[OT][BW] Jasper chips

[Forwarded from Dave G]

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer
of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you, who are
unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old
child whom you know nothing about and committing to doing your best to
be a good parent. Like a child, the dog came with his own
idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers,
nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a
French kiss on me. Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,'
I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of
this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several
nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress. Five weeks ago we
began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is
downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of
cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lot of friends
that I like more than family most of the time. I was assigned the task
of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two
Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. I am still cursing the electrician
for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance
in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment. I made the
decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs am. Since the
kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the
rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams latex paint #586, I put the rolls
on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for 5 hours.
After 3 hours, Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about
an hour.. An hour later the rolls were ready to go in the oven. It was
8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my
shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my
worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He
looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin
Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his
cheeks were bloated. I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few
seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK,
however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of
the night. God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol
any more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by
the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so
bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night. Naively thinking
the dog would be all better by morning was very stupid on my part. We
arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to
relieve himself. Well, the darn dog was as drunk as a sailor on his
first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and
most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one
direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90
degrees in another direction. He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he
would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small
incline in our back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up
running into the fence. His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a
loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second
call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented
in his belly and that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not
unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4
or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol. Afraid to leave him by
himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to
my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day. My sister
lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls
firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the
back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and I, we took off.
Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me
when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS
WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or
beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the
worst of it. Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked
rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this
for the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any further
away than she did. Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage
with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first
Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all
morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken
dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk
without running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, "what
goes in must come out" and Jasper was no exception. Granted if it had
been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well
have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive
system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a
mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen's house. Having
discovered his "packages" on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the
car so we could hose down the floor. This was another naive decision on
our part.. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor
and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like
Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. We finally tried to remove
it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their
services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get
the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough,
the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left
paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too. Well,
by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and
dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at
Perry's sister's house. I am happy to report that as of today (Monday)
the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a
bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am
also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked
yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door. It appears he must have come
to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for
later would not be a bad idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer
as to: "How to clean unbaked dough from the Carpet." And how was your
day? ~Author Unknown~

Yowie wrote:
[Forwarded from Dave G]


Thanks for the BW! If i'd read that with coffee in hand it would have
taken me a week to clean the walls! As it was it took me 10 minutes and
half a box of tissues (to wipe my streaming eyes) before I could get
composed enough to reply!

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

"Lesley" wrote in message
oups.com...

Yowie wrote:
[Forwarded from Dave G]


Thanks for the BW! If i'd read that with coffee in hand it would have
taken me a week to clean the walls! As it was it took me 10 minutes and
half a box of tissues (to wipe my streaming eyes) before I could get
composed enough to reply!

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

Thanks Vicky, a delightful story. Give my love to Dave G. I would have
written to him but have lost his addy.

Bev

Aw, tell Dave that this was much appreciated. My hubby and I are still
laughing.

We are still sending purrs, doggie drool and good thoughts to him and Dot.

Diane

On Sun, 22 Oct 2006 19:43:22 +1000, Yowie wrote:

[Forwarded from Dave G]

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer
of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you, who are
unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old
child whom you know nothing about and committing to doing your best to
be a good parent. Like a child, the dog came with his own
idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers,
nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a
French kiss on me. Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,'
I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of
this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several
nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress. Five weeks ago we
began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is
downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of
cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lot of friends
that I like more than family most of the time. I was assigned the task
of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two
Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. I am still cursing the electrician
for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance
in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment. I made the
decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs am. Since the
kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the
rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams latex paint #586, I put the rolls
on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for 5 hours.
After 3 hours, Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about
an hour.. An hour later the rolls were ready to go in the oven. It was
8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my
shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my
worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He
looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin
Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his
cheeks were bloated. I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few
seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK,
however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of
the night. God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol
any more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by
the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so
bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night. Naively thinking
the dog would be all better by morning was very stupid on my part. We
arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to
relieve himself. Well, the darn dog was as drunk as a sailor on his
first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and
most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one
direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90
degrees in another direction. He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he
would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small
incline in our back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up
running into the fence. His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a
loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second
call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented
in his belly and that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not
unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4
or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol. Afraid to leave him by
himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to
my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day. My sister
lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls
firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the
back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and I, we took off.
Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me
when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS
WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or
beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the
worst of it. Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked
rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this
for the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any further
away than she did. Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage
with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first
Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all
morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken
dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk
without running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, "what
goes in must come out" and Jasper was no exception. Granted if it had
been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well
have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive
system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a
mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen's house. Having
discovered his "packages" on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the
car so we could hose down the floor. This was another naive decision on
our part.. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor
and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like
Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. We finally tried to remove
it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their
services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get
the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough,
the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left
paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too. Well,
by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and
dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at
Perry's sister's house. I am happy to report that as of today (Monday)
the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a
bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am
also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked
yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door. It appears he must have come
to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for
later would not be a bad idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer
as to: "How to clean unbaked dough from the Carpet." And how was your
day? ~Author Unknown~


That is a "keeper". MLB

"Yowie" wrote in message
...
[Forwarded from Dave G]

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer
of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you, who are
unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old
child whom you know nothing about and committing to doing your best to
be a good parent. Like a child, the dog came with his own
idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers,
nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a
French kiss on me. Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,'
I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of
this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several
nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress. Five weeks ago we
began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is
downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of
cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lot of friends
that I like more than family most of the time. I was assigned the task
of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two
Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. I am still cursing the electrician
for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance
in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment. I made the
decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs am. Since the
kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the
rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams latex paint #586, I put the rolls
on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for 5 hours.
After 3 hours, Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about
an hour.. An hour later the rolls were ready to go in the oven. It was
8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my
shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my
worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He
looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin
Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his
cheeks were bloated. I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few
seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK,
however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of
the night. God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol
any more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by
the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so
bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night. Naively thinking
the dog would be all better by morning was very stupid on my part. We
arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to
relieve himself. Well, the darn dog was as drunk as a sailor on his
first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and
most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one
direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90
degrees in another direction. He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he
would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small
incline in our back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up
running into the fence. His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a
loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second
call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented
in his belly and that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not
unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4
or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol. Afraid to leave him by
himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to
my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day. My sister
lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls
firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the
back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and I, we took off.
Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me
when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS
WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or
beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the
worst of it. Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked
rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this
for the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any further
away than she did. Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage
with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first
Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all
morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken
dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk
without running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, "what
goes in must come out" and Jasper was no exception. Granted if it had
been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well
have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive
system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a
mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen's house. Having
discovered his "packages" on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the
car so we could hose down the floor. This was another naive decision on
our part.. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor
and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like
Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. We finally tried to remove
it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their
services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get
the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough,
the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left
paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too. Well,
by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and
dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at
Perry's sister's house. I am happy to report that as of today (Monday)
the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a
bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am
also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked
yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door. It appears he must have come
to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for
later would not be a bad idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer
as to: "How to clean unbaked dough from the Carpet." And how was your
day? ~Author Unknown~

ROTFLOL! Isn't it amazing how something that is a nightmare to live can
become a hilarious story later?

Joy

On Sun, 22 Oct 2006 19:43:22 +1000, "Yowie"
wrote:

[Forwarded from Dave G]

ROFLMAO!! I was eating popcorn while reading and I got to laughing so
hard i nearly choked! I really miss Dave. Purrs for him and Dot and
the doggies.

--
CATherine

Yowie wrote:

[Forwarded from Dave G]

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer
of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you, who are
unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old
child whom you know nothing about and committing to doing your best to
be a good parent. snip

Please thank Dave for us! We are thinking of him a lot, sending lots and
lots of purrs and best wishes that he can have the operation as soon as
possible,
Polonca and Soncek