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OT FOR OUR ARIZONA PEOPLE
How to Drive in Phoenix
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: "FEE-NICKS". 2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning. 3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered "Wussy". 4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-and talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way. 5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. 6. Never honk at anyone. EVER! Seriously!! It's another offense that can get you shot. 7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting. 8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelina's, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of the above items. 9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and I-10 are the same road. SR 202 is the same road as The Red Mountain Freeway. Dunlap and Olive is the same street too. Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street. I-17 is also called The Black Canyon Freeway as well as The Veterans Memorial Highway. And if all that isn't enough to remember.... SR 51 has recently been renamed to The Piestewa Freeway because Squaw Peak Parkway was too easy pronounce. SR 101 is also the Pima Freeway except west of the I-17, which is also The Black Canyon Freeway, and The Veterans Memorial Highway. Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. But, Cactus Rd. doesn't become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a mountain. 10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated." 11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot. 12. If you actually stay here year 'round for summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands. 13. When you see a vehicle with Minnesota plates, be aware they merge into any lane or road with no attention to others in their way. They should be shot. 14. Eating, drinking, and cell phone usage at the same time, yelling at children while turned completely around facing them in the back seat, doing make up with both hands while using the rear view mirror, sending and receiving faxes, reading reports, a good novel, or the newspaper are required skills for the drive time exercise. 15. Never let anyone see you. Darken your window several shades beyond acceptable standards. Use the excuse, if stopped by the police, that you have an allergy to sun light. |
#2
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OT FOR OUR ARIZONA PEOPLE
In ,
Matthew purred: How to Drive in Phoenix 1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: "FEE-NICKS". All of these are good, but I like this one as it reminds me of the (FedEx?) commercial where the dumbass wants to ship a package to PUH HOE NICKS. Ranks right up there with Les Nesman (WKRP - old 70's TV Show) and CHI CHI (long 'i' sound) ROD DRAY GWEEZ (Chi Chi Rodriguez) and CHI (again, long 'i' sound) HOO AH HOO AH (Chihuahua) 2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning. 3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered "Wussy". 4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-and talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way. 5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. 6. Never honk at anyone. EVER! Seriously!! It's another offense that can get you shot. 7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting. 8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelina's, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of the above items. 9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and I-10 are the same road. SR 202 is the same road as The Red Mountain Freeway. Dunlap and Olive is the same street too. Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street. I-17 is also called The Black Canyon Freeway as well as The Veterans Memorial Highway. And if all that isn't enough to remember.... SR 51 has recently been renamed to The Piestewa Freeway because Squaw Peak Parkway was too easy pronounce. SR 101 is also the Pima Freeway except west of the I-17, which is also The Black Canyon Freeway, and The Veterans Memorial Highway. Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. But, Cactus Rd. doesn't become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a mountain. 10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated." 11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot. 12. If you actually stay here year 'round for summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands. 13. When you see a vehicle with Minnesota plates, be aware they merge into any lane or road with no attention to others in their way. They should be shot. 14. Eating, drinking, and cell phone usage at the same time, yelling at children while turned completely around facing them in the back seat, doing make up with both hands while using the rear view mirror, sending and receiving faxes, reading reports, a good novel, or the newspaper are required skills for the drive time exercise. 15. Never let anyone see you. Darken your window several shades beyond acceptable standards. Use the excuse, if stopped by the police, that you have an allergy to sun light. |
#3
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OT FOR OUR ARIZONA PEOPLE
Magic Mood JeepŠ wrote:
In , Matthew purred: How to Drive in Phoenix 1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: "FEE-NICKS". All of these are good, but I like this one as it reminds me of the (FedEx?) commercial where the dumbass wants to ship a package to PUH HOE NICKS. Ranks right up there with Les Nesman (WKRP - old 70's TV Show) and CHI CHI (long 'i' sound) ROD DRAY GWEEZ (Chi Chi Rodriguez) and CHI (again, long 'i' sound) HOO AH HOO AH (Chihuahua) LOL! I remember that. I learned how to speak English at age 10 by watching WKRP. Errr... should I have just admitted that?!?! ;-) Reminds me of a friend of mine here who went to a cafe recently and the woman in front of her ordered 2 "ca PAH chi NOES" and a toasted "****a CHIA". -- Britta Purring is an automatic safety valve device for dealing with happiness overflow. Check out pictures of Vino at: http://picasaweb.google.com/badwilson |
