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"jjmoreta" wrote in message ...
wrote: snip First of all, stop being so mean to your cat. Yelling at him, chasing him and squirting him will not work (as you seem to have figured out) and it's abusive. This poor cat has, until recently, spent his whole life sleeping with you and cuddling, and it stands to reason that having that suddenly taken away is upsetting to him. Punishing him so severely and cruelly for what is an appropriate reaction is unfair and wrong. If this were a child I would hope you would approach this with KINDNESS and UNDERSTANDING, and work with him in a way that eases his anxieties about the change and use positive measures to make the change easier. I would suggest that you make the hour before bedtime a special time for you and your cat. Play with him, snuggle him and give him lots of attention. Give him that to look forward to as an alternative to sleeping with you at night. You should also, for now, put a tall scratching post next to your door. Once you go to bed, don't respond to his scratching the door AT ALL. No getting out of bed and chasing him, no yelling, no squirting. Wear earplugs if you must, but stop getting up and negatively reacting to him. Just like children, cats will sometimes settle for negative attention rather than nothing at all. It may take a few days or more, but if your cat doesn't get a response to his scratching behavior he will stop the scratching and settle down for the night. Just remember that the key to getting a cat to do what you want is to BE KIND. Megan You think that I've gone to ignoring him completely? You couldn't be further from the truth. Actually I've been at home for several weeks since I was between jobs and not about to start a new one with a baby on the way. He gets attention from the moment I get up until the moment I get to bed, and usually most of it comes at night (when my husband comes home from work). And to be completely honest, the more attention he gets during the day, the worse he scratches at night. Because he is suffering separation anxiety. He feels neglected. He does not separate love he gets during the day from wanting to be in our room at night. He believes that he is entitled to both as much as he wants to, no matter what. If I was a cruel person, the easy thing to do would be to ignore him completely, but I don't. But the problem is that as much as I love him, HE ISN'T A CHILD, and I can never treat him as though he were human. He is an animal, with animal instincts. He lives in the moment from day-to-day. He will never have powers of reason. You don't understand cats at all. And most of all, I would be highly surprised if I ever became allergic to my child. What is honestly better? That my husband's asthma and allergies degenerate to the point that we get rid of our cats altogether, or we make a compromise to keep a place where we spend a third of our day fur and dander free? (we do bathe regularly but that only works so far) When I was a little girl, my parents had to get rid of my cat because of my brother's allergies and asthma and it still scars me to this day. My husband married me and my two dogs and two cats - all of which he is allergic to. You find ways to make it work for everyone. Megan gave you the solution. Read her suggestions again. I have tried ignoring him, and earplugs do not work for me (I've tried several in the past and they all irritate my ears). He is a very large cat, and his scratching at the door is actually more pounding, like someone is knocking. I can't drown it out with fan white noise or the stereo (if I turn it up enough, then I can't sleep anyways). He has never been interested in scratching posts, even before he was declawed. Oh great. Declawed. Figures. A cat tree and scratching posts are not the same thing. What this cat needs is a tall cat tree near the area of your bedroom. He also needs other distractions to keep him occupied at night, like interactive toys. He needs special attention before bedtime - and play time/interaction that will tire him out. Feliaway may also be effective at calming him at night. He does like rubbing his paws on clothes baskets, though. I wish I had the cats you must have, but about the only way animals are like children is that they all have individual personalities and respond differently. I feel sorry for your cats. We don't have ANY problem with our youngest cat and she is perfectly adjusted to the situation. Luna refuses to adjust and because he is a cat and responds like cats do, we're having problems getting him to see how his life has changed, and will remain changed. God I wish I could accomplish everything by being sweet and kind, but that has never worked, Well, the abusive methods you are using now aren't working, or you wouldn't be here asking us how to solve your problems, now, would you? Squirting and yelling do nothing to train a cat, except to teach it that it cannot trust you - leading to further anxiety. that's not how my situation is, so get off of your soapbox if you don't have any other constructive advice. Stop abusing your cat. Megan's advice is spot-on. She's been in animal rescue for years and is quite knowledgeable about behavior modification. And when you get fed up with your cat and dump him at a shelter after your baby comes, it will be the Megans of the world who rescue him and rehome him. So, heed her advice, and quit being PO'ed at her for stating the obvious. -L. |
#15
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"jjmoreta" wrote in message ...
