OT FOR OUR ARIZONA PEOPLE

How to Drive in Phoenix

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: "FEE-NICKS".

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour
is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop
101, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less
is considered "Wussy".

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own
version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-and talking
moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. EVER! Seriously!! It's another offense that
can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour
barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the
middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs,
barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires,
squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelina's, roadrunners, and the
coyotes feeding on any of the above items.

9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and I-10 are the same road. SR 202
is the same road as The Red Mountain Freeway. Dunlap and Olive is the
same street too. Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same
street. I-17 is also called The Black Canyon Freeway as well as The
Veterans Memorial Highway. And if all that isn't enough to remember....
SR 51 has recently been renamed to The Piestewa Freeway because Squaw
Peak Parkway was too easy pronounce. SR 101 is also the Pima Freeway
except west of the I-17, which is also The Black Canyon Freeway, and The
Veterans Memorial Highway. Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd.
But, Cactus Rd. doesn't become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a
mountain.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
activated."

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

12. If you actually stay here year 'round for summer driving, it is
advisable to wear potholders on your hands.

13. When you see a vehicle with Minnesota plates, be aware they merge
into any lane or road with no attention to others in their way. They
should be shot.

14. Eating, drinking, and cell phone usage at the same time, yelling at
children while turned completely around facing them in the back seat,
doing make up with both hands while using the rear view mirror, sending
and receiving faxes, reading reports, a good novel, or the newspaper are
required skills for the drive time exercise.

15. Never let anyone see you. Darken your window several shades beyond
acceptable standards. Use the excuse, if stopped by the police, that you
have an allergy to sun light.

In ,
Matthew purred:
How to Drive in Phoenix

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is:
"FEE-NICKS".

All of these are good, but I like this one as it reminds me of the (FedEx?)
commercial where the dumbass wants to ship a package to PUH HOE NICKS.
Ranks right up there with Les Nesman (WKRP - old 70's TV Show) and CHI CHI
(long 'i' sound) ROD DRAY GWEEZ (Chi Chi Rodriguez) and CHI (again, long 'i'
sound) HOO AH HOO AH (Chihuahua)




2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush
hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop
101, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less
is considered "Wussy".

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own
version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-and talking
moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. EVER! Seriously!! It's another offense that
can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour
barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the
middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more
exciting.
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs,
barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires,
squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelina's, roadrunners, and the
coyotes feeding on any of the above items.

9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and I-10 are the same road. SR 202
is the same road as The Red Mountain Freeway. Dunlap and Olive is the
same street too. Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the
same street. I-17 is also called The Black Canyon Freeway as well as
The Veterans Memorial Highway. And if all that isn't enough to
remember.... SR 51 has recently been renamed to The Piestewa Freeway
because Squaw Peak Parkway was too easy pronounce. SR 101 is also the
Pima Freeway except west of the I-17, which is also The Black Canyon
Freeway, and The Veterans Memorial Highway. Lastly, Thunderbird Rd.
becomes Cactus Rd. But, Cactus Rd. doesn't become Thunderbird Rd.
because it dead ends at a mountain.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
activated."

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

12. If you actually stay here year 'round for summer driving, it is
advisable to wear potholders on your hands.

13. When you see a vehicle with Minnesota plates, be aware they merge
into any lane or road with no attention to others in their way. They
should be shot.

14. Eating, drinking, and cell phone usage at the same time, yelling
at children while turned completely around facing them in the back
seat, doing make up with both hands while using the rear view mirror,
sending and receiving faxes, reading reports, a good novel, or the
newspaper are required skills for the drive time exercise.

15. Never let anyone see you. Darken your window several shades beyond
acceptable standards. Use the excuse, if stopped by the police, that
you have an allergy to sun light.

Magic Mood Jeep© wrote:
In ,
Matthew purred:
How to Drive in Phoenix

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is:
"FEE-NICKS".

