OT CAT joke of the day

Gripe Sheet

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a"gripe
sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problem, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it
be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and
the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last ..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Suddenly, without warning, Matthew exclaimed (7/15/2007 3:40 PM):

This has been around the 'net for ages, with different airlines names.
I see one cat in the whole joke. Wouldn't consider this a cat joke.

http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/squawk.asp

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an accident.

Incorrect. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qantas#..._and_accidents

and

http://www.rankel.net/stephenlauren/planes/qantas.html but this one
seems to be more a case of bad driving

It's more correct to say, they've never had an accident that resulted in
loss to life.

Ok, off my soap box, Meep wants her dinner

jmc

On 15 Jul, 07:10, "Matthew" wrote:
Gripe Sheet

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a"gripe
sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problem, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it
be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and
the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last ..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

I thought it was funny, but then again, I am still a newbi...
Sheelagh

"jmc"

Did you at least laugh before you knicked picked a joke jeesh

"Matthew" wrote in message
...

"jmc"

Did you at least laugh before you knicked picked a joke jeesh


I have never seen it and I thought it was hilarious!

"cybercat" wrote in message
...

"Matthew" wrote in message
...

"jmc"

Did you at least laugh before you knicked picked a joke jeesh


I have never seen it and I thought it was hilarious!
Thanks I thought it was funny especially the midget

"Sheelagh o" wrote in message
ups.com...
On 15 Jul, 07:10, "Matthew" wrote:
Gripe Sheet

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a"gripe
sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problem, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it
be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and
the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last ..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

I thought it was funny, but then again, I am still a newbi...
Sheelagh

After what you have gone thru you are far from a newbie

"Matthew" wrote
I thought it was funny, but then again, I am still a newbi...
Sheelagh

After what you have gone thru you are far from a newbie


I cannot understand this. Sheelagh is not in my killfile but I still
cannot see her posts unless someone replies to her. I checked it
three times.

"cybercat" wrote in message
...

"Matthew" wrote
I thought it was funny, but then again, I am still a newbi...
Sheelagh

After what you have gone thru you are far from a newbie


I cannot understand this. Sheelagh is not in my killfile but I still
cannot see her posts unless someone replies to her. I checked it
three times.
Do you have a filter set up?
What newsreader are you using?
Are you sure she is not in your kill file?

"Matthew" wrote
Are you sure she is not in your kill file?

I thought I was, but I went through it again and there she was.
(It takes a while, as the Puppy Weenie and bob and carol
each have about 97 email addresses!)

I use OE. Maybe I forgot to click "OK."