What Am I doing Wrong?

Candace wrote:
snip
Abbey had chylothorax in 2005 and almost died but survived and is
doing wonderfully even though she had a very poor prognosis. I did
post about her here a little when Dan's cat, Harri, was ill a couple
years ago. But other than that, I mostly lurk here. I know about all
the regulars' cats.

And that's about it...thanks for asking.

Candace


I'm so glad to hear Abbey recovered so well.
Best wishes,
POlonca and Soncek

wrote:
I can't agree more! My dad was both physically and emotionally/verbally
abusive toward us kids. But what I'm still angry about, 40-50 years
later, is not the physical punishments, but all the horrible things he
used to say about me, many of which I still believe about myself and
still struggle with every day.

It's true that, within the spectrum of physical abuses a parent can
visit upon a child, what my father did wasn't so bad. I've certainly
heard stories far more horrific than anything that went on in my house.

But the verbal abuse was almost diabolical. I once had a therapist
who also used to work with psychiatric inpatients, and she was pretty
experienced at this, so she'd heard a lot of terrible stories. And she
said that, in all the years she'd worked, with people who'd endured
terrible abuses from their parents, she had never heard *verbal* abuse
as bad as what I was telling her my father used to do. That was
certainly sobering.

It also gives me a little more patience with myself, when I sometimes
have a hard time shutting up the nasty voices in my head, and some
well-meaning but naive friends say stuff like, "Just stop that! Just
don't say or think those things to yourself." (LOL - thank you, Nancy
Reagan*. ) Yeah, easy for them to say. They didn't internalize my
father's abuse.


*Nancy Reagan - Ronald Reagan's wife. She was the one who started
the "Just Say No" campaign for kids to stay off drugs. I'm sure that
somewhere, some simpleton still believes in that idea, but for most
of us, it's a target for ridicule.

--
Joyce

To email me, remove the triple-X from my user name. ^..^


Lots of hugs and purrs,
Polonca and Soncek

tanadashoes wrote:
Amen to that Cheryl. Looking back it was all the kind people who ultimate
kept me from using that razor on my wrists. There was a bus driver who'd
buy my sisters and I lunches on band trips. A teacher that got me away from
the family for the summers from my first through fourth grade by taking me
to hers and her husband's house in Idaho to stay. Another teacher who did
what she could to shield me after she knew about the parents' abuse.
Friends in later years who were not afraid to answer questions about
parenting and dealing with the real world when I felt so stupid asking. And
above all friends who were sympathetic for all I'd been through without
judging me or my parents for the mistakes we'd made.

Pam S.



Lots and lots of hugs and purrs,
Polonca and Soncek

polonca12000 wrote:
wrote:
I can't agree more! My dad was both physically and emotionally/verbally
abusive toward us kids. But what I'm still angry about, 40-50 years
later, is not the physical punishments, but all the horrible things he
used to say about me, many of which I still believe about myself and
still struggle with every day.

I haven't been following this thread, but I remember once "enjoying" a
very uncomfortable evening meal with an acquaintance and her husband. A
mutual friend had told me he beat her, but after that evening meal, I
was pretty much on hubby's side! (Practically every word out of her
mouth was in some way belittling to him - the sort of thing you just
don't SAY with guests present - especially if they are not intimate
friends!) I don't think I've ever spent quite such an embarrassing
couple of hours - by the time I found an opportunity to excuse myself
and leave, I was about ready to belt her one, myself!

"EvelynVogtGamble(Divamanque)" wrote:

I haven't been following this thread, but I remember once "enjoying" a
very uncomfortable evening meal with an acquaintance and her husband. A
mutual friend had told me he beat her, but after that evening meal, I
was pretty much on hubby's side! (Practically every word out of her
mouth was in some way belittling to him - the sort of thing you just
don't SAY with guests present - especially if they are not intimate
friends!) I don't think I've ever spent quite such an embarrassing
couple of hours - by the time I found an opportunity to excuse myself
and leave, I was about ready to belt her one, myself!

Ugh, I've been around couples where one of them is constantly belittling
the other. I don't find it embarrassing, but it does upset me. It's
really depressing to be around that kind of ugliness. Sometimes I get
angry about it, but usually I don't say anything unless it just goes on
end on. And then my comments are focused on my feelings, rather than
on meddling in their relationship issues.

I must say, though, that since they've chosen to exhibit their behavior in
front of me, I consider their personal struggles to be fair game for my
commentary. I just prefer not to jump into something like that impulsively -
it could turn into a real mess. I have at times been asked to mediate
problems between couples, but that's different.

--
Joyce

To email me, remove the triple-X from my user name. ^..^