All of these are good, but I like this one as it reminds me of the
(FedEx?) commercial where the dumbass wants to ship a package to PUH
HOE NICKS. Ranks right up there with Les Nesman (WKRP - old 70's TV
Show) and CHI CHI (long 'i' sound) ROD DRAY GWEEZ (Chi Chi Rodriguez)
and CHI (again, long 'i' sound) HOO AH HOO AH (Chihuahua)

LOL! I remember that. I learned how to speak English at age 10 by
watching WKRP. Errr... should I have just admitted that?!?! ;-)
Reminds me of a friend of mine here who went to a cafe recently and the
woman in front of her ordered 2 "ca PAH chi NOES" and a toasted "****a
CHIA".
--
Britta
Purring is an automatic safety valve device for dealing with happiness
overflow.
Check out pictures of Vino at:
http://picasaweb.google.com/badwilson

On Mon, 19 Mar 2007 08:26:49 +0900, "badwilson"
yodeled:

Magic Mood Jeep© wrote:
In ,
Matthew purred:
How to Drive in Phoenix

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is:
"FEE-NICKS".

All of these are good, but I like this one as it reminds me of the
(FedEx?) commercial where the dumbass wants to ship a package to PUH
HOE NICKS. Ranks right up there with Les Nesman (WKRP - old 70's TV
Show) and CHI CHI (long 'i' sound) ROD DRAY GWEEZ (Chi Chi Rodriguez)
and CHI (again, long 'i' sound) HOO AH HOO AH (Chihuahua)

LOL! I remember that. I learned how to speak English at age 10 by
watching WKRP. Errr... should I have just admitted that?!?! ;-)
Reminds me of a friend of mine here who went to a cafe recently and the
woman in front of her ordered 2 "ca PAH chi NOES" and a toasted "****a
CHIA".


Reminds me of how I once thought "Phuket" was pronounced.


Theresa
Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh

Make Levees, Not War

"Magic Mood Jeep?" wrote:

Matthew purred:

How to Drive in Phoenix

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is:
"FEE-NICKS".

I'm amazed that anyone doesn't know how to pronounce Phoenix, execpt
perhaps people who don't know English, or the names of US cities, very
well.

All of these are good, but I like this one as it reminds me of the (FedEx?)
commercial where the dumbass wants to ship a package to PUH HOE NICKS.
Ranks right up there with Les Nesman (WKRP - old 70's TV Show) and CHI CHI
(long 'i' sound) ROD DRAY GWEEZ (Chi Chi Rodriguez) and CHI (again, long 'i'
sound) HOO AH HOO AH (Chihuahua)

My favorite is when a guy at a job I had many years ago, named Jesus
Jimenez, was paged over the company public address as "Jesus" (as in
Jesus of Nazareth) "JIM-in-ezz". Do you think he answered that page?

Joyce

On Mon, 19 Mar 2007 18:29:50 -0400, wrote:

"Magic Mood Jeep?" wrote:

Matthew purred:

How to Drive in Phoenix

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is:
"FEE-NICKS".

I'm amazed that anyone doesn't know how to pronounce Phoenix, execpt
perhaps people who don't know English, or the names of US cities, very
well.

Historically it's always been that way. In biblical times (whatever THAT
means) there were some two groups of people (sorry: I'm far from a scholar
where the BIble is concerned) who pronounced the word for "corn" differently:
SIB-oleth vs SHIB-oleth. It was a way to tell if someone was "of the people"
or "of the foreigners."

In WWII, the same held for the name of the Dutch Airport: Dutch say
"SKHIP-hol" and Germans say "SHIP-hol."

In order to keep this On Topic, however, I will add that no one's cats gave a
damn how it was pronounced.

In Manhattan there is a major cross-town street named "Houston Street", but
it's pronounced "HOW-stn", not "HYOO-stn" here. An easy way to tell a
"furriner."

All of these are good, but I like this one as it reminds me of the
(FedEx?)
commercial where the dumbass wants to ship a package to PUH HOE NICKS.

LOL! I missed that one. I wish I knew someone who lived in Phoenix, so I
could use that on them. (But they've probably heard it before.)

My favorite is when a guy at a job I had many years ago, named Jesus
Jimenez, was paged over the company public address as "Jesus" (as in
Jesus of Nazareth) "JIM-in-ezz". Do you think he answered that page?

