Apology

CatNipped wrote:

I'm more like the male of the
species in that I like to immediately find a solution to a problem rather
than just talking about it (and especially rather than crying about it).

In my circle of friends, we call that approach "MAS" - "male answer
syndrome". The irony is, it really doesn't matter what sex you are. I
know plenty of females who prefer that mode of dealing with problems.
But somehow, it has the reputation of being a male response, hence the
name.

I'm definitely an express-your-feelings type. I find it really helps a
lot when someone listens compassionately, without judging, blaming or
feeling sorry for me, and without trying to fix it or give advice (unless
I ask, which I sometimes do).

It's not that I want to be bogged down in bad feelings forever. But often
a productive venting session helps me get to the next stage.

And for me, after the things I've been through in my life, anything
less than total disaster is a minor problem. When I find myself crying
real tears just because my boss is being insensitive, I get very
impatient with myself

But maybe when you cry after your boss is insensitive, you're really still
crying about the bigger things. This is very true for me - if I overreact
to something small, that's usually a sign that something bigger is going
on for me, that I'm not conciously focusing on. Understanding that might
not make anything change - I'm still going to cry over little things sometimes.
But I know that it's because I'm more stressed than usual and so I'm more
easily upset. I guess I don't see that as a bad thing, or a sign of weakness,
etc. It's just how things are. Most people I know are like that, actually.

Maybe you're being a bit hard on yourself? I mean, who are you hurting by
crying, even if the reason for the tears seems silly? If you're going to
criticize yourself, have it be for something you did that hurt someone else.
You have a right to your feelings, no matter how "stupid" or "childish"
or "oversensitive" someone else (who isn't you and doesn't really have a
right to judge your feelings) might think they are.

No, that's the problem, I don't feel better, it just *lowers* my self esteem
(I don't know, maybe it was growing up with 2 older brothers and no sisters,
I got teased really badly whenever I cried about getting noogies! ;)

Tell those two brothers to take a hike!! (I know, easier said than done.)

My whole philosophy on life can be summed up as "Bad things happen. You can
either cry about them or laugh about them. Neither reaction will change the
bad thing that happened, but laughing is so much more fun and your nose
won't get red." So when I start crying about the little things in life I
feel like I'm letting myself down.

I guess it depends on which response is the most helpful at the time.
Sometimes it's true, you might as well laugh about something painful. And
laughing does release tension, so it actually is a good stress reliever.
But there are times when there's nothing like a good cry, when you need it.
Even if the event that triggered the tears was completely trivial, chances
are that you have other stuff to cry over, too. If it's too embarrassing to
do in public, find a bathroom stall and bring a towel to muffle your sobs.
(I've done that sometimes.)

Well, that's my perspective, anyway. Maybe it won't help you, but I sure
hope you can be easier on yourself!

Joyce

CatNipped wrote:

I'm more like the male of the
species in that I like to immediately find a solution to a problem rather
than just talking about it (and especially rather than crying about it).

In my circle of friends, we call that approach "MAS" - "male answer
syndrome". The irony is, it really doesn't matter what sex you are. I
know plenty of females who prefer that mode of dealing with problems.
But somehow, it has the reputation of being a male response, hence the
name.

I'm definitely an express-your-feelings type. I find it really helps a
lot when someone listens compassionately, without judging, blaming or
feeling sorry for me, and without trying to fix it or give advice (unless
I ask, which I sometimes do).

It's not that I want to be bogged down in bad feelings forever. But often
a productive venting session helps me get to the next stage.

And for me, after the things I've been through in my life, anything
less than total disaster is a minor problem. When I find myself crying
real tears just because my boss is being insensitive, I get very
impatient with myself

But maybe when you cry after your boss is insensitive, you're really still
crying about the bigger things. This is very true for me - if I overreact
to something small, that's usually a sign that something bigger is going
on for me, that I'm not conciously focusing on. Understanding that might
not make anything change - I'm still going to cry over little things sometimes.
But I know that it's because I'm more stressed than usual and so I'm more
easily upset. I guess I don't see that as a bad thing, or a sign of weakness,
etc. It's just how things are. Most people I know are like that, actually.

Maybe you're being a bit hard on yourself? I mean, who are you hurting by
crying, even if the reason for the tears seems silly? If you're going to
criticize yourself, have it be for something you did that hurt someone else.
You have a right to your feelings, no matter how "stupid" or "childish"
or "oversensitive" someone else (who isn't you and doesn't really have a
right to judge your feelings) might think they are.

No, that's the problem, I don't feel better, it just *lowers* my self esteem
(I don't know, maybe it was growing up with 2 older brothers and no sisters,
I got teased really badly whenever I cried about getting noogies! ;)

Tell those two brothers to take a hike!! (I know, easier said than done.)

My whole philosophy on life can be summed up as "Bad things happen. You can
either cry about them or laugh about them. Neither reaction will change the
bad thing that happened, but laughing is so much more fun and your nose
won't get red." So when I start crying about the little things in life I
feel like I'm letting myself down.

