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#1
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help-- my kittens hate me! :(
Well, okay, "hate" is a bit strong, but they sure ain't happy kitties.
Lemme back up a bit-- My husband and I adopted a pair of male littermates at the start of July. For the first few days, they kept hiding in dark corners of their arrival "safe room" and wouldn't come out when either of us was there, but eventually they got resigned to these big lumbering hulks coming in to handle their litter and food. The rescue volunteer said it was important to spend a lot of time with them so they'd bond to us instead of just to each other, so I've been spending at least three hours with them every evening, and often up to six hours. I've even slept overnight in there several times. Once they stopped running for cover every time I moved, I started waving a Cat Dancer around at them, and both of them play with that just fine. And if I'm just quietly sitting in a corner of their room and reading a book, they'll rocket all over the place with their own version of pro wrestling. But they just don't want to be picked up and scritched. Most of the time they don't even want to be scritched; if I try, they sidle out of reach and stare at me mistrustfully. They've stopped actively fighting me off if I do manage to creep over and pick them up or gently hold them in place while I stroke their backs or scratch their chin and ears, but they'll still only put up with it for a few minutes before they increase their attempts to get away and I feel sorry enough for them to let them go. They do start to purr, but I'm afraid it's just "stress purring" instead of a true happy purr, because sometimes they also start to purr once they realize they have nowhere else to sidle off to and they're cornered. I'm not chasing them at high speed, just slowly moving up to them with an outstretched hand so they can sniff my knuckles first, and even lying on the ground if that's where they're sitting. One of the kittens has been shy from the start, but what has me worried about the bonding issue is that the other one started out more friendly but is starting to get as shy as his bro. Neither of them has shown any interest yet in coming out of the "safe room" to explore the rest of the house, or at least one of the cat books I got said to wait until they actually started to scratch or meow at the door. But they hardly meow at all anyway. Technically, they were born as ferals, but I think they were rescued when the litter was pretty young; their mother still acted tame, and the friendlier kitten had been just fine with being held and scritched the first time we went to see him. We've never owned cats before, though we have shared a place with a housemate's cat. The kittens are about 13 weeks old now, and I don't know if they'll grow out of this or if I'm already emotionally scarring them for life somehow. Should I keep trying to convince them that if scritching is inevitable, lie back and enjoy it? Should I back off and wait for them to approach me on their own? They love dried anchovy snacks, and I can get them to come forward and eat them from my hand, but the moment I try to pet the kittens, they back off with that wide-eyed look of "Crap! The big scary giant is going to eat me!" Help? |
#2
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wombn quoth:
Each feeding was a little closer to me, until finally, they were putting their paws on my crossed legs to reach the food. Then I brought in a dessert plate and put it in my lap (sitting crosslegged on the floor) and did my usual slient, unmoving, look-away thing. They eventually overcame their fear enough to climb up in my lap to eat the food on the plate. THEN I started stroking them while they ate. When I was socializing Sebastian, my (former) feral, I fed him treats of chicken livers sauteed in bacon fat, poached salmon, and so on in a little saucer. First I slowly edged the saucer out from under the bed so he'd come out into the open to eat (several days there), then got it closer to me. On day 15 I was lying on my back on the floor, saucer balanced on my belly, with Sebbie climbing up to eat. I had not attempted to pet him yet. Well, OK, at the beginning I attempted it, but the hissing changed my mind. On day 16 he stood next to me as I sat cross-legged on the floor. He was shivering with fear, his tail curled up between his hind legs, and saying about as clearly as anything I've ever heard, "Do it now. Get it over with. Eat me or pet me or whatever. I can't stand it any more!" So I petted him, slowly and gently, then rubbed under his chin with my finger and he stretched his neck out. I think it was the next day he purred when I petted him, and not long after that I was lying on the bed petting him after his treats and he rolled over onto his back so I could massage his belly. His front legs went up over his head and he kneaded the air, purring while I rubbed his belly. :-) Take it slow, but make sure you make a little progress every day. Inexorably alter their boundaries until they're snugglebunnies without knowing how it happened. It will happen. They may well never be cats who like to be picked up -- some cats just are -- but time, patience, determination, and love will win out -- especially if you've got some lovely food for them to go along with it! Priscilla |
#3
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wombn quoth:
Each feeding was a little closer to me, until finally, they were putting their paws on my crossed legs to reach the food. Then I brought in a dessert plate and put it in my lap (sitting crosslegged on the floor) and did my usual slient, unmoving, look-away thing. They eventually overcame their fear enough to climb up in my lap to eat the food on the plate. THEN I started stroking them while they ate. When I was socializing Sebastian, my (former) feral, I fed him treats of chicken livers sauteed in bacon fat, poached salmon, and so on in a little saucer. First I slowly edged the saucer out from under the bed so he'd come out into the open to eat (several days there), then got it closer to me. On day 15 I was lying on my back on the floor, saucer balanced on my belly, with Sebbie climbing up to eat. I had not attempted to pet him yet. Well, OK, at the beginning I attempted it, but the hissing changed my mind. On day 16 he stood next to me as I sat cross-legged on the floor. He was shivering with fear, his tail curled up between his hind legs, and saying about as clearly as anything I've ever heard, "Do it now. Get it over with. Eat me or pet me or whatever. I can't stand it any more!" So I petted him, slowly and gently, then rubbed under his chin with my finger and he stretched his neck out. I think it was the next day he purred when I petted him, and not long after that I was lying on the bed petting him after his treats and he rolled over onto his back so I could massage his belly. His front legs went up over his head and he kneaded the air, purring while I rubbed his belly. :-) Take it slow, but make sure you make a little progress every day. Inexorably alter their boundaries until they're snugglebunnies without knowing how it happened. It will happen. They may well never be cats who like to be picked up -- some cats just are -- but time, patience, determination, and love will win out -- especially if you've got some lovely food for them to go along with it! Priscilla |