wrote: snip First of all, stop being so mean to your cat. Yelling at him, chasing him and squirting him will not work (as you seem to have figured out) and it's abusive. This poor cat has, until recently, spent his whole life sleeping with you and cuddling, and it stands to reason that having that suddenly taken away is upsetting to him. Punishing him so severely and cruelly for what is an appropriate reaction is unfair and wrong. If this were a child I would hope you would approach this with KINDNESS and UNDERSTANDING, and work with him in a way that eases his anxieties about the change and use positive measures to make the change easier. I would suggest that you make the hour before bedtime a special time for you and your cat. Play with him, snuggle him and give him lots of attention. Give him that to look forward to as an alternative to sleeping with you at night. You should also, for now, put a tall scratching post next to your door. Once you go to bed, don't respond to his scratching the door AT ALL. No getting out of bed and chasing him, no yelling, no squirting. Wear earplugs if you must, but stop getting up and negatively reacting to him. Just like children, cats will sometimes settle for negative attention rather than nothing at all. It may take a few days or more, but if your cat doesn't get a response to his scratching behavior he will stop the scratching and settle down for the night. Just remember that the key to getting a cat to do what you want is to BE KIND. Megan You think that I've gone to ignoring him completely? You couldn't be further from the truth. Actually I've been at home for several weeks since I was between jobs and not about to start a new one with a baby on the way. He gets attention from the moment I get up until the moment I get to bed, and usually most of it comes at night (when my husband comes home from work). And to be completely honest, the more attention he gets during the day, the worse he scratches at night. Because he is suffering separation anxiety. He feels neglected. He does not separate love he gets during the day from wanting to be in our room at night. He believes that he is entitled to both as much as he wants to, no matter what. If I was a cruel person, the easy thing to do would be to ignore him completely, but I don't. But the problem is that as much as I love him, HE ISN'T A CHILD, and I can never treat him as though he were human. He is an animal, with animal instincts. He lives in the moment from day-to-day. He will never have powers of reason. You don't understand cats at all. And most of all, I would be highly surprised if I ever became allergic to my child. What is honestly better? That my husband's asthma and allergies degenerate to the point that we get rid of our cats altogether, or we make a compromise to keep a place where we spend a third of our day fur and dander free? (we do bathe regularly but that only works so far) When I was a little girl, my parents had to get rid of my cat because of my brother's allergies and asthma and it still scars me to this day. My husband married me and my two dogs and two cats - all of which he is allergic to. You find ways to make it work for everyone. Megan gave you the solution. Read her suggestions again. I have tried ignoring him, and earplugs do not work for me (I've tried several in the past and they all irritate my ears). He is a very large cat, and his scratching at the door is actually more pounding, like someone is knocking. I can't drown it out with fan white noise or the stereo (if I turn it up enough, then I can't sleep anyways). He has never been interested in scratching posts, even before he was declawed. Oh great. Declawed. Figures. A cat tree and scratching posts are not the same thing. What this cat needs is a tall cat tree near the area of your bedroom. He also needs other distractions to keep him occupied at night, like interactive toys. He needs special attention before bedtime - and play time/interaction that will tire him out. Feliaway may also be effective at calming him at night. He does like rubbing his paws on clothes baskets, though. I wish I had the cats you must have, but about the only way animals are like children is that they all have individual personalities and respond differently. I feel sorry for your cats. We don't have ANY problem with our youngest cat and she is perfectly adjusted to the situation. Luna refuses to adjust and because he is a cat and responds like cats do, we're having problems getting him to see how his life has changed, and will remain changed. God I wish I could accomplish everything by being sweet and kind, but that has never worked, Well, the abusive methods you are using now aren't working, or you wouldn't be here asking us how to solve your problems, now, would you? Squirting and yelling do nothing to train a cat, except to teach it that it cannot trust you - leading to further anxiety. that's not how my situation is, so get off of your soapbox if you don't have any other constructive advice. Stop abusing your cat. Megan's advice is spot-on. She's been in animal rescue for years and is quite knowledgeable about behavior modification. And when you get fed up with your cat and dump him at a shelter after your baby comes, it will be the Megans of the world who rescue him and rehome him. So, heed her advice, and quit being PO'ed at her for stating the obvious. -L. |
#16
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"jjmoreta" wrote in message ...
