[OT] Just needed to vent

I'm so glad things are working out for you.
Continued purrs and best wishes,
--
Polonca & Soncek

"Yowie" wrote in message
...
Daniel came home early and sober. Yay!
snip

Well I really hope this works out. I don't think these rules are harsh at
all. But unfortunately I'm a bit of a pessimist in cases like this. It is
because almost the exact same thing happened with Dennis' sister's
ex-common-law hubby.
When he cheated on her for the second time (that she knew of) she kicked him
out, even though they had a 7 year old daughter together. He went and got
his own apartment and things seemed to be going ok for a couple of months
until one day he showed up at her house in a rage and made all sorts of
threats against her and their daughter. Things began to go downhill fast
and he ended up drifting around, being totally unreliable, not keeping dates
to spend time with his daughter, ranting, raving, taking drugs, etc.
Sometimes he would get better for a few weeks or even months, but inevitably
it would get worse again. We still don't know what the problem is, drugs or
schizophrenia or a bit of both. He lives in hotels now...and in various
towns in an around Calgary. Trying to help proved futile for everyone
because he was just too unreliable to stick to his meds, etc. Everyone
feels really bad but there's nothing anyone can do to help him. Thankfully,
Dennis' sister remarried and the new guy loves the daughter and is going to
adopt her as his own.
Anyway, I wish you all the best in your endeavour and pray that things work
out better for Daniel.
--
Britta
ROT13 to reply
Check out pictures of Vino at:
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"Yowie" wrote in message
...
Daniel came home early and sober. Yay!

Had a long talk to our Drug & Alcohol people, who sadly, hear pretty much
the same story day in day out.

The said that the ground rules should be *very* clear. Write them down,
with
the consequences of not following them, and give them to Daniel (and hten
stick them to the fridge). He may object, and thats his perogative, but to
stay with us, those are the rules and if he doesn't like them, then he
doesn't have to live with us. The reason we have to do this is so that
that
the consequences of continuing to indulge in his lifestyle are a stronger
deterent than the temptation to continue, and that he can't argue that he
"didn't know" when he gets caught out.

And that Joel and I had to be absolutely 100% together on this, and also
we
have to 100% follow through on our "threats"

And since he didn't understand the vague terms "respect" and "common
courtesy" that I had explained to him a few days ago, these were the rules
we came up with.

1) If you come home under the influence of alcohol, pot or any other
non-prescribed drugs, you will be evicted within 24 hours.

2) Except by prior arrangement (which could be as simple as a phone call
saying "I'm gonna be late"), you will be home by 6pm on weeknights and
10pm
on weekends. If you are late, you will be evicted within 24 hours

3) A degree of contribution to the running of the household is expected.
That includes, but isn't limited to, doing cleaning, washing, shopping,
cooking and contributing financially. While this can be negotiated, if we
feel we are beign taken advantage of, you will be evicted within 24 hours

4) The organising and paying for, personal effects above "household stuff"
such as cigarettes, magazines, transport etc etc is your problem. While we
may help from time to time as it suits us, don't expect or rely on it

5) Failure to take you medication will result in eviction within 24 hours

6) Unless you leave beforehand, you will be evicted on the 19th of
December
(which we changed to 19th January after negotiation).

He said that the rules were "a bit harsh". And I'd agree, they are. But on
the same token, since he couldn't understand why we were so annoyed with
him
when he said he'd be home by "about 4, and then I'll clean up" and it was
10:30pm and we had to a) track him down and then b) go and get him while
c)
he was off his face stoned, then I think that the rules needed to be very
harsh and very specific. The only wiggle room he's got is in rule 3. We
don't expect a whole heck of alot there, as we aren't the world's best
housekeepers either, but until last night, he hadn't lifted a finger.
Ironically, last night, because he was sober, he did the washing up
*without* beign asked, and before we presented him with these rules (which
sorta made it harder actually).

Dan's a nice, helpful and courteous bloke with a good sense of humour and
relaxed attitude when he's sober and not psychotic. How long he'll remain
sober not psychotic, though, is anyone's guess.

