If we ever needed purrs

Jo Firey wrote:
With apologies to all the wonderful people who are social workers and in
related fields.

There are quite a few really rotten apples in that barrel.
snip
for most of her home visits. Some people go into that field just for the
chance to try to run other peoples lives. And they become tyrants with
their little bit of authority. Others become teachers for the same reason.
Most of their victims are in no position to avoid them You just have to
grit your teeth and hope they go away. Or hope to have them replaced with
someone human.

Jo

For what it's worth, Jo, there are people who go into life with that
attitude, no matter what their profession. It's just that they stick
out more in the professions where people are vulnerable to their
decisions. And when you are dealing with minors, you are stuck
between a rock and a hard place.

Hopefully Lesley and Dave are *not* in that position since Dave is
of age of majority and of sound mind and therefore no one can
force him into anything, nor into signing away any of his rights
to decide for himself. Unfortunately the British system is much
more patriarchal than the American system where patients have
become "empowered" to question decisions. And though they
cannot be forced into anything they don't want, it is much more
difficult to dig their heels in on account of the social milieu there
which implies deep disrespect of those who supposedly "know
better" if you murmur dissent even towards the nurses, hence
you get condescension much like Lovey's much more commonly
over there. It is just one of those hand-me-down traditions that
hasn't really been as aggressively debunked in the British
medical system the way it has so thoroughly over here.
That's partly why our American posters here are perhaps
slightly confused about Lesley and Dave's dilemma.

There would be no dilemma in an American hospital over
this issue. Tell the social worker to go away, and he/she
won't come back without a court order declaring the
patient incompetent and that is not an easy thing to
get.

--tension

On Mon, 16 Oct 2006 16:54:11 -0700, Lesley wrote:


Julie and Sam wrote:
I'm back from vacation and will try to catch up with everyone tonight
after work. I didn't want to wait until tonight to see how you and Dave
were doing, Lesley, so I read your most recent updates during my lunch
break. I was wondering if we could send Dave cards. If so would you be
willing to share the address. If you don't want to put it out on the
newsgroup you could send it to me and if others wanted to send him a
card they could email me. If I know them I'll share the address. You
may have already sent the address to the group and I just missed it.

Julie

This is so nice of you!

When I told his freinds on the Fortean Times Yahoo Group they sent 23+
cards (with a challenge to see who could provide the best card to
outrage the staff!) and the porters and nurses said they had never seen
so many cards! Only to have the "Glitch Bitch" (See my nest update)
dismiss them as "Not real friends"

Email me at and I'll pass the details
and keep you posted when he moves!

He still can't believe so many people who love cats (Every night almost
his last words are "Skritchie them for me- tell them I'll be back soon
to skritchie them myself") are reading this

When it's all over I am going to print all the emails out (apart from
"anonymous") and put them in a folder so he can read them

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs


IMHO You should copyright the complete story then sell it to a newspaper
or magazine. You could accomplish two things: Make a little money and
expose the medical problems so many suffer in silence. Good luck. MLB

tension_on_the_wire wrote:

, hence
you get condescension much like Lovey's

Loveys okay now (we don;t mention the cat incident) turns out she was
worried I did everything for Dave and she didn't think that was a good
idea

As for the social worker it took me and two nurses to get it out of him
.. He was feeling okay, did well over the weekend and got a good sleep,
woke on Monday feeling hungry and ate a HUGE breakfast since he'd
missed Sunday's supper. Saw the consultant who was pleased he got up on
Saturday and even more pleased when the junior doc said "Saturday can't
have tired him that much- we nearly sent out a search party on Sunday
he went off the ward for nearly 5 hours"

And the consultant told him he isn't supposed to drink the zinc before
meals but after as it can upset an empty stomach so he's back on the
zinc and yes the guy was right- he now doesn'r have a problem with it
through one wonders why no-one mentioned it

Also he should have his chiropody sorted out by tomorrow

So knowing he needed some dressing changes he decided to spend the
morning in bed listening to sounds and eat lunch and then maybe think
about going out

Social worker arrived as he was about to eat so he didn't get any
lunch. She came in with a trainee with no warning and lent over Dave so
he felt he couldn't raise the bed

As far as I managed to get out of him she wanted to know why he hadn't
signed the forms....Oh yes! Apologies in view of his hands she should
have realised he couldn't write (So much for the expert understanding
she claims to have of his "disability" he has better handwriting than
me!)