wrote: snip First of all, stop being so mean to your cat. Yelling at him, chasing him and squirting him will not work (as you seem to have figured out) and it's abusive. This poor cat has, until recently, spent his whole life sleeping with you and cuddling, and it stands to reason that having that suddenly taken away is upsetting to him. Punishing him so severely and cruelly for what is an appropriate reaction is unfair and wrong. If this were a child I would hope you would approach this with KINDNESS and UNDERSTANDING, and work with him in a way that eases his anxieties about the change and use positive measures to make the change easier. I would suggest that you make the hour before bedtime a special time for you and your cat. Play with him, snuggle him and give him lots of attention. Give him that to look forward to as an alternative to sleeping with you at night. You should also, for now, put a tall scratching post next to your door. Once you go to bed, don't respond to his scratching the door AT ALL. No getting out of bed and chasing him, no yelling, no squirting. Wear earplugs if you must, but stop getting up and negatively reacting to him. Just like children, cats will sometimes settle for negative attention rather than nothing at all. It may take a few days or more, but if your cat doesn't get a response to his scratching behavior he will stop the scratching and settle down for the night. Just remember that the key to getting a cat to do what you want is to BE KIND. Megan You think that I've gone to ignoring him completely? You couldn't be further from the truth. Actually I've been at home for several weeks since I was between jobs and not about to start a new one with a baby on the way. He gets attention from the moment I get up until the moment I get to bed, and usually most of it comes at night (when my husband comes home from work). And to be completely honest, the more attention he gets during the day, the worse he scratches at night. Because he is suffering separation anxiety. He feels neglected. He does not separate love he gets during the day from wanting to be in our room at night. He believes that he is entitled to both as much as he wants to, no matter what. If I was a cruel person, the easy thing to do would be to ignore him completely, but I don't. But the problem is that as much as I love him, HE ISN'T A CHILD, and I can never treat him as though he were human. He is an animal, with animal instincts. He lives in the moment from day-to-day. He will never have powers of reason. You don't understand cats at all. And most of all, I would be highly surprised if I ever became allergic to my child. What is honestly better? That my husband's asthma and allergies degenerate to the point that we get rid of our cats altogether, or we make a compromise to keep a place where we spend a third of our day fur and dander free? (we do bathe regularly but that only works so far) When I was a little girl, my parents had to get rid of my cat because of my brother's allergies and asthma and it still scars me to this day. My husband married me and my two dogs and two cats - all of which he is allergic to. You find ways to make it work for everyone. Megan gave you the solution. Read her suggestions again. I have tried ignoring him, and earplugs do not work for me (I've tried several in the past and they all irritate my ears). He is a very large cat, and his scratching at the door is actually more pounding, like someone is knocking. I can't drown it out with fan white noise or the stereo (if I turn it up enough, then I can't sleep anyways). He has never been interested in scratching posts, even before he was declawed. Oh great. Declawed. Figures. A cat tree and scratching posts are not the same thing. What this cat needs is a tall cat tree near the area of your bedroom. He also needs other distractions to keep him occupied at night, like interactive toys. He needs special attention before bedtime - and play time/interaction that will tire him out. Feliaway may also be effective at calming him at night. He does like rubbing his paws on clothes baskets, though. I wish I had the cats you must have, but about the only way animals are like children is that they all have individual personalities and respond differently. I feel sorry for your cats. We don't have ANY problem with our youngest cat and she is perfectly adjusted to the situation. Luna refuses to adjust and because he is a cat and responds like cats do, we're having problems getting him to see how his life has changed, and will remain changed. God I wish I could accomplish everything by being sweet and kind, but that has never worked, Well, the abusive methods you are using now aren't working, or you wouldn't be here asking us how to solve your problems, now, would you? Squirting and yelling do nothing to train a cat, except to teach it that it cannot trust you - leading to further anxiety. that's not how my situation is, so get off of your soapbox if you don't have any other constructive advice. Stop abusing your cat. Megan's advice is spot-on. She's been in animal rescue for years and is quite knowledgeable about behavior modification. And when you get fed up with your cat and dump him at a shelter after your baby comes, it will be the Megans of the world who rescue him and rehome him. So, heed her advice, and quit being PO'ed at her for stating the obvious. -L. |
#17
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-L. wrote:
