OT - Saying Goodbye

I know it's been a while since I've posted - I have been lurking a bit, but
now I think it's finally time to say goodbye to my friends. I'm down to 88
pounds and everyone, every doctor, nurse, nutritionist, psychiatrist, etc.
have come to the conclusion that I'm going to die. No big surprise, I'm in
"end stage" RSD. Most people in that stage don't bother to wait for nature
to take its course so they can avoid some of the inevitable pain, but I made
a promise to those I love that I wouldn't do that no matter how bad the pain
gets. It's out of my hands now anyway, my body is shutting down, one major
system after another. This will make some people here happy - that's OK,
don't feel guilt for feeling that, it's a normal reaction to those we hate
even though we know it doesn't have anything to do with what we think or
feel. This is an intensively person experience, so there's no way to
describe it. I'm not going to wallow in self pity or whine to friends -
that would only make my passage a circus freak act. If anything, I'm
finding a calm acceptance.

Ben is living on that river in Africa, so he's trying to act as if
everything is going to be OK and I'll miraculously get out of this bed and
resume my life... *that* - is, I think, the weirdest feeling and the hardest
to deal with. He won't accept this, so he either ignores me when I try to
talk about it or he gets angry at me for "giving up". Believe me, I *DON'T*
want to die, but I'm facing a fact, not a wish.

Please, I'm not asking for purrs or sympathy, nor am I doing this for
attention - to be honest, it takes too much energy, much more energy than
I've had in a long time, in order to sustain any feeling at all for any
length of time.. I basically "feel" nothing but sadness about what I'll be
missing, but also a little bit relieved because I *HOPE* there is not any
punishment, after death, to pay for all the awful things I've done in my
life (and that brings on the fear - we don't know what happens when a person
dies, and fear of the unknown is a universal constant). So I have to find
some way to deal with it gracefully.

Anyway, this is much longer that I wanted it to be. and more rambling. I
just meant to say goodbye to my friends, and congratulations to those who
hate me. ;

Hugs,

Lori

--
Hugs,

CatNipped
See all our masters at: http://www.PossiblePlaces.com/CatNipped

See the RPCA FAQ site, by Mark Edwards, at:
http://www.professional-geek.com/rpcablog/

Email: L(dot)T(dot)Crews(at)comcast(dot)net

On Jan 23, 11:43*am, "CatNipped" wrote:
I know it's been a while since I've posted - I have been lurking a bit, but
now I think it's finally time to say goodbye to my friends. *I'm down to 88
pounds and everyone, every doctor, nurse, nutritionist, psychiatrist, etc..
have come to the conclusion that I'm going to die. *No big surprise, I'm in
"end stage" RSD. *Most people in that stage don't bother to wait for nature
to take its course so they can avoid some of the inevitable pain, but I made
a promise to those I love that I wouldn't do that no matter how bad the pain
gets. *It's out of my hands now anyway, my body is shutting down, one major
system after another. *This will make some people here happy - that's OK,
don't feel guilt for feeling that, it's a normal reaction to those we hate
even though we know it doesn't have anything to do with what we think or
feel. *This is an intensively person experience, so there's no way to
describe it. *I'm not going to wallow in self pity or whine to friends -
that would only make my passage a circus freak act. *If anything, I'm
finding a calm acceptance.

Ben is living on that river in Africa, so he's trying to act as if
everything is going to be OK and I'll miraculously get out of this bed and
resume my life... *that* - is, I think, the weirdest feeling and the hardest
to deal with. *He won't accept this, so he either ignores me when I try to
talk about it or he gets angry at me for "giving up". *Believe me, I *DON'T*
want to die, but I'm facing a fact, not a wish.

Please, I'm not asking for purrs or sympathy, nor am I doing this for
attention - to be honest, it takes too much energy, much more energy than
I've had in a long time, in order to sustain any feeling at all for any
length of time.. *I basically "feel" nothing but sadness about what I'll be
missing, but also a little bit relieved because I *HOPE* there is not any
punishment, after death, to pay for all the awful things I've done in my
life (and that brings on the fear - we don't know what happens when a person
dies, and fear of the unknown is a universal constant). *So I have to find
some way to deal with it gracefully.