#4
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OT FOR OUR ARIZONA PEOPLE
On Mon, 19 Mar 2007 08:26:49 +0900, "badwilson"
yodeled: Magic Mood JeepŠ wrote: In , Matthew purred: How to Drive in Phoenix 1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: "FEE-NICKS". All of these are good, but I like this one as it reminds me of the (FedEx?) commercial where the dumbass wants to ship a package to PUH HOE NICKS. Ranks right up there with Les Nesman (WKRP - old 70's TV Show) and CHI CHI (long 'i' sound) ROD DRAY GWEEZ (Chi Chi Rodriguez) and CHI (again, long 'i' sound) HOO AH HOO AH (Chihuahua) LOL! I remember that. I learned how to speak English at age 10 by watching WKRP. Errr... should I have just admitted that?!?! ;-) Reminds me of a friend of mine here who went to a cafe recently and the woman in front of her ordered 2 "ca PAH chi NOES" and a toasted "****a CHIA". Reminds me of how I once thought "Phuket" was pronounced. Theresa Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh Make Levees, Not War |
#5
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OT FOR OUR ARIZONA PEOPLE
"Magic Mood Jeep?" wrote:
Matthew purred: How to Drive in Phoenix 1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: "FEE-NICKS". I'm amazed that anyone doesn't know how to pronounce Phoenix, execpt perhaps people who don't know English, or the names of US cities, very well. All of these are good, but I like this one as it reminds me of the (FedEx?) commercial where the dumbass wants to ship a package to PUH HOE NICKS. Ranks right up there with Les Nesman (WKRP - old 70's TV Show) and CHI CHI (long 'i' sound) ROD DRAY GWEEZ (Chi Chi Rodriguez) and CHI (again, long 'i' sound) HOO AH HOO AH (Chihuahua) My favorite is when a guy at a job I had many years ago, named Jesus Jimenez, was paged over the company public address as "Jesus" (as in Jesus of Nazareth) "JIM-in-ezz". Do you think he answered that page? Joyce |
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OT FOR OUR ARIZONA PEOPLE
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#8
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OT FOR OUR ARIZONA PEOPLE
Victor Martinez wrote:
wrote: My favorite is when a guy at a job I had many years ago, named Jesus Jimenez, was paged over the company public address as "Jesus" (as in Jesus of Nazareth) "JIM-in-ezz". Do you think he answered that page? That's funny! It's like the first time I heard my last name pronounced by someone who didn't know how to pronounce spanish. MAR-t-nez. I looked around waiting for Mr or Mrs MAR-t-nez to raise his/her hand. LOL, exactly! I suppose after a while, you start to recognize these manglings as referring to you. Joyce "Vermont", "Wer-MONT", "Were-mont" (as in werewolf ) and several others. At least those bear SOME relation to my actual name. |
#9
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OT FOR OUR ARIZONA PEOPLE
wrote:
Victor Martinez wrote: wrote: My favorite is when a guy at a job I had many years ago, named Jesus Jimenez, was paged over the company public address as "Jesus" (as in Jesus of Nazareth) "JIM-in-ezz". Do you think he answered that page? That's funny! It's like the first time I heard my last name pronounced by someone who didn't know how to pronounce spanish. MAR-t-nez. I looked around waiting for Mr or Mrs MAR-t-nez to raise his/her hand. LOL, exactly! I suppose after a while, you start to recognize these manglings as referring to you. Joyce "Vermont", "Wer-MONT", "Were-mont" (as in werewolf ) and several others. At least those bear SOME relation to my actual name. Why do you think if there is a "wait" in a restaurant the name added to the list is *not* my last name?! The host or hostess just flounders on Mc... Mc... uh... Mc Jill McQuown |
#10
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OT FOR OUR ARIZONA PEOPLE
On Tue, 20 Mar 2007 00:46:57 -0600, "jmcquown"
yodeled: wrote: Victor Martinez wrote: wrote: My favorite is when a guy at a job I had many years ago, named Jesus Jimenez, was paged over the company public address as "Jesus" (as in Jesus of Nazareth) "JIM-in-ezz". Do you think he answered that page? That's funny! It's like the first time I heard my last name pronounced by someone who didn't know how to pronounce spanish. MAR-t-nez. I looked around waiting for Mr or Mrs MAR-t-nez to raise his/her hand. LOL, exactly! I suppose after a while, you start to recognize these manglings as referring to you. Joyce "Vermont", "Wer-MONT", "Were-mont" (as in werewolf ) and several others. At least those bear SOME relation to my actual name. Why do you think if there is a "wait" in a restaurant the name added to the list is *not* my last name?! The host or hostess just flounders on Mc... Mc... uh... Mc Jill McQuown As time as has gone by, it seems to me that more people get my name right the first time around, but occasionally there is an eyebrow-raiser. Native speakers of Latin-root languages often can't get their minds around an "i" following a "u." My first-grade teacher, who had no such excuse, insisted on calling me "Theresa Moo-eeer." Nasty children always would say "Manure." Fortunately, a lot of people have heard of John Muir or the Muir woods, so I'm safe most of the time. Thanks, John. Theresa Muir Theresa Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh Make Levees, Not War |
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