I guess it depends on which response is the most helpful at the time.
Sometimes it's true, you might as well laugh about something painful. And
laughing does release tension, so it actually is a good stress reliever.
But there are times when there's nothing like a good cry, when you need it.
Even if the event that triggered the tears was completely trivial, chances
are that you have other stuff to cry over, too. If it's too embarrassing to
do in public, find a bathroom stall and bring a towel to muffle your sobs.
(I've done that sometimes.)

Well, that's my perspective, anyway. Maybe it won't help you, but I sure
hope you can be easier on yourself!

Joyce

CatNipped wrote:

I'm more like the male of the
species in that I like to immediately find a solution to a problem rather
than just talking about it (and especially rather than crying about it).

In my circle of friends, we call that approach "MAS" - "male answer
syndrome". The irony is, it really doesn't matter what sex you are. I
know plenty of females who prefer that mode of dealing with problems.
But somehow, it has the reputation of being a male response, hence the
name.

I'm definitely an express-your-feelings type. I find it really helps a
lot when someone listens compassionately, without judging, blaming or
feeling sorry for me, and without trying to fix it or give advice (unless
I ask, which I sometimes do).

It's not that I want to be bogged down in bad feelings forever. But often
a productive venting session helps me get to the next stage.

And for me, after the things I've been through in my life, anything
less than total disaster is a minor problem. When I find myself crying
real tears just because my boss is being insensitive, I get very
impatient with myself

But maybe when you cry after your boss is insensitive, you're really still
crying about the bigger things. This is very true for me - if I overreact
to something small, that's usually a sign that something bigger is going
on for me, that I'm not conciously focusing on. Understanding that might
not make anything change - I'm still going to cry over little things sometimes.
But I know that it's because I'm more stressed than usual and so I'm more
easily upset. I guess I don't see that as a bad thing, or a sign of weakness,
etc. It's just how things are. Most people I know are like that, actually.

Maybe you're being a bit hard on yourself? I mean, who are you hurting by
crying, even if the reason for the tears seems silly? If you're going to
criticize yourself, have it be for something you did that hurt someone else.
You have a right to your feelings, no matter how "stupid" or "childish"
or "oversensitive" someone else (who isn't you and doesn't really have a
right to judge your feelings) might think they are.

No, that's the problem, I don't feel better, it just *lowers* my self esteem
(I don't know, maybe it was growing up with 2 older brothers and no sisters,
I got teased really badly whenever I cried about getting noogies! ;)

Tell those two brothers to take a hike!! (I know, easier said than done.)

My whole philosophy on life can be summed up as "Bad things happen. You can
either cry about them or laugh about them. Neither reaction will change the
bad thing that happened, but laughing is so much more fun and your nose
won't get red." So when I start crying about the little things in life I
feel like I'm letting myself down.

I guess it depends on which response is the most helpful at the time.
Sometimes it's true, you might as well laugh about something painful. And
laughing does release tension, so it actually is a good stress reliever.
But there are times when there's nothing like a good cry, when you need it.
Even if the event that triggered the tears was completely trivial, chances
are that you have other stuff to cry over, too. If it's too embarrassing to
do in public, find a bathroom stall and bring a towel to muffle your sobs.
(I've done that sometimes.)

Well, that's my perspective, anyway. Maybe it won't help you, but I sure
hope you can be easier on yourself!

Joyce

Annie Wxill wrote:


When Cinder was younger and more foolish, she was watching as I enticed some
seagulls with some scraps of food. The gulls were circling and making lots
of noise and catching the food as I threw it into the air. Some would swoop
down and take it from my hand. A few of them landed near me, I suppose,
hoping to get a handout with less effort.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Cinder pounce on the back of one of the
gulls. The bird was about the same size as the cat and started screaming
and flapping its wings. I thought it was going to take off with Cinder
onboard.
Fortunately, she was just a little too heavy. The gull bounced around, with
Cinder riding, wide-eyed and obviously wondering what a predicament she was
in. I'm sure it seemed longer to her and the gull, but it was only about 15
seconds or so before Cinder let go and slid off, and the gull took wing.
Cinder has never messed with the gulls after that. I hope the gull learned
not to land near a cat.

LOL! So glad no-one was hurt. What a great story. Cinder played rodeo
with a gull.

--
Marina, Frank and Nikki
marina (dot) kurten (at) pp (dot) inet (dot) fi
Pics at http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/frankiennikki/
and http://community.webshots.com/user/frankiennikki

Annie Wxill wrote:


When Cinder was younger and more foolish, she was watching as I enticed some
seagulls with some scraps of food. The gulls were circling and making lots
of noise and catching the food as I threw it into the air. Some would swoop
down and take it from my hand. A few of them landed near me, I suppose,
hoping to get a handout with less effort.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Cinder pounce on the back of one of the
gulls. The bird was about the same size as the cat and started screaming
and flapping its wings. I thought it was going to take off with Cinder
onboard.
Fortunately, she was just a little too heavy. The gull bounced around, with
Cinder riding, wide-eyed and obviously wondering what a predicament she was
in. I'm sure it seemed longer to her and the gull, but it was only about 15
seconds or so before Cinder let go and slid off, and the gull took wing.
Cinder has never messed with the gulls after that. I hope the gull learned
not to land near a cat.