Reminds me of when I worked at the First National Bank of Boston: I was in
the communications room (where they make photocopies for various departments)
and the copier paged someone named "Zha-KWEZZ Moran." It even took ME a
minute to realize she was paging someone named "Jacques."
(There are no cat references here. Sorry. :-)

God, I'm glad I'm perfect! :-)))))))

--
Joey DoWop Dee
Remember: It is To Laugh

wrote:
My favorite is when a guy at a job I had many years ago, named Jesus
Jimenez, was paged over the company public address as "Jesus" (as in
Jesus of Nazareth) "JIM-in-ezz". Do you think he answered that page?

That's funny! It's like the first time I heard my last name pronounced
by someone who didn't know how to pronounce spanish. MAR-t-nez. I looked
around waiting for Mr or Mrs MAR-t-nez to raise his/her hand.

--
Victor M. Martinez
Owned and operated by the Fantastic Seven (TM)
Send your spam he
Email me he

Victor Martinez wrote:

wrote:
My favorite is when a guy at a job I had many years ago, named Jesus
Jimenez, was paged over the company public address as "Jesus" (as in
Jesus of Nazareth) "JIM-in-ezz". Do you think he answered that page?

That's funny! It's like the first time I heard my last name pronounced
by someone who didn't know how to pronounce spanish. MAR-t-nez. I looked
around waiting for Mr or Mrs MAR-t-nez to raise his/her hand.

LOL, exactly! I suppose after a while, you start to recognize these
manglings as referring to you.

Joyce "Vermont", "Wer-MONT", "Were-mont" (as in werewolf ) and several
others. At least those bear SOME relation to my actual name.

wrote:
Victor Martinez wrote:

wrote:
My favorite is when a guy at a job I had many years ago, named
Jesus Jimenez, was paged over the company public address as
"Jesus" (as in Jesus of Nazareth) "JIM-in-ezz". Do you think he
answered that page?

That's funny! It's like the first time I heard my last name
pronounced by someone who didn't know how to pronounce spanish.
MAR-t-nez. I looked around waiting for Mr or Mrs MAR-t-nez to
raise his/her hand.

LOL, exactly! I suppose after a while, you start to recognize these
manglings as referring to you.

Joyce "Vermont", "Wer-MONT", "Were-mont" (as in werewolf ) and
several others. At least those bear SOME relation to my actual name.

Why do you think if there is a "wait" in a restaurant the name added to the
list is *not* my last name?! The host or hostess just flounders on Mc...
Mc... uh... Mc

Jill McQuown

On Tue, 20 Mar 2007 00:46:57 -0600, "jmcquown"
yodeled:

wrote:
Victor Martinez wrote:

wrote:
My favorite is when a guy at a job I had many years ago, named
Jesus Jimenez, was paged over the company public address as
"Jesus" (as in Jesus of Nazareth) "JIM-in-ezz". Do you think he
answered that page?

That's funny! It's like the first time I heard my last name
pronounced by someone who didn't know how to pronounce spanish.
MAR-t-nez. I looked around waiting for Mr or Mrs MAR-t-nez to
raise his/her hand.

LOL, exactly! I suppose after a while, you start to recognize these
manglings as referring to you.

Joyce "Vermont", "Wer-MONT", "Were-mont" (as in werewolf ) and
several others. At least those bear SOME relation to my actual name.

Why do you think if there is a "wait" in a restaurant the name added to the
list is *not* my last name?! The host or hostess just flounders on Mc...
Mc... uh... Mc

Jill McQuown

As time as has gone by, it seems to me that more people get my name
right the first time around, but occasionally there is an
eyebrow-raiser. Native speakers of Latin-root languages often can't
get their minds around an "i" following a "u." My first-grade
teacher, who had no such excuse, insisted on calling me "Theresa
Moo-eeer." Nasty children always would say "Manure."
Fortunately, a lot of people have heard of John Muir or the Muir
woods, so I'm safe most of the time. Thanks, John.

Theresa Muir




Theresa
Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh

Make Levees, Not War