Apology

Nan wrote:

Yes, you do grieve when you've lost someone, but after a period of
time you have to get on with your life. Most funeral homes have
support groups to help you through the grieving process.

Grief takes as long as it takes, and it's different for each person.
Everyone has different past experiences, as well as different innate
temperaments, which may help or hinder us from healing from a current
tragedy. There's no right or wrong way of grieving, nor is there a
standard time for "moving on."

I'm terribly sorry about your having lost your husband. And I'm glad that
you've found a way to go on. I hope that can help you show compassion
for others who've lost people they love, rather than insisting that they
recover in the same way, and at the same rate of time, that you have.

Joyce

Nan wrote:

Yes, you do grieve when you've lost someone, but after a period of
time you have to get on with your life. Most funeral homes have
support groups to help you through the grieving process.

Grief takes as long as it takes, and it's different for each person.
Everyone has different past experiences, as well as different innate
temperaments, which may help or hinder us from healing from a current
tragedy. There's no right or wrong way of grieving, nor is there a
standard time for "moving on."

I'm terribly sorry about your having lost your husband. And I'm glad that
you've found a way to go on. I hope that can help you show compassion
for others who've lost people they love, rather than insisting that they
recover in the same way, and at the same rate of time, that you have.

Joyce

CatNipped wrote:

You can't ever be too careful in
written correspondence, things can take on a totally different meaning than
what you meant to say - even smileys don't help. I've read that 90% of what
we communicate is communicated by tone of voice and body language - when you
lose that communication, the written word seems so inadequate!

That's true. And don't forget cultural differences. People from cultures
other than your own might not even understand that you're being humorous,
or they might, but still won't get the joke because they have no reference
for it. The same caveat goes for interpreting the intent of other people's
written communications. What sounds like sarcasm or meanness might not be
at all, when filtered through the distortions of writing style, different
cultural perspectives, and the lack of in-person body language. It's best
to assume the best of others, and go from there. (Not that I always follow
this advice, mind you! )

Joyce

CatNipped wrote:

You can't ever be too careful in
written correspondence, things can take on a totally different meaning than
what you meant to say - even smileys don't help. I've read that 90% of what
we communicate is communicated by tone of voice and body language - when you
lose that communication, the written word seems so inadequate!

That's true. And don't forget cultural differences. People from cultures
other than your own might not even understand that you're being humorous,
or they might, but still won't get the joke because they have no reference
for it. The same caveat goes for interpreting the intent of other people's
written communications. What sounds like sarcasm or meanness might not be
at all, when filtered through the distortions of writing style, different
cultural perspectives, and the lack of in-person body language. It's best
to assume the best of others, and go from there. (Not that I always follow
this advice, mind you! )

Joyce

CatNipped wrote:

You can't ever be too careful in
written correspondence, things can take on a totally different meaning than
what you meant to say - even smileys don't help. I've read that 90% of what
we communicate is communicated by tone of voice and body language - when you
lose that communication, the written word seems so inadequate!

That's true. And don't forget cultural differences. People from cultures
other than your own might not even understand that you're being humorous,
or they might, but still won't get the joke because they have no reference
for it. The same caveat goes for interpreting the intent of other people's
written communications. What sounds like sarcasm or meanness might not be
at all, when filtered through the distortions of writing style, different
cultural perspectives, and the lack of in-person body language. It's best
to assume the best of others, and go from there. (Not that I always follow
this advice, mind you! )

Joyce

CatNipped wrote:

I absolutely hate, loathe, and despise people who get all weepy
about minor problems

Really? Why??

I don't like it when someone tries to manipulate me into listening to
their problems, no matter how minor, with no regard to whether I have the
time or interest. Is that what you mean by the above? Or do you just not
like people who are more emotive than yourself?

I think everyone has different thresholds of frustration, anger, and
stress level. And we all have different ways of venting it. Better to
be weepy and whiny than to be like *me*, which is to get cranky and
irritable. You don't want to be around me when I'm overstressed or haven't
had enough sleep. Luckily, I no longer get PMS, or I'd have included that,
too. There are advantages to aging.

