Frustration with the husband over treatment/etc

Aside from being so worried about Jasper, the hardest thing in the past
24+ hours was being at odds with my husband. We had to take Jasper to
the Animal 911 yesterday because our vet is closed on Sundays. The 911
place is VERY expensive. NO question about it. Tim wanted them to simply
give supportive care over night so we could bring him to our vet today.
I wanted them to do more tests (blood work and xrays because i wanted
more immediate answers). He felt like it was too "convenient" that the
specialist had an opening for us after they told us she likely didn't
because she is so good and so in-demand. I thought he was being paranoid
and I thought we were lucky. I also thought it was really important that
Jasper not have to be moved. If we went Tim's route, we would have had
to pick Jasper up this morning at 7:30 to take him to the regular vet.
They probably would have wanted to do more testing there, which was not
MUCH cheaper than the 911 place. Then, they would likely have said he
needs to see a specialist and have an ultrasound, which is not something
they could have done there with immediate results. So, we would have had
to pack him up and move him once again. He clearly needed continual care
overnight, at least tonight, until we can be certain he is hungry,
eating, and able to keep food and meds down. So, we would have had quite
a bit on our plate to work out. The way I saw it last night was...pay
now but it would be worth it in the long run (hopefully!)

Well, Tim had to work today. So he was not with me for any of this stuff
today. But when I told him the quote for 3 days/nights at the clinic
under the care of the specialist and the 911 overnight care...he kinda
freaked out. (I was pretty much in agreement with him, but feeling
pretty helpless and not sure what to do.) He had dinner at his mom's
tonight who is a total dog freak. She has had umpteen zillion dogs over
the years and always has at least 4 in the house at any given time (and
a bird and a cat and a partridge in a pear tree...but I digress) So over
dinner she tells Tim that she wasnt particularly fond of Animal 911
either...of course because of $$$. And that she and all her dog club
people agree that you take a pet there in case of an emergency but you
never have them do testing and what not. Great, Anita. Thanks for
helping. GRR.

He just calls to say he is on the way and informs me of all this and I
reply with "well at least we didnt have to move jasper around. he was SO
agitated and i really think that counts for a lot!" And he says
"Whatever. I guess we just dont agree. But I am glad he is feeling
better." Well...WTF is the point of telling me that other ****? What's
done is done. I am well aware this is more than we ever expected to be
spending, but life works that way sometimes. I am not saying we are rich
by any means (jeez, i am a TEACHER, ya know?) but we BOTH have jobs and
we BOTH have credit...so GET OVER IT. Ya know? And maybe from this
experience we'll learn some stuff and do it differently in the future if
need be. If Jasper can really end up coming home tomorrow...I say this
was worth every damn penny.

Hm. I guess I just needed to get that off my chest. Interesting, too, in
light of the long thread about the price for kitty.

Pam

"kitkat" wrote in message
m...
Aside from being so worried about Jasper, the hardest thing in the past
24+ hours was being at odds with my husband. We had to take Jasper to
the Animal 911 yesterday because our vet is closed on Sundays. The 911
place is VERY expensive. NO question about it. Tim wanted them to simply
give supportive care over night so we could bring him to our vet today.
I wanted them to do more tests (blood work and xrays because i wanted
more immediate answers). He felt like it was too "convenient" that the
specialist had an opening for us after they told us she likely didn't
because she is so good and so in-demand. I thought he was being paranoid
and I thought we were lucky. I also thought it was really important that
Jasper not have to be moved. If we went Tim's route, we would have had
to pick Jasper up this morning at 7:30 to take him to the regular vet.
They probably would have wanted to do more testing there, which was not
MUCH cheaper than the 911 place. Then, they would likely have said he
needs to see a specialist and have an ultrasound, which is not something
they could have done there with immediate results. So, we would have had
to pack him up and move him once again. He clearly needed continual care
overnight, at least tonight, until we can be certain he is hungry,
eating, and able to keep food and meds down. So, we would have had quite
a bit on our plate to work out. The way I saw it last night was...pay
now but it would be worth it in the long run (hopefully!)