Dave said he'd read the forms and wanted to seek some advice ie talk to
some nurses

She wondered why he pointed out on one form by signing it he agrees to
a care plan "whcih takes into account your opinions", He's not been
asked for his opinions and he's not keen on signing to agree to a
document that doesn' exist at the moment as far as he knows

And there's the issue of visiting the flat- she seems to think it isn't
suitable anyway because there are stairs. He says he's been told he
won\t be discharged until he can do that and if she's decided his home
for 21 years isn't suitable why does she want to visit it? He explains
he accepts that after rehab he may be left with some residual problems
surely that is a better time to sort this out?

She says she needs to visit the flat and if "Your uncaring car...sorry
partner cant be bothered is there someone else?"

He says maybe our neighbours could let her in and show her around

OH NO! She says she must have the right to go in alone, Dave says only
if she agrees to being searched by someone independent when she goes in
and comes out

She gets ****ed off and asks why and he points out he doesn't even let
friends into the flat alone never mind someone he only met last Friday,
didn't ask to introduced to and who hasn't even told him her name (We
got it off one of the forms she left)

She went into one told him what if the Housing agree to redecorate and
he said they promised that 3 years ago and nothing was done and that
can wait til he's home and can supervise it

She then told him that as a social worker she had the RIGHT to come
into his flat with or without his consent and if he made trouble she
would get a COURT ORDER!!

He told her to go forth and multiply

She apparently ended the session with comments like "Your so-called
partner doesn't strike me as a caring person yet I believe she works in
the NHS. People like that shouldn't be allowed when I find out where
she works I think it is my duty to write to her employers and suggest
she ought not to be allowed to work in the NHS"

btw
we've never met

She reduced Dave to a wreck then said she would be back tomorrow and
expected the forms to be signed

He later ripped them in half and dumped them, Tweed I know you're
telling me to cooperate but that was Dave's decision

As a result of that he even refused a dressing change

After doing that he managed to get himself from the bed to a chair with
minimal help and after our nightly stroll got back to bed single handed
at one point he got a bit stuck and when a nurse lent forward to help
uttered the magic words "No! Not yet I want too see if I can do this by
myself!"

And he did

Today I got off early and instead of thinking it was a nice surprise I
ended up sitting in the garden crying- I knew if she\d been back I\d
have to deal with the damage

And if she hadn't been then we would both be wondering when she would
turn up I am not a viiolent person but I wanted to smack her one!

Dave had a very upset stomach last night so much so his date for the
transfer to rehab has been put back and no-one knows why

When I got there he was okay admitting "I haven't seen her"and the
nurses (Who apparently have had problems with her before) had been
warned to make sure she didn't get near him if they had to tell her he
died!!

He made the transfer from bed to chair on his own without too many
problems and we went for a walk

I later bumped into his psychiatric liasion nirse she is planning on
Thursday her and the social worker will come in and have a meet. I
explained what was going on and Dave having been advised he doesn't
have to talk to the social worker if he doesn't want to would not be
prepared to talk to her, the psych lady agreed he could have a new
social worker since it would be pointless for him to deal with someone
he isn't even prepared to deal with I said we both now understood
maybe at the end of rehab he might need social services but why now?
She muttered about administarrion and found an axcuse to run for it
promising she would only be 10 minutes hasn't been seen since so I
guess we can stop trusting her

In the midst of this Paul comes in....He has got cancer the poor sod
but they think its very early found almost by accident in an ulcer so
he's hoping as are we (And get the purr engines going!) that it can be
cured. He said oddly enough he felt a lot better for knowing and I told
him about a friend of mine who had the best nights sleep after being
told it was cancer because at least after weeks of not knowing he
finally knew what he was up against (Didn't tell Paul the end of that
story- Mick lasted almost a tear before dying)

Dave managed to get off the chair and onto the bed with no help at all

I guess he's getting better but that social worker worries both of us,
She is draining energy that we both need in other directions

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

Lesley wrote:
She apparently ended the session with comments like "Your so-called
partner doesn't strike me as a caring person yet I believe she works in
the NHS. People like that shouldn't be allowed when I find out where
she works I think it is my duty to write to her employers and suggest
she ought not to be allowed to work in the NHS"

btw
we've never met

Now wouldn't it be interesting if you took a page from her book
and sent a complaint in to her department, or supervisor?
Well, I suppose it would have more force coming from
the actual patient, so maybe it would give Dave something
to work on and make him feel a little less helpless in her
"capable" hands! But there must be a formal process
for filing a complaint...are you aware of anything like that
Lesley? or Tweed?