I started taking extra vitamins and gave myself a stern lecture, so
hopefully I'll start bucking up and quit whining.

Our culture is way too focused on the whole "bucking up" thing, if you
ask me. We're soooo uptight about having feelings. Whine a little! Who's
it going to harm? You might even feel better. I think that as long as one
has respect for other people's time and limits, and asks others first if
they're up for listening to us whine (and we get the go-ahead), what's
the problem??

Joyce - aiming to be one of those long-lived, cranky old ladies. (Yes! It's
true! There have been studies: grumpy old people live longer than pleasant
ones.)

CatNipped wrote:

I absolutely hate, loathe, and despise people who get all weepy
about minor problems

Really? Why??

I don't like it when someone tries to manipulate me into listening to
their problems, no matter how minor, with no regard to whether I have the
time or interest. Is that what you mean by the above? Or do you just not
like people who are more emotive than yourself?

I think everyone has different thresholds of frustration, anger, and
stress level. And we all have different ways of venting it. Better to
be weepy and whiny than to be like *me*, which is to get cranky and
irritable. You don't want to be around me when I'm overstressed or haven't
had enough sleep. Luckily, I no longer get PMS, or I'd have included that,
too. There are advantages to aging.

I started taking extra vitamins and gave myself a stern lecture, so
hopefully I'll start bucking up and quit whining.

Our culture is way too focused on the whole "bucking up" thing, if you
ask me. We're soooo uptight about having feelings. Whine a little! Who's
it going to harm? You might even feel better. I think that as long as one
has respect for other people's time and limits, and asks others first if
they're up for listening to us whine (and we get the go-ahead), what's
the problem??

Joyce - aiming to be one of those long-lived, cranky old ladies. (Yes! It's
true! There have been studies: grumpy old people live longer than pleasant
ones.)

CatNipped wrote:

I absolutely hate, loathe, and despise people who get all weepy
about minor problems

Really? Why??

I don't like it when someone tries to manipulate me into listening to
their problems, no matter how minor, with no regard to whether I have the
time or interest. Is that what you mean by the above? Or do you just not
like people who are more emotive than yourself?

I think everyone has different thresholds of frustration, anger, and
stress level. And we all have different ways of venting it. Better to
be weepy and whiny than to be like *me*, which is to get cranky and
irritable. You don't want to be around me when I'm overstressed or haven't
had enough sleep. Luckily, I no longer get PMS, or I'd have included that,
too. There are advantages to aging.

I started taking extra vitamins and gave myself a stern lecture, so
hopefully I'll start bucking up and quit whining.

Our culture is way too focused on the whole "bucking up" thing, if you
ask me. We're soooo uptight about having feelings. Whine a little! Who's
it going to harm? You might even feel better. I think that as long as one
has respect for other people's time and limits, and asks others first if
they're up for listening to us whine (and we get the go-ahead), what's
the problem??

Joyce - aiming to be one of those long-lived, cranky old ladies. (Yes! It's
true! There have been studies: grumpy old people live longer than pleasant
ones.)

wrote in message
news
CatNipped wrote:

I absolutely hate, loathe, and despise people who get all weepy
about minor problems

Really? Why??

I don't like it when someone tries to manipulate me into listening to
their problems, no matter how minor, with no regard to whether I have the
time or interest. Is that what you mean by the above? Or do you just not
like people who are more emotive than yourself?

You're right, after I wrote that I thought about how callous it sounded - I
*DO* like people who are more emotive than me. This is rather something
that I don't like in *myself* when I do it. I'm more like the male of the
species in that I like to immediately find a solution to a problem rather
than just talking about it (and especially rather than crying about it).

And I need to clarify what I mean by "minor problems". I get impatient with
people who cry about breaking a fingernail when someone else is coping with
the loss of a job or a loved one. And for me, after the things I've been
through in my life, anything less than total disaster is a minor problem.
When I find myself crying real tears just because my boss is being
insensitive, I get very impatient with myself (I think, mygawd, there are
children and animals out there being physically abused and here you are
sniffling about having your feelings hurt by someone you don't even care
about - that sort of thing!).