"jjmoreta" wrote in message ... wrote: snip First of all, stop being so mean to your cat. Yelling at him, chasing him and squirting him will not work (as you seem to have figured out) and it's abusive. This poor cat has, until recently, spent his whole life sleeping with you and cuddling, and it stands to reason that having that suddenly taken away is upsetting to him. Punishing him so severely and cruelly for what is an appropriate reaction is unfair and wrong. If this were a child I would hope you would approach this with KINDNESS and UNDERSTANDING, and work with him in a way that eases his anxieties about the change and use positive measures to make the change easier. I would suggest that you make the hour before bedtime a special time for you and your cat. Play with him, snuggle him and give him lots of attention. Give him that to look forward to as an alternative to sleeping with you at night. You should also, for now, put a tall scratching post next to your door. Once you go to bed, don't respond to his scratching the door AT ALL. No getting out of bed and chasing him, no yelling, no squirting. Wear earplugs if you must, but stop getting up and negatively reacting to him. Just like children, cats will sometimes settle for negative attention rather than nothing at all. It may take a few days or more, but if your cat doesn't get a response to his scratching behavior he will stop the scratching and settle down for the night. Just remember that the key to getting a cat to do what you want is to BE KIND. Megan You think that I've gone to ignoring him completely? You couldn't be further from the truth. Actually I've been at home for several weeks since I was between jobs and not about to start a new one with a baby on the way. He gets attention from the moment I get up until the moment I get to bed, and usually most of it comes at night (when my husband comes home from work). And to be completely honest, the more attention he gets during the day, the worse he scratches at night. Because he is suffering separation anxiety. He feels neglected. I KNOW THAT he is feeling neglected. But I made this choice first of all because I was worried about a 25lb cat crawling into the crib (one side dropped attached to the bed so easy access). If it was just because my baby, he would be allowed back in once the baby could move around on its own. But since we have made this choice, my husband has been able to decrease his allergy and asthma medicine dosage and feels and breathes better every morning, so I will not reverse my decision on that. He does not separate love he gets during the day from wanting to be in our room at night. He believes that he is entitled to both as much as he wants to, no matter what. If I was a cruel person, the easy thing to do would be to ignore him completely, but I don't. But the problem is that as much as I love him, HE ISN'T A CHILD, and I can never treat him as though he were human. He is an animal, with animal instincts. He lives in the moment from day-to-day. He will never have powers of reason. You don't understand cats at all. I never claimed to understand them 100%. That's why I'm trying to find ways to persuade him to give up on this. Our other cat doesn't have a problem with this whatsoever. He doesn't behave any differently once we're up and about and gets lots of attention. I know that he will only truly be happy with the door open, but I made my decision and that's how it is. And most of all, I would be highly surprised if I ever became allergic to my child. What is honestly better? That my husband's asthma and allergies degenerate to the point that we get rid of our cats altogether, or we make a compromise to keep a place where we spend a third of our day fur and dander free? (we do bathe regularly but that only works so far) When I was a little girl, my parents had to get rid of my cat because of my brother's allergies and asthma and it still scars me to this day. My husband married me and my two dogs and two cats - all of which he is allergic to. You find ways to make it work for everyone. Megan gave you the solution. Read her suggestions again. And does it not sound like we found a solution that would work? Bathing them with regular shampoo, no-wet shampoo, and even Allerpet hasn't helped significantly. Keeping the cats out of the bedroom, that has been the best thing in months for his allergies! And he wasn't as allergic to them when we got them. This has become a worsening problem, we don't know why and we can't afford a trip to the allergy doctor to ask. I just can't do what my parents did and take him to some farm somewhere to die of loneliness (which happened to my Snuggles, the most loyal rumpy Manx cat in the universe) I have tried ignoring him, and earplugs do not work for me (I've tried several in the past and they all irritate my ears). He is a very large cat, and his scratching at the door is actually more pounding, like someone is knocking. I can't drown it out with fan white noise or the stereo (if I turn it up enough, then I can't sleep anyways). He has never been interested in scratching posts, even before he was declawed. Oh great. Declawed. Figures. Which I did a lot of research on and found a vet who only excises the claw. My cats are not missing parts of their toes and have none of the problems usually cited. But it doesn't matter anyways and I won't debate it because declawing arguments always turn into circular arguments. A cat tree and scratching posts are not the same thing. What this cat needs is a tall cat tree near the area of your bedroom. He also needs other distractions to keep him occupied at night, like interactive toys. He needs special attention before bedtime - and play time/interaction that will tire him out. Feliaway may also be effective at calming him at night. There is nothing near the area of our bedroom. We have a hallway and at the end is the master bedroom. We also have a bathroom right off of the hallway. There is no room for a tree in either the hallway or the bathroom. We have a large variety of toys that he doesn't really like to play with. His favorite toys are milk rings and laser pointers, with which he gets exercised every night (laser pointers work better when its dark in the house). Tiring him out is not an issue because he currently has a weight problem I'm also worried about and doesn't get a lot of activity to begin with. He needs to be on a diet because the neverending-bowl-of-food which my husband's family raised several cats on doesn't work for him. I am starting to replace his normal food with diet food. I want to go to thrice daily feedings, but I don't want to make things any more difficult to adjust to. I'll see how the diet food and exercise works and then we'll go to separate feedings AFTER the baby and all the houseguests. We are considering Feliway, which I asked about originally and no one ever commented on. I've heard of it, but never used it. I don't like yelling at Luna. I don't like squirting him. But my sleep is so disturbed right now as it is that I cannot endure the pounding. Ignoring it did not work. I already explained that white noise and earplugs don't work. He has toys available everywhere (that I usually step on if I'm up in the middle of the night) and another cat for companionship. I know