Anyway, this is much longer that I wanted it to be. and more rambling. *I
just meant to say goodbye to my friends, and congratulations to those who
hate me. *;

What about your friends who hate you?
I don't expect to be far behind you. I'm in good health but I'm old.

We say goodby a lot this time of day.
The sun is going down; the shadows grow too long.
We knew the day would end but still,
We say goodby too much this time of day.

--
Will in New Haven

"CatNipped" wrote in
:

I know it's been a while since I've posted - I have been lurking a
bit, but now I think it's finally time to say goodbye to my friends.
I'm down to 88 pounds and everyone, every doctor, nurse, nutritionist,
psychiatrist, etc. have come to the conclusion that I'm going to die.
No big surprise, I'm in "end stage" RSD. Most people in that stage
don't bother to wait for nature to take its course so they can avoid
some of the inevitable pain, but I made a promise to those I love that
I wouldn't do that no matter how bad the pain gets. It's out of my
hands now anyway, my body is shutting down, one major system after
another. This will make some people here happy - that's OK, don't
feel guilt for feeling that, it's a normal reaction to those we hate
even though we know it doesn't have anything to do with what we think
or feel. This is an intensively person experience, so there's no way
to describe it. I'm not going to wallow in self pity or whine to
friends - that would only make my passage a circus freak act. If
anything, I'm finding a calm acceptance.

Ben is living on that river in Africa, so he's trying to act as if
everything is going to be OK and I'll miraculously get out of this bed
and resume my life... *that* - is, I think, the weirdest feeling and
the hardest to deal with. He won't accept this, so he either ignores
me when I try to talk about it or he gets angry at me for "giving up".
Believe me, I *DON'T* want to die, but I'm facing a fact, not a wish.

Please, I'm not asking for purrs or sympathy, nor am I doing this for
attention - to be honest, it takes too much energy, much more energy
than I've had in a long time, in order to sustain any feeling at all
for any length of time.. I basically "feel" nothing but sadness about
what I'll be missing, but also a little bit relieved because I *HOPE*
there is not any punishment, after death, to pay for all the awful
things I've done in my life (and that brings on the fear - we don't
know what happens when a person dies, and fear of the unknown is a
universal constant). So I have to find some way to deal with it
gracefully.

Anyway, this is much longer that I wanted it to be. and more rambling.
I just meant to say goodbye to my friends, and congratulations to
those who hate me. ;

Hugs,

Lori


My grandfather always said we have to die of something, and dying never
bothered him. My grandmother was tired of living in bad health, couldn't
wait to die, and welcomed death. It's good you've reached "a calm
acceptance". I doubt you've done things that are really evil in your life.
I consider murderers, etc. to be evil, not you, so don't worry about it.
Keep writing to us as long as you're able.

Bobble

"CatNipped" wrote in message ...

I know it's been a while since I've posted - I have been lurking a bit, but
now I think it's finally time to say goodbye to my friends. I'm down to 88
pounds and everyone, every doctor, nurse, nutritionist, psychiatrist, etc.
have come to the conclusion that I'm going to die. No big surprise, I'm in
"end stage" RSD. Most people in that stage don't bother to wait for nature
to take its course so they can avoid some of the inevitable pain, but I made
a promise to those I love that I wouldn't do that no matter how bad the pain
gets. It's out of my hands now anyway, my body is shutting down, one major
system after another. This will make some people here happy - that's OK,
don't feel guilt for feeling that, it's a normal reaction to those we hate
even though we know it doesn't have anything to do with what we think or
feel. This is an intensively person experience, so there's no way to
describe it. I'm not going to wallow in self pity or whine to friends -
that would only make my passage a circus freak act. If anything, I'm
finding a calm acceptance.

Ben is living on that river in Africa, so he's trying to act as if
everything is going to be OK and I'll miraculously get out of this bed and
resume my life... *that* - is, I think, the weirdest feeling and the hardest
to deal with. He won't accept this, so he either ignores me when I try to
talk about it or he gets angry at me for "giving up". Believe me, I *DON'T*
want to die, but I'm facing a fact, not a wish.