--tension

Lesley wrote:
snip
In the midst of this Paul comes in....He has got cancer the poor sod
but they think its very early found almost by accident in an ulcer so
he's hoping as are we (And get the purr engines going!) that it can be
cured. He said oddly enough he felt a lot better for knowing and I told
him about a friend of mine who had the best nights sleep after being
told it was cancer because at least after weeks of not knowing he
finally knew what he was up against (Didn't tell Paul the end of that
story- Mick lasted almost a tear before dying)

Dave managed to get off the chair and onto the bed with no help at all

I guess he's getting better but that social worker worries both of us,
She is draining energy that we both need in other directions

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

We are sending lots of purrs and best wishes for Paul. Dave is improving
and I'm so very glad to hear it! We will keep on purring and sending
best wishes for Dave and hugs for you, Lesley,
Polonca and Soncek

Today okay sorta- Dave's not been right since Monday and last night his
temp was bad enough that they dosed him with paracetamol...funny thing
he said was that he was cold abd they said "Then how come you've thrown
the blankets off"

After that he slept well

Then he had a busy day, someone drew blood, 2 docs examined him in case
they had missed something found nothing. A physio saw him. Then joy
and bliss me got his toenails sorted

Thern there was the shrink asking him all sorts of questions he thinks
he passed most of them

And the occupational therapist

And a chorus of people telling him what he really needed was to see
that social worker again the amount she's been praised I would expect
her to be granted sainthood at any moment!

At least the occupational helth person mentioned that there have been
complaints about the way she does communicate through apparently if she
knew how much he was upset she would be upset herself...Whoa! She made
him give me some of the worse abuse I've ever had. I'll bleep the
details but for getting a couple of malt loaf slices since I hadn't had
dinner- I got called a fat fuc**ing c**t and screamed at for not
letting him just die- she made me so upset I didn't sleep at all Monday
nigth and ever since have has massive panic attacks at the mere thought
of going to see him in case she's been and I have to deal with that
again (I am fast reaching the point where disgusting as it sounds I
really can't keep on going on sorry if that makes me sound bad but I am
reaching the end of my tether!) Everytime she turns up she gets him by
talking about the position he was in at admission, Now we both
understand that at some time he is going to have to talk about what he
calls "Being in a dark cold place" but not now when he is trying to get
away from there and not wih a social worker who seems to regard taking
Dave where he doesn't yet feel strong enough to go as an excuse to try
and make him sign anuthing ro get her away from him

And now Dave is half prepared to talk to her. Apparently she isn't
going to come round and snoop as the OT will be with her but they are
best friends. OT says for example if he needed a step to get into the
bath when he first comes out then socisl services can do that! I can do
that!

He seems to have decided to surrender

Where am I in alll this,

Sidelined

Okay if thats what he wants..But I am getting sick of being painted the
Villan of all this as I say I did the bestI could do and maybe it
wasn't perfect and looking back

Whats the point of that?


I can beat myself up over the past or I can go forwards

His problem he admits is that without someone in the room on his side
he rolls over and takes it

But I do have a job and unless they are prepared to meet with me outta
work time I can't a;ways be there

Tonight I got him on the chair and we escaped for a coup;e of hours/
The only hope I have is when I said a slope was getting to me he said
"It won't be much longer"

Oh well..think I'll just go and shoot myself

Now they are saying he might not even go to the rehab unit

Lesley

Worn out Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

Today okay sorta- Dave's not been right since Monday and last night his
temp was bad enough that they dosed him with paracetamol...funny thing
he said was that he was cold abd they said "Then how come you've thrown
the blankets off"

After that he slept well

Then he had a busy day, someone drew blood, 2 docs examined him in case
they had missed something found nothing. A physio saw him. Then joy
and bliss me got his toenails sorted

Thern there was the shrink asking him all sorts of questions he thinks
he passed most of them

And the occupational therapist

And a chorus of people telling him what he really needed was to see
that social worker again the amount she's been praised I would expect
her to be granted sainthood at any moment!

