was improving and becoming a happy cat ( he seemed very
listless and depressed when I first got him) and he was always only a few
yards away from home , even when hiding in the garden , untill recently,
when it seems he decided next door was better.





If he sleeps with you, you are doing the right things. He is just visiting.
Especially if you are gone during the day, he wants company. I have a cat
who gets after my other two all the time, and yet, I still think she would
be lonely without them and more bored. I think you should just go on loving
him up and accepting his visits.

Karen

"kaeli" wrote in message
...
In article ,
enlightened us with...

So what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't my cat want me?
What can I do to make him want to stay with me?

Some cats just like to be around other cats.
Perhaps he needs a kitty friend and has decided your neighbor's will do.
Even if they fight, they might get along sometimes, too. Like siblings.


Now, this is an interesting one. When I took him on I was told his previous
owner had given him up because he was fighting with the other cats in that
household . They also said he would have to be an only cat because of his
behaviour and the fact he couldnt get on with other cats.

Ever since he arrived I have wondered if he was lonely for cat friends
because he walked round the house opening up all the cupboards and doors
looking inside. In fact he still does that but I have taken it as one of his
odd behaviours ( he has many such quirks).

Also, whilst no one seems to know or will tell me, I suspect he has been
badly treated in the past. He is very frightened of being touched, even
cuddled or stroked, or his coat brushed.

He will join me in bed ( he has his own box in the wardrobe too, which he
wanted) but only when he thinks I am asleep. He will jump up quietly, and
slide up to sleep by my side.

I thought he was improving and becoming a happy cat ( he seemed very
listless and depressed when I first got him) and he was always only a few
yards away from home , even when hiding in the garden , untill recently,
when it seems he decided next door was better.

"kaeli" wrote in message
...
In article ,
enlightened us with...

So what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't my cat want me?
What can I do to make him want to stay with me?

Some cats just like to be around other cats.
Perhaps he needs a kitty friend and has decided your neighbor's will do.
Even if they fight, they might get along sometimes, too. Like siblings.


Now, this is an interesting one. When I took him on I was told his previous
owner had given him up because he was fighting with the other cats in that
household . They also said he would have to be an only cat because of his
behaviour and the fact he couldnt get on with other cats.

Ever since he arrived I have wondered if he was lonely for cat friends
because he walked round the house opening up all the cupboards and doors
looking inside. In fact he still does that but I have taken it as one of his
odd behaviours ( he has many such quirks).

Also, whilst no one seems to know or will tell me, I suspect he has been
badly treated in the past. He is very frightened of being touched, even
cuddled or stroked, or his coat brushed.

He will join me in bed ( he has his own box in the wardrobe too, which he
wanted) but only when he thinks I am asleep. He will jump up quietly, and
slide up to sleep by my side.

I thought he was improving and becoming a happy cat ( he seemed very
listless and depressed when I first got him) and he was always only a few
yards away from home , even when hiding in the garden , untill recently,
when it seems he decided next door was better.

"Mary" wrote in message
.. .

"mich" wrote in message
...
I got a cat back eight months ago ( adult, 4 years old, from cats
protection).

So what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't my cat want me?
What can I do to make him want to stay with me?

Where are you?

I own a smallholding in the SW of England.
My cat goes out because he chooses to. If I tried to keep him in he would
scratch and chew the house to bits ( it was hell the first six weeks he was
here , when he couldnt go out)

I love him to bits and I would love him to be friendly but he seems to be
more friendly with next door.
I dont know what to do.

"Mary" wrote in message
.. .

"mich" wrote in message
...
I got a cat back eight months ago ( adult, 4 years old, from cats
protection).

So what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't my cat want me?
What can I do to make him want to stay with me?

Where are you?

I own a smallholding in the SW of England.
My cat goes out because he chooses to. If I tried to keep him in he would
scratch and chew the house to bits ( it was hell the first six weeks he was
here , when he couldnt go out)

I love him to bits and I would love him to be friendly but he seems to be
more friendly with next door.
I dont know what to do.

In article ,
OAWAY enlightened us with...


If he sleeps with you, you are doing the right things. He is just visiting.
Especially if you are gone during the day, he wants company. I have a cat
who gets after my other two all the time, and yet, I still think she would
be lonely without them and more bored. I think you should just go on loving
him up and accepting his visits.