Well, Tim had to work today. So he was not with me for any of this stuff
today. But when I told him the quote for 3 days/nights at the clinic
under the care of the specialist and the 911 overnight care...he kinda
freaked out. (I was pretty much in agreement with him, but feeling
pretty helpless and not sure what to do.) He had dinner at his mom's
tonight who is a total dog freak. She has had umpteen zillion dogs over
the years and always has at least 4 in the house at any given time (and
a bird and a cat and a partridge in a pear tree...but I digress) So over
dinner she tells Tim that she wasnt particularly fond of Animal 911
either...of course because of $$$. And that she and all her dog club
people agree that you take a pet there in case of an emergency but you
never have them do testing and what not. Great, Anita. Thanks for
helping. GRR.

He just calls to say he is on the way and informs me of all this and I
reply with "well at least we didnt have to move jasper around. he was SO
agitated and i really think that counts for a lot!" And he says
"Whatever. I guess we just dont agree. But I am glad he is feeling
better." Well...WTF is the point of telling me that other ****? What's
done is done. I am well aware this is more than we ever expected to be
spending, but life works that way sometimes. I am not saying we are rich
by any means (jeez, i am a TEACHER, ya know?)

On the BEDS form - a NYS (although for all I know other states have them,
too) survey/statistics deal that each teacher fills out once/year, there's
room for 6-digits in the salary field. This has always cracked me up.

but we BOTH have jobs and
we BOTH have credit...so GET OVER IT. Ya know?

Yep.

And maybe from this
experience we'll learn some stuff and do it differently in the future if
need be. If Jasper can really end up coming home tomorrow...I say this
was worth every damn penny.

Hm. I guess I just needed to get that off my chest. Interesting, too, in
light of the long thread about the price for kitty.

Pam

Well, FWIW, I'd also say it's worth every penny. But I would bet there are
lots of disagreements in households - all over the place - about what level
of vet care to go with/what route to take.

Cathy

"kitkat" wrote in message
m...
Aside from being so worried about Jasper, the hardest thing in the past
24+ hours was being at odds with my husband. [...]

Hm. I guess I just needed to get that off my chest. Interesting, too, in
light of the long thread about the price for kitty.


Dear Pam. Perhaps you might point out to hubby that the way
you are caring for Jasper might give him an idea of the way
you might care for him should he get sick. What price love?

Mary wrote:
"kitkat" wrote in message
m...

Aside from being so worried about Jasper, the hardest thing in the past
24+ hours was being at odds with my husband. [...]


Hm. I guess I just needed to get that off my chest. Interesting, too, in
light of the long thread about the price for kitty.



Dear Pam. Perhaps you might point out to hubby that the way
you are caring for Jasper might give him an idea of the way
you might care for him should he get sick. What price love?


Heh. Heheh. Egggggcellent point!


Pam

kitkat wrote:
snip


Hm. I guess I just needed to get that off my chest. Interesting, too,
in
light of the long thread about the price for kitty.

Pam

Well, Pam, if I had a penny for evey "discussion" like that I have had
with my DH, I'd be a rich lady! (Not even about cats, either!) I
chalk it up to control/detail orientation/spendthriftiness/genius
IQ./and a huge dose of ego.

Guys - whatcha gonna do?!?

-L.

On 2005-02-22, Cathy Friedmann penned:

Well, FWIW, I'd also say it's worth every penny. But I would bet there are
lots of disagreements in households - all over the place - about what level
of vet care to go with/what route to take.

I'd generalize this even further. Where there are finances to be discussed,
there are disagreements =P It's just particularly traumatic when it comes to
our beloved pets.