At least the occupational helth person mentioned that there have been
complaints about the way she does communicate through apparently if she
knew how much he was upset she would be upset herself...Whoa! She made
him give me some of the worse abuse I've ever had. I'll bleep the
details but for getting a couple of malt loaf slices since I hadn't had
dinner- I got called a fat fuc**ing c**t and screamed at for not
letting him just die- she made me so upset I didn't sleep at all Monday
nigth and ever since have has massive panic attacks at the mere thought
of going to see him in case she's been and I have to deal with that
again (I am fast reaching the point where disgusting as it sounds I
really can't keep on going on sorry if that makes me sound bad but I am
reaching the end of my tether!) Everytime she turns up she gets him by
talking about the position he was in at admission, Now we both
understand that at some time he is going to have to talk about what he
calls "Being in a dark cold place" but not now when he is trying to get
away from there and not wih a social worker who seems to regard taking
Dave where he doesn't yet feel strong enough to go as an excuse to try
and make him sign anuthing ro get her away from him

And now Dave is half prepared to talk to her. Apparently she isn't
going to come round and snoop as the OT will be with her but they are
best friends. OT says for example if he needed a step to get into the
bath when he first comes out then socisl services can do that! I can do
that!

He seems to have decided to surrender

Where am I in alll this,

Sidelined

Okay if thats what he wants..But I am getting sick of being painted the
Villan of all this as I say I did the bestI could do and maybe it
wasn't perfect and looking back

Whats the point of that?


I can beat myself up over the past or I can go forwards

His problem he admits is that without someone in the room on his side
he rolls over and takes it

But I do have a job and unless they are prepared to meet with me outta
work time I can't a;ways be there

Tonight I got him on the chair and we escaped for a coup;e of hours/
The only hope I have is when I said a slope was getting to me he said
"It won't be much longer"

Oh well..think I'll just go and shoot myself

Now they are saying he might not even go to the rehab unit

Lesley

Worn out Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

Today okay sorta- Dave's not been right since Monday and last night his
temp was bad enough that they dosed him with paracetamol...funny thing
he said was that he was cold abd they said "Then how come you've thrown
the blankets off"

After that he slept well

Then he had a busy day, someone drew blood, 2 docs examined him in case
they had missed something found nothing. A physio saw him. Then joy
and bliss me got his toenails sorted

Thern there was the shrink asking him all sorts of questions he thinks
he passed most of them

And the occupational therapist

And a chorus of people telling him what he really needed was to see
that social worker again the amount she's been praised I would expect
her to be granted sainthood at any moment!

At least the occupational helth person mentioned that there have been
complaints about the way she does communicate through apparently if she
knew how much he was upset she would be upset herself...Whoa! She made
him give me some of the worse abuse I've ever had. I'll bleep the
details but for getting a couple of malt loaf slices since I hadn't had
dinner- I got called a fat fuc**ing c**t and screamed at for not
letting him just die- she made me so upset I didn't sleep at all Monday
nigth and ever since have has massive panic attacks at the mere thought
of going to see him in case she's been and I have to deal with that
again (I am fast reaching the point where disgusting as it sounds I
really can't keep on going on sorry if that makes me sound bad but I am
reaching the end of my tether!) Everytime she turns up she gets him by
talking about the position he was in at admission, Now we both
understand that at some time he is going to have to talk about what he
calls "Being in a dark cold place" but not now when he is trying to get
away from there and not wih a social worker who seems to regard taking
Dave where he doesn't yet feel strong enough to go as an excuse to try
and make him sign anuthing ro get her away from him

And now Dave is half prepared to talk to her. Apparently she isn't
going to come round and snoop as the OT will be with her but they are
best friends. OT says for example if he needed a step to get into the
bath when he first comes out then socisl services can do that! I can do
that!

He seems to have decided to surrender

Where am I in alll this,

Sidelined

Okay if thats what he wants..But I am getting sick of being painted the
Villan of all this as I say I did the bestI could do and maybe it
wasn't perfect and looking back

Whats the point of that?