I have one like that - my Rowan is often antagonizing my other kids, yet
I get the feeling that if I were to suddenly lose the other two, she'd
be very upset and lonely.

I wonder if some cats didn't learn the "right" way to interact with
other cats and fight with them even though what they really want is just
that - interaction. I know I suspect as much with Rowan. I got her at
only 8 weeks, but she was a pet store pity purchase (she was sickly and
in need of mothering) and an obvious BYB-kitty. I don't think she had
any of the proper socialization between 0-8 weeks of age and after she
came home with me, immediately ruled the roost with my laid-back male.
She's just a dominant cat whose definition of interaction seems to be
"to bother or annoy". LOL

-------------------------------------------------
~kaeli~
Jesus saves, Allah protects, and Cthulhu
thinks you'd make a nice sandwich.
http://www.ipwebdesign.net/wildAtHeart
http://www.ipwebdesign.net/kaelisSpace
-------------------------------------------------

In article ,
OAWAY enlightened us with...


If he sleeps with you, you are doing the right things. He is just visiting.
Especially if you are gone during the day, he wants company. I have a cat
who gets after my other two all the time, and yet, I still think she would
be lonely without them and more bored. I think you should just go on loving
him up and accepting his visits.


I have one like that - my Rowan is often antagonizing my other kids, yet
I get the feeling that if I were to suddenly lose the other two, she'd
be very upset and lonely.

I wonder if some cats didn't learn the "right" way to interact with
other cats and fight with them even though what they really want is just
that - interaction. I know I suspect as much with Rowan. I got her at
only 8 weeks, but she was a pet store pity purchase (she was sickly and
in need of mothering) and an obvious BYB-kitty. I don't think she had
any of the proper socialization between 0-8 weeks of age and after she
came home with me, immediately ruled the roost with my laid-back male.
She's just a dominant cat whose definition of interaction seems to be
"to bother or annoy". LOL

-------------------------------------------------
~kaeli~
Jesus saves, Allah protects, and Cthulhu
thinks you'd make a nice sandwich.
http://www.ipwebdesign.net/wildAtHeart
http://www.ipwebdesign.net/kaelisSpace
-------------------------------------------------

"mich" wrote in message
...

Ever since he arrived I have wondered if he was lonely for cat
friends
because he walked round the house opening up all the cupboards and
doors
looking inside. In fact he still does that but I have taken it as
one of his
odd behaviours ( he has many such quirks).


They all do this, or at least every cat I have every had! It's just
curiosity.

"mich" wrote in message
...

Ever since he arrived I have wondered if he was lonely for cat
friends
because he walked round the house opening up all the cupboards and
doors
looking inside. In fact he still does that but I have taken it as
one of his
odd behaviours ( he has many such quirks).


They all do this, or at least every cat I have every had! It's just
curiosity.

"mich" wrote in message
...

"Mary" wrote in message
.. .


Where are you?

I own a smallholding in the SW of England.

I assume there are no busy streets and that you feel he is safe
outside?


My cat goes out because he chooses to. If I tried to keep him in he
would
scratch and chew the house to bits ( it was hell the first six weeks
he was
here , when he couldnt go out)

My cats would choose to tear up the whole house just for fun if I
allowed it. Instead, I've trained them. He could be trained, too.
However--if you feel he is safe outside, this is your cat and your
decision. If he is not safe outside you will find out soon enough, eh?


I love him to bits and I would love him to be friendly but he seems
to be
more friendly with next door.
I dont know what to do.

Well, following your thinking regarding the cat's free choice, all you
can really do is suck up to him. G Be nicer to him than the
neighbor's cat. Get a new cat (if you can handle two) who stays inside
so that your boy has someone to play with indoors. One great option
would be to adopt a cat from a no-kill shelter who has always been an
indoor cat, then you would have no problem with him or her trying to
get out. There are plenty of lovely and affectionate adult cats
available. Predictability is one of the things that makes adult
shelter cats better choices than kittens. Granted, sometimes the
shelter staff knows more about some animals than others. You could
also adopt from a private party who can assure you the cat is indoor
only. If cat company is really what your boy wants, you can give it to
him at home.