--
monique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully

pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca

On 2005-02-22, kitkat penned:

He just calls to say he is on the way and informs me of all this and I reply
with "well at least we didnt have to move jasper around. he was SO agitated
and i really think that counts for a lot!" And he says "Whatever. I guess we
just dont agree. But I am glad he is feeling better." Well...WTF is the
point of telling me that other ****? What's done is done. I am well aware
this is more than we ever expected to be spending, but life works that way
sometimes. I am not saying we are rich by any means (jeez, i am a TEACHER,
ya know?) but we BOTH have jobs and we BOTH have credit...so GET OVER IT. Ya
know? And maybe from this experience we'll learn some stuff and do it
differently in the future if need be. If Jasper can really end up coming
home tomorrow...I say this was worth every damn penny.

I know, I know, I know. After I read the price for kitty thread, I took
the initiative and talked to DH about my feelings on vet care and costs.
I felt it was important to let him know because we make mutual decisions
about expenditures over $300 (arbitrary number), but to me this is a
health cost, just like it would be if I had an unexpected illness. Not
subject to mutual agreement. DH's basic stance was "let's not talk
about it until it comes up," which on one hand seems silly (why not
prepare?) but on the other seems wise (how can we discuss whether or not
to treat a pet if the details of the situation, especially prognosis,
aren't known?) ... well, at least I've explained my stance, which is
important to me.

Hm. I guess I just needed to get that off my chest. Interesting, too, in
light of the long thread about the price for kitty.

Hey, it helps, right? Sometimes you have to get support where you can find
it. Sounds like, whether he means to be or not, your husband isn't providing
the emotional support you need right now. At least he DID say "I'm glad he's
feeling better." Not all people would have bothered to say that.

--
monique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully

pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca

"kitkat" wrote in message
m...

Aside from being so worried about Jasper, the hardest thing in the past
24+ hours was being at odds with my husband.

Doesn't he think you're under enough stress? I had a relative like that,
always made a bad situation worse.

Tell your husband not to look at the bill as the cost of x-number of nights
at the clinic, but to divide the bill by the number of days in the years of
happy life the treatment will give Jasper and you. On that basis, the bill
breaks down to only pennies a day! If you want to really shut him up, tell
him he spends more on coffee and buttered rolls for the same period of time!

Phil

"kitkat" wrote in message
m...
Aside from being so worried about Jasper, the hardest thing in the past
24+ hours was being at odds with my husband. We had to take Jasper to the
Animal 911 yesterday because our vet is closed on Sundays.

snip

It could be that your husband is worried and feeling helpless, and he's
showing his feelings by bitching about the money. He didn't say no, which
some spouses might have.

The times that I've had to take a cat to an emergency clinic and they were
admitted, the actual cost was lower than the estimate. The estimate usually
includes everything under the sun.
--
-Kelly
kelly at farringtons dot net
"Wake up, and smell the cat food" -TMBG

Possibly your husband does feel helpless and maybe a bit left out of the
decision making regarding Jasper?

It's awful enough worrying about a poorly puss without worrying 'together'
and being united over treatment and how to fund it.

Time for a good sit down and a long chat maybe?

Regarding the fees, it's the same in the UK. We come under what is known as
the Working Time Directive. This Directive now dictates the rules over
hours of work and particuarly for night workers.

Consequently - ALL the vets in my town now subscribe to one night clinic
which is miles away. Apart from the distance - not many people can get
there if they have no transport of their own. Taxi drivers don't want a
sick or injured animal in their cars - so some anmals are being left to
suffer till the local practice opens.

I know this to be true as when I was at the night clinic a couple of months
ago with my cat at 0100 hours - a person rang up who had discovered her cat
injured. When she was told there was a ?70 night fee before they even
looked at the cat she freaked out and said she would leave it till morning.

If the place has to be staffed at night anyway - why charge the extra
'night' fee?

I have no problem with paying for a service but the place is staffed up as
an animal hospital anyway so it's not as though they are incurring extra
costs.

It's worrying enough how to pay for treatment - without 'extras' such as
this.

sarah

--
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