Please, I'm not asking for purrs or sympathy, nor am I doing this for
attention - to be honest, it takes too much energy, much more energy than
I've had in a long time, in order to sustain any feeling at all for any
length of time.. I basically "feel" nothing but sadness about what I'll be
missing, but also a little bit relieved because I *HOPE* there is not any
punishment, after death, to pay for all the awful things I've done in my
life (and that brings on the fear - we don't know what happens when a person
dies, and fear of the unknown is a universal constant). So I have to find
some way to deal with it gracefully.

Anyway, this is much longer that I wanted it to be. and more rambling. I
just meant to say goodbye to my friends, and congratulations to those who
hate me. ;

Hugs,

Lori

---------------

Lor, I wish you wouldn't even bother with 'those that hate you'. At this
time in your life, little to no worries should be spent on negative people
that have been in your life. Especially Usenet people. They don't matter
then and they don't matter now.

Is Hospice visiting you now?? ...Or is that down the road yet?? After
helping my mom die, I'm not gonna tell you that you're wrong and you'll be
okay, etc., etc. Our bodies know what's up. And it's not giving up or
giving in, it's just the way it is. Granted, I wish things could be
different for you. But it's not going to help by trying to sugar coat
things. I do pray for you, and I have been for quite some time. Whatever
(my) God has in store for you, I only wish you peace.

You are loved by many, Lori... just think of that right now.


·.·´¨ ¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
Laurie
((¸¸.·´ ..·´
-:¦:- ((¸¸ ·.·

*~*LiveLoveLaugh*~*

All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.
~Abraham Lincoln

--
Hugs,

CatNipped
See all our masters at: http://www.PossiblePlaces.com/CatNipped

See the RPCA FAQ site, by Mark Edwards, at:
http://www.professional-geek.com/rpcablog/

Email: L(dot)T(dot)Crews(at)comcast(dot)net

On Jan 23, 8:43*am, "CatNipped" wrote:

Anyway, this is much longer that I wanted it to be. and more rambling. *I
just meant to say goodbye to my friends, and congratulations to those who
hate me. *;

Lori- please don't leave us- I for once will miss you so much

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

"CatNipped" wrote in message
...
I basically "feel" nothing but sadness about what I'll be
missing, but also a little bit relieved because I *HOPE* there is not any
punishment, after death, to pay for all the awful things I've done in my
life (and that brings on the fear - we don't know what happens when a
person dies, and fear of the unknown is a universal constant). So I have
to find some way to deal with it gracefully.

I don't know what religion you are but there is always confession and
repenting. If you're truly repentant, sorry for everything you've done, you
will be forgiven - according to the bible. May your path to the Rainbow
Bridge be a peaceful one.........

I know it's been coming a long time, but I'm incredibly sad to think
that you will soon be leaving us. You will be missed, greatly missed,
and RPCA will not be the same without you. You are an incredible,
wonderful, lively presence here. I've loved reading about your
clowder and family, and learning a bit about life in the southern USA
along with it.

So, knowing that things are going their inevitable path, I'd like to
say THANK YOU for all you've contributed, all the love you've given to
people on the group, and the always interesting discussions you've
participated in.

I firmly believe our soul persists. I'm not sure about heaven or
hell, but I've seen too much evidence from departed pets of persistent
souls. Yours is a good soul and will meet up with the good souls of
the people and pets you've known in life.

Hugs
Tish

Spock-n-Persephone wrote in news:884deb97-c0e4-
:

I know it's been coming a long time, but I'm incredibly sad to think
that you will soon be leaving us. You will be missed, greatly missed,
and RPCA will not be the same without you. You are an incredible,
wonderful, lively presence here. I've loved reading about your
clowder and family, and learning a bit about life in the southern USA
along with it.

So, knowing that things are going their inevitable path, I'd like to
say THANK YOU for all you've contributed, all the love you've given to
people on the group, and the always interesting discussions you've
participated in.

I firmly believe our soul persists. I'm not sure about heaven or
hell, but I've seen too much evidence from departed pets of persistent
souls. Yours is a good soul and will meet up with the good souls of
the people and pets you've known in life.

Hugs
Tish
As someone who just came back to usenets and this group i will miaa this
lady when she leaves this mortel coil

I hope you won't die soon. The stories, websites, and book were very
good, but I don't think you've reached your creative pinnacle yet.

"CatNipped" wrote:

Rest assured, death is the end, there will be no punishment, there is no
god!

--
Adrian, sent from my iPod.