Mina is no substitute for us, but I want to make this work for both of us. He does like rubbing his paws on clothes baskets, though. I wish I had the cats you must have, but about the only way animals are like children is that they all have individual personalities and respond differently. I feel sorry for your cats. Which is perfectly okay. I feel bad for Luna that he's at the short end of this, but change happens sometimes. We don't have ANY problem with our youngest cat and she is perfectly adjusted to the situation. Luna refuses to adjust and because he is a cat and responds like cats do, we're having problems getting him to see how his life has changed, and will remain changed. God I wish I could accomplish everything by being sweet and kind, but that has never worked, Well, the abusive methods you are using now aren't working, or you wouldn't be here asking us how to solve your problems, now, would you? Squirting and yelling do nothing to train a cat, except to teach it that it cannot trust you - leading to further anxiety. When I yell at him, that's usually because I'm in bed and he's on the other side of the door. Out of the bedroom, I don't need to yell. As for squirting, I don't know what to say. Every cat owner I've known has used it with good success to train cats from not doing it. I guess the people who stand outside their front doors and squirt their cats with super soakers so they won't run out into danger are horrible abusers too. Or the ones who squirt to keep them off counters. I guess we have different standards. I would be abusing him if I was starving him or kicking him or, well I don't know how else people abuse cats, but that would be more like it. Squirting, no. Yelling is borderline, and I'm going to try and stop it. Denying him entry into one room of the house is not abuse. Its rough because he's never had to deal with it before, but there have been situations with other rooms he hasn't been allowed into (like a basement) and he learned to deal with. that's not how my situation is, so get off of your soapbox if you don't have any other constructive advice. Stop abusing your cat. Megan's advice is spot-on. She's been in animal rescue for years and is quite knowledgeable about behavior modification. And when you get fed up with your cat and dump him at a shelter after your baby comes, it will be the Megans of the world who rescue him and rehome him. So, heed her advice, and quit being PO'ed at her for stating the obvious. -L. Well do you think he would be happier without us? Nevermind, you'd probably say yes. If getting rid of him was an issue, he would be gone months ago, or I would just let him be an outside cat like he wants and get hit by a car like all the other cats around here seem to be. What you both are missing is that I TRIED that advice and it doesn't work. Luna is getting tons of attention, and like I've said, the more attention he gets, the worse he gets with the pounding on the door. I can't ignore the pounding. That's what I mean by constructive advice. All you've done is called me an abuser and pointed out methods I've tried and haven't worked (and by the way, will not work now because we did give up a few weeks ago and opened the door to squirt him - from what I've read on here, he won't give up now). If I loved yelling and squirting him I never would have never have bothered posting here. No wonder so many cats get dropped off if the advice is this useless. We're trying the duct tape method today and I'm going to just buy the Feliway next time I'm by the Petco, just to try it. - Joanne |
#18
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-L. wrote:
"jjmoreta" wrote in message ... wrote: snip First of all, stop being so mean to your cat. Yelling at him, chasing him and squirting him will not work (as you seem to have figured out) and it's abusive. This poor cat has, until recently, spent his whole life sleeping with you and cuddling, and it stands to reason that having that suddenly taken away is upsetting to him. Punishing him so severely and cruelly for what is an appropriate reaction is unfair and wrong. If this were a child I would hope you would approach this with KINDNESS and UNDERSTANDING, and work with him in a way that eases his anxieties about the change and use positive measures to make the change easier. I would suggest that you make the hour before bedtime a special time for you and your cat. Play with him, snuggle him and give him lots of attention. Give him that to look forward to as an alternative to sleeping with you at night. You should also, for now, put a tall scratching post next to your door. Once you go to bed, don't respond to his scratching the door AT ALL. No getting out of bed and chasing him, no yelling, no squirting. Wear earplugs if you must, but stop getting up and negatively reacting to him. Just like children, cats will sometimes settle for negative attention rather than nothing at all. It may take a few days or more, but if your cat doesn't get a response to his scratching behavior he will stop the scratching and settle down for the night. Just remember that the key to getting a cat to do what you want is to BE KIND. Megan You think that I've gone to ignoring him completely? You couldn't be further from the truth. Actually I've been at home for several weeks since I was between jobs and not about to start a new one with a baby on the way. He gets attention from the moment I get up until the moment I get to bed, and usually most of it comes at night (when my husband comes home from work). And to be completely honest, the more attention he gets during the day, the worse he scratches at night. Because he is suffering separation anxiety. He feels neglected. I KNOW THAT he is feeling neglected. But I made this choice first of all because I was worried about a 25lb cat crawling into the crib (one side dropped attached to the bed so easy access). If it was just because my baby, he would be allowed back in once the baby could move around on its own. But since we have made this choice, my husband has been able to decrease his allergy and asthma medicine dosage and feels and breathes better every morning, so I will not reverse my decision on that. He does not separate love he gets during the day from wanting to be in our room at night. He believes that he is entitled to both as much as he wants to, no matter what. If I