Hopefully this new tactic will work. When he's sober and not psychotic,
he's
actually pretty cool to have around.

Yowie

"Julie Cook" wrote in message
...


Yowie wrote:

Sorry to dump this on you guys, but I need to vent somewhere that is
understanding and sympathetic and nonjudgmental. And this is the place.


Vicky,

This is a frightening situation, especially now with you carrying your
son. If Daniel (is this the brother that had the pit bull?) gets violent
you could be the one he vents his anger on. Hobbes, Selena, Lacey and I
are sending our strongest purrs that this situation is resolved soon to
everyone's satisfaction and most importantly, for your safety. Just
remind Joel that even now his son is relying on him for protection and
Daniel is old enough to care for himself.

yes, Daniel is the one who owned the pitbull. Mind you, Buddy the dog was
absolutely not at all vicious or anything other than a doggy that *loved*
being loved. He unfortunately had a penchant for jumping over fences, and
unfortuantley one day his chain wasn't long enough for a successful land on
the other side of the fence. Buddy hung himself to death. Daniel was
inconsoable for ages - and just a few months later had his first psychotic
episode. I wouldn't be surprised if those two incidents are linked.

Yowie

"GracecatOnl" wrote in message
...
Yowie wrote:

And since he didn't understand the vague terms "respect" and "common
courtesy" that I had explained to him a few days ago,...

The only rule I can think to add here Yowie is that if he returns home
violent
due to drug use, or comes toward you with extreme agression he is out of
the
home immediately by way of a police officer and will not be allowed to
return
for his things. They will be delivered to him at your earliest
convienence.

Hugs and prayers for you. This is hard I know

Grace

I also pray this works, Yowie, but be very careful. Hugs to you both,
Christine

Christine Burel wrote:
"GracecatOnl" wrote in message
...

Hugs and prayers for you. This is hard I know

Grace


I also pray this works, Yowie, but be very careful. Hugs to you both,
Christine



I've got no useful advice to offer but am thinking plenty of good
thoughts for you all.
Take care
Helen Wheels

Yowie saw Sally selling seashells by the seashore and told us all
about it on Thu, 20 Nov 2003 10:41:44 +1100:

Daniel came home early and sober. Yay!

Had a long talk to our Drug & Alcohol people, who sadly, hear pretty much
the same story day in day out.

The said that the ground rules should be *very* clear. Write them down, with

They sound good to me... the question is whether he'll be able to
stick to them. Right now it seems as if he wants to, so maybe he can.
Some people can manage to overcome an addiction by themselves, but not
many. Remember - if he breaks the rules that he's agreed to follow,
don't let it pass. You're doing as much as you can to help him, but
it's up to HIM to decide that he's ready to make changes in his life.
If he can't or won't try, then kick him out for your own safety.

I honestly hope he can do it...

(huggles for you all)

--

Karen AKA Kajikit

Here kitty kitty kitty... visit http://www.catslaves.org!

Come and visit my part of the web:
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Yowie wrote:

yes, Daniel is the one who owned the pitbull. Mind you, Buddy the dog was
absolutely not at all vicious or anything other than a doggy that *loved*
being loved. He unfortunately had a penchant for jumping over fences, and
unfortuantley one day his chain wasn't long enough for a successful land on
the other side of the fence. Buddy hung himself to death. Daniel was
inconsoable for ages - and just a few months later had his first psychotic
episode. I wouldn't be surprised if those two incidents are linked.

Yowie

I remember the incident and the stories of Daniel and Buddy which at that time
gave me good feelings about Daniel, although I seem to remember you had
concerns for him even then. But he did love his dog (as did you and Joel if I
remember correctly). I just remember him as a kind person who had some
problems. I hope that he is able to get the help he needs and from your updates
it sounds as if you and Joel are having some positive effects on him. Good luck
and we'll keep Daniel in our thoughts and evening meditations..

Julie, Hobbes, Selena and Lacey