#4
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"Julie Lim" wrote in message om... Well, okay, "hate" is a bit strong, but they sure ain't happy kitties. .... Hi Julie, Congratulations on the addition of your new babies. It sounds to me like you are doing the right things. Others have given you some good suggestions. I would like to add that at 13 weeks they have a lot of energy and probably think they have more important things to do than sit still for more than a few seconds, so don't take it personally. I'm sure they will come around. Annie |
#5
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"Julie Lim" wrote in message om... Well, okay, "hate" is a bit strong, but they sure ain't happy kitties. .... Hi Julie, Congratulations on the addition of your new babies. It sounds to me like you are doing the right things. Others have given you some good suggestions. I would like to add that at 13 weeks they have a lot of energy and probably think they have more important things to do than sit still for more than a few seconds, so don't take it personally. I'm sure they will come around. Annie |
#6
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In article ,
wombn wrote: I think it was the next day he purred when I petted him, and not long after that I was lying on the bed petting him after his treats and he rolled over onto his back so I could massage his belly. His front legs went up over his head and he kneaded the air, purring while I rubbed his belly. :-) awwwww Yeah, that was my approximate reaction, too, with overtones of great joy. Priscilla -- Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum. (thanks be to topfive.com) |
#7
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In article ,
wombn wrote: I think it was the next day he purred when I petted him, and not long after that I was lying on the bed petting him after his treats and he rolled over onto his back so I could massage his belly. His front legs went up over his head and he kneaded the air, purring while I rubbed his belly. :-) awwwww Yeah, that was my approximate reaction, too, with overtones of great joy. Priscilla -- Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum. (thanks be to topfive.com) |
#8
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Ferals do take some time to come around specially if their mother is
not near to show them the human is ok, - that is, if the mother is friendly. Since you never had cats, you may not be familiar as to how to handle them. A lot of people believe it's ok to pick cats and dogs up by their forelegs or by the sides of their chest, another lot believe picking them up by the skin behind their neck is ok, and I've seen many cat owners let the cat jump out their lap when they're standing or simply drop them. Some people also have a heavy hand or play in a way that to the animal is highly annoying. I totally agree with what Arjun said about handling cats and I'd go a bit further. I don't let the cat slide out of my hands, I actually place them on the ground. That way they know that being held is safe - they will never fall or need to jump down before they are "dropped". I have 4 ex-feral kittens myself and I'm talking real feral with biting and spitting. Today they simply adore being held and caressed so hang in there. |
#9
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Ferals do take some time to come around specially if their mother is
not near to show them the human is ok, - that is, if the mother is friendly. Since you never had cats, you may not be familiar as to how to handle them. A lot of people believe it's ok to pick cats and dogs up by their forelegs or by the sides of their chest, another lot believe picking them up by the skin behind their neck is ok, and I've seen many cat owners let the cat jump out their lap when they're standing or simply drop them. Some people also have a heavy hand or play in a way that to the animal is highly annoying. I totally agree with what Arjun said about handling cats and I'd go a bit further. I don't let the cat slide out of my hands, I actually place them on the ground. That way they know that being held is safe - they will never fall or need to jump down before they are "dropped". I have 4 ex-feral kittens myself and I'm talking real feral with biting and spitting. Today they simply adore being held and caressed so hang in there. |
#10
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Wow, thanks for all the great advice from everyone!
The rescue organization I got my kittens from still has their baby pictures up, since they still have two littermates the http://catnet.stanford.edu/adoption/ohio_kittens.html (Toledo is now Spot and Columbus is now Shadow.) The day I was originally supposed to pick them up, Sahdow (the shy one) ripped open his front leg on a rough edge of their cage door and needed stitches all the way from wrist to elbow. The stitches are out now, but there's still a large round scab at one end-- I'm supposed to keep applying antibiotic ointment, but it was so traumatic for both of us that I stopped after a few days. His attitude has been improving since then, and he's been having odd "conversations" with me from a distance, where he makes short meows and I try to copy them. (He keeps looking at Spot as if expecting him to join in. I've only heard Spot meow twice; most of the time he just makes that tribble noise.) Until just recently, I was leaving dry kibble out all the time because I couldn't manage four regularly-spaced feedings per day on my schedule, but then I noticed that ants had noticed the perpetual food source too. So I cleaned up the feeding area so it would be a bit less antic, and I've been giving them a total of 1.5 cups of food every day, spaced out about every eight hours unless they haven't finished the previous 1/2 cup yet. They definitely come running now when they hear the bowl being filled. And I knew about how to pick cats up, but not so much about putting them back down-- I'll have to keep that in mind next time. I stopped trying because it just seemed to make them more nervous, but maybe they'll warm up to the idea in time. I think one of my big main mistakes in the past was trying to pet them while they were still hyper from a play session, instead of lounging out all sleepy-like where it's too much trouble to move unless you're actually being eaten. The past 24 hours have been a real breakthrough-- for some reason, I hadn't thought about lying down on the floor to read instead of sitting up; by the time I was halfway through my first catalog, they were poking at my socks and jeans. Eventually they ended up wrestling each other on the back of my knees. (Putting bits of dried anchovies on my butt seemed to encourage their approach.) And this morning, both of them submitted to being scritched until I started to get leg cramps and had to move-- yay!!! Now I just have to convince them that my lap is a safe place, vagina dentata jokes aside. Sorry if this post is a bit giddy; I'm probably going to be bouncing around in cat euphoria all day |
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