was a cruel person, the easy thing to do would be to ignore him completely, but I don't. But the problem is that as much as I love him, HE ISN'T A CHILD, and I can never treat him as though he were human. He is an animal, with animal instincts. He lives in the moment from day-to-day. He will never have powers of reason. You don't understand cats at all. I never claimed to understand them 100%. That's why I'm trying to find ways to persuade him to give up on this. Our other cat doesn't have a problem with this whatsoever. He doesn't behave any differently once we're up and about and gets lots of attention. I know that he will only truly be happy with the door open, but I made my decision and that's how it is. And most of all, I would be highly surprised if I ever became allergic to my child. What is honestly better? That my husband's asthma and allergies degenerate to the point that we get rid of our cats altogether, or we make a compromise to keep a place where we spend a third of our day fur and dander free? (we do bathe regularly but that only works so far) When I was a little girl, my parents had to get rid of my cat because of my brother's allergies and asthma and it still scars me to this day. My husband married me and my two dogs and two cats - all of which he is allergic to. You find ways to make it work for everyone. Megan gave you the solution. Read her suggestions again. And does it not sound like we found a solution that would work? Bathing them with regular shampoo, no-wet shampoo, and even Allerpet hasn't helped significantly. Keeping the cats out of the bedroom, that has been the best thing in months for his allergies! And he wasn't as allergic to them when we got them. This has become a worsening problem, we don't know why and we can't afford a trip to the allergy doctor to ask. I just can't do what my parents did and take him to some farm somewhere to die of loneliness (which happened to my Snuggles, the most loyal rumpy Manx cat in the universe) I have tried ignoring him, and earplugs do not work for me (I've tried several in the past and they all irritate my ears). He is a very large cat, and his scratching at the door is actually more pounding, like someone is knocking. I can't drown it out with fan white noise or the stereo (if I turn it up enough, then I can't sleep anyways). He has never been interested in scratching posts, even before he was declawed. Oh great. Declawed. Figures. Which I did a lot of research on and found a vet who only excises the claw. My cats are not missing parts of their toes and have none of the problems usually cited. But it doesn't matter anyways and I won't debate it because declawing arguments always turn into circular arguments. A cat tree and scratching posts are not the same thing. What this cat needs is a tall cat tree near the area of your bedroom. He also needs other distractions to keep him occupied at night, like interactive toys. He needs special attention before bedtime - and play time/interaction that will tire him out. Feliaway may also be effective at calming him at night. There is nothing near the area of our bedroom. We have a hallway and at the end is the master bedroom. We also have a bathroom right off of the hallway. There is no room for a tree in either the hallway or the bathroom. We have a large variety of toys that he doesn't really like to play with. His favorite toys are milk rings and laser pointers, with which he gets exercised every night (laser pointers work better when its dark in the house). Tiring him out is not an issue because he currently has a weight problem I'm also worried about and doesn't get a lot of activity to begin with. He needs to be on a diet because the neverending-bowl-of-food which my husband's family raised several cats on doesn't work for him. I am starting to replace his normal food with diet food. I want to go to thrice daily feedings, but I don't want to make things any more difficult to adjust to. I'll see how the diet food and exercise works and then we'll go to separate feedings AFTER the baby and all the houseguests. We are considering Feliway, which I asked about originally and no one ever commented on. I've heard of it, but never used it. I don't like yelling at Luna. I don't like squirting him. But my sleep is so disturbed right now as it is that I cannot endure the pounding. Ignoring it did not work. I already explained that white noise and earplugs don't work. He has toys available everywhere (that I usually step on if I'm up in the middle of the night) and another cat for companionship. I know Mina is no substitute for us, but I want to make this work for both of us. He does like rubbing his paws on clothes baskets, though. I wish I had the cats you must have, but about the only way animals are like children is that they all have individual personalities and respond differently. I feel sorry for your cats. Which is perfectly okay. I feel bad for Luna that he's at the short end of this, but change happens sometimes. We don't have ANY problem with our youngest cat and she is perfectly adjusted to the situation. Luna refuses to adjust and because he is a cat and responds like cats do, we're having problems getting him to see how his life has changed, and will remain changed. God I wish I could accomplish everything by being sweet and kind, but that has never worked, Well, the abusive methods you are using now aren't working, or you wouldn't be here asking us how to solve your problems, now, would you? Squirting and yelling do nothing to train a cat, except to teach it that it cannot trust you - leading to further anxiety. When I yell at him, that's usually because I'm in bed and he's on the other side of the door. Out of the bedroom, I don't need to yell. As for squirting, I don't know what to say. Every cat owner I've known has used it with good success to train cats from not doing it. I guess the people who stand outside their front doors and squirt their cats with super soakers so they won't run out into danger are horrible abusers too. Or the ones who squirt to keep them off counters. I guess we have different standards. I would be abusing him if I was starving him or kicking him or, well I don't know how else people abuse cats, but that would be more like it. Squirting, no. Yelling is borderline, and I'm going to try and stop it. Denying him entry into one room of the house is