Can't bear the idea

I can't imagine having to deal with all the grief involved in outliving all
of my baby kitties. I love each and every one of them so very much, it just
tears me up knowing they will be leaving this world one by one! I miss
Abelard so badly that I can scarcely think of him without falling to pieces.

Each one that goes away brings back the pain of all the ones that have gone
before, until the pile of grief is so big you could drown in it.