LOL! So glad no-one was hurt. What a great story. Cinder played rodeo
with a gull.

--
Marina, Frank and Nikki
marina (dot) kurten (at) pp (dot) inet (dot) fi
Pics at http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/frankiennikki/
and http://community.webshots.com/user/frankiennikki

Annie Wxill wrote:


When Cinder was younger and more foolish, she was watching as I enticed some
seagulls with some scraps of food. The gulls were circling and making lots
of noise and catching the food as I threw it into the air. Some would swoop
down and take it from my hand. A few of them landed near me, I suppose,
hoping to get a handout with less effort.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Cinder pounce on the back of one of the
gulls. The bird was about the same size as the cat and started screaming
and flapping its wings. I thought it was going to take off with Cinder
onboard.
Fortunately, she was just a little too heavy. The gull bounced around, with
Cinder riding, wide-eyed and obviously wondering what a predicament she was
in. I'm sure it seemed longer to her and the gull, but it was only about 15
seconds or so before Cinder let go and slid off, and the gull took wing.
Cinder has never messed with the gulls after that. I hope the gull learned
not to land near a cat.

LOL! So glad no-one was hurt. What a great story. Cinder played rodeo
with a gull.

--
Marina, Frank and Nikki
marina (dot) kurten (at) pp (dot) inet (dot) fi
Pics at http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/frankiennikki/
and http://community.webshots.com/user/frankiennikki

On Wed, 20 Oct 2004 10:49:46 -0500, Steve Touchstone
wrote:

On Wed, 20 Oct 2004 08:11:27 GMT, bonbon wrote:

ROTFL
Great story. I have one mighty hunter, Rocky, one (Sammy) who sounds
like your Louie (catches bugs, but no lizards round here) and one (LB)
who is clueless. I think the only thing LB has ever caught is the
newspaper when I lay it on the floor. When Sammy first started chasing
grasshoppers, I watched her carry one over to LB, and LB ran when the
'hopper jumped.

LOL! Yea, those newspapers are pretty sneaky.

I love it when cats attack completely invisible things. Hey, you
never know, that invisible thing might have just almost moved.

I've told the story before about when Rocky pinned two blue jays to
the ground at the same time. Sammy doesn't know birds as prey,
thankfully, since she's known from birth that paying to much attention
to my cockatiels gets her in trouble.

Rocky was rockin' and rollin' that day!

-bonbon

On Wed, 20 Oct 2004 10:49:46 -0500, Steve Touchstone
wrote:

On Wed, 20 Oct 2004 08:11:27 GMT, bonbon wrote:

ROTFL
Great story. I have one mighty hunter, Rocky, one (Sammy) who sounds
like your Louie (catches bugs, but no lizards round here) and one (LB)
who is clueless. I think the only thing LB has ever caught is the
newspaper when I lay it on the floor. When Sammy first started chasing
grasshoppers, I watched her carry one over to LB, and LB ran when the
'hopper jumped.

LOL! Yea, those newspapers are pretty sneaky.

I love it when cats attack completely invisible things. Hey, you
never know, that invisible thing might have just almost moved.

I've told the story before about when Rocky pinned two blue jays to
the ground at the same time. Sammy doesn't know birds as prey,
thankfully, since she's known from birth that paying to much attention
to my cockatiels gets her in trouble.

Rocky was rockin' and rollin' that day!

-bonbon

On Wed, 20 Oct 2004 10:49:46 -0500, Steve Touchstone
wrote:

On Wed, 20 Oct 2004 08:11:27 GMT, bonbon wrote:

ROTFL
Great story. I have one mighty hunter, Rocky, one (Sammy) who sounds
like your Louie (catches bugs, but no lizards round here) and one (LB)
who is clueless. I think the only thing LB has ever caught is the
newspaper when I lay it on the floor. When Sammy first started chasing
grasshoppers, I watched her carry one over to LB, and LB ran when the
'hopper jumped.

LOL! Yea, those newspapers are pretty sneaky.

I love it when cats attack completely invisible things. Hey, you
never know, that invisible thing might have just almost moved.

I've told the story before about when Rocky pinned two blue jays to
the ground at the same time. Sammy doesn't know birds as prey,
thankfully, since she's known from birth that paying to much attention
to my cockatiels gets her in trouble.

Rocky was rockin' and rollin' that day!

-bonbon

On Thu, 21 Oct, bonbon wrote:

I love it when cats attack completely invisible things. Hey, you
never know, that invisible thing might have just almost moved.

Mine seem to have a good time when they just stare at an invisible
object on one of the walls or the ceiling. The whole point of this
exercise appears to be getting the humans to look in the general
direction the cat is staring, hoping to see what the cat sees.

While you are staring at the spot, the cat will often slip away
unnoticed, no doubt to avoid angering the human by doing the feline
equivalent of laughing out loud.

Regards and Purrs,
O J