not abuse. Its rough because he's never had to deal with it before, but there have been situations with other rooms he hasn't been allowed into (like a basement) and he learned to deal with. that's not how my situation is, so get off of your soapbox if you don't have any other constructive advice. Stop abusing your cat. Megan's advice is spot-on. She's been in animal rescue for years and is quite knowledgeable about behavior modification. And when you get fed up with your cat and dump him at a shelter after your baby comes, it will be the Megans of the world who rescue him and rehome him. So, heed her advice, and quit being PO'ed at her for stating the obvious. -L. Well do you think he would be happier without us? Nevermind, you'd probably say yes. If getting rid of him was an issue, he would be gone months ago, or I would just let him be an outside cat like he wants and get hit by a car like all the other cats around here seem to be. What you both are missing is that I TRIED that advice and it doesn't work. Luna is getting tons of attention, and like I've said, the more attention he gets, the worse he gets with the pounding on the door. I can't ignore the pounding. That's what I mean by constructive advice. All you've done is called me an abuser and pointed out methods I've tried and haven't worked (and by the way, will not work now because we did give up a few weeks ago and opened the door to squirt him - from what I've read on here, he won't give up now). If I loved yelling and squirting him I never would have never have bothered posting here. No wonder so many cats get dropped off if the advice is this useless. We're trying the duct tape method today and I'm going to just buy the Feliway next time I'm by the Petco, just to try it. - Joanne |
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-L. wrote:
"jjmoreta" wrote in message ... wrote: snip First of all, stop being so mean to your cat. Yelling at him, chasing him and squirting him will not work (as you seem to have figured out) and it's abusive. This poor cat has, until recently, spent his whole life sleeping with you and cuddling, and it stands to reason that having that suddenly taken away is upsetting to him. Punishing him so severely and cruelly for what is an appropriate reaction is unfair and wrong. If this were a child I would hope you would approach this with KINDNESS and UNDERSTANDING, and work with him in a way that eases his anxieties about the change and use positive measures to make the change easier. I would suggest that you make the hour before bedtime a special time for you and your cat. Play with him, snuggle him and give him lots of attention. Give him that to look forward to as an alternative to sleeping with you at night. You should also, for now, put a tall scratching post next to your door. Once you go to bed, don't respond to his scratching the door AT ALL. No getting out of bed and chasing him, no yelling, no squirting. Wear earplugs if you must, but stop getting up and negatively reacting to him. Just like children, cats will sometimes settle for negative attention rather than nothing at all. It may take a few days or more, but if your cat doesn't get a response to his scratching behavior he will stop the scratching and settle down for the night. Just remember that the key to getting a cat to do what you want is to BE KIND. Megan You think that I've gone to ignoring him completely? You couldn't be further from the truth. Actually I've been at home for several weeks since I was between jobs and not about to start a new one with a baby on the way. He gets attention from the moment I get up until the moment I get to bed, and usually most of it comes at night (when my husband comes home from work). And to be completely honest, the more attention he gets during the day, the worse he scratches at night. Because he is suffering separation anxiety. He feels neglected. I KNOW THAT he is feeling neglected. But I made this choice first of all because I was worried about a 25lb cat crawling into the crib (one side dropped attached to the bed so easy access). If it was just because my baby, he would be allowed back in once the baby could move around on its own. But since we have made this choice, my husband has been able to decrease his allergy and asthma medicine dosage and feels and breathes better every morning, so I will not reverse my decision on that. He does not separate love he gets during the day from wanting to be in our room at night. He believes that he is entitled to both as much as he wants to, no matter what. If I was a cruel person, the easy thing to do would be to ignore him completely, but I don't. But the problem is that as much as I love him, HE ISN'T A CHILD, and I can never treat him as though he were human. He is an animal, with animal instincts. He lives in the moment from day-to-day. He will never have powers of reason. You don't understand cats at all. I never claimed to understand them 100%. That's why I'm trying to find ways to persuade him to give up on this. Our other cat doesn't have a problem with this whatsoever. He doesn't behave any differently once we're up and about and gets lots of attention. I know that he will only truly be happy with the door open, but I made my decision and that's how it is. And most of all, I would be highly surprised if I ever became allergic to my child. What is honestly better? That my husband's asthma and allergies degenerate to the point that we get rid of our cats altogether, or we make a compromise to keep a place where we spend a third of our day fur and dander free? (we do bathe regularly but that only works so far) When I was a little girl, my parents had to get rid of my cat because of my brother's allergies and asthma and it still scars me to this day. My husband married me and my two dogs and two cats - all of which he is allergic to. You find ways to make it work for everyone. Megan gave you the solution. Read her suggestions again. And does it not sound like we found a solution that would work? Bathing them with regular shampoo, no-wet shampoo, and even Allerpet hasn't helped significantly. Keeping the cats out of the bedroom, that has been the best thing in months for his allergies! And he wasn't as allergic to them when we got them. This has become a worsening problem, we don't know why and we can't afford a trip to the allergy doctor to ask. I