I can beat myself up over the past or I can go forwards

His problem he admits is that without someone in the room on his side
he rolls over and takes it

But I do have a job and unless they are prepared to meet with me outta
work time I can't a;ways be there

Tonight I got him on the chair and we escaped for a coup;e of hours/
The only hope I have is when I said a slope was getting to me he said
"It won't be much longer"

Oh well..think I'll just go and shoot myself

Now they are saying he might not even go to the rehab unit

Lesley

Worn out Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

Lesley wrote:
Today okay sorta- Dave's not been right since Monday and last night his
temp was bad enough that they dosed him with paracetamol...funny thing
he said was that he was cold abd they said "Then how come you've thrown
the blankets off"

After that he slept well

Then he had a busy day, someone drew blood, 2 docs examined him in case
they had missed something found nothing. A physio saw him. Then joy
and bliss me got his toenails sorted

Thern there was the shrink asking him all sorts of questions he thinks
he passed most of them

And the occupational therapist

And a chorus of people telling him what he really needed was to see
that social worker again the amount she's been praised I would expect
her to be granted sainthood at any moment!

At least the occupational helth person mentioned that there have been
complaints about the way she does communicate through apparently if she
knew how much he was upset she would be upset herself...Whoa! She made
him give me some of the worse abuse I've ever had. I'll bleep the
details but for getting a couple of malt loaf slices since I hadn't had
dinner- I got called a fat fuc**ing c**t and screamed at for not
letting him just die- she made me so upset I didn't sleep at all Monday
nigth and ever since have has massive panic attacks at the mere thought
of going to see him in case she's been and I have to deal with that
again (I am fast reaching the point where disgusting as it sounds I
really can't keep on going on sorry if that makes me sound bad but I am
reaching the end of my tether!) Everytime she turns up she gets him by
talking about the position he was in at admission, Now we both
understand that at some time he is going to have to talk about what he
calls "Being in a dark cold place" but not now when he is trying to get
away from there and not wih a social worker who seems to regard taking
Dave where he doesn't yet feel strong enough to go as an excuse to try
and make him sign anuthing ro get her away from him

And now Dave is half prepared to talk to her. Apparently she isn't
going to come round and snoop as the OT will be with her but they are
best friends. OT says for example if he needed a step to get into the
bath when he first comes out then socisl services can do that! I can do
that!

He seems to have decided to surrender

Where am I in alll this,

Sidelined

Okay if thats what he wants..But I am getting sick of being painted the
Villan of all this as I say I did the bestI could do and maybe it
wasn't perfect and looking back

Whats the point of that?


I can beat myself up over the past or I can go forwards

His problem he admits is that without someone in the room on his side
he rolls over and takes it

But I do have a job and unless they are prepared to meet with me outta
work time I can't a;ways be there

Tonight I got him on the chair and we escaped for a coup;e of hours/
The only hope I have is when I said a slope was getting to me he said
"It won't be much longer"

Oh well..think I'll just go and shoot myself

Now they are saying he might not even go to the rehab unit

Lesley

Worn out Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

Please know that our best purrs and prayers are continuing for you both.

--
Sam, closely supervised by Mistletoe

"tension_on_the_wire" wrote in message
oups.com...

Lesley wrote:
She apparently ended the session with comments like "Your so-called
partner doesn't strike me as a caring person yet I believe she works in
the NHS. People like that shouldn't be allowed when I find out where
she works I think it is my duty to write to her employers and suggest
she ought not to be allowed to work in the NHS"

btw
we've never met

Now wouldn't it be interesting if you took a page from her book
and sent a complaint in to her department, or supervisor?
Well, I suppose it would have more force coming from
the actual patient, so maybe it would give Dave something
to work on and make him feel a little less helpless in her
"capable" hands! But there must be a formal process
for filing a complaint...are you aware of anything like that
Lesley? or Tweed?


Yes, there is a formal complaints procedure but at the moment I would
hesitate to advise Lesley or Dave to invoke it at this point.
All that is probably needed is a change of social worker who seems to be not
handling it sensitively.
There are genuine concerns here - which I do not feel able to share with you
all - it's private between Lesley/me- that do need some sort of care plan at
least at first, to ensure it doesn't happen again. The process of agreeing
to at least consider some help can be a difficult one. It does not help one
iota to seem unreasonable and obstructive about it. Let's hope a change of
social worker will get things moving forward towards Dave's discharge.

Tweed