I think everyone has different thresholds of frustration, anger, and
stress level. And we all have different ways of venting it. Better to
be weepy and whiny than to be like *me*, which is to get cranky and
irritable. You don't want to be around me when I'm overstressed or haven't
had enough sleep. Luckily, I no longer get PMS, or I'd have included that,
too. There are advantages to aging.

Yeah, I can't blame it on PMS either! ;

I started taking extra vitamins and gave myself a stern lecture, so
hopefully I'll start bucking up and quit whining.

Our culture is way too focused on the whole "bucking up" thing, if you
ask me. We're soooo uptight about having feelings. Whine a little! Who's
it going to harm? You might even feel better. I think that as long as one
has respect for other people's time and limits, and asks others first if
they're up for listening to us whine (and we get the go-ahead), what's
the problem??

No, that's the problem, I don't feel better, it just *lowers* my self esteem
(I don't know, maybe it was growing up with 2 older brothers and no sisters,
I got teased really badly whenever I cried about getting noogies! ;)

My whole philosophy on life can be summed up as "Bad things happen. You can
either cry about them or laugh about them. Neither reaction will change the
bad thing that happened, but laughing is so much more fun and your nose
won't get red." So when I start crying about the little things in life I
feel like I'm letting myself down.

Joyce - aiming to be one of those long-lived, cranky old ladies. (Yes!
It's
true! There have been studies: grumpy old people live longer than pleasant
ones.)

ROTFLMAO! How true, how true!!

Hugs,

CatNipped

wrote in message
news
CatNipped wrote:

I absolutely hate, loathe, and despise people who get all weepy
about minor problems

Really? Why??

I don't like it when someone tries to manipulate me into listening to
their problems, no matter how minor, with no regard to whether I have the
time or interest. Is that what you mean by the above? Or do you just not
like people who are more emotive than yourself?

You're right, after I wrote that I thought about how callous it sounded - I
*DO* like people who are more emotive than me. This is rather something
that I don't like in *myself* when I do it. I'm more like the male of the
species in that I like to immediately find a solution to a problem rather
than just talking about it (and especially rather than crying about it).

And I need to clarify what I mean by "minor problems". I get impatient with
people who cry about breaking a fingernail when someone else is coping with
the loss of a job or a loved one. And for me, after the things I've been
through in my life, anything less than total disaster is a minor problem.
When I find myself crying real tears just because my boss is being
insensitive, I get very impatient with myself (I think, mygawd, there are
children and animals out there being physically abused and here you are
sniffling about having your feelings hurt by someone you don't even care
about - that sort of thing!).

I think everyone has different thresholds of frustration, anger, and
stress level. And we all have different ways of venting it. Better to
be weepy and whiny than to be like *me*, which is to get cranky and
irritable. You don't want to be around me when I'm overstressed or haven't
had enough sleep. Luckily, I no longer get PMS, or I'd have included that,
too. There are advantages to aging.

Yeah, I can't blame it on PMS either! ;

I started taking extra vitamins and gave myself a stern lecture, so
hopefully I'll start bucking up and quit whining.

Our culture is way too focused on the whole "bucking up" thing, if you
ask me. We're soooo uptight about having feelings. Whine a little! Who's
it going to harm? You might even feel better. I think that as long as one
has respect for other people's time and limits, and asks others first if
they're up for listening to us whine (and we get the go-ahead), what's
the problem??

No, that's the problem, I don't feel better, it just *lowers* my self esteem
(I don't know, maybe it was growing up with 2 older brothers and no sisters,
I got teased really badly whenever I cried about getting noogies! ;)

My whole philosophy on life can be summed up as "Bad things happen. You can
either cry about them or laugh about them. Neither reaction will change the
bad thing that happened, but laughing is so much more fun and your nose
won't get red." So when I start crying about the little things in life I
feel like I'm letting myself down.

Joyce - aiming to be one of those long-lived, cranky old ladies. (Yes!
It's
true! There have been studies: grumpy old people live longer than pleasant
ones.)

ROTFLMAO! How true, how true!!

Hugs,

CatNipped