just can't do what my parents did and take him to some farm somewhere to die of loneliness (which happened to my Snuggles, the most loyal rumpy Manx cat in the universe) I have tried ignoring him, and earplugs do not work for me (I've tried several in the past and they all irritate my ears). He is a very large cat, and his scratching at the door is actually more pounding, like someone is knocking. I can't drown it out with fan white noise or the stereo (if I turn it up enough, then I can't sleep anyways). He has never been interested in scratching posts, even before he was declawed. Oh great. Declawed. Figures. Which I did a lot of research on and found a vet who only excises the claw. My cats are not missing parts of their toes and have none of the problems usually cited. But it doesn't matter anyways and I won't debate it because declawing arguments always turn into circular arguments. A cat tree and scratching posts are not the same thing. What this cat needs is a tall cat tree near the area of your bedroom. He also needs other distractions to keep him occupied at night, like interactive toys. He needs special attention before bedtime - and play time/interaction that will tire him out. Feliaway may also be effective at calming him at night. There is nothing near the area of our bedroom. We have a hallway and at the end is the master bedroom. We also have a bathroom right off of the hallway. There is no room for a tree in either the hallway or the bathroom. We have a large variety of toys that he doesn't really like to play with. His favorite toys are milk rings and laser pointers, with which he gets exercised every night (laser pointers work better when its dark in the house). Tiring him out is not an issue because he currently has a weight problem I'm also worried about and doesn't get a lot of activity to begin with. He needs to be on a diet because the neverending-bowl-of-food which my husband's family raised several cats on doesn't work for him. I am starting to replace his normal food with diet food. I want to go to thrice daily feedings, but I don't want to make things any more difficult to adjust to. I'll see how the diet food and exercise works and then we'll go to separate feedings AFTER the baby and all the houseguests. We are considering Feliway, which I asked about originally and no one ever commented on. I've heard of it, but never used it. I don't like yelling at Luna. I don't like squirting him. But my sleep is so disturbed right now as it is that I cannot endure the pounding. Ignoring it did not work. I already explained that white noise and earplugs don't work. He has toys available everywhere (that I usually step on if I'm up in the middle of the night) and another cat for companionship. I know Mina is no substitute for us, but I want to make this work for both of us. He does like rubbing his paws on clothes baskets, though. I wish I had the cats you must have, but about the only way animals are like children is that they all have individual personalities and respond differently. I feel sorry for your cats. Which is perfectly okay. I feel bad for Luna that he's at the short end of this, but change happens sometimes. We don't have ANY problem with our youngest cat and she is perfectly adjusted to the situation. Luna refuses to adjust and because he is a cat and responds like cats do, we're having problems getting him to see how his life has changed, and will remain changed. God I wish I could accomplish everything by being sweet and kind, but that has never worked, Well, the abusive methods you are using now aren't working, or you wouldn't be here asking us how to solve your problems, now, would you? Squirting and yelling do nothing to train a cat, except to teach it that it cannot trust you - leading to further anxiety. When I yell at him, that's usually because I'm in bed and he's on the other side of the door. Out of the bedroom, I don't need to yell. As for squirting, I don't know what to say. Every cat owner I've known has used it with good success to train cats from not doing it. I guess the people who stand outside their front doors and squirt their cats with super soakers so they won't run out into danger are horrible abusers too. Or the ones who squirt to keep them off counters. I guess we have different standards. I would be abusing him if I was starving him or kicking him or, well I don't know how else people abuse cats, but that would be more like it. Squirting, no. Yelling is borderline, and I'm going to try and stop it. Denying him entry into one room of the house is not abuse. Its rough because he's never had to deal with it before, but there have been situations with other rooms he hasn't been allowed into (like a basement) and he learned to deal with. that's not how my situation is, so get off of your soapbox if you don't have any other constructive advice. Stop abusing your cat. Megan's advice is spot-on. She's been in animal rescue for years and is quite knowledgeable about behavior modification. And when you get fed up with your cat and dump him at a shelter after your baby comes, it will be the Megans of the world who rescue him and rehome him. So, heed her advice, and quit being PO'ed at her for stating the obvious. -L. Well do you think he would be happier without us? Nevermind, you'd probably say yes. If getting rid of him was an issue, he would be gone months ago, or I would just let him be an outside cat like he wants and get hit by a car like all the other cats around here seem to be. What you both are missing is that I TRIED that advice and it doesn't work. Luna is getting tons of attention, and like I've said, the more attention he gets, the worse he gets with the pounding on the door. I can't ignore the pounding. That's what I mean by constructive advice. All you've done is called me an abuser and pointed out methods I've tried and haven't worked (and by the way, will not work now because we did give up a few weeks ago and opened the door to squirt him - from what I've read on here, he won't give up now). If I loved yelling and squirting him I never would have never have bothered posting here. No wonder so many cats get dropped off if the advice is this useless. We're trying the duct tape method today and I'm going to just buy the Feliway next time I'm by the Petco, just to try it. - Joanne |
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