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The Chronicles of Frank I (LONG)
This comes very late for the writing challenge, but like many elderly
people, Frank feels the need to set down his life and write his autobiography, and since his life has been a long and eventful one, I told him he'd better break it up in chapters. I hope he will write more soon. He had a bit of a bad start in life, though nothing as tragic as many other stories we've read here. And it all ends happily (at least for me -- their loss, my gain). _____________________________ My hoomin says I was born on 27th November in 1987, whatever that means. (Nikki says it means I'm an old geezer, but Waffles knows this aint true). All I know is it was nice and warm and cuddly with my mummy, and later, there were big dogs to bully around and my two sisters and one brother to play with. Then my sisters and my brother were taken away, and I was left with my mummy. Then some people came and took me away from my mum. When we got to their place, of course I had to test that gravity functioned the same way there as it did at my mum's, just to make sure it was a safe place to live. But these people could not understand the importance of my tests. When I did them, they would roll up a newspaper and smack me with it. The nerve! Finally, they took me back to my mum's. That was OK, because I already knew that was a safe place to be. But then some other people came and took me away. These people had one of those shrunken humans. She was really fond of me -- a little *too* fond if you ask me, since I was becoming a teenager and teenage cats don't like cuddling that much. But this shrunken hoomin always started sneezing and her yucky stuff started coming out of her nose when she was around me. Her eyes got all puffy and red, and I was a little scared of her. In the end, the big people took me back to my mum's place again. OK, I thought, let's hope they let me stay here. Bullying those dogs was great fun, even if I didn't have my siblings there to play with any more. But one day my then hoomin took me for a ride in the shiny growly monster, stopped at a house and carried me up a whole lot of stairs together with another hoomin, and rang a doorbell. The door opened, and there stood the hoomin I would come to know as my true Meowmie. She ooh'ed and aah'ed over me, and the two other hoomins stayed a while to watch me get settled (I would later learn that the other hoomin was my Meowmie's sister). After they left, I pretty much ignored the hoomin for the rest of the day, since I was busy inspecting this third new place in a short time. Well, there was a clean litterbox (that I used) and nice food set out for me, so I decided this would be OK. When the hoomin went to bed, I started testing the gravity at her place, just to make sure it was a safe place for me to stay, you know. I heard her mumbling, sometimes wailing my name (that I had learned at my mum's -- imagine this hoomin already knew my name!) from the bed, but dauntless, I continued my research. I also discovered a strange big box-like thing, with movable parts that, when you walked on them, they made interesting sounds. This proved an absorbing study for many hours that night, and many nights after that. The hoomin used to mumble from the bed, "Frank, pleeeeeease don't walk on the piano," but it really needed thorough study. When I had stayed at this hoomin's place for several days, I started to feel quite comfortable, and decided to inspect the bed while the hoomin was sleeping. I hadn't visited the bed before, because I felt that it was the hoomin's own private place, inundated with her smell, and I didn't want to infringe upon her, in case she would send me away. However, I was feeling a bit homesick for my mum, and thought it might be nice to cuddle up to the hoomin, just for a while, while she was sleeping. So, gathering all my courage, I jumped up on the bed. I sniffed around a bit, saw the hoomin's head on something they call a pillow -- which I now know is the most excellent cat bed there can be -- and was just going to lay down at the other end of the bed, when suddenly something moved under the covers. A bed mouse! No, several bed mice! This must be why the hoomin had got me in in the first place, and why she had tried to coax me into bed with her every evening since I arrived! She wanted me to help her get rid of those bed mice! Well, I'd better earn my keep, so I wouldn't have to change homes yet again. So I pounced, I grabbed and bit, I bunny-kicked, I shook them by the neck, all amidst the hoomin's sqeauls of pleasure that I'd finally started in on the real work. After that, I spent every evening chasing those pesky bed mice, that always sent out a new team of ten every evening to harass the hoomin. I must have killed hundreds of them. -- Marina, Frank and Nikki marina (dot) kurten (at) pp (dot) inet (dot) fi Pics at http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/frankiennikki/ and http://community.webshots.com/user/frankiennikki |
#2
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Marina wrote:
So, gathering all my courage, I jumped up on the bed. I sniffed around a bit, saw the hoomin's head on something they call a pillow -- which I now know is the most excellent cat bed there can be -- and was just going to lay down at the other end of the bed, when suddenly something moved under the covers. A bed mouse! No, several bed mice! What a cute tale! Frank has lived such a long and exciting life that these chronicles could have dozens of volumes. Frank's early experiments remind me of Berfert and his pranks. |
#3
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Marina wrote:
So, gathering all my courage, I jumped up on the bed. I sniffed around a bit, saw the hoomin's head on something they call a pillow -- which I now know is the most excellent cat bed there can be -- and was just going to lay down at the other end of the bed, when suddenly something moved under the covers. A bed mouse! No, several bed mice! What a cute tale! Frank has lived such a long and exciting life that these chronicles could have dozens of volumes. Frank's early experiments remind me of Berfert and his pranks. |
#4
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Marina wrote:
So, gathering all my courage, I jumped up on the bed. I sniffed around a bit, saw the hoomin's head on something they call a pillow -- which I now know is the most excellent cat bed there can be -- and was just going to lay down at the other end of the bed, when suddenly something moved under the covers. A bed mouse! No, several bed mice! What a cute tale! Frank has lived such a long and exciting life that these chronicles could have dozens of volumes. Frank's early experiments remind me of Berfert and his pranks. |
#5
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My hoomin says I was born on 27th November in 1987, whatever that means.
(Nikki says it means I'm an old geezer, but Waffles knows this aint true). Indeed my sweet, dear Frank. You are in your purr-ime. Purrs, Waffles.. xxxx --This is an invalid email address to avoid spam-- to get correct one remove fame & fortune **$om $ --Due to financial crisis the light at the end of the tunnel is switched off-- |
#6
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My hoomin says I was born on 27th November in 1987, whatever that means.
(Nikki says it means I'm an old geezer, but Waffles knows this aint true). Indeed my sweet, dear Frank. You are in your purr-ime. Purrs, Waffles.. xxxx --This is an invalid email address to avoid spam-- to get correct one remove fame & fortune **$om $ --Due to financial crisis the light at the end of the tunnel is switched off-- |
#7
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My hoomin says I was born on 27th November in 1987, whatever that means.
(Nikki says it means I'm an old geezer, but Waffles knows this aint true). Indeed my sweet, dear Frank. You are in your purr-ime. Purrs, Waffles.. xxxx --This is an invalid email address to avoid spam-- to get correct one remove fame & fortune **$om $ --Due to financial crisis the light at the end of the tunnel is switched off-- |
#8
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Marina wrote:
work. After that, I spent every evening chasing those pesky bed mice, that always sent out a new team of ten every evening to harass the hoomin. I must have killed hundreds of them. What a good boy Frank is! -- Victor Martinez Owned and operated by the Fantastic Seven (TM) Send your spam he Email me he |
#9
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Marina wrote:
work. After that, I spent every evening chasing those pesky bed mice, that always sent out a new team of ten every evening to harass the hoomin. I must have killed hundreds of them. What a good boy Frank is! -- Victor Martinez Owned and operated by the Fantastic Seven (TM) Send your spam he Email me he |
#10
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Marina wrote:
work. After that, I spent every evening chasing those pesky bed mice, that always sent out a new team of ten every evening to harass the hoomin. I must have killed hundreds of them. What a good boy Frank is! -- Victor Martinez Owned and operated by the Fantastic Seven (TM) Send your spam he Email me he |
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